topic Re: Ok. I need validation. in Among Friends

Ok. I need validation.

Ditzydori — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 20:48:20 GMT

Im seeing a wonderful man whom Im head over heals in love with. He has this friend who wants to meet a nice woman. My BF asked me if I knew anyone. As a matter of fact I did. So the plan was to come to my house, Id cook dinner and they could meet.

So I went food shopping, bought good quality food. And yesterday I cooked in preparation for tonight. Made a delicious sauce, meat balls, etc.

This morning my BF told me that his friend hurt his leg and couldn't come. Boy was I ticked. Im over it now, but I feel he insulted me by doing this.

Thoughts. I guess Im asking for l consolation for my reaction. My BF felt really bad and tried to fix it by convincing him to come anyway, but I told him not to do that. I told him it cost money and time on my part and if he just backed off light that Im done.

Did I overreact? Console me. lol Like I said, Im fine now. I get over things real fast. Life is short. But Im feeling guilty for my initial reaction.

Re: Ok. I need validation.

Kachina624 — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 20:56:44 GMT

@Ditzydori. Sounds like BF's friend's leg problem was with cold feet, he chickened out. I'd be angry too. Freeze your meatballs and save for another occasion. BF owes you dinner out.

Re: Ok. I need validation.

Sooner — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 21:00:51 GMT

@Ditzydori I don't know why you are mad at anyone. It is annoying and rude, but how it is your friend's fault? I doubt they planned it that way.

It would be difficult for a lot of people to go to a setup like this and I can see where someone might back out. It's not nice, but I'm not sure who you are angry at and why.

Re: Ok. I need validation.

amyb — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 21:04:45 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
@Ditzydori. Sounds like BF's friend's leg problem was with cold feet, he chickened out. I'd be angry too. Freeze your meatballs and save for another occasion. BF owes you dinner out.

Don't feel bad, I can see after all that work feeling like "what?!" Because it did seem like he backed down. If it had been a legitimate sounding emergency, I don't think you'd have reacted the same. I think trust your gut!

Yes, BF should make it up to you~hope it all works out. And as for his friend...his loss on not meeting your friend...she deserves someone who wants to be there! (I realize I'm totally speculating on a lot of unknowns...I mean it's not easy doing the "blind date" thing...but his friend had asked!)

Re: Ok. I need validation.

Anonymous032819 — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 21:28:05 GMT

I would be disappointed, but I wouldn't be mad.

What if he really did hurt his leg?

Accidents do happen, you know.

Re: Ok. I need validation.

Ditzydori — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 21:34:57 GMT

Thats true, but my gut feeling is he got cold feet for meeting my friend. He was going to come after my BF talked to him so he couldnt have been that hurt. But we then both decided it was best to make it another time when he was feeling better.

aRe: Ok. I need validation.

Ditzydori — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 21:39:58 GMT

amyb yourre spot on. and when I say I was angry I didn't mean I took a fit or anything. Thats simply not my personality. I guess the right adjective is very annoyed. Because I did expel alot of effort and money in preparing for this dinner. Especially since my gut was that he got cold feet. A not good situation for all. He was uncomfortable, true, but remember he was the one who asked my BF if I had a nice woman for him. We planned this since last week. He had plenty of time to cancel.

But it is what it is. My favorite saying. Life is too short. Im absolutely fine now.

Thanks for your replies.

Re: Ok. I need validation.

Kachina624 — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 21:40:32 GMT

@Anonymous032819 wrote:
I would be disappointed, but I wouldn't be mad.

What if he really did hurt his leg?

Accidents do happen, you know.

@Anonymous032819. Unlikely. Too coincidental.

Re: Ok. I need validation.

KBEANS — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 21:49:01 GMT

Have you considered your friend? She's probably feeling let down. Call her and tell her to still come over and have a girls night with her. Be careful playing match maker, Ditzy.

Re: Ok. I need validation.

Anonymous032819 — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 21:56:30 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
@Anonymous032819 wrote:
I would be disappointed, but I wouldn't be mad.

What if he really did hurt his leg?

Accidents do happen, you know.
@Anonymous032819. Unlikely. Too coincidental.

Maybe, but are you saying that there is absolutely zero chance that he hurt his leg?

Re: Ok. I need validation.

Sooner — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 22:04:39 GMT

@Ditzydori You know if it were me, I'd have had the dinner with the three of us, had a rip roaring good time and send some pictures to him with a "hope you are feeling better" message!

