topic Re: Cemeteries? in Among Friends

Cemeteries?

Mom2Dogs — Sat, 20 Apr 2019 23:47:52 GMT

I was having a disucssion with a family member about cemeteries....do you visit the cemetery plot of your loved one and do you also, 'clean up' around the stone?

The cemetery does the mowing, etc, but I am speaking of the stone and area around the stone..it is something that you 'tend' to?

Re: Cemeteries?

kitty60 — Sat, 20 Apr 2019 23:53:39 GMT

When I lived in the area of my parents, grandparents, great grandparents and mother in law I would always take a trip to the cemetery before Memorial Day where I would clean up around the stones and plant some fresh flowers for the summer. Since we moved south I am no longer able to do so although my father in laws grave is near us. That cemetery does not allow plantings and all the upkeep is done by the cemetery. There is a vase for artificial arrangements on the top of each recessed grave marker and we change those a couple of times a year.

Re: Cemeteries?

x Hedge — Sat, 20 Apr 2019 23:57:45 GMT

Yes I visit. Both my parents, my husband, his parents, and other family rest in the same cemetery.

No. I don't do any cleanup.

This detail work is included and they do an excellent job. If I thought it needed additional tending I'd ask for it. They're very responsive to any inquiry or request. I own four more plots.

Re: Cemeteries?

blackhole99 — Sat, 20 Apr 2019 23:58:12 GMT

I don't, but my youngest sister and my elderly aunt do visit the cemetery and do the perpetual care to the grave sites. The Polish and German cemetery's in our town are kept up beautifully by the families of the deceased. The churches only hire someone to cut the grass.

Re: Cemeteries?

Mom2Dogs — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 00:02:54 GMT

One sibling is VERY ANGRY that the area is not kept up like she thinks it should be....it is something I do not want to do, has nothing to do with the love I have for my parents...she is a bully, always has been.

Re: Cemeteries?

nana59 — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 00:01:28 GMT

i have never gone to visit the graves of my parents....don't see the point....my husband, on the other hand, goes frequently to his family cemetery to tidy up.....he even polishes the markers....to each their own...i guess....

Re: Cemeteries?

Sooner — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 00:01:45 GMT

@Mom2Dogs wrote:
I was having a disucssion with a family member about cemeteries....do you visit the cemetery plot of your loved one and do you also, 'clean up' around the stone?

The cemetery does the mowing, etc, but I am speaking of the stone and area around the stone..it is something that you 'tend' to?

No I don't.

Re: Cemeteries?

gizmogal — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 00:07:10 GMT

I visit the graves of my relatives just a few times a year. There are about a dozen all in a row, side by side. Their gravesites are paid for to have “perpetual care”, so surface plantings are pruned and shaped and the whole area is mowed in warm seasons and the paths are shoveled in winter.

Sometimes the footstones are moved a bit for the edging or pruning and then set back in place. If I arrive and see the footstones are not straight or are looking dirty from handling, I stop by the cemetery office and ask for that to be remedied. I’ve never seen any trash or debris, not even faded old flowers that had been set out anywhere, so I don’t have to do any cleanup. I did see the soil under one of the footstones sinking a lot in one corner and the office person assured me it would be filled in properly.

For my own good feeling, I put a pebble or some small commemorative on the footstones to mark that I visited and prayed. Sometimes I see that little marker still in place on my next visit. But not usually. The graves are well tended and clean. Everyone rests in peace, I hope.

Re: Cemeteries?

RedTop — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 00:10:00 GMT

No, my family does not clean up around the stones.

My dad’s family is buried in a public cemetery with full time caretakers. I’ve never seen anything out of place there.

Dad, and several of my mom’s family are buried in a rural family cemetery. We donate money yearly for the basic upkeep on the cemetery, and the caretaker keeps the grass trimmed around each stone. The only thing we occasionally have to do is pick up faded flowers that have blown up against the fence, or pick up pieces of trash. This cemetery would not be maintained at all if we did not donate money to pay a caretaker.

My husband and I have other family buried in very rural family cemeteries that we donate to as well. I want to be able to visit these cemeteries and walk thru them without the grass being up to my knees, or not being able to see what’s hiding in the grass.

Re: Cemeteries?

x Hedge — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 00:11:05 GMT

@Mom2Dogs wrote:
One sibling is VERY ANGRY that the area is not kept up like she thinks it should be....it is something I do not want to do, has nothing to do with the love I have for my parents...she is a bully, always has been.

What are the terms of the contract with the cemetery? That's what's important, not what your sister thinks should be done.

Some provide a very comprehensive grooming in perpetuity. Others are not ever going to provide a detailed service. Some are obligated to, but are poorly managed.

Every cemetery is different, so you can find just the level of after care you need/want/can afford.

Re: Cemeteries?

software — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 00:18:13 GMT

I don't but I should.

