topic Re: Why would she do this ???? in Among Friends

Why would she do this ????

chrystaltree — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 17:49:02 GMT

Sometimes I just do not understand why people do the things they do. It's like they want to create problems in their lives. My friend came over for coffee earlier, she knows I'm working and I couldn't really talk but she wanted to "hide" from her sister for an hour so she left her phone at home and came here. She said to rest her ears and to keep from telling her sister how she really feels about this. So, here's the story. Neither of us would ever have done this. Her sister's son lives out of state, when he called on Mother's Day he told her that he was engaged to his long time....as in 10 years....girlfriend. They are both from this area so the wedding will be here Colombus Day weekend. She spoke to his fiance who she has known for 10 years and the girl said, details would be forthcoming as she made her plans. Well, my friend's sister went right out and bought her MOB outfit. She knew nothing about the wedding; not the venue or the colors or the theme or if it will be formal or very informal. Nothing. Yet she bought a dress and shoes and a hat. In shades of green...because she likes green. She called the bride to tell her and got a frosty response. Along with "why did you do that, you don't know what colors I want the mothers in". After the bride hung up, the groom called to ask his mother if she could return the outfit and wait for the bride to fill her in on colors and styles. Apparently, she ended up arguing with her son and left it at she'd wear whatever she wants to wear. She hasn't heard for either her son or the bride since that conversation and now she's a basket case, toggling between tears and anger. She refuses to apologize to them. My friend says that the odd thing is that her sister knows how this wedding thing works because 5 or 6 of the nieces and nephews got married in recent years. She knows that she should have waited until the bride or the bride's mother called her to tell her about colors and how the mothers should dress. My friend suggested that her sister call them and apologize for jumping the gun and smooth things over. He is her only child and she's known the bride for years. They aren't strangers to each other. She refuses and everyone knows the longer this rift goes on, it will take on a life of it's own. It just surprises me how people dig holes for themselves and then refuse to do whatever it takes to extricate themselves. Why not just return the dress dress and the accessories and apologize....and put this behind her? She could even say that she was so happy and excited about the wedding that she forgot wedding protocol...make a joke of it....which is what I would say. If she can't return the outfit, just put it away for some future occasion. I don't know the bride and groom but I feel sorry for them. They never saw this coming.

Re: Why would she do this ????

wishmoon — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 17:51:24 GMT

I don't mean to minimize this problem but why sweat the small stuff? It's a dress. Wait until questions about sickness, money problems, life and death occur. This is a bunch of ppl with too much time on their hands.

Re: Why would she do this ????

Mi47 — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 17:58:20 GMT

Because she wants to be in control and she’s not happy her son is getting married. If I was the bride/groom, tell His mother that they are unhappy about this situation but let her wear the dress. But again I really think it’s a control thing. Best of luck to the couple.

Re: Why would she do this ????

happycat — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 18:07:43 GMT

If she wants to wear the green outfit, and the rest of the wedding party is is pale apricot (or whatever) let her. maybe it would teach her a lesson. I did ask what color dress I needed for ds wedding last year, took pictures of the various dresses I was looking at, and ok'd it with the bride. I wasn't gonna cause an uproar at my kids wedding, but honestly, I wanted it to be nice, I wanted to work with my son and his bride. I don't understand a mother being unwilling to, honestly.

I do think if the wedding is getting off to this kind of a start, they may have a rocky future, even if they did date for 10 years.

Re: Why would she do this ????

Azcowgirl — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 18:06:20 GMT

Let her look silly in the green outfit when the wedding party is all in another color 😳.

Re: Why would she do this ????

Grouchomarx — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 18:10:02 GMT

This is not an uncommon problem. There is often drama about outfits for a wedding. Mother’s of the bride and groom are often at the center of it. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. It’ll resolve itself.

Re: Why would she do this ????

Mom2Dogs — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 18:15:13 GMT

@wishmoon in this brides world it is a big deal and the mother of the bride jumped the gun and is/was wrong.

@chrystaltree ...your friend should apologize, take the dress back and as you said...make a joke of it, do what she has to to smooth things over....the ball is in her court!

Re: Why would she do this ????

CrazyDaisy — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 18:15:50 GMT

Jumped the gun, probably excited about he wedding. Columbus Day not that far away, some are "picky" and need to start shopping early to find what they like. Many of those decisions should have already been made with only 4 month to go. Expect she is hurt by how she is being treated, may be best to just sit low for awhile. Guess they just want her to show up dressed as they want.

Re: Why would she do this ????

ValuSkr — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 18:21:36 GMT

Is the lady who bought the dress the MOB or MOG? If I'm reading this correctly, she's the MOG. In which case she's off to a bad start with her future DIL (though they've known each other for years already). I vote with @Bri369 : elope. They'll save a lot of money and aggravation.