You all could have had some nice laughs and a great dinner! If he comes some other time, give him a ham sandwich!

Re: aRe: Ok. I need validation.

withaK — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 22:05:26 GMT

Exactly....you put alot of money and effort and time into this and he chickened out...you haven't said how your GF feels but I will bet she is a cool gal and shrugs it off...your BF owes you a nice dinner......and if his buddy wants to meet your friend its up to him to make a move

maybe dinner in your home was too much pressure....drinks out or meet for a coffee may have been more his speed

Re: Ok. I need validation.

KBEANS — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 22:13:39 GMT

@Sooner wrote:
@Ditzydori You know if it were me, I'd have had the dinner with the three of us, had a rip roaring good time and send some pictures to him with a "hope you are feeling better" message!

You all could have had some nice laughs and a great dinner! If he comes some other time, give him a ham sandwich!

@Sooner

LOL That could be dangerous. You know, men love a damsel in distress. Ditzy's over reacting could send him looking at the "nice woman" friend she recommended to No Show Jones! 😝 I already advised for her to be careful setting up friends.

Re: Ok. I need validation.

hckynut — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 22:18:01 GMT

@Ditzydori

Hey Ditzy! I read your post and don't have a clue what, or who exactly, makes you feel guilty, and of what? Is it your BF/his friend, or yourself? Ya plain lost me on this one!

hckynut(john)

Re: Ok. I need validation.

eddyandme — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 22:24:21 GMT

Well OPEN YOUR EYES GIRL!

Your BF's friend cancelling out at the last minute is bad. Remember birds of a feather flock together! So keep the blinders off - just saying.

And, imho, the most despicable thing is your BF telling you that flimsy excuse. he should have leveled with you.

And, you should have called their bluff by saying, 'no problem, I'll just pack it up and me and my friend will meet you guys over there - we'll bring the dinner and can all enjoy and nice, relaxing evening. It might even help your friend feel better, hon'.

And, again, don't be paranoid, but watch, listen to the subtleties, listen to your gut - it will save you a lot of heartache in the end.

Re: Ok. I need validation.

Drythe — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 22:26:34 GMT

@Ditzydori

If you really think he chickened out and can confirm that with your

BF, I would think very carefully about that re-schedule.

You don't want your girlfriend to be hurt or embarrassed.

Re: Ok. I need validation.

qbetzforreal — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 22:31:37 GMT

@Ditzydori-Who insulted you? Your boyfriend or his friend? The food still can be eaten.

Re: Ok. I need validation.

Mom2Dogs — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 22:32:57 GMT

@Ditzydori ....I would be very disappointed but for me I would want to know if the friend really hurt his leg or had cold feet.

...really not your BF's fault so I'd probably apoligize and would have prepared the meal for the two of you.

edited to add:

Next time I would not cook, eat out, less stress and probably easier on the other two people.

Re: Ok. I need validation.

Foxxee — Fri, 30 Oct 2020 05:32:29 GMT

It helps to have all the background information, but based on what you said....

You don't know whether your BF's friend really hurt his leg or got cold feet, but either way, I think both reasons are legitimate and I understand.

I would never get involved in matchmaking. Getting cold feet isn't shameful and all that uncommon.

If you found out the friend really did hurt his leg, was in a lot of pain, couldn't walk on it...how will you feel, then?

Unless he has done this before, why wasn't he given the benefit of the doubt and excused?

Instead of being concerned about the possibility he hurt his leg, you said he insulted you? No he didn't? He didn't ask you to make dinner.

When you offer to do something for someone, it's best not to expect anything in return. There are no disappointments, feeling insulted, anger, sadness. No obligations from the recipient to reciprocate, in this case, showing up.

"I went to all this trouble and this is the thanks I get."

You agreed to make a dinner all on your own. No one twisted your arm, so I don't see why you'd be insulted or ticked.

Your BF, female friend, and you had a nice dinner, and probably received some compliments for how good it was. The food you made wasn't wasted. You put the rest in the freezer for later? Nothing lost.

No need to feel guilty. Consider it a lesson learned.

Re: Ok. I need validation.

ROMARY — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 22:39:04 GMT

Freeze the extra serving. Freeze those meat balls.

Actually, a hundred years ago, I did back out of a planned blind date dinner. I gave plenty of time, maybe a week or so. I'm not sure, but I believe that it was a dining out type of date.

My friend didn't seem angry. But who knows.

Oh, well. Better to back out (ahead of time) then to put oneself in a 'tight' situation.

I could be wrong, though.