topic Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group in Among Friends

Among Friends Grief Support Group

Greeneyedlady21 — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 19:10:19 GMT

I thought I would start this for anyone who is interested. I would like it to be a kind non judgmental place where people can talk about whatever they want about grief in their lives.

It's the hardest thing I've ever been through. Every day it is. People don't know what to say, but all I would like for them to do is listen. Offer some kind words, or just a hug.

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

Laura14 — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 19:23:21 GMT

What a fantastic idea @Greeneyedlady21!

I could have used a thread like this earlier this month when a birthday came up.

to you!

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

qbetzforreal — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 19:32:05 GMT

I have found that the lost lessens but never truly goes away. I allow myself to cry and mourn and recall those who have gone on in my thoughts and words.

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

Laura14 — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 19:53:55 GMT

I am going to leave this suggestion here. I have posted it a few times in the past.

When I suffered my worst loss, I got a journal and wrote to my deceased loved one many times a day, every day, every other day, whatever I needed to do. Sometimes I was constantly pulling it out. Sometimes I went a few days or a week without it and gradually it lessened to the point I probably haven't had it out in several months now.

You can do the same thing by just talking to your loved one aloud if you are not a writer, type it into a computer, just sit and say it in your mind, whatever version works. I found it extremely helpful plus it gave me something comstructive to do while I cried and got some of the pain out.

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

cactusgal — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 19:56:06 GMT

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

Misplaced Parisian — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 20:00:29 GMT

This is a fabulous idea. I hope this string can be a soft & gentle place for souls to land. @Greeneyedlady21 I agree, for me it's the most difficult thing I've ever done. To you and to @Laura14 I send you the most gentle thoughts of comfort. It helps me to remember that my beloved are always with me. I hope that thought helps you too. I'm here to listen. Sending thoughts of peace.

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

Misplaced Parisian — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 20:02:26 GMT

@cactusgal wrote:

@cactusgal Wow. I had not read that before. Thank YOU for posting. How true, one does endure it and it becomes an element of us.

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

Laura14 — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 20:03:22 GMT

I am also going to leave this suggestion as well now that you have me remembering what helped me during that time.

For me, I found it really helped to put all traces of my loved one away. It really stuck a knife in my heart to constantly be seeing her stuff everywhere. I put it away, did not discard it, but that really, really helped me big time in not having my heart ripped out every time I walked in the door or into a room.

Once I got to safer place probably over a year later, I pulled some of it back out again and could live with it as a wonderful memory and treasure of her.

If you are being overwhelmed because you see your loved one everywhere, it is okay to shut the door, pack it away, and just distract yourself. Your loved one wouldn't want you in such pain and if it helps to lessen it by putting items no longer needed by them in this world, do it. Toss nothing. Just get it out of sight.

I can not tell you how much that took the edge off of my emotions when I was in the thick of it. Not for everyone but worth a try if you find you burst into tears constantly at the sight of something.

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

DrakesMomma — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 20:27:08 GMT

My nephew died five weeks ago yesterday. Five weeks ago Tuesday I got a call from the hospital that there was a young man there they thought might be related to me. Five weeks ago today he became an organ donor.

He is just seven years younger than me. We are closer in age than I am to his mom/my sister. His daughter is eight months younger than my son.

His mom/my sister is being horrible. While I am not a doctor, I believe she is a narcissist. I have been thinking she might be for some time. One of the reps for the organ donation organization also hinted around about this.

His mom/my sister hasn't checked on his daughter at all. I check in with her several times a week. My great niece is SO awesome. She is so much like her dad but yet different. My sister is missing out...again. She missed out on her son. He told me a few weeks before he died that his mom abused him. I was driving when he said it. I just reached for his hand to hold.

I am a photographer. We made some pictures of him and his daughter several weeks before he died. I had edited some and sent them to him electronically. He was trying to impress a girl he wanted to date. I promised his daughter that I would print every picture from that day no matter how bad it was. I did that on Tuesday. While I tried to hold on to the memories of breakfast, laughter, and sunshine from the day we made the pictures it almost broke my heart in half.

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

cactusgal — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 20:46:35 GMT

@Misplaced Parisian You are very welcome. The Compassionate Friends Support Group called it The New Normal and boy is it.

