topic Re: Sadden and Angered in Among Friends

Sadden and Angered

Allegheny — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 21:58:36 GMT

Upon existing our local grocery store today DH and I noticed an elderly gentleman in the parking lot about 20 feet away waving to us to get our attention. I opened the window and he came over. He told us he needed to get back to Pittsburgh. Well Pittsburgh is 30 miles away. After more conversation we realized this poor soul had dementia. He knew his name but had no other ID. He was totally lost as to how he got there, who he was with, the car he came in.

My DH went back into the store to ask customer service to call the police. While he was asking, a woman standing in the same area heard him and said, "Oh, he's with me." "I just stopped pick up a few things, and I'm waiting to get get some lottery tickets." My DH told her. "No, you need to get out there now, he's wandering around the parking lot. You can stop for those tickets later." She apparently was a hired in home caregiver.

I realize she is more familiar with him then we, but it angered both DH and I that she left him alone. He was so confused and I felt so badly for him. According to another woman nearby he had been approaching people for probably 10 minutes. It saddened me that no one else bothered to try to interact with him and just walked away.

Re: Sadden and Angered

SeaMaiden — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 22:06:17 GMT

Oh my😳

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Pearlee — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 22:06:56 GMT

Your story reminds me of the time my mother's home care helper (my mother had dementia) was supposed to be in the bathroom with my mother when she showered to make sure my mother didn't fall, and instead went into the kitchen to chat with my sister who was making a meal. My sister told the caregiver's company she never wanted that person caring for my mother again. And rightly so.

There are probably a lot of these stories. A lot of those home health care givers aren't paid very well, which affects the quality of people hired.

Re: Sadden and Angered

kitcat51 — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 22:07:23 GMT

Where the police called? If not, did you write down the license plate number & report the incident? His family should know what happened so they can decide if they need to find another caregiver. If she was caring for my loved one she'd be reported & fired.

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Hoovermom — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 22:07:41 GMT

Hurts my heart.

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Allegheny — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 22:19:20 GMT

@kitcat51 wrote:
Where the police called? If not, did you write down the license plate number & report the incident? His family should know what happened so they can decide if they need to find another caregiver. If she was caring for my loved one she'd be reported & fired.

Unfortunately no. I told DH we should have just called the police instead of him going into the store, he did not have his cell phone on him. When the caregiver came outside the store and approached "John", my husband had gotten into our car and motioned me to follow. @kitcat51 I really regret that we did not think fast enough to get her license plate number.

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Leggett28 — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 22:22:40 GMT

So sad. Sounds like she is doing everything but her job.

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threecees — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 22:49:42 GMT

She is more concerned about the lottery tickets than the poor man.

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SandySparkles — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 22:50:38 GMT

It might just be that she is familiar with his" behaviors" and felt comfortable that he would not stray far during her time in the store. Having said that, it is inexcusable that she did not feel a greater sense of responsibility for her client. Sadly, this type of scenario happens all the time to some of our most vulnerable citizens. My prayers are for each of them, but for different reasons.

~~~All we need is LOVE💖

Re: Sadden and Angered

kitcat51 — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 22:53:16 GMT

@Allegheny wrote:
@kitcat51 wrote:
Where the police called? If not, did you write down the license plate number & report the incident? His family should know what happened so they can decide if they need to find another caregiver. If she was caring for my loved one she'd be reported & fired.
Unfortunately no. I told DH we should have just called the police instead of him going into the store, he did not have his cell phone on him. When the caregiver came outside the store and approached "John", my husband had gotten into our car and motioned me to follow. @kitcat51 I really regret that we did not think fast enough to get her license plate number.

I'm just sitting in my chair so it's easy for me to think about that now..both of you were busy helping him & THANK YOU for getting involved. Sure wish there was a way his family could know, that non caregiver deserves the boot.

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RedTop — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 00:18:44 GMT

Sadly, sooo many people do not recognize the face of dementia. I feel sure most everyone thought this man was asking for money, like many do in a grocery store parking lot, and no one really took time to realize there was a medical issue.

Sometimes it takes a long time for us to “see” early signs of dementia in those we love. Often, there’s a lot more to it than “that’s just how she is; she’s always had her quirks”. We can watch our loved one function perfectly normal in their home, but until they get lost driving or wander away, make strange phone calls, tell an off the wall story that they fully believe, become more argumentative with everyone, or do something extremely shocking, we do not always notice the subtle changes in their brains.

My mom was diagnosed with dementia 2 years ago, and seems to be near the end of mid-stage. She still thinks she is perfectly fine, but my mom no longer knows to take an Aleve for her arthritis pain; she has to be reminded. However, she knows to take her 3 daily meds, because that is a routine function. My mom looks fine; she is neat and clean, her house is neat and clean, laundry is done, nothing smells, no evidence of anything scorched or burned (she smokes like a chimney), and I don’t find weird things in odd places. However, the dementia advances, and my brothers and I are just waiting for the sign that moves her into an advanced stage, so we know what to do next.

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ellaphant — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 00:27:57 GMT

@SandySparkles wrote:
It might just be that she is familiar with his" behaviors" and felt comfortable that he would not stray far during her time in the store. Having said that, it is inexcusable that she did not feel a greater sense of responsibility for her client. Sadly, this type of scenario happens all the time to some of our most vulnerable citizens. My prayers are for each of them, but for different reasons.

