topic Re: Dilemma in Among Friends

Dilemma

OhioAngel — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 12:46:36 GMT

What do you do when a friend you have had for around 6 years doesnt keep in touch now? The situation is that we had not gotten together over the past 3 years, it was her not me. I wanted to and tried to set something up. She does have some health issues so I am very understanding of it. With texting and with facebook messages, we kept in touch. Over about the last 3 months she doesnt reply to my messages but she does post on facebook almost daily.

When the family lost their niece and an inlaw, I sent a message and a card. I heard nothing from her. I send some hello facebook message, thinking of you messages and more.

Finally I just stopped and left her alone and will wait to see if I hear from her. It has been about 3 months now.

Would you keep leaving her alone and wait too?

Re: Dilemma

Group 5 minus 1 — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 12:49:28 GMT

Hows about you call her and ACTUALLY SPEAK with her. She is probably sad and needs to speak to someone not a computer.

Re: Dilemma

haddon9 — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 12:52:06 GMT

I think you should try giving her a call too...at least just to say hello and see how she is doing. It could be that she's depressed with the pandemic and her health issues.

Re: Dilemma

OhioAngel — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 12:55:41 GMT

Well she has her husband and her kids. She doesnt talk on the phone, she doesnt like to and wont. So that is not an option or I would call. Thank you though.

Re: Dilemma

RetRN — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 13:00:24 GMT

I would leave her alone.

Re: Dilemma

Witchy Woman — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 13:02:31 GMT

@OhioAngel

I've had this happen over the years and decided that if people don't stay in touch, they simply don't want to.

Sometimes, you just never know why.

I have just let those folks go. Normally, I never hear from them again.

If you feel you've made a good faith effort to reach out to her, and she still remains silent, I would just drop it.

It's the same thing with couples. Once, I noticed the ONLY time we would get together with this one couple was when I called and made the first move.

Otherwise, we never saw them.

When I stopped calling, guess what? We never went out as a couple again. My husband stays in touch with the man as they are childhood friends, but we do not socialize.

Re: Dilemma

Xivambala — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 13:07:38 GMT

I would drop it and leave her alone. She clearly doesn't want your friendship any longer. I had a friend for a much longer period of time that just stopped communicating one day, so I decided to not bother anymore. They know where I am if they want to find me. I view this type of person as a coward if they cannot deal with a real relationship.

Re: Dilemma

ThinkingOutLoud — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 13:19:27 GMT

Keep reaching out!! Two thoughts come to mind:

~ When some people are going through a challenging time, they 'clam up' and are very careful about who/what they let in. Re: her posting on fb daily - she's in control and can choose what she posts, when and how long she's on there. Others messaging/posting isn't in her control and she may be wary of what others share so don't read any more into that. (I've never done much with fb but have done even less since mid-March bc I don't want to see all the possible junk).

~ Some types of people are naturally more introverted and even more so when dealing with difficulties but that doesn't mean they don't appreciate someone letting them know they'd like to connect (even just virtually).
Give her time but don't have expectations. It doesn't take much to send a happy text or post a funny meme and your efforts are probably more appreciated than you know (not only by her but by those who care about her as well).

Re: Dilemma

Anonymous032819 — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 13:10:55 GMT

Not all friendships are ment to last a lifetime.

I am reminded of a line from the movie "Stand By Me", where the character that Richard Dreyfus plays says at the end of the movie, "Some people drift in and out of your life, like busboys in a restaurant."

And that is so true .

This friendship has run its course.

Let her go, and move on with your life.

Re: Dilemma

NickNack — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 13:24:58 GMT

As hard as it is to lose a friend, I would definitely leave her alone. She's had plenty of opportunities to respond to your messages and has chosen to ignore them. I think she has let your friendship go.

Re: Dilemma

alicedee — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 13:25:58 GMT

I would send an occasional text or FB message and a Christmas card.

Not everyone has the same needs and expectations from relationships outside their immediate family. She may be depressed, have family or personal issues she is dealing with she doesn't want to share...who knows? I know for myself, when I have something going on, I don't feel like chatting....and I share with very few.

It's also possible something you said or did may have caused her to pull back. Again, who knows?

