topic Re: Finding out things in Among Friends

Finding out things

hyacinth003 — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 08:15:31 GMT

In the ongoing saga of my father's passing, I have just found out something else.

I have access to one of his accounts, a checking account. I am writing checks to pay bills, and monitoring it for credits and debits that were set up automatically. I have been notifying those who he did business with that he has passed away.

For example, the company he got a pension from (to stop it), his insurance company (to cancel his policies), find out how to file claims on policies that may owe his estate, etc.

FYI, Social Security gets notified right away by whoever handles burial or cremation. They had posted a payment and took it away within about 24 hours!!

The account has some checks I cannot account for. My dad had 4 people on his account so we could all pay for his needs or shop, etc. So before I asked my brother and sister-in-law about them, I decided to go and look back for them.

What I have found out is they were using his account for all of their gasoline purchases. I never asked for anything like this. Then I got what is a shocker to me. I found an almost $14,000.00 check written by my sister-in-law to a bank, with a notation on the check "Corvette." My brother got a new Corvette around Christmas, 2018. I was happy for him and have consistently showed interest and asked for photos, etc. I remember my sister-in-law saying "I just paid off the Corvette." She is an electrician and works a lot when work is available and they have no debt (to my limited knowledge). She drives a Cadillac Escalade. I don't care what anyone has, especially my own brother. I am happy if he is living well. I love him.

She wrote this check in July, 2019. My father was a generous person, especially to us. My shock comes as my dad was not mentally competent in the last months of his life. I would have felt uncomfortable asking him for money in the last 6 months. Maybe in a dire emergency, but not for a Corvette. Over our lives, my dad helped me financially at times, and I assumed he helped my brother. I never asked, and don't know. It was his to give.

I am totally surprised by seeing this.

Hyacinth

Re: Finding out things

Anonymous032819 — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 08:37:48 GMT

Sounds as if your sister-in-law took financial advantage of your father, and saw that he was vulnerable, and helped herself to his money.

I know you keep saying that she isn't interested in the money, just the power and control, but I'm sorry, all of her actions, especially this one point to the fact that she is money hungry.

As for your brother, I know that you love him, but he either needs to grow a ...... spine and stand up to his wife, or he is willingly going along with her because they are of like mind.

Re: Finding out things

Lilysmom — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 09:15:11 GMT

@hyacinth003 , you should consult your attorney about how to proceed with this issue in the full knowledge that, if you take any action, it will probably mark the end of your relationship with your brother. LM

Re: Finding out things

violann — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 09:21:38 GMT

In a similar situation, I am taking comfort in the fact that I’m doing everything possible to secure the best possible care for a dearly loved relative and doing all I can to ignore opportunistic “loved ones” who are waiting solely to find out what they’ll get after the funeral.

Life teaches us many lessons that we sometimes wish we hadn’t learned.

Re: Finding out things

Sage04 — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 09:41:31 GMT

@hyacinth003 , that Bank Acc is also a part of the estate. From what I know that amount should be deducted from your brother´s share of the estate. I would look for any substantial amount and make a note of it and that also includes any substantial amount you got from your dad.

Don´t know if the laws have changed concerning this.

Re: Finding out things

luvbnagirl — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 09:50:50 GMT

Now you know why she is behaving the way she is. Let it go. But don’t let the lesson learned go.

Re: Finding out things

Foxxee — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 10:30:33 GMT

Not at all surprising to me. Have heard too many stories.

It can end up siblings never talking to each other again. Sometimes they even blame the executor if it's a family member for how the will was made out as if that person decided who would get what.

Also, how they and their wives took advantage of a parent with dementia.

Yes, they can be siblings you got along with all your life who stab you in the back. It's heartbreaking.

Re: Finding out things

Goldengate8361 — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 10:32:30 GMT

@hyacinth003 let me just say.....that is horrible! I'd be appalled. I'm sorry for your loss. You sound like a terrific daughter.

Re: Finding out things

hyacinth003 — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 11:30:59 GMT

@Lilysmom wrote:
@hyacinth003 , you should consult your attorney about how to proceed with this issue in the full knowledge that, if you take any action, it will probably mark the end of your relationship with your brother. LM

@Lilysmom

I doubt I would go the attorney route. It would be their word against someone who is deceased. All his caregivers would know he was very mentally compromised at the time. However, my husband's brothers spent $80,000 of their father's estate on lawyers to fight each other (the 2 co-executors). Then the judge rules the whole estate must pay for the legal fees. So all 4 of them lost $20,000, even the two that couldn't fight it.