My parents, other family members and my DH are in the same close "plot". I'll be there too some day.

I say I should because it looks sad to see a grave with no flowers.

It's a "memorial garden", no plantings, no headstones, only bronze markers in the ground.

It's a beautiful place, but it's a difficult drive for me, it's not convenient, so I don't go.

I should go at least once a year for Memorial/Decoration Day. The ground shifts, the markers dip & they do need more attention than the perpetual care provides.

The marker sits on top of a granite slab, about 2 years ago when I was there, the grass had covered the granite. I cleaned it up.

I can call the office and have them put out flowers, of course I do pay for them.

Re: Cemeteries?

Mom2Dogs — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 00:24:28 GMT

@x Hedge ....the cemetery is maintained by our local taxes and is mowed and cared for....this sibling thinks we should wash the stones and bring scissors to trim the grass better than the cemetery does.

I rarely visit but have never seen it look unkept.

Re: Cemeteries?

chrystaltree — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 00:29:00 GMT

I don't. I know that many people do that. My mom and her sisters tended to all the family graves until they got too old to do it. My mom was cremated, my dad was buried out of state in his home town. But even if they were buried locally, I wouldn't visit their graves often. Maybe not at all. They aren't there in the ground. They are in my heart, in my memories.

Re: Cemeteries?

Mom2Dogs — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 00:35:58 GMT

@chrystaltree , I have always maintained that same thought, they are in my heart...this sibling is a bully, and thinks we should do what she thinks needs to be done...she has not learned that her attitude is why no one gets along with her.

Re: Cemeteries?

shaggygirl — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 00:43:00 GMT

The section of the cemetary where my husband and I bought our plots years ago only allows for flat stone markers. The grounds are well cared for but I do go several times a year and just scrape away the dirt/weeds/grass around the edges of the marker and brush off the dirt that has accumulated in the carved letters & numbers. He was always so fussy about his hair being 100% in place and neat and somehow that translates to me as I need to go neaten him up, he wouldn't want his marker messy. Maybe that only makes sense to me.

Re: Cemeteries?

wishmoon — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 00:48:31 GMT

Cemeteries are becoming a thing of the past, I saw on FB that a city near me has many old cemeteries overgrown and not taken care of. They are relying on ppl volunteering to shovel the roads in winter and cutting the grass in summer. I imagine this will only last a short time until they will give up.

I would never be buried in a cemetery, but, of course, there are still many who would.

Re: Cemeteries?

1Snickers — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 00:50:19 GMT

@software I go to the cemetery and put seasonal flowers down.

There are two large marble headstones in the family plot and many small ones. It’s perpetually cared for but they don’t clean the stones. I really must find someone who will do it properly.

(Once I’m gone it will never get done!)

Re: Cemeteries?

hckynut — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 00:51:38 GMT

@Mom2Dogs

I visit my mother's grave at random times on no specific days. The cemetery where she Is buried allows only "in ground" stones. My mom taught us to keep things clean and I brush off things on her gravestone, but leave the grass etc. up to the grounds keepers.

hckynut

Re: Cemeteries?

wismiss — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 07:44:17 GMT

Yes, my cousin and I are the ones who visit the two main cemeteries where most of our relatives are buried. I moved to the area four years ago and since then we have willingly taken on this responsibiity. We take our battery operated clippers and trim closely to the stones, where the mower doesn't remove the grass, etc. Our "family" cemetery is maintained by a church and the funds are provided for mowing, but not for trimming. Cleaning of the stones is up to the family and lichen, mold, and mosses and even sap from nearby trees need to be removed. Many of the stones had been neglected for years (my grandpa on my father's side passed in 1932 just to give you an idea), four young children were lost due to childhood illnesses, etc., so there are a lot of family stones in one cemetery. Some of the stones were so bad it was difficult to even read the names on the markers. In the other are my maternal grandparents, my parents, her parents and brother, and a lot of other relatives. We found many of the stones needed to be cleaned and used four different products. We found that D2 worked the best, so we will be cleaning the rest with that product. We simply sprayed it on and over the period of a few months the stones were cleaned. The stones that were heavily covered with lichen needed a second treatment.

My grandfather's marker was placed during the depression and it was starting to crumble and decay (the stone that held the marker), so we took on a fundraising effort and raised enough funds to purchase a marker to match grandma's. (She died in 1960, 28 years after he did.) None of us ever knew my grandpa, but we believe it to be our generation's task to do this, as it doesn't seem that the future generations seem to be interested in preserving the ancestoral history of the family.

Re: Cemeteries?

patbz — Sun, 21 Apr 2019 01:11:18 GMT

My parents are buried at Arlington Cemetery, so no problems with maintenance and decorations. I live in Arizona and have not visited their graves but they are always in my heart.