People sometimes just grow apart....doesn't mean they don't like each other anymore, just their lives are off in a different direction.

Re: Dilemma

jackthebear — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 13:51:38 GMT

@OhioAngel wrote:
What do you do when a friend you have had for around 6 years doesnt keep in touch now? The situation is that we had not gotten together over the past 3 years, it was her not me. I wanted to and tried to set something up. She does have some health issues so I am very understanding of it. With texting and with facebook messages, we kept in touch. Over about the last 3 months she doesnt reply to my messages but she does post on facebook almost daily.

When the family lost their niece and an inlaw, I sent a message and a card. I heard nothing from her. I send some hello facebook message, thinking of you messages and more.

Finally I just stopped and left her alone and will wait to see if I hear from her. It has been about 3 months now.

Would you keep leaving her alone and wait too?

leave it

she may be distancing from you for who knows what reason-- which it all probability has nothing to do with you as a person

or life gets in the way,

don't go looking for trouble

if you are you facebook, unfollow her posts so you won't see them all the time

Re: Dilemma

itsmagic — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 13:54:55 GMT

I would let it go too. I think you have given her a chance to interact and for whatever reason she doesn’t want to.

Re: Dilemma

qbetzforreal — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 13:58:39 GMT

Some people come and go. Let her and it go.

Re: Dilemma

Love my grandkids — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 15:21:27 GMT

@OhioAngel I agree with those who said drop it.

Friendships sometimes just die a natural death. She knows how to get in touch **if she wants to**. It's clear that she does not.

Stop worrying about it. The friendship is over.

Re: Dilemma

NicksmomESQ — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 15:39:05 GMT

That happened to me twice a couple of years ago.One friend I had for 30 years stopped e mailing me.We spent years emailing back & forth with an occasional phone call. She suddenly stopped.Never had an argument.I called her twice & left messages on her machine.She never called back.

I stopped emailing & calling.Never heard from her again.I recently found out through the grapevine that she was having an affair & left her husband.

Another friend I was e mailing with for years suddenly stopped too. After a few attempts at reaching out I let it go. After several months she reconnected with me to ask why I stopped e mailing her!! I told her my time was important & I wasn't going to chase after her. She apologized & we picked up where we left off.

My advice to you is to let it go. If you're important to her she'll reach out.If not she isn't worth your time.

Re: Dilemma

kaydee50 — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 15:39:48 GMT

Personally, I've just "deleted" from my email addresses several people I haven't heard from in months and/or years. Don't know why I kept them so long. It is liberating!

Re: Dilemma

LindaSal — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 16:35:08 GMT

I agree with those who said to leave her alone. Regardless of her life situation, which you don't even know if there is one, it can become bothersome to people. I know if I don't want to be bothered, the last thing I want is for someone to keep trying.......just let it be.

Re: Dilemma

hckynut — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 16:46:12 GMT

@OhioAngel

To answer your question, YES! I can relate directly to your situation with a close friend of mine since the 1960's. I worked with him and he also played for 4 decades in my adult hockey league.

We communicated primarily by phone because after he quit playing in my hockey league I did not see him very often. Didn't see him because he lives in another city in our state.

We always stayed in touch by calling each other, I did much of the calling to him. Our conversations were always an hour or more. The last time I called him we were in the middle of a conversation when he said "I've got another call, catch you later". That was over a year ago.

He uses only a cell phone and has changed numbers several times. When he moved to California it changed. When he moved to Florida it changed. When he moved back to Nebraska it changed. I have had the same land line number since 1972.

He does not know or care how to use a computer or any form of electronic communication. The telephone is it. Since his abrupt dismissal of me in our last call, to answer an obviously a more important call than mine, I have not heard from him since. I don't even know if he still lives in the state!

I have done all I intend to do, the ball/call is now in his court. "Whatever will be Will be". It's sad, but it is what it is!

hckynut 🏒

Re: Dilemma

Anonymous032819 — Wed, 26 Aug 2020 17:01:51 GMT

@qbetzforreal wrote:
Some people come and go. Let her and it go.

@qbetzforreal

Right you are.

Sometimes friends grow apart, because their lives go in different directions.