topic Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but...... in Among Friends

I recived a wonderful gift today but......

chrystaltree — Sat, 26 Dec 2015 20:33:38 GMT

I checked my work email and got a great gift from my boss. I submitted a proposal that would allow me to permanently work from home three days a week and come into the office two days. I'm thrilled. He also promoted my senior supervisor to assistant manager, which will compensate her for any additional work. She'll be thrilled with her promotion. But I might have lost a friend over this. I pray that I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure my friend and fellow manager will think I betrayed her. We talked about making this proposal jointly to our boss, we talked for months but we couldn't agree on when to do it or how to schedule it. Hubby and son in law convinced me that I should treat this like a business move, act like a professional and work out a deal for myself. I'd be more likely to get what I wanted if the change involved just me. Think like a man, is they way they put it. So, around Thanksgiving I did just that. The thing that bothers me is that in the email, my boss states that I can work remotely 3 days because the other two managers are onsite 5 days a week and can cover for each other on their days off and vacations. I'm removed from covering for them. Meaning neither of them will be allowed to work from home. That certainly was not in my proposal, I actually thought that if he approved it for me, he'd approve it for all of us and let us coordinating office coverage. I never thought he'd promote my supervisor to cover for me when I'm not in the office. I did not see that coming. So, I'm feeling for myself but very apprehensive about how my friend will react. I cannot even discuss it with her because my boss said he plans to announce it to the managers and supervisors when he returns from vacation after New Year's.

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

adoreqvc — Sat, 26 Dec 2015 22:16:36 GMT

I can sympathise and understand what you did and why you did it, but you never took into account exactly how the dire unfair consequences your actions of going solo may turn out, meaning they may not really be to the best advantage of all involved.

The deed is done and no point in trying to undermine the boss now........In future perhaps it would be best to envision all the outcome scenarios, and discuss them with those involved previous to going solo.

In any event I wish you luck, and hope you do not regret your decision to go solo, without initially informing the others.

I agree that some decision should have been made, but one also must weigh all the consequences which could turn out and discriminate against, or seem unfair, and even offend others, even if that was not your original intention.

I hope this plays out in the favor of everyone invloved, but from what you already posted it evidently is not fair to everyone involved, and that is something you cannot undo.

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

Krimpette — Sat, 26 Dec 2015 20:48:27 GMT

On the one hand, I'd like to be happy for you, but on the other hand, I can only hope that your work situation is not now going to be far more uncomfortable for you than you would have intended. I'm sure your friend will feel betrayed. But it's done now and hopefully it will all work out over time.

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

tedEbear — Sat, 26 Dec 2015 21:11:52 GMT

Maybe he is going to announce everyone working together to cover office and home. It is HIS announcement to make. Just be happy it worked for you, if anyone gets their nose pushed aside, it's their own fault. She might have gone on her own and received the same notification. Did you mention in your proposal others were also thinking about this arrangement?

It will all work out the way it should. Enjoy your new accommodations! HappyNewYear-----------tedEbear

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

GCR18 — Sat, 26 Dec 2015 21:14:25 GMT

I would think you betrayed me if you put in a proposal without me. My company has a lengthy form to complete for work at home privileges. It can't impact anyone else's workload. You have to go into great detail how your responsibilities will be covered. The immediate supervisor, a director and HR have to sign off on it.

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

Q4u — Sat, 26 Dec 2015 21:22:24 GMT

Although I agree with the advice given to you to treat business as business and to watch out for yourself, you initially started out with your co-worker and I think it would have been far better to have leveled with her prior to going to your boss.

Even though the two of you couldn't agree on a salient point (timing) the problem I have is that you gave her no warning as to your intention of going ahead with negociating with your boss on your own and without her. Yes, I think she will feel betrayed.

I hope that doesn't happen, and I hope you're able to continue to successfully work with your co-workers as you go forward because you'll most probably need them.

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

Lilysmom — Sat, 26 Dec 2015 21:50:16 GMT

I also think you are going to have a problem but you know that already in your heart. If I were you, I would let the boss make the announcement and hope that your friend wants to talk to you about it. If she does, you can indicate a willingness to be flexible in helping her make a change that works for all of you. Hopefully you can accommodate each other and get the required coverage.

If she doesn't want to discuss it, which could well happen, you are going to have a problem. I would let her take the lead in the discussion and let her know you are willing to do what you can to reach a solution that works for everyone. If you do negotiate, don't expect the boss to referee. Present him/her with an agreed upon solution acceptable to all three (if that is the number) workers rsponsible. If you worked for me, that is what I would expect.