I don't think my dad would like his estate spent on legal fees!

Hyacinth

Re: Finding out things

DbinMD — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 11:31:57 GMT

@hyacinth003 wrote:
In the ongoing saga of my father's passing, I have just found out something else.

I have access to one of his accounts, a checking account. I am writing checks to pay bills, and monitoring it for credits and debits that were set up automatically. I have been notifying those who he did business with that he has passed away.

For example, the company he got a pension from (to stop it), his insurance company (to cancel his policies), find out how to file claims on policies that may owe his estate, etc.

FYI, Social Security gets notified right away by whoever handles burial or cremation. They had posted a payment and took it away within about 24 hours!!

The account has some checks I cannot account for. My dad had 4 people on his account so we could all pay for his needs or shop, etc. So before I asked my brother and sister-in-law about them, I decided to go and look back for them.

What I have found out is they were using his account for all of their gasoline purchases. I never asked for anything like this. Then I got what is a shocker to me. I found an almost $14,000.00 check written by my sister-in-law to a bank, with a notation on the check "Corvette." My brother got a new Corvette around Christmas, 2018. I was happy for him and have consistently showed interest and asked for photos, etc. I remember my sister-in-law saying "I just paid off the Corvette." She is an electrician and works a lot when work is available and they have no debt (to my limited knowledge). She drives a Cadillac Escalade. I don't care what anyone has, especially my own brother. I am happy if he is living well. I love him.

She wrote this check in July, 2019. My father was a generous person, especially to us. My shock comes as my dad was not mentally competent in the last months of his life. I would have felt uncomfortable asking him for money in the last 6 months. Maybe in a dire emergency, but not for a Corvette. Over our lives, my dad helped me financially at times, and I assumed he helped my brother. I never asked, and don't know. It was his to give.

I am totally surprised by seeing this.

Hyacinth

I read your first post and then this one, and I feel so very sorry for you. Your heart must be broken. I think that it all goes back to your SIL. I know that you love your brother but I think that you need to have a heart to heart talk with him about his wife and the things she has done, like this and not helping with your Fathers room. There is a reason that your Father chose you to be the executor. My Mom died last November and we haven't had any problems. Except for a check that went out to someone that she forgot to remove as a beneficiary. My son is her executor as he is in the financial field. My Dad wanted him to take care of things and he has. My Dad died in 2011 and my Mom in 2018. I wish you the best as you take care of your Fathers wishes.

Re: Finding out things

KingstonsMom — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 11:37:08 GMT

I have to agree with @Anonymous032819 , now you know why SIL flipped out about you being the executor of Dad's estate.

Surely, they didn't want you to know how much they were taking advantage of Dad and his money, just prior to his death, when he wasn't mentally stable.

Shame on them.....

Re: Finding out things

hyacinth003 — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 11:41:15 GMT

@Sage04 wrote:
@hyacinth003 , that Bank Acc is also a part of the estate. From what I know that amount should be deducted from your brother´s share of the estate. I would look for any substantial amount and make a note of it and that also includes any substantial amount you got from your dad.

Don´t know if the laws have changed concerning this.

@Sage04

Yes, the account belongs to the estate. I don't think they should touch it from the time of his passing on. I am using it for the estate only. Until his 2019 taxes are filed, I don't think I can close it and disburse it.

I got no substantial amounts from my dad in the time this account was established or any time for some years. I also found a $900 charge for T-Mobile. They will just say he told them to do it. How can one prove differently now?

As an RN, I have no doubt he was not competent mentally. It was a great challenge to me trying to help with his care. The staff at the assisted living was also quite aware of it also. We were in the process of finding a skilled nursing facility (nursing home) as his level of care had increased.

I am just numb and feel so bad that they would possibly have taken advantage of his weakness to do this. I never asked about gasoline money or anything else we did for him. I just feel awful this morning.

Hyacinth

Re: Finding out things

hyacinth003 — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 11:42:53 GMT

@KingstonsMom wrote:
I have to agree with @Anonymous032819 , now you know why SIL flipped out about you being the executor of Dad's estate.

