topic Re: Making new friends when retired in Among Friends

Making new friends when retired

lovesrecess — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 04:19:33 GMT

I retired a few years earlier than most of my friends and coworkers....they are in a whole different circle now than me and I find myself on the outside looking in....how do you make friends after you retire and no longer are involved with those you worked with for so many years? I have attempted to make contact with my former coworkers with no response. Invited them to dinner...nothing. Guess they are just too busy for me now.

Re: Making new friends when retired

GusMo — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 04:42:18 GMT

I retired last summer. I still see a couple of my former coworkers. I have become better friends with a woman from my book club. I have started taking yoga classes and have met some wonderful people there. I’d say classes, volunteering, maybe a book club through the library. Good luck. I love not working!

Re: Making new friends when retired

Kitlynn — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 04:56:14 GMT

When I retired we also moved to our dream home. So I have made a couple of really great friends in the neighborhood and then I also still do things with a couple of really good old friends. So it is a balance. However I love just doing my own thing also now that I am retired.

Re: Making new friends when retired

elated — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 04:58:12 GMT

You could try a Senior Center where they have a variety of activities.

Re: Making new friends when retired

TX YellowRose — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 05:00:46 GMT

That is really a great question. I had to quit working when I was 52 to take care of my husband who had a stroke. I fully expected to go back to work because I loved what I did. (social service, non-profits) Like you stated, work was also where I developed my social cirlcle and friendships, but that does change when you leave.

Life took differen twists and turns and I never did return to work. My DH is 13 years older than I. After his stroke he never was able to resume working and he loved his job as much as I did.

It took us a while just getting used to both of us being together ALL the time. I relish my alone time.

To answer your question: We started going to the pool. We both love the water and it was a great rehab exercise for DH. We were not looking for friendships but we met like minded people there and we developed some great friends at the pool. Also, we took "senior" trips that were provided by the city free in the Houston area for any senior group. Also there are AARP groups, church groups, Senior Center goups etc. We met and made so many wonder friends that way.

Give it time, friendships will just happen organically when start going to activities that you are interested in.

Good luck in your retirement, it's the beginning of so many new adventures for you !

Re: Making new friends when retired

kitcat51 — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 05:14:45 GMT

Volunteering is an wonderful way to meet others & make friends, that's what I did after my husband died & all the friends we had as a couple drifted away...their so happy to see you out & about but since you're a single you aren't invited to couple activities anymore. I was deeply hurt but moved on & happily found that helping others has helped me....I hope it can help you too.

Re: Making new friends when retired

Lilysmom — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 20:22:17 GMT

@lovesrecess, I agree with other posters. Get involved in your community in some way. I moved to my home 13 years ago, got active and now have a wider circle of friends. Don’t just look for people your age. I work on three committees and have met a lot of people that way.

Don’t expect your work friends to be major players in your life now that you are retired. You will probably maintain certain key relationships from work if they are important to you but this is a new time in your life and you should be looking to make new connections.

Join the gym, hit the library, go to the Community Center if you have one. Have a pet ... they are wonderful for making connections. My Lab and I go every noon time during the week to let another Lab out for a bathroom break. We love her family.

Good luck on this new part of your life. Happy retirement! LM

Re: Making new friends when retired

chiclet — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 11:55:06 GMT

I think it is very hard to make friends after retirment. Everyone seems to have their friends, family, and grandchildren all in place and don't need or want new friends. I meet people who are very nice but are happy with the people already in their life that they have known forever.

Re: Making new friends when retired

AngelPuppy1 — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 12:07:08 GMT

I'm newly retired and I haven't really reached that point where you are at yet. I am still enjoying my new found freedom and just relaxing and enjoying spending time with DH!

However, I can understand where you are coming from! I have heard several other people say when they retired or quit working at the same place, that they no longer felt they had much in common with the people they thought were friends and people were just not keeping in touch with them or finding time to get together. I think a lot of times its work that is the common thread. I'm not saying that happens all the time and that people don't form genuine friendships with people they work with.

I think there are great suggestions from the other posters here. I would suggest a lot of the same things --- join an exercise class, a craft class, cooking class. Or volunteer. How about an animal shelter or senior center. A local library often needs volunteers for various things.

Best wishes!

Re: Making new friends when retired

GSPgirl — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 12:18:30 GMT

I had to retire early in my 50’s because of pain and I started water aerobics. I am part of a great community. We all get together a few times a year outside of the pool to have lunch. I learn about new volunteer projects from my friends and book clubs, too. It’s opened up a whole new world for me.

Re: Making new friends when retired

Imaoldhippie — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 12:24:54 GMT

Find something you like. Such as volunteering at an animal shelter, a hospital, book club, etc. You will meet people you have something in common with.

IMO people you work with are not really friends because with most of them the only thing you have in common is work. (There are exceptions of course.)

Re: Making new friends when retired

barb40 — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 12:25:08 GMT

I would say do what interests you...be open to people of all ages...My parents have some wonderful neighbors, they all look out for each other...see each other when walking in the neighborhood, have gatherings on occasion. They go to the Community Center to work out. They love to travel. My Dad is really good about calling people to stay in touch. Meets with high school friends occasionally. My Dad volunteered with Meals on Wheels for many years. My Mom is in a knitting group at their church. They volunteer at their church, and go out to eat on Saturday nights with their church friends. They go out with friends on Monday nights to a Mexican restaurant. In their late 70's...They are having fun!