Good luck OP. I hope everything works out ok. LM

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

JerseyGirlNJ — Sat, 26 Dec 2015 21:53:16 GMT

This can be a difficult situation. There is a lot of animonsity where I work because a select few have been given the privalage to work from home a few days a week. Good luck and hope all works out for you.

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

hckynutjohn — Sat, 26 Dec 2015 23:56:33 GMT

@chrystaltree wrote:
I checked my work email and got a great gift from my boss. I submitted a proposal that would allow me to permanently work from home three days a week and come into the office two days. I'm thrilled. He also promoted my senior supervisor to assistant manager, which will compensate her for any additional work. She'll be thrilled with her promotion. But I might have lost a friend over this. I pray that I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure my friend and fellow manager will think I betrayed her. We talked about making this proposal jointly to our boss, we talked for months but we couldn't agree on when to do it or how to schedule it. Hubby and son in law convinced me that I should treat this like a business move, act like a professional and work out a deal for myself. I'd be more likely to get what I wanted if the change involved just me. Think like a man, is they way they put it. So, around Thanksgiving I did just that. The thing that bothers me is that in the email, my boss states that I can work remotely 3 days because the other two managers are onsite 5 days a week and can cover for each other on their days off and vacations. I'm removed from covering for them. Meaning neither of them will be allowed to work from home. That certainly was not in my proposal, I actually thought that if he approved it for me, he'd approve it for all of us and let us coordinating office coverage. I never thought he'd promote my supervisor to cover for me when I'm not in the office. I did not see that coming. So, I'm feeling for myself but very apprehensive about how my friend will react. I cannot even discuss it with her because my boss said he plans to announce it to the managers and supervisors when he returns from vacation after New Year's.

I don't generally read posts that are 1 loooooooog paragraph, however! When it comes to certain things in life, one has to do was is best for themselves. I see this as 1 of those times. When you say: "we talked for months" about this with your friend?

Seems to me, months is a sufficient amount of time for your friend and you, or she had an opportunity to do the same thing, to reach some type of agreement. I don't know where this, "think like a man" comes in, and in certain circles that might be considered a "se**^t" comment.

Me personally if it were someone I considered a true friend? I would have told them what I planned to do. Now that is just me and only you can judge if it was right for you, I figure if I told my friend, he could submit the same proposal and let the boss decide who would be best for that type of work schedule.

I could tell you what 2 of my friends did to me that is similar to your situation, except it was what they " didn't do" that cost me a higher paying job.I remained friends with both of them, but put trust in them again? Not a chance in h^^l.

Hope all works out for all concerned.

hckynutjohn)

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

RedTop — Sat, 26 Dec 2015 22:24:44 GMT

My thoughts are to accept what's been offered, and not worry about the rest. Regardless of how closely I worked with my coworkers, we didn't work on a buddy plan, and work decisions were not friendship decisions. Once your boss makes the announcement, the other employees involved may make comments that could lead to some tweaking of the original plan. Business is business.

Several years before I retired, my boss had to review all employee positions within her department, and cut hours. Unbeknownst to me, my position was the number one target. Upper management wanted to totally eliminate my position, and divide my job responsibilities among 3 other departments. My boss fought tooth and nail to keep me working at least part-time, which was finally agreed upon. She stressed heavily over having to break this news to me, and was extremely shocked, but greatly relieved, to hear me say that decision was an answer to my prayers! I was thrilled to reduce my hours to part-time. When I retired, my job was eliminated, and my duties distributed to 3 other employees.

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

January121 — Sat, 26 Dec 2015 23:50:29 GMT

My response is going to be short & to the point ..... I am glad that I don't work in your office .... I would be very offended by how you handled this situation ....hopefully it does not backfire & you are left out in the cold .... sometimes not being in the office for the full work week is frowned on by some superiors and the employees who work from home for multiple days each week are deemed unnecessary and are let go... I have seen this happen ... good luck.

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

Paulette-QVC — Sat, 26 Dec 2015 23:52:34 GMT

This post has been removed by QVC because rude and inappropriate language.

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

gailcoco — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 00:37:45 GMT

I would like to send your friend?? a get well card. I'm sure that knife in the back will require surgery.

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

MarieIG — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 03:06:19 GMT

What would your reaction be if your friend had done this to you?

