topic Re: Paying it forward in Among Friends

Paying it forward

mintedrose — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 04:57:15 GMT

Some time ago, i was in the drive through line at a starbucks and when i got to the window they told me that the person infront of me already paid for my coffee. I was so touched and decided to pay it forward by paying for the person behind me and was hoping that the chain of paying it forward would continue. Since, its that time of season, i was thinking why not we all pay it forward somehow. This way we create good vibes in the world by doing something good for others. Let me know what your thougths.

Re: Paying it forward

on the bay — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 05:02:00 GMT

@mintedrose-

It's a nice idea, and I hate to sound like a grinch, but it seems that it just ends up that everyone is paying for it, kind of like we each give each other gift cards.

A better idea might be to put it in the red kettle or to an animal shelter. Thats how I feel but I agree, it might make people feel part of the holiday giving spirit.

On the other hand I can just see how I would feel if the people behind me ordered for an entire car full-yikes!

Re: Paying it forward

fortune — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 05:03:00 GMT

@mintedrose wrote:
Some time ago, i was in the drive through line at a starbucks and when i got to the window they told me that the person infront of me already paid for my coffee. I was so touched and decided to pay it forward by paying for the person behind me and was hoping that the chain of paying it forward would continue. Since, its that time of season, i was thinking why not we all pay it forward somehow. This way we create good vibes in the world by doing something good for others. Let me know what your thougths.

@mintedrose

What fun! You're the best! My son and I paid for several of the drivers behind us at the toll booth on the turnpike! It was so entertaining to watch the various drivers' reactions!

Re: Paying it forward

Carmie — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 05:08:07 GMT

One time while getting a drink at the drive through, I was told the woman in the car in front of me paid for it.

What a nice surprise! It made my day.

Every once in a while I do that for someone else. It is special when a stranger does something nice for you...the only problem is you can't thank them if they have driven off.

Re: Paying it forward

MJDinVegas — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 05:18:23 GMT

Hi, @mintedrose! I belong to a group of 12 women at my church (Ministry of ?Mother’s Sharing, MoMS). We have a home near us that takes in young pregnant women and those with some small children, even some families, that have nowhere else to go. Our group got a Christmas wish list from them, bought and wrapped our own presents and helped others in our group wrap as well. Presents will be delivered Thursday. It’s made the season very special for my friends and me. Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year to you and yours!

Re: Paying it forward

Kitlynn — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 05:51:31 GMT

I personally think any time you do something unexpected for someone it is really nice! I also believe that it does inspire the paying it forward attitude. Just think if everyone just did or said something nice to someone else how amazing the world would be!

Re: Paying it forward

Daisy Sunflower — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 06:40:05 GMT

Are people still doing that pay it forward thing at drive-thrus? I thought it was a silly game.

Re: Paying it forward

on the bay — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 10:49:55 GMT

This is an interesting and entertaining article about the Pay-it-forward concept.

Also did anyone see the movie Pay-it-Forward with Helen Hunt, Haley Joel Osment? I liked it so much!

I was wrong but I thought the original drive thru concept was when a customer could not pay or didn't have the money, and it was paid for by the car behind them. I have to admit I never would have thought of the extra work for the employees.And its not such a good feeling when you want a $1 coffee and the car behind you orders $20 worth.

Still @mintedrose-you mentioning this giving and an intention designed to make someone's day, can make us think of many ways to give back and pay it forward.

The viral acts of kindness can be a real headache for the people working the window

RACHEL MCCARTHY JAMES

July 03, 2018

A fast food meal can be a treat, but in the morning it's more often a routine occurrence. When I'm in the drive-thru, I'm there to pick up a Egg McMuffin for my husband before an early shift, a doughnut on the way to do errands, a Starbucks frappucino that makes me just a little behind schedule on my road trip. But when I pull up to the drive-thru ready to pay and find the car in front of me has already paid for my order, it makes the drudgery of waiting in line seem somehow magical.

But for the drive-thru workers who process the order, it's a little less enchanting and a little more routine. It's always nice to see a good deed shine in a weary world, sure, but it's also a lot of extra work—and they're already underpaid. When are the people who facilitate pay-it-forwards on the receiving end of random acts of kindness?

Paying it forward is an ancient concept, found everywhere from Greek plays from 300 BCE and the letters of Benjamin Franklin to middlebrow comedies starring Kevin Spacey. In the new millenium, it's most often seen in fast food drive thrus. Someone decides that today is the day for a random act of kindness, and they pay for the order of the car behind them. The car behind them, pleasantly surprised, pays for the car behind them, and then the next car does the same, and so on and so forth until someone decides "nah." (Confession: I have done this, when I went to go get a $1 soda and all the cars in back of me had $15 to $20 orders. Sorry, y'all). The trend made national news for the first time in December 2007, when a Florida man named Arthur Rosenfeld bought the coffee of the jerk beeping his horn behind him behind him, hoping to brighten his day. The pay-it-forward chain made it as far as the NBC nightly news, and since then, it's become a regular occurance.

