topic Re: quick question .... in Among Friends

quick question ....

Daludog — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 17:53:11 GMT

Would you rather stay in an unhappy relationship because you are scared to be on your own financially and 60ish.....or take a chance to maybe find happiness on your own.

Re: quick question ....

Desertdi — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 18:00:04 GMT

I can't answer that question......but I will say this:

EVERY woman should have her own secret bank account.

Re: quick question ....

Mombo1 — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 18:02:18 GMT

@Daludog wrote:
Would you rather stay in an unhappy relationship because you are scared to be on your own financially and 60ish.....or take a chance to maybe find happiness on your own.

I would never stay in an unhappy relationship regardless of my age or finances. Being unhappy will take a greater toll on you over time. Have faith and move on. Focus on yourself.

Re: quick question ....

MalteseMomma — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 18:03:20 GMT

@Daludog At 82 yrs old ,the only advice I can give you is to never depend on anyone else to make you happy.... look for your happiness within yourself,not in another person.

Think about it....what do you like in life...... find things you love and do them,then you will never have to make a decision like this again.

Re: quick question ....

Puppy Lips — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 18:07:54 GMT

Depends. If the significant other is abusive to me, physically or emotionally, then I would get out without thinking twice. But if I fell out of love, or there was no passion, I think I would stay and just find and do things that made me happy. I would make friends and join activities and keep busy.

Re: quick question ....

LizzieInSRQ — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 18:48:51 GMT

I've always lived on my own. Except in my 20s i had room mates. I don't have an executive job 30 yrs later but I can support myself, no real extras. I could never live in an unhappy relationship. Why? Because I don't have to. Make your life so you don't have to. Others see me as lonely and that is only that way because I'm not attractive to men. It's changeable if I was miserable. I find putting up with garbage is a worse way to live. Everything else is icing or it's out. Sending healing strength to you.

* edited to redo my math since im 54 and not 64

Re: quick question ....

queendiva — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 18:16:31 GMT

Key question: are you married and for how long?

Start taking steps now to move on . There are MANY of us 60+ women out here who are single, divorced or widowed and loving our lives!

Re: quick question ....

KathyM23 — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 18:17:54 GMT

Being that you are 60ish and hopefully relatively healthy and financially able to support yourself in what would probably be a scaled down fashion, I think it would depend on how unhappy you are and the reason why your relationship is unhappy. Perhaps you have friends and family who you can depend on to see you through a life change. A couple of good friends can provide good companionship to make a single life less fearfull.

Is it something that can be fixed and if so would that be a good alternative for you. Know that there is life after 60 as many of my friends and acquaintances have learned and that is not too late to find happiness.

Thinking of your current situation, keep in mind that you may have 20 years or more to be in this relationship. Try to imagine the next 20 years and that may help you see what you should do. If your situation is intolerable to you, the longer you wait to change it, the harder it will be to do so.

Re: quick question ....

on the bay — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 18:20:32 GMT

Definitely the second choice!

I've never been afraid of not having money. I've been on both ends of having and not having.

A friend and I agreed that it is harder to go from having a lot of money to having not much at all.

Much easier if you start with nothing and then get a lot and then back to nothing cause you'll always be used to not having it.

That is what I think anyway.

Plus if I stayed in a very unhappy relationship, I would always wonder, "What if I could have been happy?"

Re: quick question ....

sidsmom — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 18:19:46 GMT

@Desertdi wrote:
I can't answer that question......but I will say this:

EVERY woman should have her own secret bank account.

Wow.

That is the most depressing thing I’ve read in a while.

If one is slinking around hiding this & that...you don’t need to be in a relationship with anyone.

Re: quick question ....

ECBG — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 18:21:11 GMT

It depends on the situation. If you're in an ok situation, some might find that better than subjecting yourself to a much lower standard of living just for the sake of it.

If there were someone, that would be a different picture.

Re: quick question ....

ahoymate — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 18:32:28 GMT

daisy123, at 60ish, life is short. Best to you.

Re: quick question ....

Sooner — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 18:41:34 GMT

@Daludog I don't think anyone can answer that for you, and I don't think you should take anyone's advice on this.