~~~All we need is LOVE💖

WHAT are you thinking??? 'he might not stray'?????? Police should have been called and so should the family of that man. That 'caretaker' and /or her company should be held accountable.

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BirkiLady — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 00:38:49 GMT

@Allegheny Thank you for helping that gentleman. Ten minutes is a long time to be outside, alone and so confused. He certainly deserves a better caregiver than he currently has.

Hopefully, this incident will help her realize his life was in danger while her priority was a lottery card. You've done the most helpful thing by keeping him safe.

With any luck, other witnesses may have taken down her license number and someone will contact the police. Frustrating, however, that you'll never know the result and/or what happens to him.

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blackhole99 — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 00:55:43 GMT

@Pearlee wrote:
Your story reminds me of the time my mother's home care helper (my mother had dementia) was supposed to be in the bathroom with my mother when she showered to make sure my mother didn't fall, and instead went into the kitchen to chat with my sister who was making a meal. My sister told the caregiver's company she never wanted that person caring for my mother again. And rightly so.
There are probably a lot of these stories. A lot of those home health care givers aren't paid very well, which affects the quality of people hired.

I would never hire a care giver from a company that does not pay their employees well. You can usually tell when you interview these people what their commitment to the job is. If the care giver is neglecting a loved one in your presence what are they doing when you are not there! Very scary situation, I pity that poor old guy.

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1Snickers — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 01:02:43 GMT

Poor man! I hope his family will know about this and will hire another caregiver! She should be reported. I'm glad you and your husband came along an helped, Bless you!

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Leggett28 — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 01:03:31 GMT

This post has been on my mind all afternoon. I’m very sensitive about this condition, my mother in law had Alzheimer’s. Before she passed it was hell on earth for her and everyone around her. Wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

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Drlinda — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 02:22:04 GMT

My duh hired a caregiver for his mother with dementia. Caregiver took her to her bank and withdrew $2,000. By the time they got home no one could find the money. No more helpful home caregivers for us.

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Kalli — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 04:13:38 GMT

@Allegheny , it was a very kind and compassionate thing you did, to get involved like that. You just may have saved that man’s life! In ten minutes he could’ve wandered off and gotten lost and died. Stories with this outcome have been on the news. Seriously, that caregiver should be fired.

My elderly mom who had dementia wandered away from my dad a few times. Those were the scariest moments of my life! It was obvious Dad couldn’t take care of Mom anymore as her situation had become too much of a challenge. I retired earlier than planned after the third time Mom wandered off. My sister, brother and I, in addition to a daytime caregiver, took turns helping Dad so he could keep her home with him a little longer. It became a 24/7 job. Someone had to watch her every single moment.

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Lindsays Grandma — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 04:23:38 GMT

Stories like this one make me very angry. People entrust a loved one to a person who is being paid to make sure that person is safe and being well taken care of. If it is someone who has dementia the family has no idea if their loved one is indeed getting the care they need. Of course all of us would be furious to find out our loved one is not receiving proper care and no doubt would report the person who was hired. The problem is, how long does it go on until it becomes obvious?

This story I am sure is one of many. The loved ones who are able to advise family members of poor treatment will do so, and the problem can be taken care of. What can be done about the ones who are unable to report lack of good care? As people are living longer and longer I see this as a huge problem.

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Marceil — Tue, 05 Nov 2019 04:24:18 GMT

First of all thank you! Second, if the police weren't contacted it's not too late. I'm sure they could look at the stores cameras. This caregiver should be held accountable. The gentleman was being neglected