topic Re: Friendship Fizzle in Among Friends

Friendship Fizzle

Gayle2 — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 16:43:01 GMT

Last fall, I celebrated my birthday with my two sisters. We spent much time discussing firendships we have had over the years form childhood on. Both of my sisters had mentioned that their were certain firendships that they had "ourgrown". With that said, have you every felt like you have outgrown a friendship? If so, how did you handle it?

Re: Friendship Fizzle

IMW — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 16:52:28 GMT

I gradually lessen contact, if they don’t get the hint I tell

them I no longer have the same interests and my time is too valuable to pretend. I wish them the best......

It isn’t easy, but it sure is a relief. I have enough things I have to do in life, being “friends” is not one of them.

Re: Friendship Fizzle

VaBelle35 — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 16:59:18 GMT

I agree that we outgrow people. People who don't bring anything positive I tend to lessen contact with.

Re: Friendship Fizzle

barb40 — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 17:07:53 GMT

Great question! I do think friendships evolve and change over the years. A phrase that comes to mind is..."Don't try to swim the ocean for someone who won't jump over a puddle for you."

I'm struggling with a 40 year friendship that seems to be dissolving...I'm not quite sure what to do about it...still pondering...it may just naturally fizzle out...

Re: Friendship Fizzle

OKPrincess — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 17:29:50 GMT

This saying (May have picked it up here) comes to mind.

Since I no longer work, I don’t have the friendship as we once shared. But I still in contact with two ladies I worked with in 1986. We bonded then and still see each other often.

Re: Friendship Fizzle

BirkiLady — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 17:35:04 GMT

Cannot be hurtful when friendships evolve. I try to let them end by mutual necessity and naturally. No one feels pained or jilted. Life goes on for all parties concerned. We are able to be friendly when we do run into each other and stop for a quick "catch up" . . . which is important for everyone who enters our lives. We never know when something may happen and that person may need our help or vice-versa. I don't burn any bridges.

Re: Friendship Fizzle

chrystaltree — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 17:37:18 GMT

Yes, I have. I think most people experience that because people come into our lives at various times and we bond because we have shared experiences. I have become good friends with people I worked with over the years, we bonded and saw each other outside of work but it was the work that kept us together. Once we didn't have that, the bonds weaken and you find yourself "trying" to hard to maintain the friendship. That can put a strain on the friendship. When you stop "trying" to make it work, the friendship either dies a natural death or you become acquaintences who see each other occasionally. I never see the friends I had when we we all lived close to each other and were raising our kids because the only things we had in common were the kids and their activities. There was no "break up", we just saw less and less of each other over time and then we didn't see each other at all.

Re: Friendship Fizzle

Shanus — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 17:45:52 GMT

I think this happens to most of us, but as long as it works about 75% of the time, I’ll work on the friendship. Finding new good fiends at this age is not easy.

Re: Friendship Fizzle

Mom2Dogs — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 18:11:57 GMT

I am sort of experiencing this....this friendship has been on going for 40+years..we still keep in touch on a regular basis and do the same things as we always have but she has grown closer to her sisters (which we are all friends) but things just 'feel' different....could be me but I was once the one she would call if she wanted to shop..have lunch, needed something etc, (and I did the same) but now that others have been included it just changes the mix of the group....I feel like I have taken a back seat....but these are my feelings and may not be true at all.

Re: Friendship Fizzle

libbyannE — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 18:44:03 GMT

I really value long-time friendships but I had to let go of one of them. The person in question was often negative, and every conversation seemed to involve one-sided jealousy and put-downs from her. I had known her since third grade and never responded in kind but I got so tired of it. When we reached about 40 years old and she was still like that, there was so much else going on in my life that I just couldn’t take it anymore and I dropped her. I’ve never done that with anyone else. Before or since.

Re: Friendship Fizzle

chrystaltree — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 18:48:44 GMT

@Mom2Dogs wrote:
I am sort of experiencing this....this friendship has been on going for 40+years..we still keep in touch on a regular basis and do the same things as we always have but she has grown closer to her sisters (which we are all friends) but things just 'feel' different....could be me but I was once the one she would call if she wanted to shop..have lunch, needed something etc, (and I did the same) but now that others have been included it just changes the mix of the group....I feel like I have taken a back seat....but these are my feelings and may not be true at all.