"I have paid for people behind me in the drive-thru lanes on multiple occasions," said Liz Dahl, a public relations professional in Kentucky. "Especially if I'm having a tough day, I try to brighten someone else's and it instantly lifts my spirits. There's something about doing something nice for someone else and not having them know who you are. It's like being an elf and knowing you made someone smile. It's a wonderful feeling and it benefits both parties."

"The person in front of me [made] me feel so much better about my day, even though I had been really sad in the morning," said Jessica Lynn, a travel agent in Virginia. "It didn't even occur to me to break the chain; I asked immediately if I could pay for the person behind me."

Brands love pay it forward chains too. When a story about 167 cars participating in a pay it forward chain goes viral, that's a lot of free advertising. Even more powerful is the goodwill the customer earns from their experience. That magical, uplifting feeling is a positive association with the brand that will stay with the consumer. And it's completely free for the corporation in question—the person in front pays for you, and you pay for the person behind you, and they still get paid.

Team members who take the orders and deliver the good news are usually the most vulnerable people in the transaction, working a difficult, low-paying job with little security and few benefits. They're the one not getting the bequest of generosity, or a bit of good advertising. They're just doing the extra work to make the magic happen.

"I have mixed feelings about it," said CA, a college friend of mine who is a manager at a major coffee chain. "Most of the time you are alone on [drive-thru], taking the order and inputting the order while simultaneously greeting the car at window, accepting their payment, giving change, and handing out drinks. It's a lot in general. [T]hrowing a pay it forward in the mix [means] none of your screens are showing you the right orders and you have to remember who got what and who paid for what.

"On top of that, you aren't getting enough labor because of cuts and the people are paying for the person behind them rather than giving it to the barista making minimum wage."

When you participate in pay-it-forward, you're not getting anything for free or, usually, paying much extra. You're basically participating in an escrow system. "When [a customer starts] the chain and put down the original money, that person functionally set up the world’s smallest escrow account inside that Starbucks," wrote Jason Feifer in an illuminating article for Fast Company. “The money [sat] there unclaimed, as each successive customer opted instead to pay for their own drink."

Still, fast food work is difficult and demanding, and witnessing an act of kindness—especially one that turns into a string—can boost an employee's spirits. “It was really special to see them come about when I was working at Starbucks for a couple years," said my high school friend Anna. "I was very careful about my phrasing when I would tell someone their drink was paid for, as I didn't want them to feel pressure to pay for something they weren't getting. It was so special to get to hear the surprise and delight in their reactions, it clearly brightened up peoples' days in an authentic way."

Brighter days or no, pay-it-forward chains don't change the fact that drive-thru workers aren't making enough money. Many of these pay-it-forward transactions cost more than than what they make in an hour. And it is an extra mental load, especially if it comes, as it often does, during the holiday season, when everyone from manager to customer to team member is busy, stressed, and a little giddy from that Christmas spirit.

"It's incredibly overwhelming and becomes frustrating and you kind of lose the ability to appreciate it," said CA. "I appreciate the gesture but.... It winds up being an annoyance, and we rarely see tips from it."

"In a perfect world, [a tip] would be much appreciated since most people get paid barely minimum wage," said D, who currently works at a coffee chain.

If I'm on the road this summer and I stop in for a Starbucks paid for by some generous soul ahead of me, I'll appreciate the gesture and the intention behind it. But instead of sending that generosity to the anonymous car behind me, I'm going to direct it to the underpaid person handling my food in the form of a big tip. They deserve to be on the receiving end of our generosity, too.

Re: Paying it forward

I am still oxox — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 10:52:24 GMT

I saw this happen in person a few years ago. I was waiting in line at the Starbucks at Woodbury Common (a huge outlet mall), and 2 or 3 people behind me was a West Point Cadet, (West Point is about 15 miles away), the man in front of me ordered, he said to the cashier, I will pay for her drink too, and pointed to the Cadet, the line broke out into a cheer and everyone thanked her for her service.

Re: Paying it forward

Pook — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 14:48:25 GMT

To me that's kind of ridiculous! If anyone is at Starbucks - well they surely have enough money and are not in need! Maybe if the car behind had a veteran with a hat to designate that it would be respectful and nice or an old beat up car with several children in it at a fast food place but to really pay it forward it should be something to help someone in need and not something to brag about. Red kettles are everywhere now so put money where it will count! I can pay for my own order and would refuse it.

Re: Paying it forward

lolakimono — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 11:03:57 GMT

@mintedrose

I think it starts even smaller than that.

