topic Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling. in Among Friends

Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

bonnielu — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 13:54:35 GMT

Being retired I no longer need many of my nice outfits. I am feeling a bit guilty having to DUMP them. In my search I also found other kind of things as in kitchen gadgets, and household items never used. Anyone have some suggestions for decluttering without guilt... and what to get rid of. My daughters, all four of them, DON'T WANT ANYTHING. NOTHING, NADA. That kind of hurts and I have heard from others I AM NOT ALONE.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

catwhisperer — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 13:58:28 GMT

I donate no longer needed items to charity. That way you are helping others in need. I'm sure someone would appreciate your items.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

Winkk — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 14:00:34 GMT

You are not alone. I declutter without any guilt what so ever. Like you I am retired and I just don't need as much stuff. I live with my daughter so I don't have any household items, they are all hers.

Nobody wants more stuff even if there might be a sentimental value to it, because one day they are going to have to get rid of it.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

evelyner — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 14:36:53 GMT

Think of who you are helping, and the guilt will go away. I put things in bags or boxes, and once I do that, I consider these things no longer mine, even before I take them away.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

Sooner — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 14:42:39 GMT

It is your stuff, you bought it, used it (or didn't) and paid for it. If you don't want it, throw it away. You have every right on earth to do that and not feel guilty.

IF it is something really nice and you WANT someone else to have it, donate it. Salvation Army has trucks in most areas that will come get it all boxed up and put on the porch.

I don't think anyone in this country should feel guilty about not donating something. I donate a lot and charities are FLOODED with things--especially clothing. SO if you don't want it, don't need a tax deduction, and it is making you feel burdened to have it:

T H R O W IT OUT!!!!!

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

nomless — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 14:52:17 GMT

Gosh, there's no reason for you to feel guilty about getting rid of things you don't need or want.

Can you explain further what you mean? Guilt is usually associated with doing something wrong. Why do you feel it's wrong to get rid of things you don't need and won't use? Please understand, I'm just puzzzled that decluttering would make you feel guilty and am trying to understand.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

Desertdi — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 14:56:21 GMT

Only guessing that the OP's daughters don't want her things. My own mother was very insulted that I wouldn't take her old clothes.....wrong size, wrong decade, etc. She felt that she was trying to "help" me, and I was ungrateful.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

OnlyShopsOnline — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 15:11:50 GMT

I can guarantee that once you have donated the items you no longer want, you won't give them a second thought.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

PhilaLady1 — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 15:27:10 GMT

Getting rid of clothes that no longer fit, or have had for a long time and there is nothing wrong with them or I am just tired or bored with it does make me feel guilty. Sometimes I buy clothing and then decide I don't like it and by then it is too late to return. I think it comes from growing up poor, well not actually poor but almost. I get ready to throw something out or donate, then I start thinking.... I paid good money for this, no buttons missing or no broken zipper, no rips, color not faded, not pilled, and on and on. Once in a while I will go through my closet and pull out a few items, and just mentally force myself to quickly bag them up and immediately get it out of my house and straight to the dumpster or donation bin. I need to strike fast while the "iron is hot".

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

goldensrbest — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 15:30:59 GMT

I find it a liitle tough,just throwing away items, that someone else could use, i would rather donate,and at least maybe some one would want it.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

Bayside — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 15:31:37 GMT

I just donated several boxes of clothing and small appliances to Purple Heart. I did feel some sentimental feelings at first; however, now, I just go through what I do not need and place in a box/plastic bag and out it goes.

I've grown to know that what I've donated will give some person/family a hand-up. Donating also relieves the anxiety I initially experienced when I was unwilling to let go of things I hadn't used in quite awhile. I don't miss the things I wore/used several years ago. I feel good about helping others.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

mousiegirl — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 15:47:51 GMT

Whatever it is I don't need nor want, I donate to Salvation Army, because they aren't as picky as other places, and appreciate everything that is usable. I only dontate perfectly good items, the rest I toss such as worn out cloithes, and crumy utensils, etc., go into the recycling bin as they are usually metal or plastic.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