Re: Making new friends when retired

cotton4me — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 20:03:21 GMT

I was in the same boat for a while but over time I’ve made friends just by doing things I enjoy. For instance, I enjoy walking and nature. There are a couple of nature parks near my home where I walk each day. There are many regulars who do the same, mostly retirees. I’ve gotten to know many of them as we discuss the latest animal sightings or park news. I’ve also made a few good friends whom I meet regularly.

Re: Making new friends when retired

Eileen in Virginia — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 13:44:51 GMT

@TX YellowRose wrote:
That is really a great question. I had to quit working when I was 52 to take care of my husband who had a stroke. I fully expected to go back to work because I loved what I did. (social service, non-profits) Like you stated, work was also where I developed my social cirlcle and friendships, but that does change when you leave.

Life took differen twists and turns and I never did return to work. My DH is 13 years older than I. After his stroke he never was able to resume working and he loved his job as much as I did.

It took us a while just getting used to both of us being together ALL the time. I relish my alone time.

To answer your question: We started going to the pool. We both love the water and it was a great rehab exercise for DH. We were not looking for friendships but we met like minded people there and we developed some great friends at the pool. Also, we took "senior" trips that were provided by the city free in the Houston area for any senior group. Also there are AARP groups, church groups, Senior Center goups etc. We met and made so many wonder friends that way.

Give it time, friendships will just happen organically when start going to activities that you are interested in.

Good luck in your retirement, it's the beginning of so many new adventures for you !

I retired in mid-summer when the temps were triple digit, so I decided to take advantage of our pool membership, too. Within a few weeks I met a group of retired women there and we’ve become good friends. During the summer we meet at the pool every day that it isn’t raining. Once the pool closes, we get together at least once a month to celebrate birthdays. If one of us has a problem or needs something, the others are quick to help out. I kept in touch with my work friends for a while, but we just didn’t have very much in common once I retired. They live far enough away from me (DC area traffic’s just crazy) driving to meet them isn’t practical. Also, while I consider myself to be friendly, I’m not a networker.

Re: Making new friends when retired

meem120 — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 14:02:21 GMT

You have to put yourself out there. I started by going to the Y and joined a walking group. Then I tried diffrent volunteer positions that interested me. Some worked out and some didnt. It just depends on what your interests are. I also got a puppy, took up knitting again and when anyone asks " do you want to go........" I say yes. Even if I dont relly feel like it!! You'll. find your niche. My work frinds are still working at diff places, but we do mamage to get together about every 3 months. There arent alot of friends, but Ive made 2 or 3 close friends since retireing. It does take time though.

Re: Making new friends when retired

kaydee50 — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 14:06:00 GMT

@chicletI agree with you 100%. Everyone has their own lives and are not looking for new friends. We moved to a city where we don't have family or friends so it has been a slow process. I joined a knitting group at 2 church based organizations and have become friendly with several women there. It takes time and is a slow process. I also plan to look into a couple of volunteer opportunities.

Bottom line--do something you enjoy and hopefully you will find compatible friends.

Re: Making new friends when retired

CherryHugs — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 15:03:57 GMT

I am not retired but have you tried Church or Sunday School?

Re: Making new friends when retired

MsCatLuver — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 15:11:39 GMT

@GusMo wrote:
I retired last summer. I still see a couple of my former coworkers. I have become better friends with a woman from my book club. I have started taking yoga classes and have met some wonderful people there. I’d say classes, volunteering, maybe a book club through the library. Good luck. I love not working!

ITA. Also, If you are religious, perhaps your church or synogague has a group.

Re: Making new friends when retired

Shanus — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 15:19:00 GMT

@lovesrecess wrote:
I retired a few years earlier than most of my friends and coworkers....they are in a whole different circle now than me and I find myself on the outside looking in....how do you make friends after you retire and no longer are involved with those you worked with for so many years? I have attempted to make contact with my former coworkers with no response. Invited them to dinner...nothing. Guess they are just too busy for me now.

@lovesrecess Not “retired” from workplace, since always worked from home...quite isolating. I find it difficult to break into a group that have already formed their click. Even at the gym, friends joined together and seem to have their private conversations before/after class. It’s quite frustrating and I get what you’re saying.

Our neighborhood is mostly women in their mid-to late 40’s..still carpooling teens, etc. That’s a 30 yr. age difference. It’s a tough issue for many to begin new friendships. Our senior center has 80-85 yr. old people sitting playing checkers...not quite ready for that yet.

Re: Making new friends when retired

ahoymate — Mon, 14 Jan 2019 16:50:18 GMT

It's not easy to make "friends" when you're older. Trust is a big issue with older adults. As other poster stated, older adults have established relations and don't necessarily want to make new friends.

FYI......Gyms are not a place for making friends. The best you can hope for is acquaintances. You can make many acquaintances. Friends? Not so much.