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

geezerette — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 21:34:42 GMT

@Laura14

And that is why grief is different for everyone. I was just the opposite. Because when my husband died, I wanted everything to stay the same. I didn’t want even a dirty tissue removed from its last resting place. But after the first few weeks, when people would come to visit, I started thinking that they might be uncomfortable with his personal belongings still sitting around. So I began to remove them from the more visited areas of the house. A few things at a time, and they didn’t get tossed out, just moved to a room that no one but me would see. Little by little I was able to get rid of some of his things. Because as much as I wanted it not to, the practical aspect of life began to take over and things were not going to stay the same.

There are no rules to this, nor time limits. I find these threads very helpful. There is always someone who has gone through the same thing I have, or feels the same way. A couple of posts from @Greeneyedlady21‘s first thread on this subject touched me deeply and helped me a lot. You never know where you’ll find a tidbit that hits home and makes you think, and may even help you out of a bad place. The anonymity of this forum allows people to post things they might not otherwise share with people on a face-to-face basis.

I can’t really say this whole thing is getting “better”. More tolerable, though. And I guess that’s all I can expect.

🕊🙏

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

Misplaced Parisian — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 21:35:51 GMT

@cactusgal May I just say that I do not care for The New Normal as it makes my heart ache? Love the name of the support group. Smiles.

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

Laura14 — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 21:42:07 GMT

@geezerette Grief is very personal. Whatever works for you is the right thing to do.

I honestly was surprised when I put something out of sight probably just out of frustration or anger that it made me feel better. It gave me a few seconds of peace before I remembered it was put away and that lessened it a bit for me.

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

Greeneyedlady21 — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 21:43:41 GMT

@DrakesMomma Both of my brothers are narcissists. I don't just believe this, I know it. So I feel your pain about dealing with that, believe me. I could post things about them, things they said and did when our Mother had cancer and after she died. Even the very day she died. Things that people would think were exaggerated or fictional. But they are completely true, unfortunately. None of their behavior was due to grief, they were like this long before that.

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

geezerette — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 21:57:45 GMT

@Laura14 wrote:
@geezerette Grief is very personal. Whatever works for you is the right thing to do.

I honestly was surprised when I put something out of sight probably just out of frustration or anger that it made me feel better. It gave me a few seconds of peace before I remembered it was put away and that lessened it a bit for me.

@Laura14

Exactly. I felt when I removed things, I was erasing my husband from my life. The exact thing I did not want to do at that time. I actually posted something to this affect on the Widows thread, and everyone said he would always live on in my heart. At the time, I couldn’t relate to that at all. With time, I know what they meant. I don’t believe that time heals all wounds, I think you just learn to live with the pain.

🕊🙏

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

KLm — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 22:07:04 GMT

I've said for years that grief is like being inside a long, dark hallway with barriers: at first the doors are very heavy, hard to push open, but you have to do it. The next set of doors are still heavy but somewhat easier to push open. As you progress through the doors they eventually become lighter, until they are curtains, then sheers, and then you are through. That if you stop somewhere along the way because the doors are too heavy to open, you will be stuck there, always grieving. And even once you are out of the hallway, the loss is just something you live with and carry with you always. Like a shadow that has become a companion.

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

DrakesMomma — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 22:07:20 GMT

@Greeneyedlady21 - I believe you. I believe every word. My sister blamed me for the medical people talking to me instead of her. When in reality they were speaking to both of us. If I only had to deal with my nephew's death, I would be better than what I am. I don't know why I thought she would be different but I did. In the last 3 years she had only seen him for about 10 minutes. That's because he stopped at her house to ask for my phone number.

I'm gonna be alright. I promised my nephew before I left him for the final time that I will not fail him. I will continue to love him. I will say his name every chance I get. I will love his daughter. I have kept every promise I ever made to him. I will not fail.

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

geezerette — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 22:16:43 GMT

@Greeneyedlady21

@DrakesMomma

I have a young friend whose mother is dying. Her husband and his children are some really horrible people. That’s all I will say. But this poor girl is not only having to deal with her mother’s passing in the next day or two, but the obstruction and harassment from her stepfather and step siblings. And yes, like you say, @Greeneyedlady21, it has nothing to do with grief since they’ve all always been like that. It’s heartbreaking.

🕊🙏

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

DrakesMomma — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 22:17:31 GMT

@geezerette - my heart hurts for your young friend. I just said a prayer for her.

Re: Among Friends Grief Support Group

geezerette — Thu, 15 Nov 2018 22:23:56 GMT

@DrakesMomma

Thank you so much. That is so kind of you. ❤️ She is a great believer, which is helping to get her through all this right now. I will tell her you remembered her; she will be touched.

🕊🙏