topic Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist??? in Among Friends

Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

BunSnoop — Thu, 20 May 2021 16:39:12 GMT

I work with a woman that calls me twice in the day - 1st thing in a.m. and also 15 minutes before the end of the day. I guess the purpose is to say good morning & have a nice evening??

95% of the time she adds nothing to the conversation. In the past I would talk briefly about my plans for the weekend, the evening, etc.; however, I'm so tired of her adding nothing to the conversation. So....now I started only saying I had a "nice" weekend a "nice" evening and don't tell her anything else. I wanted to see if she would add something, but she still will say nothing. When I ask her about her evening, her weekend, etc. she'll just say something like they were "too short"! Then there is awkward silence on the call and she yawns loudly in my ear!

I try to talk about "general" conversations that I think the average person would be able to add something to (weather, general news stories I read or heard on the news), pretty flowers or little critters I see on my morning walks with my dog, etc.) but after I'm done speaking she adds nothing or she'll make a comment like "I suppose" "who knows", etc. Also, she yawns loudly during majority of the calls too! Also, she'll never follow-up on anything and say - whatever happened, did it work out, etc?

Gosh, I just hate those calls. I keep saying "I don't have anything else, so I'll let you go." And she'll say, I don't have anything either". Sometimes I take the phone off the hook so she'll get my answering machine. She then sends an IM message saying she got my machine. I IM back, just saying that I'm on the phone or my husband is.

She never adds anything to our work team meetings either - she will only say something if a question is directed specifically to her.

Oh my, I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed and needed to vent. Anyone else experience something like this? Any suggestions?

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

SloopJohnB — Thu, 20 May 2021 16:48:28 GMT

@BunSnoop No, I don't know anyone like this, but she sounds kind of passive aggressive. I mean, to initiate the calls, not add anything to the conversation, yet loudly yawns? Either just rude or clueless? 🤷

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

kaydee50 — Thu, 20 May 2021 16:54:25 GMT

Why does she keep calling you twice a day??? At home??? I'd let the calls go to the answering machine. If she asks why, I'd be honest and say that it seems we don't have much to say to one another. Does she call her other co-workers?? Weird situation, IMO.

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

Snowpuppy — Thu, 20 May 2021 16:58:18 GMT

Hate to tell ya but with texting, social media and twitter this is now how we converse. I wouldn't take it personally.

I have two co workers who are to check in daily with me as we're on WFH. In the office we are pleasantly chatty. Since we've been home it's only catch up on work flow and is anyone in our group taking PTO?

I had a chance to chat via IM with one of our IT people. Haven't caught up in ages. She resolved my issue and stopped in mid sentence. Guess we were done?

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

ALRATIBA — Thu, 20 May 2021 17:01:02 GMT

No - everyone I can think of is a "chatterbox" It's almost like dueling to get a word in.

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

Venezia — Thu, 20 May 2021 17:01:12 GMT

I'm also wondering why this co-worker (?) feels the need to call twice a day or that @BunSnoop feels the need to answer.

If none of this is work related, I'd simply let it all go to voicemail, then delete and not return the calls. Sooner or later the woman would (should) get the message.

Same for IMs. Not work related? Delete. There's nothing in the OP to indicate this person is a friend outside of work. Maybe she's lonely and this is her way of connecting with someone else, but it doesn't have to become the OP's responsibility.

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

jlkz — Thu, 20 May 2021 17:03:49 GMT

I once worked with a woman in a busy career center and we discussed present, pending and future work volumes and strategies. Walked to transportation center and still talked about work issues.

Many times I asked her not to call me at home around 9 PM as that was when we ate dinner. Inevitably, she would call 5 minutes till 9. She must have tired of me telling her I had to hang up now as we were sitting down to eat.

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

on the bay — Thu, 20 May 2021 17:11:47 GMT

@BunSnoop,

That is weird. I woudn't know what to do except maybe like someone else said, let most go to voicemail and if she asks why you aren't answering you could say, just felt you both were trying to have conversation but couldn't find it!😄

Now I wonder if she is doing something else while talking to you. You know emails, or reading these forums lol!

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

Susan in California — Thu, 20 May 2021 17:12:34 GMT

I worked with a woman who was basically a listener and added almost nothing to the conversation. She did have a very

sweet disposition, and I liked her.

She knew how to ask the right questions to get me talking.

When I would reflect on our conversations, I felt embarrassed

that basically I had done all the talking.

Even now, when we are in communication, via text or phone,

her open-ended questions are right there. Our travel, our kids,

our grandkids, our dog(s)?

For talkers, this can be nervana, haha.

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

ScarletDove — Thu, 20 May 2021 17:15:46 GMT

Caller ID works for ignoring a call, so does ignoring and deleting IM's.....your time, your decision how to handle!

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

mimy13 — Thu, 20 May 2021 17:21:39 GMT

Actually, I am a poor conversationalist. I am introverted and hate small talk! BUT, I barely call anyone because of that reason. And if someone calls me, I rarely pick up, and call them back when I feel prepared to do so. I do much better texting and on social media.

So I'm not sure why they would be calling you if they have nothing to say. If that were me, I'd feel like I was bothering you. Are they very lonely?

