topic Re: Friends - Are you a good friend? in Among Friends

Friends - Are you a good friend?

AngelPuppy1 — Mon, 04 May 2020 11:12:31 GMT

Since I think we all have a lot more time to think these days, I was just thinking of this -

Am I good friend? Then, I thought I'd ask you ---- are YOU a good friend? If so, WHY are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend?

And, also, when you think of a very good friend that you have, what is the quality(ies) that she/he has that means so much to you?

I feel I am a good friend. I hope that anyone I am friends with would say -- she is my friend because she listens, she is non-judgmental, is truthful, kind and loyal.

In return, this is what I need in a good friend. I have had what I thought were good friendships go sour because they only wanted to talk about themselves -- never had time to listen to me, and if I did get a chance to tell them something that hurt me badly or that I needed advice on, they were not supportive and were very judgmental.

I don't think a person has to have a lot of good friends (although that's great) -- so it's not always the quanity, but the quality.

Thanks for your thougts and posts.

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

godi — Mon, 04 May 2020 12:25:39 GMT

I am a very giving person, I notice when someone needs a kind word a hug. I am always smiling and try to convey that daily. I really don't have any close friends I have acquaintances. I am always here when anyone needs me. So, what does this make me? Not sure but I try. ❤️🙏

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

AngelPuppy1 — Mon, 04 May 2020 13:58:09 GMT

@godi

You sound like the type of person I, and many others, would love to have as a friend! As I say in my older years, --- it is their loss, and they don't know what they are missing! It took me a long time to realize the difference between acquaintances and true friends. Once you get this sorted out, it's so much easier! Being disappointed over and over again is hard, but it really does make us stronger and appreicate the true friend(s) we do have. The qualities you described are what the world needs more of! Thank you for your kind reply!

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

CherryHugs — Mon, 04 May 2020 14:01:57 GMT

I consider myself a good friend. I dont judge, argue, and I am a loyal friend and caring, kind, trustworthy

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

on the bay — Tue, 05 May 2020 09:51:12 GMT

@AngelPuppy1 -

I think you put it in words that explain a good friendship very well.

I think of a friend when people care about each other through thick and thin, between themselves and the world.

Encouraging and letting each other know you each are valued and loved.

Yes, loyalty because you care about each other and believe in each other.

And kindness, empathy, compassion these have become one of the most important qualities in someone to me.

And there is always that indefineable quality, that "kindred spirit" that draws each together, whether its a shared love of animals,

a shared passion about something, a great sense of humor, a wonderful capacity to listen to your problems as well as share theirs.

To "share each others joys and sorrows," as my wise daughter has said.

My children and my mother are my best friends but I'm also thinking of the few others who have these many qualities.

Some friends are there for maybe a "season" (as a friend so wisely stated), and some for a lifetime.

Like in that childhood song-

"Make new friends,

but keep the old.

One is silver

and the other's gold."

And I think many of us would be true friends here in real life.

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

hckynut — Mon, 04 May 2020 14:32:52 GMT

@AngelPuppy1

Friendships to me go both directions by reciprocation. I have lots of "friends", but only a few I consider to be "good friends". Each person has their own criteria when it comes to people they know when it comes to the words "good friend". Mine is pretty simple.

hckynut 🏒

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

godi — Mon, 04 May 2020 21:22:03 GMT

@AngelPuppy1 Thank you for your sweet reply. I didn't realize how much I needed that. ❤️

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

AngelPuppy1 — Tue, 05 May 2020 07:41:52 GMT

@CherryHugs

You sound like a very good friend!

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

AngelPuppy1 — Tue, 05 May 2020 07:44:13 GMT

@on the bay

A great reply. Thank you!! I love the picture! My mother was my best friend -- I miss her so much. I agree with you also when you said some friends were just there for a season -- I think they weren't meant to be there forever, but just during a particular time of need!

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

AngelPuppy1 — Tue, 05 May 2020 07:47:36 GMT

@hckynut

Yes, how true! It's not really a true frienship unless the loyalties, considerations, respect, time spent, etc. are reciprocated. Real friends or good friends, as you put it, sometimes hard to find, but when you find it, it's simple and you know it right off!

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

AngelPuppy1 — Tue, 05 May 2020 07:48:20 GMT

@godi

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

ECBG — Tue, 05 May 2020 19:02:37 GMT

@AngelPuppy1 @on the bay I think you girls have come up with the best description between the two of you.

Kahlil Gilbran on Friendship.

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

AngelPuppy1 — Wed, 06 May 2020 11:33:19 GMT

@ECBG

That is so beautiful ---- thank you!!!

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

haddon9 — Wed, 06 May 2020 11:50:33 GMT

I consider myself to be a good friend...I'll listen and offer what I can when times are tough and enjoy sharing when times are good.

This topic reminds me of a conversation that I had recently with a friend. This was back in early April. She was complaining about her hair and told me that as soon as her salon was open she would be going. She had an appointment for early May. Because she couldn't drive (a temporary current issue) another friend offered to take her.

I commented my surprise about the friend driving her. She said that her friend was a good friend and she would do the same for her. I felt like I was basically being told that I wasn't a good friend but under the circumstances I feel that driving a friend to get their hair done would be too much of a risk right now even if salons are allowed to open. I would do what I can for a friend but not risk my or DH's life so a friend can get her hair done...my vent!

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

ECBG — Wed, 06 May 2020 17:47:21 GMT

@AngelPuppy1 His small book The Prophet is amazing and has been quoted for decades.

The "story" is about a prophet that is leaving and the people ask him about various parts of life. Each part is a 2-3 page chapter.

This book has been gifted to graduates for years. I would never be without its inspiration.

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

embgm — Thu, 07 May 2020 03:42:16 GMT

@haddon9 wrote:
I consider myself to be a good friend...I'll listen and offer what I can when times are tough and enjoy sharing when times are good.

This topic reminds me of a conversation that I had recently with a friend. This was back in early April. She was complaining about her hair and told me that as soon as her salon was open she would be going. She had an appointment for early May. Because she couldn't drive (a temporary current issue) another friend offered to take her.

I commented my surprise about the friend driving her. She said that her friend was a good friend and she would do the same for her. I felt like I was basically being told that I wasn't a good friend but under the circumstances I feel that driving a friend to get their hair done would be too much of a risk right now even if salons are allowed to open. I would do what I can for a friend but not risk my or DH's life so a friend can get her hair done...my vent!

It's your friend not being a good friend for-putting someone to drive her in harms way for such a menial reason.

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

haddon9 — Thu, 07 May 2020 03:51:34 GMT

@embgm I feel that way too.

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

AngelPuppy1 — Thu, 07 May 2020 11:08:39 GMT

@haddon9

I really understand what you mean! I feel also that offering support and doing what you can is being a good friend. However, if you feel that something is detrimental or harmful, then I feel it is a duty of a good friend to say something or try to prevent it. Sometimes being a good friend might mean not saying or doing what a person wants to hear or do, but what a person needs to have or hear!

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

AngelPuppy1 — Thu, 07 May 2020 11:09:36 GMT

@ECBG

Thank you for suggesting this. I will look this up --- most appreciative!!!

Re: Friends - Are you a good friend?

RedTop — Thu, 07 May 2020 16:28:50 GMT

I think so, and have been told so.

My friends are easy to maintain relationships with, as everyone is very independent and views friendship as a connection, not a crutch.

No one is clingy or needy, no one whines, no one needs a shopping buddy, etc. Everyone is good with a quick call, text or email, or an occasional birthday lunch. None of my friends are looking for that teenage friend connection.