topic Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job in Among Friends

Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

rms1954 — Fri, 21 May 2021 17:04:20 GMT

Last fall my husband put in new front steps. I appreciate what he did; however, he left the job incomplete and didn't paint or stain. So snow came and went and here we are. I've been asking for two months to get it stained. Waiting waiting waiting and now it's too hot to work outside in the sun. Beginning of the week I started mentioning it "yeah, OK .. we'll get it done." So I decided to go get the stain but he had to come to make sure I picked out the right stuff. Off we go, get the materials and paint sat in the can for a few days. I decided to start it early but it got hot quickly in that sun and I started to feel sick and nauseous.

He gave me step-by-step instructions (ugh). I finished one side staining the spindles and the hard intricate parts. Decided to take a break and next thing I know he's outside with the brush "fixing" what I did.

He takes the joy out of everything I try to do. He's so controlling. Now I want nothing to do with it. He reminds me of my mother -- never good enough.

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

Love my grandkids — Fri, 21 May 2021 17:12:17 GMT

@rms1954 From your posts I can see that your marriage is not a happy one and I'm sorry. Just let him do it and say *s c r e w it" and don't bother. Maybe this will save you some aggravation and I'm really sorry. I know you've posted about your "mother" (I had one of those "mothers" too) and I can relate somewhat.

Hoping you get through this "project" okay.

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

MildredM — Fri, 21 May 2021 17:13:36 GMT

@rms1954 wrote:
Last fall my husband put in new front steps. I appreciate what he did; however, he left the job incomplete and didn't paint or stain. So snow came and went and here we are. I've been asking for two months to get it stained. Waiting waiting waiting and now it's too hot to work outside in the sun. Beginning of the week I started mentioning it "yeah, OK .. we'll get it done." So I decided to go get the stain but he had to come to make sure I picked out the right stuff. Off we go, get the materials and paint sat in the can for a few days. I decided to start it early but it got hot quickly in that sun and I started to feel sick and nauseous.

He gave me step-by-step instructions (ugh). I finished one side staining the spindles and the hard intricate parts. Decided to take a break and next thing I know he's outside with the brush "fixing" what I did.

He takes the joy out of everything I try to do. He's so controlling. Now I want nothing to do with it. He reminds me of my mother -- never good enough.

You have my sympathy, I understand and have the same type of husband. He NEVER finishes anything and maybe if I ask nicely for 5-6 years, beg for a futher 3-4 and scream for 1 or 2 more something might just get done......sigh. My Husband is also a joy sucker-outer.

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

rms1954 — Fri, 21 May 2021 17:17:51 GMT

@Love my grandkids wrote:
@rms1954 From your posts I can see that your marriage is not a happy one and I'm sorry. Just let him do it and say *s c r e w it" and don't bother. Maybe this will save you some aggravation and I'm really sorry. I know you've posted about your "mother" (I had one of those "mothers" too) and I can relate somewhat.

Hoping you get through this "project" okay.

Thanks for the sympathy. Let's hope he gets it done his way. I just feel "not good" about myself. If he could just leave me alone and let me finish something he could see I can do it. I ALWAYS compliment him when he does anything around the house and praise and thank him. I like being busy and helping. Well I just hope it gets completed now. I can't deal with half-completed projects.

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

Witchy Woman — Fri, 21 May 2021 17:23:21 GMT

@rms1954

So sorry you are going through this. I understand.

How would he respond if you confronted him and said, "leave me alone and let me do it."

How would he respond if you hired someone to do the job?

Just some random thoughts. I have no real solutions for dealing with someone like this because...HE WILL NEVER CHANGE.

I often wonder what happends to men. Are they THAT way when we marry them and we just don't notice?

Having the joy sucked out of such a routine project is very unfortunate. Seems he looks for things to make you feel bad.

Just my observation, so take it that way...I'm not a therapist

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

Carmie — Fri, 21 May 2021 17:25:17 GMT

Instead of feeling bad and unappreciated...just remember you figured out a way to get things done when you want them done.

Sometimes, my DH doesn't get around to doing things as fast as I want them done. When I get tired of waiting, I buy the supplies and get everything ready for the job when I know he will be around.

As soon as I start the project, he wants to take over. I just let him.

I have learned how to get him to do a job when I want it done.

The next time you want something done, you know how to get HIM to do it. You just control the situation and he won't have a clue.

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

rms1954 — Fri, 21 May 2021 17:28:06 GMT

@MildredM wrote:
@rms1954 wrote:
Last fall my husband put in new front steps. I appreciate what he did; however, he left the job incomplete and didn't paint or stain. So snow came and went and here we are. I've been asking for two months to get it stained. Waiting waiting waiting and now it's too hot to work outside in the sun. Beginning of the week I started mentioning it "yeah, OK .. we'll get it done." So I decided to go get the stain but he had to come to make sure I picked out the right stuff. Off we go, get the materials and paint sat in the can for a few days. I decided to start it early but it got hot quickly in that sun and I started to feel sick and nauseous.

He gave me step-by-step instructions (ugh). I finished one side staining the spindles and the hard intricate parts. Decided to take a break and next thing I know he's outside with the brush "fixing" what I did.

He takes the joy out of everything I try to do. He's so controlling. Now I want nothing to do with it. He reminds me of my mother -- never good enough.
You have my sympathy, I understand and have the same type of husband. He NEVER finishes anything and maybe if I ask nicely for 5-6 years, beg for a futher 3-4 and scream for 1 or 2 more something might just get done......sigh. My Husband is also ajusjoy sucker-outer.

