topic Re: Any thoughts??? in Among Friends

Any thoughts???

Snowhite714 — Wed, 08 May 2019 04:11:13 GMT

I cannot seem to stop shopping, especially at QVC. Constantly purchasing clothes that I DO NOT need. I work from home, occasionally going into the office, some lite travel for work, why am I still purchasing clothes that I do not need. And if it's something that I really like, I buy in multiple colors. I can wear but so much. Remember we wear 20% of our wardrobe 80% of the time, this is so true. My closets can hold but so much. I can't tell you how much I have donated to charity, all brand new, unworn!!! I'm not a millionaire by any means. I just don't understand why I can't stop. It seems easier to pay those ridiculously high monthly bills rather than save the money, what's up with that? I don't get it. Anyone else suffering from the same ailment? Maybe we can help one another. Hope this post doesn't get zapped. Thanks for listening.

Re: Any thoughts???

Lindsays Grandma — Tue, 30 Apr 2019 05:11:55 GMT

For some people it takes a great deal of self control not to overdo when it comes to shopping. I, thank God have been practical and budget wise all my life. As much as I might want something I wouldn't buy it unless my budget allowed it.

You, Snowhite 714 appear to have an addiction and if you can't control it on your own, you may have to seek professional help. Hopefully someone on these boards can give you advice. I wish you lots of luck in finding a way to solve the problem. If and when you succeed I hope you let us know so we can congratulate you.

Re: Any thoughts???

Anonymous032819 — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 03:39:41 GMT

Shopping can be addictive, just like alcohol can be addictive, just like food can be addictive, just like gambling can be addictive.

With an addict, they are usually trying to cover up pain, or to fill a void in their life.

I would suggest getting with a therapist to get to the bottom of why you are addicted to shopping.

Re: Any thoughts???

Warrior2022 — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 03:44:47 GMT

Find a new goal or hobby. I started leaving all credit and debit cards at home. Since you work from home, give them to someone to hold, a trusted person. Put them in the freezer. Get new numbers so the merchants will need a new number.

Our goal is to move out of state and my DH tells me everyday, "keep your eye on the prize." We are winning! lol

Re: Any thoughts???

Equuleus — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 03:59:50 GMT

You have an addiction. First step is admitting it. You won't find any answers to deal with it here. You need to speak with a professional to get to the bottom of it.

Re: Any thoughts???

Snowhite714 — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 04:00:33 GMT

@Lindsays Grandma @Anonymous032819 All good points, I'm hoping that your responses will give me the strength to cease my spending, trying to avoid the therapist route.

Re: Any thoughts???

haddon9 — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 04:17:23 GMT

Sorry to hear that you're going through this. I also find myself buying too much...clothes that I really don't need and I also work from home. I'll often have QVC on in the background and it's too easy to make a purchase!

I also have clothes unworn but intead of donating I sold them in a local consignment shop. At least I made some money back.

I find that if I just don't watch QVC then I won't buy as much. I also try to find other things to watch or listen to while working (I have an Etsy shop). Listening to podcasts or audio books can help break the Q habit. Like any bad habit it's easy to fall into if you don't take steps to break it.

Re: Any thoughts???

software — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 04:34:27 GMT

I'm that way with jewelry

I want everything I see

Like clothing, you can only wear so much.

I have to remove myself from the temptation.

Turn off the TV, stay out of the jewelry department, stay off internet sites.

I have hobbies & my honey-do list is as long as my arm and I don't have a honey!

@Snowhite714

Re: Any thoughts???

CAcableGirl2 — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 04:35:52 GMT

@Snowhite714 I would try to set small goals for yourself. Go 2 days without spending any money other than groceries, or go a full a week if you can. Stay away from temptations and focus on some sort of project, maybe cleaning out the garage, or going through your closets to see what you can return to the stores (this will take discipline...walk in, return, and then walk out.)

Maybe you can spend some time volunteering, baking cookies, working in the yard, going through your cookbooks, exercising, etc..

If you find yourself busy with other things to do, it will make it easier to refrain from shopping.

If tempted to buy from QVC, put them into your wish list and 9 times out of 10, if you wait a few days, the temptation has passed.

You can always put them into your wish list, and then post for others on this board to talk you out of it - it may help you to decide if you really NEED the items, or just doing complusive shopping.

I asked once about Jimmy the Bakers cinnamon rolls if they were really that good and worth ordering, and someone on this site reminded me that I could get very similar ones from the frozen foods section at my grocery store for only a few dollars for a package, and did I really need that many....I then realized that other poster saved me $50!

