topic Re: Holding a Grudge in Among Friends

Holding a Grudge

CherryHugs — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 13:40:53 GMT

Has anyone ever held a grudge against you for a very long time?

When I have reason to be upset or mad I always forgive quickly and I dont hold a grudge.

I have this former friend that got upset at me a long time ago and it was such a silly thing. She never accepted my apology and never moved on!

Seems like a waste of time and energy to act this way over a misunderstanding over a guy!

She had been spoiled her whole life so maybe this contributed to how she acted. I would speak to her if she would speak to me and I would even be friends again. We used to be such good friends and had so much in common.

Re: Holding a Grudge

phoenixbrd — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 17:41:48 GMT

Send her good thoughts and release your relationship,,,,

Re: Holding a Grudge

dex — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 13:39:18 GMT

I don’t hold a grudge but if a person continues with a particularly upsetting behavior I will most likely stop the friendship....so I guess that could be considered a grudge.

Re: Holding a Grudge

Shanus — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 13:40:29 GMT

@CherryHugs wrote:
Has anyone ever held a grudge against you for a very long time?

When I have reason to be upset or mad I always forgive quickly and I dont hold a grudge.

I have this former friend that got upset at me a long time ago and it was such a silly thing. She never accepted my apology and never moved on!

Seems like a waste of time and energy to act this way over a silly thing. It was nothing major at all. Just a misunderstanding over a guy! She had been spoiled her whole life so maybe this contributed to how she acted.

@CherryHugs No matter what her reasons, it sounds childish on her part. I let go of any toxic energy (people, too) in my life.

Re: Holding a Grudge

wagirl — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 14:09:53 GMT

@CherryHugs--My mom did toward me and my 2 brothers for over 20 years--she had mental problems and refused treatment so we left her to her nasty self until the last few years of her life, she died 4 years ago--and my brothers cared for her. She never saw her 6 grand kids for 20 years either and she left what little she had to my youngest brother and wrote myself and the other bro out of her will--not that we wanted anything, but kind of the final straw. I forgive her but won't forget. Poor, miserable person!!

Re: Holding a Grudge

NicksmomESQ — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 14:12:07 GMT

@CherryHugs 10 years ago a good friend stopped speaking to me because I didn’t tell her a secret about another friend.The other friend told me something in confidence.She specifically asked that I not tell this friend.I will never break a confidence or a promise.That’s why my friends trust me with their secrets.

About 3 years ago this “former friend “ showed up at my door.She said that she wanted to forget the past & resume our friendship.I told her that wasn’t possible.

I explained to her that there was too much water under the bridge.I don’t need anymore drama in my life.I wished her well & told her that I’ve moved on!! Just to clarify,this former friend had spent the prior years talking trash about me to mutual friends.To the point where they no longer wanted to speak to her either.

Re: Holding a Grudge

Nonametoday — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 14:13:53 GMT

@CherryHugs wrote:
Has anyone ever held a grudge against you for a very long time?

When I have reason to be upset or mad I always forgive quickly and I dont hold a grudge.

I have this former friend that got upset at me a long time ago and it was such a silly thing. She never accepted my apology and never moved on!

Seems like a waste of time and energy to act this way over a misunderstanding over a guy!

She had been spoiled her whole life so maybe this contributed to how she acted. I would speak to her if she would speak to me and I would even be friends again. We used to be such good friends and had so much in common.

Pray for the friend and yourself to be able to let it go. Do not judge her. Forget her "spoiled" ways and pray that you can and she can become real friends.

Re: Holding a Grudge

SXMGirl — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 14:22:33 GMT

I think that there are valid reasons why someone would no longer speak to another and I don't call that a grudge. It all depends on the circumstances. My feeling is that if someone gets angry over something trivial, then that can be dealt with. If it is a larger issue, depending on the issue, that is quite different. If someone is bothered about someone else refusing contact, then I would make a last attempt to rectify the situation. Either it works or it doesn't work. I don't believe in forcing the issue at that point.

Re: Holding a Grudge

Sweet_Serenity — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 14:28:10 GMT

Re: Holding a Grudge

CelticCrafter — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 14:31:25 GMT

Not me personally but my brother had a grudge against my sister and in turn she held one against him just because he had one against her.

I have no clue what it was and never wanted to be put in the middle. Each would try to get me to take sides, not talk or bother with the other.

They were both too stubborn to kiss and make up, unfortunately he passed first and she never really knew what it was all about and lived the rest of her life wondering.

It still makes me sad.

I have two cousins, siblings doing the exact same thing and even though I did try to talk to each of them, neither will budge. One day one of them will regret it.