LOL. I just want to keep busy and feel useful. I didn't accomplish either today.

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

Still Raining — Fri, 21 May 2021 17:36:23 GMT

This step project is all about control.

If you wished to complete it yourself, why take him shopping or let him be critical?

You can choose how you wish to treated.

Let the steps rot, without comment. Or attitude.
Tell him to buzz off while you are staining. And mean it.

Tell him you are calling a professional. And do it.

Your choice.

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

Kachina624 — Fri, 21 May 2021 18:14:24 GMT

Actually I think you've hit on a very clever way to get him to do the job. Start it yourself, make a mess and he's going to dive in to do it better. I used to use the same technique when I had a hubby. If I wanted to see him move fast, all I had to do was start assembling the tools to do a plumbing repair. He owned a construction company.

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

PamfromCT — Fri, 21 May 2021 18:19:26 GMT

@rms1954,My advice is to just let him do the staining job. It’s

Smelly, messy, can stain your hands and clothes. Let him do it. Go fix yourself a nice glass of iced tea, and let him do the dirty work.

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

PamfromCT — Fri, 21 May 2021 18:32:20 GMT

@Carmie and @Kachina624, You two made my day, My thoughts exactly. Just the dynamics many people go through.

My DH worked with a few men who admitted to him that they purposely messed up routine chores in the house just to get out of them. And I wonder how quickly their wives caught on.

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

Sooner — Fri, 21 May 2021 18:52:54 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
Actually I think you've hit on a very clever way to get him to do the job. Start it yourself, make a mess and he's going to dive in to do it better. I used to use the same technique when I had a hubby. If I wanted to see him move fast, all I had to do was start assembling the tools to do a plumbing repair. He owned a construction company.

@Kachina624 Wasn't there a book about that????

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

MildredM — Fri, 21 May 2021 18:58:25 GMT

@Still Raining wrote:

Let the steps rot, without comment. Or attitude.

Funny!! I have already adopted the Let It Rot solution.

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

rms1954 — Fri, 21 May 2021 19:00:54 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
Actually I think you've hit on a very clever way to get him to do the job. Start it yourself, make a mess and he's going to dive in to do it better. I used to use the same technique when I had a hubby. If I wanted to see him move fast, all I had to do was start assembling the tools to do a plumbing repair. He owned a construction company.

It worked. He's out there in the sun with his hat on painting. He's missing spots and doing a lousy job. I went out to watch and pointed out spots he missed and he got annoyed and snapped at me. I told him "I just wanted to help you out." LOL.

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

rms1954 — Fri, 21 May 2021 19:01:39 GMT

@PamfromCT wrote:
@rms1954,My advice is to just let him do the staining job. It’s
Smelly, messy, can stain your hands and clothes. Let him do it. Go fix yourself a nice glass of iced tea, and let him do the dirty work.

Yup. He's painting and I'm enjoying a coffee inside where it's cool !

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

tiny 2 — Fri, 21 May 2021 19:47:40 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
Actually I think you've hit on a very clever way to get him to do the job. Start it yourself, make a mess and he's going to dive in to do it better. I used to use the same technique when I had a hubby. If I wanted to see him move fast, all I had to do was start assembling the tools to do a plumbing repair. He owned a construction company.

⇧ I am familiar with this technique.

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

MildredM — Fri, 21 May 2021 20:26:24 GMT

@Sooner wrote:
@Kachina624 wrote:

@Kachina624 Wasn't there a book about that????

Are you thinking of Tom Sawyer?

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

Kachina624 — Fri, 21 May 2021 20:55:43 GMT

@Sooner wrote:
@Kachina624 wrote:
Actually I think you've hit on a very clever way to get him to do the job. Start it yourself, make a mess and he's going to dive in to do it better. I used to use the same technique when I had a hubby. If I wanted to see him move fast, all I had to do was start assembling the tools to do a plumbing repair. He owned a construction company.
@Kachina624 Wasn't there a book about that????

@Sooner I don't know. If there was, I missed it.

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

Kachina624 — Fri, 21 May 2021 20:58:52 GMT

@rms1954 wrote:
@Kachina624 wrote:
Actually I think you've hit on a very clever way to get him to do the job. Start it yourself, make a mess and he's going to dive in to do it better. I used to use the same technique when I had a hubby. If I wanted to see him move fast, all I had to do was start assembling the tools to do a plumbing repair. He owned a construction company.
It worked. He's out there in the sun with his hat on painting. He's missing spots and doing a lousy job. I went out to watch and pointed out spots he missed and he got annoyed and snapped at me. I told him "I just wanted to help you out." LOL.

@rms1954 Atta girl! 😊

Re: Not Feeling Good About My Staining Job

Sooner — Fri, 21 May 2021 21:24:07 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:

@Sooner wrote:
@Kachina624 wrote:
Actually I think you've hit on a very clever way to get him to do the job. Start it yourself, make a mess and he's going to dive in to do it better. I used to use the same technique when I had a hubby. If I wanted to see him move fast, all I had to do was start assembling the tools to do a plumbing repair. He owned a construction company.
@Kachina624 Wasn't there a book about that????
@Sooner I don't know. If there was, I missed it.

@Kachina624 Stand up girl! The jokes is goin' over your head (Foghorn Leghorn). Tom Sawyer.