henderson — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 16:01:30 GMT

I know someone whose mother-in-law just passed away at 76 and had a 3330 sq ft home filled as well, as storage sheds and a motor home. I saw pictures as they were trying to sell things from the house. Tons of decor items, dolls, bar & accessories, craft items, 6 crockpots -- you get the idea. They had to clean and get ready to price everything (although an estate company could do that, but take a great percentage.) She only has one son. Well, I've stopped buying things for the house and trying to get rid of duplicate items so my son will not have to deal with what this couple is going through. Our house is a lot smaller. My sister is trying to get our 96 yr old mom to go thru the garage with her, but she is fighting her tooth and nail. My mom is just hanging onto stuff that nobody wants. We owe to our families to do this and give them something special you own now if they want it. It's just stuff. I've already got a pile of stuff for the local Rescue Mission.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

Havarti — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 16:03:14 GMT

I totally relate to your situation. I have been working on myself and my “stuff” for a while now. After initially feeling guilty- I realized that GUILT was exactly what was slowing me down from moving forward. Once I acknowledged to myself that I had already lost the money and finding the items a new home where they would be used and enjoyed was not costing me anything more and was potentially helping someone else it made it easier to let go. It took time to get there so don’t beat yourself up about it. I even tended to hand onto things I knew I would never use but they were sentimental and yet no one I knew wanted them. It took more time to realize the memories were what was special – not the item – and the memories will be with me long after the item is being enjoyed by someone else.

Little revelations make it easier to make progress and once the stuff is gone you have so much more space and can get to the things you actually use and enjoy on a regular basis. We change through our lives and our need for things changes, too. Your one time treasures are now just taking up space and preventing full enjoyment of your home and the other things you do use. It is time to ENJOY…so let go of what you can and then repeat the process in a year and let go of some more.Don't beat yourself up over it...it is a process and takes time. It didn;t all get there in one day and it won't all go out in one day.

Because letting go of things is a problem for me, I found that I work better in short spurts rather than hours of deep cleaning – that proved overwhelming because of the decisions that were hard for me to make. The book I found most helpful was 10-Minute Declutter: The Stress-Free Habit for Simplifying Your Home – I got it on Amazon for Kindle for $2.99 and it helped me more than any other book on the subject. Best $2.99 I’ve spent!

Good luck and know you are not alone.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

Another new name Sue — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 16:03:52 GMT

Don't feel bad! Choose a thrift shop which means something to you (supports local charitable organizations, for example). No sense in keeping things you have no use for. I know my kids don't want my stuff, so if it's no longer of any use to me, it goes to the thrift shop.

If we pile up stuff, stuff, stuff, in the end it becomes a horrible burden for our spouse or kids. Do eveyone a favor and keep the collection under control. It's a wonderful thing to do for your family.

If there are items that are special to you, do what I did: lay them all out on a table and take a photo of them. Then take them to find a new home.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

Mz iMac — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 16:05:57 GMT

@bonnielu wrote:
Anyone have some suggestions for decluttering without guilt... and what to get rid of.
Everything that you have not used or worn in over a year!

My daughters, all four of them, DON'T WANT ANYTHING. NOTHING, NADA. That kind of hurts and I have heard from others I AM NOT ALONE.
To tell you the truth, I don't want any hand me downs from my mother either. Different generation & different styles. However, I would not turn down her fur coats!!!!
I know for a fact, my daughter would turn her nose up at any clothes items I offered. The only thing she did accept were my Coach briefcases which I have had for eons.

When I retired, I immediately gave away all my powersuits, shoes, etc to the Salvation Army.

When I moved 3 yrs ago, I had to downsize (still downsizing). The Salvation Army truck is at my complex once a month!

I have 3 more boxes to empty. No need for the SA truck this time around. Those items are going straight to the trash.

Guilty? Why should you be?????

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

ChynnaBlue — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 16:08:04 GMT

@bonnielu wrote:
Being retired I no longer need many of my nice outfits. I am feeling a bit guilty having to DUMP them. In my search I also found other kind of things as in kitchen gadgets, and household items never used. Anyone have some suggestions for decluttering without guilt... and what to get rid of. My daughters, all four of them, DON'T WANT ANYTHING. NOTHING, NADA. That kind of hurts and I have heard from others I AM NOT ALONE.