IMO, it would have been alright if you had told your friend that you couldn't wait any longer and were going to submit the proposal in, i.e. a week and did she want to join in. This at least would have given her the opportunity to participate.

Doing the right thing does not always equate to doing the easiest thing. And at this point, doing the right thing means you are risking losing what you want.

You know what you should do: but you also know that means risking losing the "gift."

It is not only about how your friend will feel. I think you can guess. It comes down to . . . how will you feel about yourself: what type of person do you want to be.

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

chrystaltree — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 05:11:08 GMT

I do appreciate your responses, some of you get it, some don't. This is a mess that I created but I regret only one thing. I regret that I did not give my friend one final chance to move forward with our original plan. A plan she delayed and quibbled over for months. I hope we can get passed this but, as professionals, this should not impact our professional relationship. In the office, the work comes first. Whatever her personal feelings are about me, those feelings won't affect our professional responsibilities. No, I won't revisit the issue with my director. The original plan was for us to make a joint proposal so that we could coordinate our schedules, the idea was that we each get to work from home two days a week. It was a good, professional proposal that, obviously, our director would have agreed to. It would have worked well for both of us. I have my new schedule and I'm not going to change it now. It's not even possible, this is a done deal. My friend and the third manager are still free to their own proposal. There is a department precedent now. When I'm able to discuss this with her, I will of course apologize but only for not telling her that I planned to make an individual proposal if she didn't want to move forward with the original plan immediately. I regret that, I just hope that she understands that she should have moved forward with our plan or been been honest about honest about having second thoughts.

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

January121 — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 05:26:22 GMT

@chrystaltree wrote:
I do appreciate your responses, some of you get it, some don't. This is a mess that I created but I regret only one thing. I regret that I did not give my friend one final chance to move forward with our original plan. A plan she delayed and quibbled over for months. I hope we can get passed this but, as professionals, this should not impact our professional relationship. In the office, the work comes first. Whatever her personal feelings are about me, those feelings won't affect our professional responsibilities. No, I won't revisit the issue with my director. The original plan was for us to make a joint proposal so that we could coordinate our schedules, the idea was that we each get to work from home two days a week. It was a good, professional proposal that, obviously, our director would have agreed to. It would have worked well for both of us. I have my new schedule and I'm not going to change it now. It's not even possible, this is a done deal. My friend and the third manager are still free to their own proposal. There is a department precedent now. When I'm able to discuss this with her, I will of course apologize but only for not telling her that I planned to make an individual proposal if she didn't want to move forward with the original plan immediately. I regret that, I just hope that she understands that she should have moved forward with our plan or been been honest about honest about having second thoughts.

It seems to me that you are trying to convince yourself that the way you handled this situation was the best way to go .... always remember what goes around comes around and someday this will come back & hit you when you least expect it ..... trust me your coworkers are NOT going to be happy about this!!

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

stevieb — Mon, 28 Dec 2015 00:45:43 GMT

No idea what the climate in your office is... Whether the 'boss' is the 'boss' and feels he can do what he wants and doesn't discuss organizational changes with employees, but regardless, I'd anticipate fall-out. Your co-workers might be thrilled with a promotion (depending on what comes with it) or might not be and might offer alternative suggestions. If he's fair, he'll consider their suggestions along with yours. Depending on their response to his announcement, this might or might not be a done deal... It sounds like he might have been contemplating changes himself.

Regardless of any foot-dragging on the part of your co-worker, it seems as though the 'proposal' you submitted was not the one the two of you discussed. Rather, it appears that you completely cut the other person out of the equation to your benefit, so yes, were I your "friend", you definitely wouldn't be on my Christmas card list next year.

As for your certainty of a continued professional relationship going forward, time will tell... But even should that come to pass, by not even advising her of your intent, you've probably created unnecessary strain in your workplace and it seems likely you've lost a friend. Hopefully a 'professional' relationship will meet your needs...

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

chrystaltree — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 06:05:19 GMT

@stevieb wrote:
No idea what the climate in your office is... Whether the 'boss' is the 'boss' and feels he can do what he wants and doesn't discuss organizational changes with employees, but regardless, I'd anticipate fall-out. Your co-workers might be thrilled with a promotion (depending on what comes with it) or might not be and might offer alternative suggestions. If he's fair, he'll consider their suggestions along with yours. Depending on their response to his announcement, this might or might not be a done deal... It sounds like he might have been contemplating changes himself.

