topic Re: Suggestions please, in a bind in Among Friends

Suggestions please, in a bind

mintedrose — Wed, 19 Feb 2020 09:17:46 GMT

Im in a dilema and am hoping that some of you can help me sort this out.

We are planning to move out of state. We put most of our stuff in the storage last year in March and downsized to a smaller place where we planned on being at for only 4 months. That 4 months has now turned into a year because DH job didnt come through as expected. He is still looking for another job and the process is taking longer. Its very very frustrating for both of us because it could take 1 month, 3 months, 6 months I dont know.... Both of us are getting so upset and impatient, as we've been living out of our suitcases for a year and are crammed right now. Not only is Our quality of life is non existant, huge parts of our lives is on hold. Im at my wits and I want us to move forward already. Imagine being in a waiting room unable to go anywhere or do anythiing because at any time you may get called. Its beyond irritating!!! Another reason I need to move is that Ive started a mba program out there which is online and doesnt really require for me to be there however, I am missing out on important career events, networking, community which I had been really looking forward to. So, in a nutshell Im stuck waiting here for DH to find a job. I also think that its going against DH job prospects considering that he's all the way here. If he was local, he may be able to get more interviews.

What would be the best way to move?

Ideally we want to buy a house as soon as the job worked out because we've been renting for the last 6 years which was not fun. ;( Now we really would like to own our own home.

My options are these: We move out there, get a short term furnished corporate rental or air bnb for a month or two then rent a house or buy a house? Problem is most furnished places dont accept pets (we have a cat) and are limited on location, inventory and dates.

If we rent a house, the problem is most require at least a year lease whereas we dont know our time frame. Another Problem is that we would have to pay the cost of moving all our furniture cross country. If DH had a job they would cover those costs.

We absolutley do not want to live in a long stay hotel. We're already in one right now and I do not want us get stuck like this again.

Id love to have some of your input as Im at a loss for finding a solution.

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

Lilysmom — Wed, 19 Feb 2020 10:41:21 GMT

@mintedrose , I was in limbo while we were building our home. I had sold my house but the new one wasn't ready for five months. I had a pet also, a Lab. I had some furniture in three places...most with a moving company stored, some in self storage and some with us.

Can you look for a place that rents month to month? With a pet it is difficult. Can someone take your cat for awhile?

My best advice is to have the mindset that things will be uncertain for the next six months. Try to establish a routine in this new scenario and go with the flow. I wouldn't be moving to a new location without a job or be buying a home until I was more certain of the future.

I am like you. I need to feel established in a place to move forward. Take the time without the commitments of owning a home to get out and get involved in things.

Sending you and your DH the best wishes in your job and educational pursuits. LM

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

violann — Wed, 19 Feb 2020 11:32:14 GMT

I think you need to be thinking of your present situation as no more than a means to an end, and therefore, stay put in your present situation, ESPECIALLY if it also happens to be the cheapest, and KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE.

The temporary inconvenience and dis comfort is just that- TEMPORARY.

Living within the present, where you are, will make your future emerge as sweeter, and more deliberate and purposed.

Hoping, with fingers crossed, that DH's search proves fruitful sooner than any later!

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

Shanus — Fri, 21 Feb 2020 17:36:14 GMT

@mintedrose Obviously, DH is your only income if you're working on MBA, right? If you move, no income...I'm presuming. Looks like a "grin and bear it" situation to me. It can't be the best scenario, I agree. Being in limbo is tough and takes a toll on the relationship.

I'd say you need to wait, frustrating as it is, until the job comes through.

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

alicedee — Wed, 19 Feb 2020 12:58:09 GMT

I'm a bit confused, @mintedrose . What do you mean when you say you want to move "out there" ? Is that where your husband is applying for jobs, or where you want to be networking?

I had a time in my marriage where we lived in different cities....he took a new job and stayed with a relative, I stayed with the kids in our house until it sold. When we all moved we rented for 6 months to figure out where we wanted to buy.....I had to leave my kitty with my sister for that period, as the rental said no pets.

A lot of couples have to deal with these sorts of things....it's tough, but you do what you have to, and what is best for your family.

