topic Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person! in Among Friends

I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

Kelseys Mimi — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:08:54 GMT

My DH has metastatic malignant melanoma. He is currently in clinical trials at the James cancer Hospital and doing strong immunotherapy infusions. He has many issues with side effects, however, thankfully his last CAT scan showed tumors have shrunk significantly. Thank God for that. Here is my problem... he has gas all the time and the smell is beyond nasty. I know he cant help it but he makes no effort to spare me. He wont step outside or go to bathroom and turn fan on.. i sleep in guest room and have yankee candles in every room. But i swear the smell is penetrating the house.. it seems to linger.. frebreeze only helps so much. He cant go 15 minutes without passing this foul stink. It has been months now and i am thinking of divorce...it is BAD! Thing is I love him so much. We are very happy been married 33 years but this smell is bad... i feel like I am the most terrible person, i would be willing to have my sense of smell removed if I could. I get angry when he laughs at me. He refuses to see how much this bothers me! If the tumors don't go away completely he will have to be on these meds the rest of his life.. anyone else been through this? How do you handle it?

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

kittyloo — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:16:59 GMT

tough one. have you tried rubbing a little vicks under your nose. that's what they used to do at crime scenes. can't smell any worse than decomp, right?

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

wishmoon — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:17:37 GMT

Have you asked his doctor about it? I'm sure he/she could help your husband. Good luck!

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

Leggett28 — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:18:34 GMT

First of all you are not a terrible person. I’m sorry I don’t have any advice for you on how to handle this I really don’t even know how I would handle it. But how you feel doesn’t make you terrible.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

Love my grandkids — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:19:31 GMT

@Kelseys Mimi The only thing I can think of is to have a frank discussion with his doctor and see if there are ANY remedies for this problem.

I'm guessing this is not uncommon and hopefully the doctor can be of assistance. I wish you all the best, I can't imagine how unpleasant that this is.

Please come back and let us know if you and DH are able to get some remedy for this nasty problem.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

NickNack — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:19:48 GMT

@wishmoon wrote:
Have you asked his doctor about it? I'm sure he/she could help your husband. Good luck!

I agree with wishmoon. You need to speak to his doctor about it. There are things they can give him to help with gas.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

patbz — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:21:47 GMT

@Kelseys Mimi : Try Ozium (not Febreze) and try Goose Creek candles (not Yankee). These two substitutions may help some.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

Porcelain — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:23:16 GMT

Get a really strong air purifier. I have one that actually shows the air quality and adjusts the fan speed accordintly.

When I cut onions or burn something in the kitchen, the indicator turns red and the fan runs faster--out in the living room.

To get DH's buy in to spend a little extra on the device, I told him I'd found an air purifier with a fart detector. He loves it, in a grade-school way. I love it too because I can prove when he farted. I just point to the air quality indicator.

So, get an air purifier with a fart detctor! You'll thank me.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

goldensrbest — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:24:28 GMT

My husband had massive diarrhea, for months when he had cancer, it was just HORRIBLE,i had such a hard time with that.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

Justholdingon — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:25:30 GMT

there are charcoal underpants liners just for that kind of thing,I believe you can order from Amazon. it might help some. I know how you feel as I have a really sensitive nose and my husband has intestinal cancer and extremely bad gas aaalll the time and it smells like something died up in there. his gastrointestinal dr. did put him on probiotics which helped a lot.
I never felt like divorce though. sorry 😐.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

Kelseys Mimi — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:26:26 GMT

I did that.. the oncologist said to avoid hi gas foods like cabbage broccoli etc.. he as had severe diarrhea and has been on high dose prednisone for that. But the gas cant be helped. I watch his diet like a hawk but to no avail.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

queendiva — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:29:07 GMT

YOU are not a bad person or wife!. I would insist that DH call about what can be done today and put the Dr. on speaker so you can both hear the response.

The other problem is one that- in your words- really troubles me.

Your DH DOES know how much this bothers you. You say he laughs at you when you complain about his lack of consideration about this matter. That is not a loving response!