I work in a large HS, located on a campus. There are students from my school who attend part time and then go to other schools in the afternoon. We also get people who come from their home school to attend ours part time. There is no way that I could even recognize more than 2,000 people. When I am walking up to school, I greet every student on my way in, even if they have their earbuds in and don't really "hear" me. Once I am on campus, I will hold the door open for students as I am exiting/entering. On Fridays, I'll mix things up and tell them "Happy Friday" or "Have a great weekend" on my way out. Sometimes I'll tell them that I like something that they're wearing- "that's a great backpack" or "I can see that you're a cat person, just like me." I hope that just being acknowledged by someone (even if they don't know me) helps with a sense of community. When we hear about the shootings and violence in public places, I often think "What if...?" , like what if someone had just said "hello" or "how is your day going?" and it was just what that one person needed at that moment to feel connected. It can turn someone's bad day into something more manageable.

Re: Paying it forward

LTT1 — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 12:50:26 GMT

@lolakimono

Greeting the students in the morning certainly qualifies ... I should remember to do this!

@on the bay

What a thought! To create extra work for the fast food employees doesn't seem right! I think a tip for them instead (or in addition) might be in order!

Re: Paying it forward

Imaoldhippie — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 13:11:21 GMT

The point is not giving to a needy person, but giving. Just because someone can afford Starbucks does not mean they shouldnt have a gift and a good day. You dont know what is going on in their life. And you can still put a donation in the red bucket.

Ridiculous? Sorry but you are ridiculous.

Im not putting this to anyones attention because you know who you are. SMH

Re: Paying it forward

patofl — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 13:27:17 GMT

A few days ago DH & I went to lunch. At the cashier they had 2 jars collecting money. One for an animal shelter and one for the food bank. The animal shelter one was half full and one lonely quarter in the food bank one. What's wrong with people?!? DH decided to try to prime the pump (so to speak) and threw a $20 into the food bank jar . Hopefully people will get the idea! I'm all for animal shelters but isn't being sure to feed our children the most important?

Re: Paying it forward

patofl — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 13:30:07 GMT

@Daisy Sunflower wrote:

Are people still doing that pay it forward thing at drive-thrus? I thought it was a silly game.

I agree, you may be buying a meal for a billionaire. Clearly, anyone buying coffee at Starbucks isn't counting their pennies, as the coffee is expensive.

Re: Paying it forward

CelticCrafter — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 13:45:18 GMT

It's not a silly game if it puts a smile on someones face.

It maybe their only smile of the day.....

Re: Paying it forward

Cakers3 — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 13:57:33 GMT

@patofl wrote:
A few days ago DH & I went to lunch. At the cashier they had 2 jars collecting money. One for an animal shelter and one for the food bank. The animal shelter one was half full and one lonely quarter in the food bank one. What's wrong with people?!? DH decided to try to prime the pump (so to speak) and threw a $20 into the food bank jar . Hopefully people will get the idea! I'm all for animal shelters but isn't being sure to feed our children the most important?

@patofl The food bank jar may have been full and had just been emptied.

Personally I would donate directly to the food bank; ask them what they need specifically. Sometimes they are overloaded with one type of food product.

Re: Paying it forward

chrystaltree — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 14:27:29 GMT

I have heard of that, it's fun thing to do to perk up someone's day but I don't think it's necessary to do the exact same thing in the exact same way, immediately. There are 1000 different ways of Paying It Forward.

Re: Paying it forward

Carmie — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 14:35:08 GMT

@patofl wrote:
@Daisy Sunflower wrote:

Are people still doing that pay it forward thing at drive-thrus? I thought it was a silly game.
I agree, you may be buying a meal for a billionaire. Clearly, anyone buying coffee at Starbucks isn't counting their pennies, as the coffee is expensive.

A silly game? Well, I think not.

Someone bought my ice tea at a drive through. I had money and at wasn't poor. I was shocked that someone would do that for me. And it made my day. I felt really good about the whole experience. I was just sorry that I didn't get a chance to thank the lady.

This is not charity. It's about doing something nice for a perfect stranger. What difference does it make if they have money in their pocket or not? So, if the person is a billionaire, they don't deserve a nice surprise?

You are missing the point. Doing something nice for someone... anyone is always good. People who have money are deserving as well.

Re: Paying it forward

YorkieonmyPillow — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 14:39:18 GMT

It's not something I would do, because, likely as not, your pay-it-forward $ would wind up in the cashier's pocket.

They could just keep it themselves and no one would be the wiser.

(Unless you wanted to hang around and wait for their reaction, which is a lot of trouble to micromanage)......

I prefer my donations to go DIRECTLY to the recipient and not through a middleman.

ETA: sorry to be a GRINCH!!!