It is all relevant. How bad is the relationship? Are you simply unhappy, life isn't exactly what. you want, miserable, abused? All very different things only you know.

Money? Ya gotta have it. How much are we talking about? You'll have less or be out on the street--totally different situations

Are you just depressed and unsatisfied, or are you afraid and in jeopardy. Do you have children or someone to take care of you? Sixty isn't young. You have to think about that.

ONLY YOU know.

Re: quick question ....

Goldengate8361 — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 18:44:33 GMT

I would definitely get out of it. Being alone is great! The very fact that you're asking this question tells me that you don't want to be in the relationship. Your age should not be a factor. There's nothing worse in life than being in a bad relationship. You don't "need" a relationship to be happy. (I would recommend getting a good lawyer, however.)

Re: quick question ....

Daludog — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 18:47:55 GMT

@Sooner wrote:
@Daludog I don't think anyone can answer that for you, and I don't think you should take anyone's advice on this.

It is all relevant. How bad is the relationship? Are you simply unhappy, life isn't exactly what. you want, miserable, abused? All very different things only you know.

Money? Ya gotta have it. How much are we talking about? You'll have less or be out on the street--totally different situations

Are you just depressed and unsatisfied, or are you afraid and in jeopardy. Do you have children or someone to take care of you? Sixty isn't young. You have to think about that.

ONLY YOU know.

pretty much stayed for kids...

Re: quick question ....

Nightowlz — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 19:15:19 GMT

@Desertdi wrote:
I can't answer that question......but I will say this:

EVERY woman should have her own secret bank account.

@Desertdi

After being married 43 years I opened what I thought was my own account. I deposited my inheritance there plus in share certificate. While looking at my account online I noticed it said something to the effect DH's name co-owner??? I thought WTH!!! The account was suppose to be in my name only with him as beneficiary. Now I have to go to the credit union. I'm sure they will tell me they cannot change it without his signature or some krap. I told the lady it was an account in my name only?

It was no secret. I told DH exactly what I was doing with the money.

Re: quick question ....

Sooner — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 19:21:03 GMT

@Daludog wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
@Daludog I don't think anyone can answer that for you, and I don't think you should take anyone's advice on this.

It is all relevant. How bad is the relationship? Are you simply unhappy, life isn't exactly what. you want, miserable, abused? All very different things only you know.

Money? Ya gotta have it. How much are we talking about? You'll have less or be out on the street--totally different situations

Are you just depressed and unsatisfied, or are you afraid and in jeopardy. Do you have children or someone to take care of you? Sixty isn't young. You have to think about that.

ONLY YOU know.

pretty much stayed for kids...

@Daludog But it's not about the kids. It's about you and your future and how you will live.

Re: quick question ....

kaydee50 — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 19:22:16 GMT

@sidsmom @Desertdi I don't think the woman's account necessarily has to be secret but I do believe every woman should have money in her own name and not a joint account. Money is freedom.

@Daludog Too many unknown variables involved to make a valid comment on. However, if I were in an unhappy situation and had some money, I would leave. You will be entitled to a portion of husband's social security and if you're in a community property state, half the assets.

Re: quick question ....

Snowpuppy — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 19:25:46 GMT

@sidsmom wrote:
@Desertdi wrote:
I can't answer that question......but I will say this:

EVERY woman should have her own secret bank account.
Wow.
That is the most depressing thing I’ve read in a while.
If one is slinking around hiding this & that...you don’t need to be in a relationship with anyone.

I work in financial services. I get calls from women who want info on their spouses's holdings. I can't disclose an account she's not on.

Nor can I disclose the beneficiary. Lotta women gonna be real surprised one day.

Re: quick question ....

sidsmom — Fri, 02 Aug 2019 19:29:48 GMT

@kaydee50 wrote:
@sidsmom I don't think the woman's account necessarily has to be secret but I do believe every woman should have money in her own name and not a joint account. Money is freedom.

@kaydee50

I agree to have separate accounts just for the convenience

BUT

that’s not what I was referring to.

The word ‘secret’ was in size 7 font, bolded in red.

That one lone word changes everything.

And that one lone word is not anywhere near a healthy relationship.