I would put him on notice that if this continues you are leaving until he shows you some respect- then do it! Pack a bag, make arrangements to stay with family or a friend, even a hotel if you must. His disrespectful behavior towards you has nothing to do with his illness or medication.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

NickNack — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:34:16 GMT

@Kelseys Mimi wrote:
I did that.. the oncologist said to avoid hi gas foods like cabbage broccoli etc.. he as had severe diarrhea and has been on high dose prednisone for that. But the gas cant be helped. I watch his diet like a hawk but to no avail.

@Kelseys Mimi There has to be something he could do. Gas-X even might help. I realize this is much worse than what Gas-X would normally treat and would think there would be something prescription strength. Maybe his regular doctor would know of something if the Oncologist can't help.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

Kelseys Mimi — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:37:03 GMT

Men are little boys when it comes to farts! Why he thinks it is funny is beyond me. I need to visit my grandchildren for a few days,but unfortunately i need to take him for treatment. We have been ding this for over a year and it seems people are tired of ""being there" for help. All of our children live far away. I had breast cancer this summery, had to ask for help then. I even stayed in hotel close to hospital during radiation treatments so I didn't have to ask for help, but needed help with DH then.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

DesertPony — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:39:39 GMT

First I am sorry this terreble disease is a presence in your lives and wish you both well on this journey...maybe you could call a local hospital and see if anyone in environmental services may know of something they use in patients rooms for odor control and maybe your husband seeming to be disrespectful to you by laughing is him feeling guilty and fearful for what is happening to him and that is how he is expressing it, sorry I don't have a better answer.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

Diva on The Q — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:41:15 GMT

@Kelseys Mimi: I don't think you're a terrible person. You're human! I really hope it all works out for you.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

Porcelain — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:41:21 GMT

@queendiva wrote:
YOU are not a bad person or wife!. I would insist that DH call about what can be done today and put the Dr. on speaker so you can both hear the response.

The other problem is one that- in your words- really troubles me.
Your DH DOES know how much this bothers you. You say he laughs at you when you complain about his lack of consideration about this matter. That is not a loving response!
I would put him on notice that if this continues you are leaving until he shows you some respect- then do it! Pack a bag, make arrangements to stay with family or a friend, even a hotel if you must. His disrespectful behavior towards you has nothing to do with his illness or medication.

This is complete overkill in my opinion. It's a guy thing. Farts are funny to them. Well, most of them--there are also guys who don't find them funny. But in general most guys don't take farts seriously. Yes, it's disrespectful. But working around that unpleasant humor trait in order to make your own life livable and pleasant -- is kind of part of being married to a certain kind of guy. It doesn't mean they don't respect you in general. It's that they really don't get it.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

Kelseys Mimi — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:42:00 GMT

I will have another conversation with doctors, maybe i need to tell them how bad it is to me, ,i always feel like a jerk saying these things as he is fighting to live and i am bothered by the smell.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

Carmie — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:43:37 GMT

This,is a,common problem with people who have celiac disease, IBS or other digestive disorders.

The problem can be helped with charcoal products. There are productsnthat contain charcoal that can be placed in undergarments that will absorb the orders. They are called flatulance deodorizers. Check out flat-D.com

Also an air cleaner that contains a charcoal will help. Lastely, ask your DH's physician for a product that will doodorizes the odor in the colon. All of these things can and do help.

Good luck.

Re: I am a TERRIBLE bad person!

NickNack — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 17:47:44 GMT

@Kelseys Mimi wrote:
I will have another conversation with doctors, maybe i need to tell them how bad it is to me, ,i always feel like a jerk saying these things as he is fighting to live and i am bothered by the smell.

@Kelseys Mimi You are not a jerk. It would be very hard for me and probably anyone else, to live with that. I really feel for you and am so sorry you're having to deal with this on top of this horrible cancer that your husband has. I understand you feel guilty for feeling this way, but you can't help it. I hope the clinical study will help your husband.