topic Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN! in Among Friends

HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

Newgate — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 04:17:43 GMT

Today in the mail I received from my cousin about 40 family pictures dating way back to the 1940's! She is the daughter of my mothers brother, my uncle! My uncle passed away a few years ago and in October of this year his wife passed away! There was a note with the photos saying "I thought you might like these photos of your family"! Some of these photos were of her dad, her mother, her sibling and other cousins with us at various occasions and they were not copies that she made for me they are the originals! I found this very disturbing! Guess she doesn't consider us family now that her parents are gone!! We always had a good relationship with them and I adored my uncle!! What would make a person do something so cold?

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

Moonchilde — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 04:27:19 GMT

I think you took her kind gesture in a way completely opposite to how she meant it - how sad (for her).

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

DoneTryin — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 04:29:29 GMT

Hmmmm, I don't interpret it that way at all. Of course I don't know either of you, so I can only speak for how something like that would be interpreted in my own family.

When the 2nd parent dies, the children are left to disperse & dispose of whatever that person had. Sorting photos & then sending them to the relatives we think would most like to have them would be exactly how we would handle it. Certainly more considerate to take the time & effort to do that than to just say "what the h***" & throw them away.

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

qbetzforreal — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 04:31:45 GMT

I think it was a nice gesture to share the family pictures with you. Not cold.

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

Mominohio — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 04:35:09 GMT

@Newgate

I'm sorry but I don't understand what is wrong here. It sounds like she was being nice and sharing. I have done the same thing, sending pictures from various photo albums I inherited. I believe in making sure that anyone who wants pictures or copies in our family get them, and often I send originals when there are many of one event or person.

Maybe I missed something in your OP.

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

wismiss — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 07:14:43 GMT

I believe your cousin had good intentions and maybe just didn't explain it thoroughly to your understanding. I am doing the same thing. My Mom passed away and has a lot of pictures of cousins--graduation, wedding, etc. There is only two nephews in our family and neither one is interested in the pictures. (I asked them.) I am going to work on sorting the pictures and asking the person if they would like them. I have talked to one cousin about this and she has one graduation picture but two children, so she is looking forward to receiving one so each of her children will have one.

When so many pictures are just tossed when someone passes, please be thankful that your cousin did not do that but chose to pass them on.

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

CatLoverDogsToo — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 07:25:17 GMT

I don't think she meant anything hurtful. She may have many copies of the pictures, as back in the day, there were negatives and people often had doubles and triples made. Also, she may have scanned the originals onto a CD. You won't know unless you ask. Prior good relationship probably indicates that she thought she was doing something nice.

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

Big Sister — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 08:11:04 GMT

Don't look for a problem that may not be there at all. I would accept them graciously and send her a thank you note. You are lucky to have the photos.

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

Pook — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 10:28:06 GMT

Back before instant pictures and digital cameras many often took several shots to make sure at least one turned out and this is probably why she sent you them. Don't understand why you find it disturbing.

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

goldensrbest — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 11:50:41 GMT

I think it was very nice of her,to send you the pictures,i would call her,and say thank you.

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

nomless — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 12:35:16 GMT

I certainly don't see how her gesture can be perceived as cold. She did a kind, thoughtful, and loving thing by sharing family treasures with you. That she did so means she very much considers you family, too. Call her and thank her and tell her how much you appreciate having the photos.

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

luvdoodles — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 12:38:28 GMT

I agree with the other posters here. I think you took this kind gesture the wrong way. I love seeing pic of the days gone by and my family history. I would treasure them if I were you. In fact I think you should call her and say thank you.

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

Krimpette — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 13:57:15 GMT

I'm another who must be missing something from the OP. Sounds like a lovely gesture to me. Not at all cold. What am I missing, OP?

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

Mom2Dogs — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 14:36:52 GMT

I totally agree with you...it was a KIND gesture.

@VCamp2748 wrote:
Hmmmm, I don't interpret it that way at all. Of course I don't know either of you, so I can only speak for how something like that would be interpreted in my own family.

When the 2nd parent dies, the children are left to disperse & dispose of whatever that person had. Sorting photos & then sending them to the relatives we think would most like to have them would be exactly how we would handle it. Certainly more considerate to take the time & effort to do that than to just say "what the h***" & throw them away.

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

GingerPeach — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 15:19:04 GMT

A nice gesture, I agree. And she sent you originals, making it even that much better for you.

Now if you want "cold," consider this.

One year my sister-in-law (who was married to my then-husband's brother, so we had the same last name) sent us a Christmas card. There was no hand-written signature, no listing of the first names of the family, just simply a printed "signature' saying "The XXX Family." I wanted to throw it away immediately.

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

Chrystaltree2 — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 15:22:27 GMT

She did a kind and generous and loving thing and OP, you managed to turn it inside out and you chose to turn a lovely thing into a bad thing. Are you always so ingracious? Did it occur to you that she might have sent the originals to you because she either kept copies for herself or has them on a CD or has them on her laptop? I say that because THAT is exactly the plan to do. I have our precious family photos that go back decades. I've been the caretaker of them since my mom and dad passed and; when I do put them on CD's for various family members; I will give the originals to my sister because she's "old school" and while she does have a computer, I'll let her decide how she wants to preserve the pictures. My sister will not be insulted, she will be grateful, I'm sure.

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

Newgate — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 15:45:55 GMT

Thanks to you all for giving me a different way to see it!! I should not have felt hurt by it!

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

RedTop — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 16:40:47 GMT

I'm sorry, but I do not see your cousins gesture in any other way than a wonderful gift. Your cousin may have scanned these pictures for herself, and stored the digital images, so that she has them still, and given you the actual pictures. Not everyone is into printing pictures, and having photo albums anymore. I think your cousin absolutely considers you family because of her sharing these most precious family memories with you. Enjoy the pictures, and thank your cousin for such a thoughtful, and precious gift.

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

Tinkrbl44 — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 17:02:08 GMT

@VCamp2748 wrote:
Hmmmm, I don't interpret it that way at all. Of course I don't know either of you, so I can only speak for how something like that would be interpreted in my own family.

When the 2nd parent dies, the children are left to disperse & dispose of whatever that person had. Sorting photos & then sending them to the relatives we think would most like to have them would be exactly how we would handle it. Certainly more considerate to take the time & effort to do that than to just say "what the h***" & throw them away.

That's exactly what I thought ..... she was cleaning house and didn't want to toss the photos so she passed them on the person she thought might appreciate the family history. It was a thoughtful gesture, IMO

Re: HARD TO FIGURE COUSIN!

chickenbutt — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 18:31:14 GMT

Of course i don't know her, but I have to agree with the others. I didn't even get the kind of vibe that you got from her sending the pictures.

I'd think that if she felt the way that you perceived, she would have just thrown them in the trash.