Regardless of any foot-dragging on the part of your co-worker, it seems as though the 'proposal' you submitted was not the one the two of you discussed. Rather, it appears that you completely cut the other person out of the equation to your benefit, so yes, were I your "friend", you definitely wouldn't be on my Christmas card list next year.

As for your certainty of a continued professional relationship going forward, time will tell... But even should that come to pass, by not even advising her of your intent, you've probably created unnecessary strain in your workplace and it seems likely you've lost a friend,. Hopefully a 'professional' relationship will meet your needs...

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

chrystaltree — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 06:50:31 GMT

@chrystaltree wrote:
@stevieb wrote:
No idea what the climate in your office is... Whether the 'boss' is the 'boss' and feels he can do what he wants and doesn't discuss organizational changes with employees, but regardless, I'd anticipate fall-out. Your co-workers might be thrilled with a promotion (depending on what comes with it) or might not be and might offer alternative suggestions. If he's fair, he'll consider their suggestions along with yours. Depending on their response to his announcement, this might or might not be a done deal... It sounds like he might have been contemplating changes himself.

Regardless of any foot-dragging on the part of your co-worker, it seems as though the 'proposal' you submitted was not the one the two of you discussed. Rather, it appears that you completely cut the other person out of the equation to your benefit, so yes, were I your "friend", you definitely wouldn't be on my Christmas card list next year.

As for your certainty of a continued professional relationship going forward, time will tell... But even should that come to pass, by not even advising her of your intent, you've probably created unnecessary strain in your workplace and it seems likely you've lost a friend,. Hopefully a 'professional' relationship will meet your needs...

@stevieb wrote:
No idea what the climate in your office is... Whether the 'boss' is the 'boss' and feels he can do what he wants and doesn't discuss organizational changes with employees, but regardless, I'd anticipate fall-out. Your co-workers might be thrilled with a promotion (depending on what comes with it) or might not be and might offer alternative suggestions. If he's fair, he'll consider their suggestions along with yours. Depending on their response to his announcement, this might or might not be a done deal... It sounds like he might have been contemplating changes himself.

Regardless of any foot-dragging on the part of your co-worker, it seems as though the 'proposal' you submitted was not the one the two of you discussed. Rather, it appears that you completely cut the other person out of the equation to your benefit, so yes, were I your "friend", you definitely wouldn't be on my Christmas card list next year.

As for your certainty of a continued professional relationship going forward, time will tell... But even should that come to pass, by not even advising her of your intent, you've probably created unnecessary strain in your workplace and it seems likely you've lost a friend,. Hopefully a 'professional' relationship will meet your needs...

How could I submit a proposal to change another person's work schedule????? Of course, I couldn't do that and since the other person was hesitant and delayed the proposal for many months, I couldn't be certain if she was still interested. Involving others in my request to work from home would have been unprofessional and presumptuous. However, I did stick with the original plan which was 2 days a week at home, I'd be flexible with the days and available to cover for the other two, when necessary. My boss gave me much more than I asked for and he formalized my status with Human Resources. That was uncharacteristic of him, he usually resists change. Anyway, what's done is done. All I can do is apologize for moving on this without a final discussion. And thanks to your input, I will show her the proposal I gave to our director so that she can see that I went with the original plan. Now, I gotta stop fretting over this. I'm hosting a Christmas party tomorrow.

Re: I recived a wonderful gift today but......

NYC Susan — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 09:16:15 GMT

@MarieIG wrote:
What would your reaction be if your friend had done this to you?

IMO, it would have been alright if you had told your friend that you couldn't wait any longer and were going to submit the proposal in, i.e. a week and did she want to join in. This at least would have given her the opportunity to participate.

I was just about to say something similar. This was planned with someone else, and if the OP didn't want to wait any longer, then she shouldn't have. But it was wrong not to give the friend a heads-up. "It's now or never. Are we doing this? Because if you're not ready, I'm going to do it on my own." The friend had no way of knowing that she was being cut out, and that's really not fair. I would be really hurt and angry if this happened to me.

Of course in the business world we have to take care of ourselves. But planning something with someone else, and then going behind their back is not professional, not to mention not nice. Being trustworthy matters - in our personal lives, and in our business lives too.

It's not the friend's fault for taking her time. The OP was taking her time too, and the friend was blindsided when the OP went ahead without her. I'm sure this was not a calculated, deliberately unkind move, but it very well may look like that - Not only to the friend, but to others too.