topic Re: Marriage Counseling in Among Friends

Marriage Counseling

Ainhisg — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 14:41:35 GMT

Has anyone gone through marriage counseling? If so, did it save your marriage? I am asking for personal reasons of course. Married 12 years, no infidelity, and he is a good person.

Re: Marriage Counseling

Desertdi — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 14:49:57 GMT

"HE" thought "I" was the one who needed help....and just sat there like a rock (as usual). Total waste of time in MY case..............

Re: Marriage Counseling

henderson — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 14:54:48 GMT

Yes. Definitely helps!! We've been married 50 years (2020) and have had our ups and downs. Not going into detail about our problems. Make sure you find a therapist that is right for you.

Re: Marriage Counseling

Pook — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 15:11:57 GMT

@Ainhisg Yes it did help. My SO and I went to couples counseling many years ago because we were having issues communicating in every day life. It seems that things you find endearing at the beginning of a relationship are the things that can cause issues after many years in many relationships. He is a glass has a leak and I am a glass overflowing type of person. We did learn how to communicate without an argument and we have been together now about 36 years!

Re: Marriage Counseling

Group 5 minus 1 — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 15:12:35 GMT

Helped me to better understand myself.

Re: Marriage Counseling

SloopJohnB — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 15:20:24 GMT

@Ainhisg Yes, we went, but unfortunaely for us it did not help. I wish you better results.

Re: Marriage Counseling

Karie2022 — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 15:21:24 GMT

Only good if you are both honest with the therapist..in my case, dh told her everything she wanted to hear, she thought he was so wonderful; what he was being is manipulative. He didn't want to be there.... Anyways....we got through tough times on our own, and 27 years later still together. Find someone that can see through the BS.

Re: Marriage Counseling

dulwich — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 15:35:26 GMT

@Ainhisg I trained and worked in London as a Marriage Guidance Counsellor. Speaking from my own experiences I believe we helped quite a few couples. Of course, not everyone successful.

It always seemed the female in the relationship approached first and after a few sessions the husband would come 'just to check what his wife was doing' as her behaviour was 'different' since she started coming to counselling. That was good then you have a couple to work with.

Obviously, if you are thinking along these lines you are open for discussion/help which is a good place to start. Wishing you the best.

Re: Marriage Counseling

silkyk — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 15:38:46 GMT

Just remember that a long term relationship is one thing in life that money can't buy so if you are in one work at it. Everything requires maintenance. If counseling might help try it.

Re: Marriage Counseling

queendiva — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 15:41:09 GMT

Same as @Desertdi .

After trying different counselors (one size does NOT fit all! and exH wanted someone who would agree with him, of course) we found one who was just the best. I stayed with the counselor after exH left.

Re: Marriage Counseling

Snowpuppy — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 15:43:55 GMT

Be prepared to go alone if need be. I went twice. After 6 mos I knew I needed to get out but didn't have the courage or resources.

I did see how badly I had been played but I was determined to stay to show him what a good person I was.

I went back for 6 mos to work on my need to show others, including family, what a wonderful person I was.

It takes 2 to make things work, only takes 1 to make it a train wreck.

Re: Marriage Counseling

SilleeMee — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 15:44:07 GMT

Counseling worked for us...temporarily. Then things went back to the same ol' jazz.

Re: Marriage Counseling

dulwich — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 15:56:41 GMT

@Ainhisg I would add feel comfortable with your Counsellor if, after your meetings, you are not happy make a change and do not stress if your husband is not interested - or if you do not want him to go with you - or if you do not discuss this with him at first - do what helps You.

Re: Marriage Counseling

Ainhisg — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 16:03:13 GMT

I really appreciate everyone's response. I am very thankful for the QVC boards. I usually don't post anything quite this personal, but it was the only place I could think of where I could hear real life experiences and results without making our business the business of someone who knows us. (And give me hope.) Our friends and family do not know we are having issues. Some of you hit the nail on the proverbial head. We have had communication issues for a long time and also as a responder posted--things that were endearing in the beginning are maddening now. And, of course, these issues are affecting other areas of our life. I'm sure you know what I mean without me going into detail.

I told him that I was going to go to counseling for me (true) but that if he wanted to go, too, that I would check into marriage counseling. His company provides free counseling with an LPC, and not only did he suggest that, but he said he wanted to go, gave me the contact information (he was at work and has the type of job where he can't make phone calls unless he's on a break), and said he would work hard to do what we needed to do. He reiterated that in a card that he gave me yesterday. I truly think he means what he is saying...at the time. It is the follow-through that I am concerned about, but hopefully with a plan from a counselor, that will help.

I spoke to the counselor myself to make the appointment, and she said if she felt she couldn't help us, then she would refer us to someone who could, so I was encouraged by that, too. We have good insurance that does cover counseling. Our first appointment is in two weeks. Things are very weird and intense in our home right now, so I can't wait to get the process started.

Re: Marriage Counseling

IMW — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 16:02:34 GMT

Yes, taught us how to communicate better. Still married 44 happy years.

Re: Marriage Counseling

IMW — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 16:14:59 GMT

Sounds like you both have a great deal of positive

feeling for counseling and each other. A good marriage

is worth fighting for.

Life brings all kinds of changes, marriage has to withstand them. Getting a little help is the way to go.

Also--- it is nobody's business but yours.

Good luck!

Re: Marriage Counseling

LonestarBabs — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 16:47:07 GMT

I went on my own, ex wanted no part of it because he didn't want to face some things. So it was a valuable experience for me as I worked through the fact that my marriage wasn't going to be saved and wasn't worth saving anyway. I was much stronger taking the steps I needed to take in order to move on.

It can be a valuable tool to save a marriage but in my case it saved me.

Re: Marriage Counseling

alicedee — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 16:52:11 GMT

My experience is...if BOTH people want the relationship to work out, then counseling has a good chance of helping.

If one person is just going through the motions so they can say "I tried" but really has no intention of being open, honest and trying to work on things...then no, it won't work.

I think most people have a pretty good idea of how their spouse will be going into it. If after a few sessions you can see which way the wind blows, you are better off just going to therapy on your OWN....not as a couple.

Just my opinion....everyone couple is different.

Re: Marriage Counseling

catter70 — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 16:52:24 GMT

My ex and I did go to counseling, but there was someone on the side for hubby. So no, didn't work out. Those aren't your issues, so go for it. You at least should try .

Re: Marriage Counseling

GenXmuse — Sun, 28 Mar 2021 16:54:32 GMT

Yes and no, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing in my situation though. Good thoughts to you on your journey.