Surely, they didn't want you to know how much they were taking advantage of Dad and his money, just prior to his death, when he wasn't mentally stable.

Shame on them.....

@KingstonsMom

Maybe that's it.

Hyacinth

Re: Finding out things

jackthebear — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 11:43:35 GMT

@hyacinth003 wrote:
In the ongoing saga of my father's passing, I have just found out something else.

I have access to one of his accounts, a checking account. I am writing checks to pay bills, and monitoring it for credits and debits that were set up automatically. I have been notifying those who he did business with that he has passed away.

For example, the company he got a pension from (to stop it), his insurance company (to cancel his policies), find out how to file claims on policies that may owe his estate, etc.

FYI, Social Security gets notified right away by whoever handles burial or cremation. They had posted a payment and took it away within about 24 hours!!

The account has some checks I cannot account for. My dad had 4 people on his account so we could all pay for his needs or shop, etc. So before I asked my brother and sister-in-law about them, I decided to go and look back for them.

What I have found out is they were using his account for all of their gasoline purchases. I never asked for anything like this. Then I got what is a shocker to me. I found an almost $14,000.00 check written by my sister-in-law to a bank, with a notation on the check "Corvette." My brother got a new Corvette around Christmas, 2018. I was happy for him and have consistently showed interest and asked for photos, etc. I remember my sister-in-law saying "I just paid off the Corvette." She is an electrician and works a lot when work is available and they have no debt (to my limited knowledge). She drives a Cadillac Escalade. I don't care what anyone has, especially my own brother. I am happy if he is living well. I love him.

She wrote this check in July, 2019. My father was a generous person, especially to us. My shock comes as my dad was not mentally competent in the last months of his life. I would have felt uncomfortable asking him for money in the last 6 months. Maybe in a dire emergency, but not for a Corvette. Over our lives, my dad helped me financially at times, and I assumed he helped my brother. I never asked, and don't know. It was his to give.

I am totally surprised by seeing this.

Hyacinth

went thru a similar thing, I totally understand

2 minutes away from going to court, on it, decided not to

money does things to people who can take advantage.

Re: Finding out things

Imaoldhippie — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 11:57:46 GMT

Wow, now you know why your dad did not put your brother as executor. No wonder your sil was so upset. They knew you would eventually find the theft. So sad.

@hyacinth003

Re: Finding out things

KingstonsMom — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 11:59:38 GMT

@hyacinth003

I'm sure you're right that there's nothing you can do about this money now, there's no way to prove that it wasn't a gift to them.

It's truly heartbreaking when someone you love shatters your faith in them as a good, moral human being, I've been through that too.

Buckle up, there may be more to discover as you wade though everything in Dad's estate, but for your sake, I hope not.

Best wishes to you!

Re: Finding out things

goldensrbest — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 12:15:39 GMT

They took advantage of your dad, brother and sister in law,TALK TO YOUR LAWYER, cover your back.It isn't just your sil, this is your brother, he is responsible.

Re: Finding out things

VaBelle35 — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 12:13:04 GMT

Are you sure you should be using his existing account?

My mother had to set up an estate account. She could no longer use the account that he had even though she was a signer on the account. Once my uncle passed, that account was frozen and she no longer had the authority to write checks on it.

I'm sorry you found this information out and I am sure there is more.

I agree with taking the high road, even though it's tough.

Re: Finding out things

VaBelle35 — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 12:16:20 GMT

One interesting situation my mother came across was from some f my uncle's doctors. Once she notified them of his passing, she started getting medicare claims from several years ago.

My mother called medicare and they told her that there is a statute of limitations on claims and that she should not pay any new claims for services more than 24 months old.

All of my uncle's medical bills were current at the time of his passing, so these new bills were basically re-bills for things medicare does not cover and the patient is not responsible for.

It was pretty shady and I think some doctors know that executors don't check and just pay all the bills and they hope nobody notices.

Re: Finding out things

CrazyDaisy — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 12:24:41 GMT

Since you have no idea what conversations or arragnements your father had with your brother and sister-in-law why would you slander them on the Internet. If you feel criminal activity took place and can prove it take it to the authorities, otherwise perform the task you were given.