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

fthunt — Thu, 20 May 2021 17:22:35 GMT

Have never heard of something so similar to mine - but mine is a relative (widow) living in FL - no children - no family there - lives in a rich area - no job (doesn't need it) no volunter interest.

She only calls once every other week - and I love her calls - but she doesn't or can't offer much in the way of news. When I ask: she went to the pool & walked the beach.

And.........always starts the yawn thing at 5:00 when getting my dinner.

She's bored - obviously - since COVID put a stop to her around-the-world travels. I expect she'll be getting back to that soon.

With rentals - close neighbors - I'm the chatty one re: news

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

mimy13 — Thu, 20 May 2021 17:27:01 GMT

I meant to add to my post that while I hate small talk, I can discuss people's personal issues at great length and love having deep conversations and offering advice about relationships, etc.

My mother will talk and talk and talk to me about everything under the sun and about everyone else - except actually how I'm doing. I think that is one reason I don't have time for that kind of chatter.

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

Toppers3 — Thu, 20 May 2021 17:44:19 GMT

It does seem rather awkward, and yes, I'm in a similar situation with a family member.

She wants to talk to me, but when I do talk to her, she literally doesn't have much to say.

I recently met her, since she's an older cousin to me in my Dad's family.

Also, when I would talk to her, she would take her phone, and put it near her TV and she would be watching a TV show while talking to me.

After having this happen so many times--and being the one to have to carry the conversation--I have limited the times that I talk to her.

I think in my case, there are some deeper control issues going on.

From the beginning of the relationship she wanted to be able to tell me when to call, how often, how often to send e-mails, without really knowing me and knowing my communication styles.

It is one relationship that really stresses me out, and I have to keep examing "why."

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

suzyQ3 — Thu, 20 May 2021 17:43:47 GMT

The most awkward part of this is that she's a coworker. It could be uncomfortable in the workplace if you stop taking her calls.

Perhaps you could starting saying that you are in the middle of something and can't chat now. Maybe after doing this whenever she calls, she might get the message.

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

BunSnoop — Thu, 20 May 2021 17:55:54 GMT

No, she does not call other co-workers; however, our department only consists of three employees!

I would sometimes share with her things that were work related that I learned during the day, but I've stopped that also as she never would "share" anything with me.

No, she will not be on this forum. She only goes on her home computer once a year to order on-line Christmas gifts for her husband and 2 sisters. She does not shop otherwise - her husband does the grocery shopping. All of those other things that you may need during the year (for example, underwear, kitchen towels, new boots, a new pair of pants, etc.) she places on her list of items that she wants for Christmas.

She likes to read - so I gave her a book of mine that someone I know wrote. She's had it for now over 5 years and never has returned it. She said that she likes to read on her nook so she has not got to it as it's a paperback. I gave up hinting that I wanted the book back, and purchased another copy for myself! I've tried asking her what is she currently reading, and her response will be a book of an author that she's read in the past and likes and she does not add anything else, like....it's a good mystery, romance, the name of the author, etc.

I'll mention that I planted flowers over the weekend. Then there is silence. She does not say anything. I think an easy reply she could say is - how nice, what type did you plant? She is just silent!

I sometimes just feel so nervous and uncomfortable, that I start talking about basically nothing and I feel so stupid afterwards - of course, she's silent.

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

DREAMON — Thu, 20 May 2021 17:57:25 GMT

I would just let the calls go to voice mail. I don't have the time or patience to be on the phone 2x a day every day with unnecessary phone calls.

Our time is valuable and people should respect that.

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

Desertdi — Thu, 20 May 2021 18:10:25 GMT

Perhaps this co-worker is shy, has a hearing challenge, or English is her second language.........

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

gertrudecloset — Thu, 20 May 2021 19:12:56 GMT

@suzyQ3 wrote:
The most awkward part of this is that she's a coworker. It could be uncomfortable in the workplace if you stop taking her calls.

Perhaps you could starting saying that you are in the middle of something and can't chat now. Maybe after doing this whenever she calls, she might get the message.

If it's work related don't you think she'd continue to call @suzyQ3 ? At some point (at work) you have to do the hard stuff to get the job done.

Re: Do You Also Know a Poor Conversationalist???

KBEANS — Thu, 20 May 2021 19:27:36 GMT

You could try saying, "Let me let you go. I'll see you tomorrow" or "I'll talk to you at work tomorrow." Those uncomfortable silent pauses (if you don't talk through them) are your ticket out of the conversation. Acknowledge what it is...You could try saying "Well I guess that's it...we're all talked out. Or," I guess we've said it all, I'm hanging up, getting my clothes ready for the morning." Things like that. Be upfront about the other things going on and that you can not sit on the phone with her when there are people right there in front of you waiting for your attention.Tell her you don't like to stay on the phone too long because you are spending family time with your loved one(s) No one could fault you for that. If she's got nothing to say, it's time to limit what you say as well.

@BunSnoop

There are times I'm visiting someone in person and they take long phone calls while I'm sitting there waiting for them to hang up. That's down right rude. That drives me nuts. I usually get up and say I'm gonna get on my way. Suddenly they're looking to hang up and then keep me hostage some more. 😝 And I let them know I think that's rude...because it is.