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

qualitygal — Wed, 19 Feb 2020 13:04:49 GMT

Find a furnished apt. to rent for up to that year. You go out and get a job and bring some cash in. In one year, you can move on if he finds a job, get the stuff out of storage, and maybe even move into a house you've bought. You've made it this far, hold off for one more year and see what's what at the end of that year. The year will pass no matter what you are doing. Build slowly to make good decisions and see how things go. One step at a time. Good luck.

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

Sweetbay magnolia — Wed, 19 Feb 2020 15:08:30 GMT

If you haven't already, I'd check out the supply of houses on the market in the area you'd like to move to. See how fast they're moving, that kind of thing. Finding (and buying) can be a challenge. It's just one part of the equation to factor in.

It's like dominoes and algebra 2 all rolled into one. Good luck!

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

chrystaltree — Wed, 19 Feb 2020 15:17:55 GMT

You don't want to compound your mistakes and make your situation worse. I think you have to take things slow and one step at a time. Don't make assumptions about jobs and how long things will take, breathe and live in the movement. When You are applying for jobs, especially out of state jobs, no one knows how long it will take to get a interview, much less a job offer. If you what state you want to move to and if it's possible, your husband's job hunt will be easier if you move there now. That way he will be local, many jobs prefer local candidates. It's easier to set up interviews and many employers prefer giving jobs to live locally because that supports the local economy, builds communities etc. My advice is...move and let your husband continue his job search. As for buying a home, don't be in such a rush. Getting a job does not mean it will be the right job for him or that the job will work for him. Let him get the job and give it a year before you consider buying. During that year, you can get to explore the area. Visit different towns and neighborhoods, get the feel of where you want to live. Spend your weekends exploring. After a year, when you know what town or area you want to live in, they look for a place to buy. Also, that works for the lease issue. You can find a comfortable apartment with room to live and sign a one year lease. You won't be under pressure to get out.

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

Laura14 — Wed, 19 Feb 2020 15:21:06 GMT

I would lease the house and buy cheap furniture that can be sold or donated once you get to your permanent place. All you probably need is a real bed and a sofa and maybe a tv or two.

All leases have termination fees so don't let that stop you. I always ask upfront if 'life happens' and I need to go what's the penalty? Probably wouldn't tell the landlord your exact situation because they usually look for stable long term tenants and you don't want to limit your options. The way you've been going you just may renew that lease. Hope not but don't limit yourself.

Good Luck!

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

Financialgrl — Thu, 20 Feb 2020 15:51:43 GMT

My sister/BIL are going thru this now. They sold their large family home and found one they loved. Their area has a very hot RE market and they lost that one to multiple offers. They thought they'd like to rent a house for 3 years till they can retire and then move to SC but there are little to no rentals of any kind where they live.

Having to make quick decisions now means they'll hate whatever they do till they leave in 3 years.

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

Anonymous032819 — Thu, 20 Feb 2020 16:16:41 GMT

I knew that your problem sounded familiar.

You've had problems moving before.

https://community.qvc.com/t5/Among-Friends/In-a-dilemma-need-some-advice-from-friends/m-p/5280324#M309548

I would suggest just renting.

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

mintedrose — Thu, 20 Feb 2020 23:26:31 GMT

@Anonymous032819 Yes, thank you for remembering! We've been stuck in this rental situation unfortunatley for a very long time in general, hence the frustration. Last year we moved out and found a short term rental hoping to be just for a few months but its where we are stuck now. Its exactly why im hesitant to put ourself in it again by renting.

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

AuntG — Thu, 20 Feb 2020 23:38:42 GMT

A year seems like a long time, but your DH needs to get the job first. Patience is needed and then you'll have an opportunity to fulfill your dreams.

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

september — Thu, 20 Feb 2020 23:52:37 GMT

@mintedrose

I'm in your situation, in some ways. Most of my household goods are in storage, while I wait for my future home to be built.

at first, I looked for a short term, furnished rental. Just a small place like this could have cost $6000/month in this area. There wasn't even anything available within a 30 minute drive of where I need to be based

what I ended up doing, was renting a one bedroom apartment and paying $500/month added charge because I asked for a six month lease, as opposed to the typical one year lease. Ask...this might be available for you.

my furnishings came from holiday sales and/or the nearby consignment store. Still less expensive in the long run, than paying $6000/month.