Re: Any thoughts???

mintedrose — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 04:56:55 GMT

That very much sounds like an addiction which is just like gambling. Addictions of such sort can become very serious if not taken seriously in time. I know that certain additions cost people their homes and lives so its not to be taken lightly. One good thing here is that you are aware of your problem so now you need to start working on it. I would advice you to stop watching Q so much. I know last year when i was constantly watching, i thought i 'needed' everything. Its very much of a trap that consumers get themselves into.

So lets take baby steps...

1) Acknowledge theres a problem.

2) Ask yourself, what is it really you're trying to fulfill within your life? Sometimes shopping becomes a therapy for something else we're struggling with in our lives.

2) When the urge comes to watch Q, distract yourself to do something else.

3) If you insist you need to watch and cannot control that, then watch but promise yourself you wont buy.

4) Seek professional counseling and get support

Good luck!

Re: Any thoughts???

GAQShopr53 — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 05:24:32 GMT

Years ago when I stopped working I did not realize I was bored and had too much time on my hands so I started shopping. I got caught up in the thrill of shopping and the lure was the "as is", lunchtime, primetime, and clearance specials. Before you know it you have bags of items and did not realize you already purchased some items. I finally donated/gave away and started gifting items as presents vs purchasing something new.

You may have to take the plunge and delete your stored credit card information on sites that you frequent...especially QVC. I would suggest going through recent items and returning them if possible to get your money back. I would turn off the channel and find something else to do when you feel the urge to shop. If this doesn't work you may have to get help.

Re: Any thoughts???

SuperShopper — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 06:53:28 GMT

This is a problem that soooooo many of us have. The sad thing is that if it continues unchecked, it can drive you into poverty as you get older.

Admitting that there is a problem is the first step. Then remembering that you have a problem is important also as you move forward.

In my humble opinion, you don't need a therapist, you need something like Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. A therapist will cost you wads of money and may take months to address your issues. You can get stuck in the paralysis of analysis trying to figure out WHY, which may drive you to making a purchase to make yourself feel better.

My suggestion is for you to cancel your online shopping accounts. Or at least delete the payment options to make it harder to make new purchases.

As another person suggested, return everything you can. Go through your closets and cupboards and sell everything that is unneeded. Pay off any outstanding easy pays if you can that might keep you from closing your accounts.

Go through your online shopping bills and figure out how much you are spending on clothes, shoes, or whatever it is that tempts you. You may be shocked into realizing just how much money you have wasted. Shipping charges & return charges add up very fast.

Stop watching. Stop checking the website.

These merchants make it so easy & it becomes a form of addiction. "You want it, you need it, you deserve it ...."

"Feel free to get as many as you want." "It's selling out, it won't be reordered ....."

If you like having the TV on for company, noise, etc, find another type of programming ..... home decor, travel, cooking .... I have started watching golf. The courses are in beautiful locations, often by the ocean, with beautiful plants or dramatic scenery.

Watch the hoarder shows on TV and see how many of them have mountains of unopened boxes from online merchants.

It can be a form of aversion therapy for you to see how others have ruined their lives with stuff.

I know a woman who has hoarding tendencies that is now in horrible health and has no money left to live on. Over the last several years, she has spent many thousands of dollars buying stuff she does not need from shopping channels and online merchants. It is pitiful.

My mother who is 92 and is experiencing cognitive dysfunction (probably dementia) won't quit buying stuff. Thankfully she has not run out of money yet, but she can't/won't give it up, despite the best efforts of her family caregivers.

I am preaching to myself. Your question has given me the incentive to change my evil ways too LOL!!!

Remember that song Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover?

"Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan,
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me,
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much,
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free."

Many of us need to "make a new plan, Stan" & get ourselves free.

I am not a Marie Kondo devotee, but her method may be helpful:

There are six basic rules to get started:

Commit yourself to tidying up.
Imagine your ideal lifestyle.
Finish discarding first. Before getting rid of items, sincerely thank each item for serving its purpose.
Tidy by category, not location.
Follow the right order.
Ask yourself it it sparks joy.

Unnecessary shopping clearly does not spark joy.

Find ways to reward yourself for making progress that don't involve more shopping/spending, eating or alcohol LOL!!!

Keep a journal or document your progress in a way that is meaningful to you.

Set concrete financial goals and make it a project to meet them.

Acknowledge that you can spend a dollar only once.

Identify other things that are priorities for your money, like saving for a car or other big ticket item, putting away money for retirement or health care, furniture, travel, etc.

