topic Re: Why does DH do this? in Among Friends

Why does DH do this?

mintedrose — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 21:53:34 GMT

I love my DH but sometimes i just wanna strangle him. He never makes his own appointments, whether its for eyes, teeth, general stuff. I know he has a busy schedule and in the past Ive had to schedule them all but now im just fed up with it. I literally have to remind him like a child every few hours or he'll make up an excuse.

He's missed his eyes appointment 3 times now and ive had to cancel and reschedule numerous times because of his schedule or he'll have something else he gets busy with. The problem is he wears contacts and he's run out of them a month ago so he's been stretching them out which is irritating his eyes. Ive been on his case to go to his eye doctor. He says he cant because of schedule. So I end up asking them for a pair of extra contacts for him which can last an extra month hoping he can find time in a month.

His appointment was scheduled today, he was supposed to go after he got done meeting up with his dad. Well, guess what, now he's over their house fixing their printer and God know what else. I reminded him again that his appointment is later today but he thought he missed it already. My goodness. Is it just me? What is up with men these days?

Re: Why does DH do this?

PinkyPetunia — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 21:59:33 GMT

I would never make my husband's appointments for him.

Give him the phone number and let him deal with it. When he runs out of contact lenses it will be his problem. You are not his mommy. Let him suffer the consequences.

I wouldn't generalize and say what is up with men. My husband is not like that.

Re: Why does DH do this?

kaydee50 — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 21:59:40 GMT

My DH is the same but he is retired and can't use the excuse he's "busy." So unless I make the appointments, he doesn't go. I think this is a common trait of men for whatever reason.

So what's the worse that will happen if you don't remind him? If he runs out of contacts and can't see, maybe then he'll keep his appointment???

Re: Why does DH do this?

Ladylaughsalot — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 22:04:00 GMT

I agree with Pinkypetunia. He’s a grown man. Let him make his own appointments; if he misses it, no fault of yours. My husband always makes and keeps his own appointments. I have never made an appointment for him.

Re: Why does DH do this?

nana59 — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 22:06:16 GMT

you're enabling him.....

Re: Why does DH do this?

AuntG — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 22:11:16 GMT

Frankly, I wouldn't make another eye appointment of ask for an extension of his current prescription. You tried, now let him deal with it.

Re: Why does DH do this?

Venezia — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 22:15:46 GMT

My DH makes his own appointments and goes to them. He very rarely needs a reminder. I make my own as well.

I think some men just don't want to go to any kind of medical appointment. If that's the case, you're going to have to stop scheduling things for him and let the chips fall where they may.

You're lucky, if you haven't been charged for all those missed appointments. Where I am, they might excuse one missed appointment for a long-time patient, but for repeated offenses they would bill for it.

It's inconsiderate to others who might've needed that appointment and couldn't have it because your DH did and it's disrepectful to the the professional. Wasting their time is rude. Perhaps he could see it from that perspective.

And as far as stretching out his contacts and his eyes getting irritated - he's lucky, if that's the only complication he gets. Messing with anything you put in your eyes is downright foolish, due to the risk of infection.

Stop being his nanny and see what happens.

Re: Why does DH do this?

Sooner — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 22:18:58 GMT

@mintedrose I am very fortunate because I could never begin to repay my husband for what he has brought to my life and for the zillion things he does for me, so no, I can't get to see this as a real big issue. Especially now that we are old. It's too precious to worry about stuff like that at this stage of life.

Re: Why does DH do this?

RedTop — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 22:21:12 GMT

Your DH does it because he’s lazy, and because you always come along behind him and fix it. STOP enabling his laziness. Marrying does not mean taking someone else to raise.

Re: Why does DH do this?

OKPrincess — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 22:23:01 GMT

DH is very good about making his own appointments and keeping them.

He may be forgetful or absentminded in other areas but not when it comes to appointments.

Re: Why does DH do this?

SXMGirl — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 22:23:36 GMT

@mintedrose, If DH asks me to make an appointment for him, I make it and immediately put it on the calendar. I let him know when the appointment is scheduled and he can then read the calendar. I am not his mother. Either he gets there or he doesn't.

Re: Why does DH do this?

alarmclock — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 22:29:26 GMT

You are not his mommy and you are not his secretary. Let him handle it. When he does not handle it, do not allow him to make it your fault.

Head him off at the pass.

Write down the names, addresses and phone numbers of every person he needs to see.

Date it.

Hand it to him.

Never look back.

Re: Why does DH do this?

beth58 — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 22:30:25 GMT

I also stretched out the use of contacts and woke up one morning unable to see. I had developed corneal ulcers and was in the eye surgery unit within hours,. Took weeks to heal . Tell your husband of the risk he's taking

Re: Why does DH do this?

Venezia — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 22:37:01 GMT

@beth58 wrote:
I also stretched out the use of contacts and woke up one morning unable to see. I had developed corneal ulcers and was in the eye surgery unit within hours,. Took weeks to heal . Tell your husband of the risk he's taking

@beth58- This is what I was hinting at in my previous post. Many, many years ago, I worked as an optician for several years. I have also worn glasses my entire life and contacts for a while.

I would never risk anything to do with my eyes. People have lost their sight from something like this and we got to see a lot of the damage that can occur. Make me shudder, whenever I hear of someone not taking proper care of their contacts.

Re: Why does DH do this?

sidsmom — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 22:46:51 GMT

I agree with everyone upthread.

But I have to think...’I’m busy’ is just code for ‘I don’t want to go.’

Why doesn’t he want to go?

Would an eye appointment pick up on an illness he feels

would be exposed? Eye appointment=diabetes, HPB?

Or any other appointment, for that matter?

If he is concerned, just talking about it might make him feel

empowered to visit the doctor w/out fear.

If he’s not concerned? Give him the Dr. phone numbers &

tell him he’s on his own. #ToughLove

Re: Why does DH do this?

Allegheny — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 23:17:24 GMT

I don't make appointments for my husband because there always seems to be a caveat attached.

@mintedrose Just tell your husband you will no longer make his appointments; that it would be better he makes them as he knows his schedule the best. Perhaps once he has to take responsibility he will become more reliable in keeping them. As long as he has you to fall back on he won't change.

Re: Why does DH do this?

GCR18 — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 23:23:34 GMT

I can understand missing an appt once and a while, but not all of them. If he's always been like this, then perhaps it's time he learned to take care of his own business. If it's a new behavior, then there may be more to it. Like mentioned, is there something going on medically. Reschedule the appointment and take him.

Re: Why does DH do this?

riley1 — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 23:32:20 GMT

@mintedrose - STOP enabling him. He is a grown man, why are you making and remaking appointments for him?

Do not make another appointment for him. If he asks you about them tell him he should make his own to fit his schedule. Show him how to put reminders on his phone.

Maybe if he starts getting charged for missed appointments he won't be so quick to "forget" them.

My DH makes all his own and I don't remind him of them. The only ones I need to know about are those that require me to drive.

Re: Why does DH do this?

Love my grandkids — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 23:35:15 GMT

@mintedrose You're NOT his mommy.

Let him fend for himself and deal with the consequences. Good grief.

Re: Why does DH do this?

missy1 — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 23:42:36 GMT

The Dr's I go to will either kick you out as a patient, or charge you for the missed appointments. (given 24 hour notice)

If this is a just a eyeglass place, they probably won't do anything.