topic Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go??? in Among Friends

Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

ECBG — Sun, 14 Jul 2019 23:04:48 GMT

I have a close friend that moved FIVE states away! Often when we text, we're in a short discussion and she just disappears, no "good by, have to run or catch ya later". Just Gone.

She's with her BF, good relationship; It happens most conversations.

I'm going to start asking what happened to our connection.

Do you have this? How do you turn it around?

Many thanks.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

RedTop — Sun, 14 Jul 2019 23:18:18 GMT

I have one friend with this same infuriating habit, and it drives me nuts! She will text first with something like 3 lengthy successive texts. I reply with a lengthy text and then she disappears for an extended period.

I have not been able to turn it around, yet, but am working at it. So far I haven’t answered her text from yesterday.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

Sooner — Sun, 14 Jul 2019 23:24:03 GMT

It is the way texting works. People can't or don't always answer right back. If it upsets you, texting probably isn't a good medium for you.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

GCR18 — Sun, 14 Jul 2019 23:32:46 GMT

I think if you are looking for a back and forth exchange, texting isn't the right medium. I have a handful of friends that are far, we talk monthly.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

gizmogal — Sun, 14 Jul 2019 23:37:01 GMT

Me, I assume the person I’m texting with got a phone call or their doorbell rang, or the baby’s crying, or a pot overflowed on the stove and they were unable to continue texting or tap out an explanation just then. If they come back to it later or the next day, maybe I’m busy and then I can’t answer. Eventually, communication resumes.

I consider texting very casual, since every single thing gets typed and sent and waited for reply. It’s not like a phone conversation, because all that typing and tapping is not particularly efficient and just more time consuming, and texting carries almost no tone or inflection (which is why people add emojis!). It’s pretty impersonal, so why take an abrupt end personally?

i don’t expect explanations if replies are slow or just suddenly cease. When I have to take a phone call, I don’t want to click away on a keyboard to yield a satisfactory explanation for departure while the phone rings and rings,etc.

I’m not sure if most people are as indifferent to an abandoned texting exchange as I am, but it might be better to develop thicker skin about it and assume a distraction occurred rather than induce hurt feelings or concern. Just giving perspective. Releasing hurt is a way of feeling ok about unintended slights. If you keep score less, there is less of winning and losing. Pick a plausible explanation for a cut off texting session rather than annoyance for lack of explanation.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

chrystaltree — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 00:00:05 GMT

That's incredibly rude. It's the same as speaking with someone on the phone and just hanging up, no good bye. Just a hang up. You say she's your friend, I know I can actually talk to my friends. Why don't you just call her and talk about this weird habit. Be nice, tell her that when she just ends a text, it worries you. You wonder if a house fell on her or something....LOL

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

Sooner — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 00:04:07 GMT

I don't think you can possibly expect people to always explain when they end a text conversation. I think that's just impossible.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

RedTop — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 00:24:03 GMT

What we / I’m referring to is when there’s a very active conversation going on and the other person just does a “peace out”, and leaves me dangling.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

1Snickers — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 00:25:42 GMT

I’m hearing disabled and can’t hear well on phones. My Landline types the conversation out ).

My son got tired of calling before I got the better landline and me not hearing. He got me an i-phone with texting and e- mail. Fantastic I can communicate!

I text all the time with him and my cousin and grandson. When we are in conversations we finish them. If it’s just a comment sent the person may be busy or in my case not hear the chime.

When people are getting texts it is good to check them often and reply when possible.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

Anonymous032819 — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 00:27:41 GMT

That's exactly how texting is supposed to work.

It's not supposed to be like a regular conversation on the telephone. where it rings, someone says "Hello?", then the conversation, then, "Well, I'll let cha go. TAlk to ya later. Bye!".

That's NOT how texting works.

If anything, it's kind of like when we used to write letters to each other, and drop them in the mail. A "conversation" about the kids in Little League could go one for the whole season.

It is totally and compleatly normal for a texting conversation to be a few lines here, a few lines there.

If you want a long drawn out conversation with her, then call her.

Because that's not what texting is for.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

ECBG — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 00:44:23 GMT

@Anonymous032819 @1Snickers @RedTop @Sooner @chrystaltree Ladies, thank you so much for your kind help. She'll either make a statement that I'll have to correct because of the current activities at work or ask a question. After my first post here, I began texting "Where did You go?" and also "Are you there?".

She is very, very kind and we were like bread and butter when she was here. I'm surprised beyond words!

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

1Snickers — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 00:47:19 GMT

@ECBG It’s just texting, and surely she meant nothing by not responding. Happens to me also, people get busy and forget.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

chiclets — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 13:05:46 GMT

Moving 5 states away is not an issue with friendship. However sometimes out of sight out of mind is but this seems not to be the case with you.

Do telephone her and have a conversation mouth to mouth. Doing so would make the friendship seem personal, especially with the now distance.

Texting is usually for small bits of exchanges not for long detailed events, which take longer to read and sometimes the individual receiving the text just doesn't have the time to respond as they would like.

It is easier to put people off during a text, although not intentional, it is just the thing that is done.

Telephone your friend and speak directly to her, and hear her emotional tone. This would give you a better understanding of how to change things around, or to just accept the fact she has moved.

Many years ago my best friend relocated 3 states away but it has never affected our relationship. We always keep in touch. Although the conversations are not everyday, even with texting, we speak on the phone. I value this friendship so much. I once mentioned to someone that a friend is a gift you give yourself.

Try, you have nothing to loose but everything to gain and hold onto.

Good luck.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

CatsyCline — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 00:59:04 GMT

my sister does this. but i do it her too. its just too time consuming for me - sometimes - to txt long convo streams. a day or two ago i was making dinner and handling raw chicken and 3 people were texting at the same time over and over. well they just had to wait until way later in the evening.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

colliemom4 — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 01:03:54 GMT

I agree with those that say this is common and that texting is casual communication.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

NYC Susan — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 01:52:13 GMT

@Sooner wrote:
It is the way texting works. People can't or don't always answer right back. If it upsets you, texting probably isn't a good medium for you.

Exactly. Texting is intended to be a casual way to communicate.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

ECBG — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 02:45:21 GMT

@CatsyCline wrote:
my sister does this. but i do it her too. its just too time consuming for me - sometimes - to txt long convo streams. a day or two ago i was making dinner and handling raw chicken and 3 people were texting at the same time over and over. well they just had to wait until way later in the evening.

@CatsyCline Thank you. She knew I was free and it was an hour before dinner here which she knew (we had discussed it several times).

This discussion was a continuation of a discussion from a week ago. One or two sentences back and forth.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

ECBG — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 02:46:44 GMT

Thank you to everyone for helping me understand. She started the conversation and I was answering her questions.

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

RedTop — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 17:30:43 GMT

Texting can be as casual, or as intense as each of us need it to be.

The friend of mine who does this, has been in my life 60 years. We haven’t lived remotely close to each other for 50 years, and have NEVER talked on the phone; I have never visited her in any state she’s lived in. We wrote letters, progressed to email, and now text, as I have no interest in participating in Facebook.

This is just one of her many quirks that I accept and just move on. I still haven’t answered her text from the other day......

Re: Delimma: Texting, WHERE Did Ya Go???

Imaoldhippie — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 19:05:21 GMT

I consider this its rude. Of course I think texting for the most part is rude. I am insulted when I am talking to someone face to face and they answer or begin texting. Maybe Im just boring.

So my solution is I dont text unless I have to.