Set a rule for yourself that for every item that comes in, another item must go out.

Blessings to you! Keep us posted on your progress.

I hope others post additional suggestions or encouragement on how to shake the shopping habit.

Re: Any thoughts???

Snowhite714 — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 07:02:38 GMT

@mintedrose wrote:
That very much sounds like an addiction which is just like gambling. Addictions of such sort can become very serious if not taken seriously in time. I know that certain additions cost people their homes and lives so its not to be taken lightly. One good thing here is that you are aware of your problem so now you need to start working on it. I would advice you to stop watching Q so much. I know last year when i was constantly watching, i thought i 'needed' everything. Its very much of a trap that consumers get themselves into.

So lets take baby steps...

1) Acknowledge theres a problem.
2) Ask yourself, what is it really you're trying to fulfill within your life? Sometimes shopping becomes a therapy for something else we're struggling with in our lives.
2) When the urge comes to watch Q, distract yourself to do something else.
3) If you insist you need to watch and cannot control that, then watch but promise yourself you wont buy.
4) Seek professional counseling and get support

Good luck!

@mintedrose Thank you.

Re: Any thoughts???

Snowhite714 — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 07:14:20 GMT

@SuperShopper Thank you so very much for the time and thought taken to respond. You of course have touched on many good points, many of which do apply to my situation. It's like you know me. And I certainly hope that one day, very soon, I can say "I am debt free from unnecessary shopping!!!" Thank you for the guidance and for caring.

Re: Any thoughts???

cotton4me — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 09:39:20 GMT

You’ve received some good advice. What works for me is avoiding the temptation in the first place. For example, avoiding shops where I know I'll be tempted, throwing away catalogs as soon as I receive them, not watching shopping channels, etc. If I don’t see it or know about it, I won’t be tempted. Out of sight, out of mind.

I hope you find what works for you.

Re: Any thoughts???

CalminHeart — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 10:27:26 GMT

I'm a shopaholic too. It takes a lot of willpower and guts to admit it and to want to do something about it. I laugh that I can get a high buying toilet paper.

I got some counseling -- EMDR - and it changed my life. EMDR is a somewhat new method which uses both sides of your brain and gives you real tools to use when anxiety (temptation) arises. It can be tough but it also works if you put your whole self into it. It's 1000 times better than talk therapy. I still shop on occasion but I'm a far cry better than I used to be. Just be sure whomever you go to is EMDR trained/certified.

Re: Any thoughts???

Big Joanie — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 11:30:43 GMT

Try watching " Hoarders" .. that might cure you .... also the limited

income on S.S. is a cure also ....at that point there is only so much

money to go around ....

And yes .. listening to Dave Ramsey would be good also ....

Re: Any thoughts???

Krimpette — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 11:47:52 GMT

I find that I rarely watch the shopping channels these days. I never had an "addiction", rather I just decided I didn't enjoy the shopping channels like I once did. My only exception is Craft days on HSN.

Maybe you can deactivate your credit cards on the shopping channels. Makes it much more difficult to shop if you have to get up and get your credit card and type in the number.

But best of all....just don't watch the shopping channels. Get immersed in some other programs if you need the TV on in the background.

Good luck!!!!

Re: Any thoughts???

Imaoldhippie — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 12:06:47 GMT

@Snowhite714 ................this is not a problem for us to answer. You need to make an appointment with a counselor, you have an addiction problem. Good luck.

Re: Any thoughts???

PamfromCT — Mon, 29 Apr 2019 14:06:48 GMT

You have taken the important first step. You have admitted your problem. And bravely here in writing. And you have gotten such good advice here from forum friends.

Many share your problem. Temptation abounds is everywhere. Yes, stop watching selling channels. Throw catalogs away. Stop internet shopping.

Because you live alone and work from home, perhaps it might help to get out of the house more and be with people. You may consider taking an evening class, go to a gym, join a club you might enjoy, do some volunteer work, etc. And going for counseling might also help. You do have a common problem!

Americans are known for being champion buyers!

You might consider going to your local library. Spend some time there. Pick out a book you find exciting, and check out some magazines or DVDs you can watch. You will come home with some things that you have spent nothing on.

This is not just a problem with women. My DH has an antique car and belongs to a car club. A few people have barns filled with old cars - say 20 or more. Yes, it’s their money. But what ordinary person can put the time, money, and trouble of maintaining all those cars, plus the building.

Just me here.

Best of luck to you. I admire your honesty and bravery.