Re: Holding a Grudge

Scooby Doo — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 14:41:47 GMT

@CherryHugs wrote:
Has anyone ever held a grudge against you for a very long time?

When I have reason to be upset or mad I always forgive quickly and I dont hold a grudge.

I have this former friend that got upset at me a long time ago and it was such a silly thing. She never accepted my apology and never moved on!

Seems like a waste of time and energy to act this way over a misunderstanding over a guy!

She had been spoiled her whole life so maybe this contributed to how she acted. I would speak to her if she would speak to me and I would even be friends again. We used to be such good friends and had so much in common.

Sounds to me that she has moved on, you're just not in the picture any more. Perhaps the friendship meant more to you than it did to her. If it was that long ago, you need to forgetaboutit.

Re: Holding a Grudge

CrazyDaisy — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 15:19:12 GMT

@CherryHugs wrote:
Has anyone ever held a grudge against you for a very long time?

When I have reason to be upset or mad I always forgive quickly and I dont hold a grudge.

I have this former friend that got upset at me a long time ago and it was such a silly thing. She never accepted my apology and never moved on!

Seems like a waste of time and energy to act this way over a misunderstanding over a guy!

She had been spoiled her whole life so maybe this contributed to how she acted. I would speak to her if she would speak to me and I would even be friends again. We used to be such good friends and had so much in common.

How do you know she has not moved on? She many have forgiven you yet has choosen not to continue the friendship, that is not a grudge. Just because you may think it was a misunderstanding she may have been very hurt. Many people live by "forgive but never forget" motto.

Re: Holding a Grudge

chrystaltree — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 15:52:50 GMT

Honestly, I don't spend much time worrying or thinking about such things. I can control myself but I cannot control what other people think or how they feel. Yes, I had an experience like that with a person who had been a friend in work and in our personal lives for many years. We agreed to do a joint proposal on something at work but she delayed and delayed and delayed for months for no acceptable reason. This was something that I really wanted badly and time was running out to propose it so afte her 4th or 5th delay, I went ahead alone and I got what I wanted. My friend was angry and hurt that I did that, she thought I should have give her one more chance. Despite the fact that she kept delaying for months. Honestly, I thought she changed her mind and I didn't want to pressure into something she no longer wanted. I thought that was behind the delays. She said she understood but she froze me out after that. Since that time, we only speak about work matters and she has done some talking behind my back. Knowing full well that it would get back to me. I don't think I did anything wrong but nonetheless, I apologized....twice, perhaps three times. Made no difference to her. I miss her as friend but I accept that she can't forgive me and has chosen to end a 10 year friendship.

Re: Holding a Grudge

Lilysmom — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 16:18:36 GMT

@CherryHugs, it depends on the situation. What you view as a grudge, your friend may view as a betrayal. The gravity of it is in the eye of the beholder. Whatever happened, some times people are prepared to forego a further relationship. There is nothing you can do about that but move on. LM

Re: Holding a Grudge

Allegheny — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 16:24:52 GMT

@Lilysmom Well said.

Re: Holding a Grudge

shoptilyadropagain — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 16:40:55 GMT

I honestly don't know if I've hurt someone and they were offended. Unfortunately, for me, I tend to hold onto a grudge longer than I should. Even then, when I've moved past it, I will forgive but not forget.

I had a good friend that was semi toxic and everything was "ME ME ME". I cut ties with her but still see her occasionally. I'm cordial and can chat with her for awhile but I know we'll never be friends again.

Re: Holding a Grudge

LyndaGee — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 16:47:14 GMT

It depends. If it's something major, I like to hang on to some of the anger, so that I won't let it happen again. Little things are easier to forgive: First time, I let it go. Second time, don't think so.

Re: Holding a Grudge

jubilant — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 16:56:26 GMT

I read this years ago and made note of it... "Forgiveness involves a heart that cancels the debt but does not lend new money until repentance occurs".

Re: Holding a Grudge

Allegheny — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 17:02:05 GMT

I am not aware if there is or has been anyone who has held a grudge towards me.

If I become aware that I accidentally wrong someone or unintentationally hurt their feelings I apologize or provide explanation. If they don't/wouldn't accept such, it would probaby bother me but I have to accept it.

Myself, I usually don't hold hard feelings. However, If I am purposely "done wrong", betrayed, or cheated that is another story. That person would have a lot of explaining to regain/retain my trust, let alone my friendship. And those type of people usually don't attempt to do so.

Re: Holding a Grudge

bonnielu — Fri, 28 Sep 2018 17:17:16 GMT

I don't hold grudges but I have a hard time forgetting since getting shaken to the core hurts.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

~ Maya Angelou~