topic Re: This is messed up! in Among Friends

This is messed up!

RinaRina — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 15:25:23 GMT

I used to go to my "supervisor" for everything; questions, ideas, etc.

For the past month, he seems tentative about everything .. and acts like he doesn't want to be bothered. Now, everytime I go to him about something he says: "ask Mary". (not her real name).

I just found out, my supervisor and co-supervisor are BF/GF.

IMHO, this is bad!

Re: This is messed up!

dex — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 15:28:45 GMT

@RinaRina Maybe Mary doesn’t like you always talking to him...I think you should just go ahead and ask Mary then and keep her busy so she doesn’t have so much time for her office romance.LOL

Re: This is messed up!

Carmie — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 15:36:08 GMT

Why is this bad? I don't get it.

i have worked for married couples who owned beauty salons over the years and my own parents owned a restaurant. They always worked together.

How often do you go to your supervisor? Maybe he is bothered and wishes you could work more independently or maybe is is busy and knows Mary can help you just as well.

Why would two people who date and work together be a problem? Now if they have a bad break up, that might complicate things. Does your company have any rules about dating coworkers?

Re: This is messed up!

ValuSkr — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 15:36:59 GMT

Is Mary the co-supervisor? I wonder why he's deferring to her on everything. But, since she is the co-supervisor, he has every right to do so. Maybe something came up in their relationship and you're stuck in the middle.

Re: This is messed up!

missy1 — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 15:41:38 GMT

IMO dating in the workplace usually don't turn out good. (few exceptions)

Op seems to have many dilemmas

What happened to the c0p calling on student, because of cursing?.

Re: This is messed up!

RinaRina — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 15:50:44 GMT

@ Whatnow,

That is crazy! I do text him a lot .. but it's always about WORK.

Last week she did something really obnoxious to me and I told her she was being disresepctful. Everyone saw what she did. HE texted me that evening and apologized for her behavior. Then, the next day, she apologized to me in person. HE made her apologize. The excuse she gave was BS. I listened, and excused myself.

On Friday, she did something obnoxious again and I told him. He told me to talk to her about it. I didn't say anything to her because I was working and I was very busy. Besides,I feel since she is a "co-supervisor", she certainly must've known exactly what she was doing.

Well, I didn't have to say anything because apparently HE told her he knew what happened, and within 15 minutes, she bolts into my room, demanding, "if you have something to say about me, you come to me directly and say it".

Whewww!

She weighs at least 300 lbs.

I weigh 165 - I'm almost 1/2 her weight!

She's in her 20's. So is he. I'm almost 70!

No way I'm gonna tangle with her!

Re: This is messed up!

RinaRina — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 15:46:03 GMT

@Carmie wrote:
Why is this bad? I don't get it.

i have worked for married couples who owned beauty salons over the years and my own parents owned a restaurant. They always worked together.

It's NOT a family business. This is a BIG company.

Re: This is messed up!

RinaRina — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 16:01:16 GMT

@missy1 wrote:
IMO dating in the workplace usually don't turn out good. (few exceptions)

Op seems to have many dilemmas

What happened to the c0p calling on student, because of cursing?.

You mean what happened to the kid? NOTHING.

But he did get in trouble last week for calling this "co-supv" in question a 8*t(h.

I was standing right next to him, and honestly, I did NOT hear him say it.

NO ONE heard the boy call her a 8*+(h.

Nevertheless, the kid lost the battle.

Despite having NO witnesses, the supv. BF met with the father that evening and told him about the incident -- that NO ONE heard.

I told the BF NO ONE heard the boy say the word, but HE said it didn't matter.

(I suppose just "thinking" she's a 8*+(h is punishable.)

And yes, I do have many dilemmas. Did you see my post from 2 days ago?

It's under the "Home" tab.

How do you polish your hardwood floors?

Looks like "Bona" is popular.

Would appreciate any suggestions ...

Re: This is messed up!

Kachina624 — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 15:58:56 GMT

@RinaRina. You are skating on thin ice if you come between these two. I'd ask a lot less questions and make more decisions on your own. No supervisor likes an employee who is so dependent she is a pest.

The two lovebirds are also tempting fate. If things get nasty, I wouldn't hesitate to discuss the situation with HR. The behavior of a couple of co-workers can be grounds for a sexual harrassment complaint as they can create a hostile enviroment, as you're discovering. There are about a million reasons why office romances, especially involving a supervisor, are not a good idea. When things sour between them, he will be tettering on the edge of a sexual harrassment complaint. I wouldn't want to be in his place. It's a lose/lose situation.

Re: This is messed up!

RinaRina — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 16:11:13 GMT

@Kachina624 wrote:
@RinaRina. You are skating on thin ice if you come between these two. I'd ask a lot less questions and make more decisions on your own. No supervisor likes an employee who is so dependent she is a pest.

The two lovebirds are also tempting fate. If things get nasty, I wouldn't hesitate to discuss the situation with HR. The behavior of a couple of co-workers can be grounds for a sexual harrassment complaint as they can create a hostile enviroment, as you're discovering. There are about a million reasons why office romances, especially involving a supervisor, are not a good idea. When things sour between them, he will be tettering on the edge of a sexual harrassment complaint. I wouldn't want to be in his place. It's a lose/lose situation.

**********************************

@ Kachina,

You must be psychic!

This guy has done some stuff that he probably shouldn't be doing. I say "probably" because I really don't know. As a supv., maybe he has the authority to do what he does. But in my book, it doesn't add up.

I think SHE's got him by the 8@lls because SHE KNOWS she can get him in hot water.