I can relate, that's different from a friendship losing steam. 40 years is a lifetime, I have been friends with my bff for 35 years and she's more like a sister than a friend. I think you got it right; the dynamics of your friendship have changed now that she's close to her sisters. There new friends in the mix and if you all like each other and are compatible, it will sort itself out. But your friendship will different now. Not "less" of a friendship, just different. I think since they are sisters, you are feeling like odd man out. That's normal. You just have give it time. I have good friend, I have a small circle of good friends, there were 4 of us. Now there are 5 because the sister of one has joined our group. She's single, no children and after she retired she said she lost her friends. I can see how that could happen. We all took to her immediately, she's fit right in and she's funny and warm and a QVC shopper. The problem is the two sisters bicker and snipe at each other all the time. I think our old friend is having trouble adjusting to the change in dynamics.

Re: Friendship Fizzle

hckynut — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 20:34:53 GMT

Yes, many! Different reasons for most, but my way of ending any friendship, is straight forward. I am not one that leaves anyone guessing about any type of relationship.

hckynut

Re: Friendship Fizzle

shortbreadlover — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 21:46:08 GMT

i just let the friendship die .i had to do thjis with a good friend recently. it just got the the point that she was draining me.

Re: Friendship Fizzle

blackhole99 — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 23:50:30 GMT

I could always tell when a friendship was going down the drain, we just didn't enjoy being together anymore and let it go. I have never had a long term friendship, I had friendships from school, but that ended when school did. Once I got married my best friend was my husband and I had less time for the friends I made at work. I remember how disappointed I was when my cousin and her friend since high school, ended their 50 year friendship.

Re: Friendship Fizzle

lynnie61 — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 23:57:13 GMT

It happens. I was usually the one that tried to keep some of the friends together trying to keep events planned. (Not often 3/4 times a year). Most of us still work/ have families or spouses. I can always understand if someone can’t make it. We usually start with offers of a few different days to choose from. One of the group rarely ever makes it. It’s ok. Maybe she outgrew us, but I don’t take it personal. Peoples lives change and priorities change. But. . . I will only put so much effort forth if you cancel 75% of the time. The rest of us seem to enjoy our outings still

Re: Friendship Fizzle

occasionalrain — Fri, 01 Feb 2019 04:37:01 GMT

Years ago when my best friend got married, neither my husband nor I liked him so it wasn't long until that friendship ended. Since then some friends have had grandchildren and they have become central to their lives and, unfortunately, their conversation. How much does anyone care about another's grandchildren?

Re: Friendship Fizzle

Mom2Dogs — Fri, 01 Feb 2019 01:50:04 GMT

@occasionalrain.....you are so right about the grandchildren conversation...the group of 3 other girls I run with 2 of them have grandkids....that is about all they talk about. I don't mind hearing something once in a while but there are many other things to discuss....I don't have children, so I am probably biased....it gets old very fast.

Re: Friendship Fizzle

jeanlake — Fri, 01 Feb 2019 02:17:43 GMT

Lots of good thoughts on the subject. I do believe we have people in our lives for seasons and there may be only a handful of people who are 'all season' friends.

I'm currently going through this distance with a friend I've known for 32 years. She's made bizarre decisions for 10 years, since her husband passed. Won't listen to anyone or get counseling. Her grown children and friends are weary. I needed space and I tried to explain why.

Another friend I've known for 15 years -- is so religious now. It's as if she's joined a cult. It's not normal and it's hard to talk with her. Several friends are backing off. I'm right behind them.

Different seasons. Feels mean, but you have to save yourself sometimes.

Re: Friendship Fizzle

dex — Fri, 01 Feb 2019 17:55:23 GMT

I have a friend in the process of unfriending me I think.She seems to be less talkative.My dh recently retired and I have been busy keeping him busy so it is probably my fault.I should ask her what’s going on to be sure.

Re: Friendship Fizzle

SeaMaiden — Fri, 01 Feb 2019 18:17:50 GMT

Yes. It has happened many many times during my life stages... especially in my 20's and 30's....... I had BEST BEST girl friends and even several platonic boy friends. We were super close and did everything together. Then it just gradually stopped... and we all moved on with our lives.

I have always made friends very easy... in childhood I always had many many friends... close friends... and also as an adult.... many friendships became very close. But, none of them are in my life today. I just out grew the relationship and the friendship no longer was needed.

Today at age 63 I have no close friends.. It is how I want it now... I do not want close friends. They require too much to nourish the relationship. I do not want pressure to do things or go places...