Re: Why would she do this ????

stevieb — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 19:09:11 GMT

As far as I'm concerned, her big mistake was in telling them she'd bought her outfit... All this nonsense about 'the bride's colors' and 'what color I want you in' and so on is the ridiculous part... I agree with her, she wears what she wants to wear, but she should have simply pursued her choices and kept them to herself... Had she done so and once she heard more about the event, she might have opted to return her choices on her own... As for the bride getting 'frosty' and then running to the groom, she needs to get over herself... My guess is that sooner or later the woman will hear from them in some way... I can't see an only son excluding his mother from the supposed big event over what is essentially trivia... I'm sorry, but there is far, far too much hoopla made over weddings... It's cringe-worthy...

Re: Why would she do this ????

Suxela — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 18:30:23 GMT

I've never heard of telling the MOB or MOG what colors to wear. My mother bought a beautiful outfit in the color of her choice, she was not in the wedding party. I don't see what difference does it make as long as she's not wearing a leopard skin catsuit????

Re: Why would she do this ????

wishmoon — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 18:34:10 GMT

@Mom2Dogs wrote:
@wishmoon in this brides world it is a big deal and the mother of the bride jumped the gun and is/was wrong.

@chrystaltree ...your friend should apologize, take the dress back and as you said...make a joke of it, do what she has to to smooth things over....the ball is in her court!

In the big sceme of things, this is a blip on the azz of an ant. Years from now, when the bride and her friends are looking over the pictures and her friend's comment on her MIL's dress, she can just say it's her looney MIL. By that time, she'll think that.

Re: Why would she do this ????

alicedee — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 18:36:56 GMT

Years ago, I don't recall it being a big deal what the mothers of the bride and groom wore....they just found a nice dress and wore it. Even when my children married in the 90s ....no one cared what the Moms wore...we just bought a dress we liked and it was fine. Things have changed....it's more about the "look" of the entire thing now.

Knowing how it is in this day and age, I would not have done what this lady did.

I get the impression there is a lot more than a dress that is causing the "frosty" attitude....the woman sounds very domineering, and it's probably not their first run-in with her. I don't blame the young couple for wanting their wedding the way they want it....it's a day for them, and what does it hurt for the mothers to be cooperative regarding the color of their dresses?

As was said, she is just digging her hole deeper and deeper. If it were me, I would say "I'm so sorry...I was so excited I jumped the gun" ....take the green dress back, and wait to see what color is the couples' preference.

Let us know how it gets resolved! And btw....sorry your friend used you as her escape hatch, @chrystaltree ! That's no fun, either!

Re: Why would she do this ????

Lucky Charm — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 22:03:55 GMT

@chrystaltree wrote:
My friend says that the odd thing is that her sister knows how this wedding thing works because 5 or 6 of the nieces and nephews got married in recent years. She knows that she should have waited until the bride or the bride's mother called her to tell her about colors and how the mothers should dress.

________________________________

Lucky charm says:

How archaic this whole wedding protocol, who tells who what to wear.

Frosty responses and "Call your mother!"

Oh puhleeze.

That's about as hysterical as waiting till your wedding night....or don't wear white.

Re: Why would she do this ????

henderson — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 18:38:29 GMT

My son is getting married in Sept. after 12 years of being with his girlfriend. In fact we're leaving soon to go visit (they live in another state) and find out all the details of the wedding. I would never purchase a dress without knowing what his fiancee wants me to wear, color, style, etc.

Re: Why would she do this ????

qualitygal — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 18:51:58 GMT

Keep what she bought for another time if she wants it that badly. Then go get an outfit that will make the bride happy too. Two new outfits. I sure would not let clothes get between me and my son over something like this. This is small potatoes in the realm of life and all that goes on. Win/Win situations go a long way.

Re: Why would she do this ????

kelsey17 — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 18:57:07 GMT

I know colors can be an issue with weddings....when i was

MOB to our one and only formal wedding in the family...after colors were chosen for the wedding party i told my daughter i wanted to wear Navy Blue...........i got my dress and was happy with it and then my daughter told me that her future MIL found a blue dress she wanted to wear...even though knowing my color choice and the fact this was her 4th MOB/MOG wedding...........at first i have to admit i was pretty upset.......but my daughter informed me that she did purchase the blue dress and it was a lighter shade of blue...............i decided to not let it bother me and enjoy the wedding..............and i do like my daughers MIL ..so all worked out..........but i can understand both sides.....i will say though if i had been the MOG i would myself have chosen a totally different color then the MOB feeling that was the proper thing to do

Re: Why would she do this ????

Foxxee — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 18:56:02 GMT

Sounds like there's more going on here than colors of dresses.

Re: Why would she do this ????

RetRN — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 19:35:36 GMT

Since the future DIL hadn't told her about the color scheme by now, I don't blame her for buying what she wanted. She found the dress, liked it, bought it, and now should wear it. Weddings have gotten to be ridiculous.

Re: Why would she do this ????

Peaches McPhee — Mon, 10 Jun 2019 19:42:09 GMT

Good grief. I have never heard of the bride dictating what the Mother-of-the-Groom is to wear. Honestly, you'd think it was 1934 or something. I agree that the MOG jumbed the gun in not knowing the style or formality of the upcoming wedding, but that Bride is overly controlling.