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

Drythe — Fri, 21 Feb 2020 01:42:22 GMT

@mintedrose

Sorry, I remember that you thought this was going to be a temporary move. Is this the same location you were shooting for a year ago?

If so, I’m pretty sure I would be READY TO GO! You can surely find work, continue your on-line courses, and certainly participate in more networking than you can from a distance.

Does your DH know WHY the previous position did not work out? Does he have a solid agreement that one is in the works for him, SOON? Is there a possibility for him to take a part-time position with his company in the place of choice while he waits for the full-time one? Without any of these agreements, it seems that you have put much time and trust in this job with no rewards to speak of.

You don’t mention human family in the area, or other ties, so I would plan to both start seriously looking for work ‘there’. Unless you have pretty substantial savings, and an established career path in the new location, home purchasing doesn’t seem to be in the immediate future. So, I would also plan to look for a cat safe, rental home for all of you once you both have employment. Deciding about Moving your furniture can wait until you know how much space you have.

*** You seem to have a bit of analysis paralysis, lots of what ifs, but really, not much can happen until you find work for one, or even both of you in the chosen location.

Good Luck!

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

SunSprite — Fri, 21 Feb 2020 10:11:49 GMT

@mintedrose wrote:

If we rent a house, the problem is most require at least a year lease whereas we dont know our time frame. Another Problem is that we would have to pay the cost of moving all our furniture cross country. If DH had a job they would cover those costs.

You mention above that renting in the new location might be an issue because you don't know your time frame. Wouldn't you at that point be determining your time frame? You move to potential job location, rent a home and sign a lease, then stay there for a year. If everything works out with the job then after a year you buy your home. If it doesn't you rent again for another year.

You might have to pay to move your furniture but your alternative is to keep paying for a long stay hotel and paying for furniture storage all while being miserable. I would think at some point $$ will have to become a factor. ?

Someone else mentioned the point about your husband receiving more job interviews if he had a local address. I wholeheartedly agree with that. Anyone that does any hiring probably has a couple of stories to share about long distance hiring. I struck out three times with hiring candidates from long distances; one applicant changed their minds and decided not to move and the other two couldn't sell their homes and wanted an indefinite start date in the future. I could not push back a start date indefinitely. Consequently I no longer consider out of state applicants.

(the positions I am hiring for though are not six figure type jobs, so maybe that makes a difference)

Best of luck!

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

Mj12 — Fri, 21 Feb 2020 16:25:43 GMT

We have been in temporary limbo in the past due to Army move delays. It is extremely stressful and I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

Are you positive your DH's new job will pay to relocate? It's not always a given, usually unless a company is making a current employee relocate. If that isn't definite, I would suggest moving now - for both of you. His job prospects will be much better when he is a local candidate. Good luck!

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

Q-Checker — Fri, 21 Feb 2020 16:33:19 GMT

Maybe YOU could get a job and put your MBA on hold for a while? Or do I misunderstand your marriage contract?

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

occasionalrain — Sat, 22 Feb 2020 02:52:38 GMT

Unless your furniture is expensive, unique, irreplaceable, it will cost more than it's worth to have it transported across the country so sell it instead of continuing to waste money on storage. More to the chosen location, rent an apartment, and buy inexpensive furniture online that has free delivery.

What you're doing now could go indefinitely, so cut your loss and stop waiting on hold.

Re: Suggestions please, in a bind

mintedrose — Sat, 22 Feb 2020 08:30:17 GMT

@SunSprite Its not that simple. What I meant by time frame is that we wanna buy a house asap, we dont want to rent for long so that being said, we dont know when we'll find the right house for us. Most homes are selling like hot cakes where we're looking so its uncertain if we get it. People are putting in bids for homes. If we sign a year lease and find a house in 3-6 months then we'll be stuck paying till the end of the lease because most land lords wont allow to break it, if they do then we'll still have to pay until they get the place rented. I agree that being local is the best case scenario.