Please don't be hurt by this. Remember, you're getting rid of it because you don't want it anymore, so why be hurt when someone else doesn't want it, either? You're trying to get out from under too much stuff and clutter, which is awesome, but passing it on to a loved one so that she ends up with too much stuff is not awesome. I have a friend who has hosted a few garage sales and has been upset when I didn't buy any of her things. I have my own problem with too much stuff, so the last thing I need is to bring the unwanted things of other people into my home. Please don't be offended by your daughters minding their own stuff situations and not taking on your stuff as well as their own.

And yes, as others have said, don't toss it out, donate it.

I feel guilty about having stuff I never use and keeping it around where its potential is wasted. I absolutely do NOT feel guilty about giving it away to Goodwill, where someone who can use it might find it and be thrilled to have it.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

millieshops — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 16:17:33 GMT

I actually feel good about getting rid of "stuff,"

In the past several years, I've curtailed all kinds of buying in favor of using what I already owned and I've certainly gotten rid of lots of clutter that way - cosmetics, clothes, etc.

As for things I can't use up, I've donated lots of objects that I just know I will no longer use. I did try consigning some of the newer and better things, but ended up donating because that's just so much faster and easier --and it's not up to me to make any decision except that I no longer want what I donate. If it can't be sold, someone else decides the next step.

Do I feel guilty? - no way. I've lived alone for years and years and at some point someone will have to clean up after me. No matter how much I get rid of along the wat, there will be more to do than my distant relatives should have to do, but I'm not even feeling guilty about that. I've been in their shoes and know those who do that "family work" can chose to feel good about what they do or chose to feel burdened, but it's their choice to make, not mine.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

RedTop — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 16:25:09 GMT

I started decluttering my house 3 years ago while recovering from knee replacement, and am still tossing stuff. Letting go of good stuff can be hard, due to the fact you still look at it as being in good shape, and usable by someone. You'd feel better letting go of it if you gave it to someone close to you----which is exactly how I wound up with the majority of the stuff I am now letting go of! I donated all of those items to Union Mission, and that made me feel good. I did give gently used items to friends who were looking for what I was getting rid of, but for the most part, I tossed and never gave it a second thought.

For many years, I took "stuff" from my grandmother, aunt, MIL, and others, "because they wanted me to have it". Then, all those people died, and I was involved in clearing out their homes, which resulted in me bringing more of their stuff home with me. I literally stuffed my house with other people's sentimental stuff, plus continued to accumulate more of my own stuff. Since I am a very organized and neat person, you could come to my house and never realize every drawer was full, and every closet packed, but I knew, and it bothered me.

I have watched enough shows about hoarding to realize you don't just swoop in and clear out all the stuff; people have to deal with their emotional attachment to the stuff for the clean up to be successful. So before I even started tossing, I processed this job emotionally. It was easy to sort thru kitchen drawers, toss magazines, get rid of clothing, and garage clutter. I still have the very special items; like the leather purse my grandmother carried on her wedding day in 1922, but I let go of her broken rocking chair, because I have the memory of being rocked in her arms while she sang Rock of Ages and other hymns to me. I am using Papaws desk every day, my aunts knick knack shelf holds all of my cookbooks, and my MIL's lazy susan has a prominent place in my newly updated kitchen.

I am clearing my house to make things easier for my family someday. I don't want to saddle my girls with meaningless stuff, but am making them aware of the history of the items that are important to me. Since retirement, my casual work wardrobe has become my casual clothing for around the house. I wear it out and then toss it out. I say repeatedly that I do not sweat the small stuff, which is even more true with letting go of the mental weight of the stuff that surrounded me every day of my life. I guarantee you will feel so much better when you start letting go of your stuff.

Re: Getting rid of "stuff" and guilty feeling.

catwhisperer — Mon, 23 Nov 2015 16:26:44 GMT

@henderson...been there, done that with relatives. My inlaws were borderline hoarders and it made my life h*ll when they passed away, dealing with getting rid of all the stuff. It was overwhelming.