I think he tried to dump her once because I saw a letter she left him on the table. Other employees saw it besides me. She should be ashamed of herself!

I really like this guy. But let's not be silly. He's young enuf to be my grandson!

I don't know why the GF is always harassing me.

Re: This is messed up!

proudlyfromNJ — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 16:12:35 GMT

@RinaRina. I thought you worked in a school system and watched kids on the playground.

Re: This is messed up!

RinaRina — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 16:15:51 GMT

@proudlyfromNJ wrote:
@RinaRina. I thought you worked in a school system and watched kids on the playground.

Right. IF I take them to the playground, I'm watching them. And I have a supervisor. Now, I have 2 supvs. - GF & BF.

Re: This is messed up!

RinaRina — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 16:20:38 GMT

@ValuSkr wrote:
Is Mary the co-supervisor? I wonder why he's deferring to her on everything. But, since she is the co-supervisor, he has every right to do so. Maybe something came up in their relationship and you're stuck in the middle.

Since I text him often, maybe HE told her I get on his nerves.

Some of the kids I work with are NOT angels and I have to text him.

Re: This is messed up!

hckynut — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 16:22:59 GMT

@RinaRina

If you have to work at age 70, it's a shame. As Judge Judy likes to say about those in their early 20's: "They are not fully cooked". From your posts it appears you have a job that requires a lot of upper management contact, and many jobs do not.

Many working at your age have options that younger workers might not have those options. In my working days my contact with upper management was pretty much only when they came to talk with me.

Gotta "inhale(su)it up", I guess)"!

hckynut

Re: This is messed up!

Carmie — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 16:32:38 GMT

Well, if you are almost 70,you should have a ton of practice of just ignoring rude comments from your co-supervisor. Stop running to your supervisor about her. If they are dating, it is not a good idea to get between them.

I still don't get it. You work for a BIG company where you watch kids on a playground and you have a ton of questions that you need to ask your supervisor?

it sounds like you work as an aid. I volunteer at a local school and answer to the principal. Yes, some of the kids are quite " naughty" and I need to take charge with them verbally. There is no need to go to the principal unless the kids have a,physical altercation or other dangerous situations. If I texted everytime a kid was out of line, I'd be texting all day long.

Also, what does the co-supervisors size and weight have to do with anything? Do you really think she would physically attack you at work?

I see a whole lot of drama here and not much else.

Re: This is messed up!

patofl — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 16:34:19 GMT

@Carmie wrote:
Well, if you are almost 70,you should have a ton of practice of just ignoring rude comments from your co-supervisor. Stop running to your supervisor about her. If they are dating, it is not a good idea to get between them.

I still don't get it. You work for a BIG company where you watch kids on a playground and you have a ton of questions that you need to ask your supervisor?

Also, what does her size and weight have to do with anything? Do you really think she would physically attack you at work?

I see a whole lot of drama here and not much else.

I really have to agree here. What on earth could someone who watches children for a living need to go to the supervisor all the time about ? How many new ideas could you have about this kind of job? And as for the comment about her weight - yes, I'm sure she is not going to physically attack anyone. Just a drama queen making a mountain out of a molehill. HINT ... no one wants to have to work with a drama queen.

Re: This is messed up!

I am still oxox — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 16:50:01 GMT

The whole story seems so messed up, I suspect there is more to the story. I worked for 40+ years and rarely asked for Supervisory help, most of the time I knew more than they did.

I wonder what is really going on here.

Re: This is messed up!

RinaRina — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 16:57:52 GMT

@hckynut wrote:

@RinaRina

If you have to work at age 70, it's a shame.

hckynut

I work 12 hrs. a week. Is THAT a lot to you?

For me, it's "get out of the house" time -- and extra money.

If you SHOP like I do, you need "extra money".

The older I get, the more things I enjoy ...

In fact, I just joined a Travel Club for seniors.

I guess I'm suffering from "I'd like to do that" syndrome.

I paint, sew, knit, crochet, make rugs, weave plarn mattresses for the homeless, ...

I have a lot of hobbies .. and the supplies are not free.

I take classes; they're not free either.

I'm doing a lot of things I've never done before -- because I have the time.

Most of them cost "extra" money.

The only thing I do for free is sleep and walk my dog.

Yeah, it's a shame at my age, I'm still working.

I often think, at some point, I WILL have to control my spending and not work.

If you retired on several million dollars, then good for you.

I lost a lot of my money in the stock market. So, I do what I have to do.

And I don't cry about.

And I don't feel sorry for myself, so neither should you.

Re: This is messed up!

RinaRina — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 17:04:59 GMT

I GOT MY ANSWER ... >>>> Stay out of the way ..

No more texting and NO drama.

Thanks everyone.

Your answers were helpful.

Re: This is messed up!

jeanlake — Sun, 16 Dec 2018 17:10:44 GMT

You received a few snarky replies here and I doubt if that's what you need. So sorry about that; just another opportunitity to learn to ignore people's opinions. And ignore perceived offenses at work.

People meet in the workplace, which is fine if their relationship doesn't affect others. This is a great time to put into practice this phrase from Dr. William Ury (conflict management guru) "Be Silent. Be Safe." Sometimes we just have to do this while we sort out what's truly important and what is not. Learning to be invisible at work is sometimes a necessity -- and a super power.

And if you want to work at age 70 -- then good on ya. No one's business but your own.

Looky there -- another opportunity to not care what people think and practice sharing a lot less insecure moments in your world. Makes for a happier life. Hope 2019 is much more worry free for you. What does the song teach us? Don't worry, be happy?