topic Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please. in Among Friends

Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

77yangya — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 15:50:58 GMT

I need to know if I'm over reacting to something. I believe it's 100% wrong to ask a co-worker to give you a DVD player because you either think or know they have some old ones kicking around in their basement. The person I'm thinking of CAN pay for one themselves but even if they couldn't, to me it's still wrong.

I was told that I'm over reacting and being petty. I think it's being a conniver. If it's your mother or a close relative, maybe but not a co-worker. I feel this is wrong.

Can anyone, please post input. I Googled this but it just doesn't get what I'm asking.

I'd really appreciate it. Thank you.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

QVCkitty1 — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 15:56:48 GMT

If the person knew you had the players, they could have asked if they could buy one from you. Then you could either accept or say that you were keeping them. In my opinion you don't ask, you wait to be offered. JMO.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

phoenixbrd — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 16:07:43 GMT

Yes, it was an inappropriate response. It was also inappropriate for someone to tell you that you are petty and over reacting. Given that it happened, I wouldn't spend anymore time thinking about it. Life is too precious to spend our time on inappropriate comments/behavior. If you want to release the dvd player you could reply, "I might consider selling it....are you interested in purchasing"? and move on.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

software — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 16:04:19 GMT

Takes all kinds, just say no.

Why is it necessary for you to make a judgment on the person asking?

You either give them one, sell it to them or just say no.

if they bad-mouth you in the office to others, report it to your supervisor.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

NycVixen — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 16:08:54 GMT

I agree with you 100%. I know some people like this. IMO, it's wrong to ask someone to give you something for free when they can afford to either pay for it or buy a new one. Why should anyone be expected to give something for free when that person had to pay for it?

I agree this person is a conniver and I would add a people user. These people usually do well for themselves since they know how to take advantage of others. Your co-workers are naive. If they don't think it's a big deal, why don't they give this person their property for free.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

stevieb — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 16:11:11 GMT

Without knowing the context in which the request came up and the way it was asked... it's impossible to say... Under some circumstances, it might seem like a ballsy, but not utterly unreasonable thing to ask, under other circumstances, it would be completely obnoxious. Either way, it's up to the person being asked to say 'yea, sure why not', 'go jump in a lake' or 'sorry, they're promised to close family and firends', but either way, to me, it's not something to dwell on...

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

Kitlynn — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 16:12:02 GMT

For a lot of people I think the old saying " you won't know if you don't ask" comes in to play. Some people just feel like it is alright to ask for anything they want because the worse thing that can happen is someone will say no. Most of the time though they get what they want because they did ask. I would not even give it a second thought. If I didnt' want to give it to them I would just say "Yes I do have one but I am not getting rid of it." Then just move on and let them find one somewhere else.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

kaydee50 — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 16:16:24 GMT

If someone asked me about something I owned I would either say: No I'm keeping it (if I wanted to keep it) or How much will you give me for it (if I was thinking of getting rid of it).

There's no harm in someone asking for something. Just say No.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

occasionalrain — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 16:18:16 GMT

More information is needed. Does this co-worker have reason to expect you to give them the DVD player? Have they given you something in the past, done favors for you, lent you their car, lawn mower...?

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

Shanus — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 16:22:44 GMT

All water under the bridge now, but the person should have said they’re “interested in purchasing a DVD player, do you happen to have a used one or know someone who does?” At that point, it’s a yes, I have one to sell or a no. Simple, no conflict.

As it stands, the conversation is over. I’d let it go and not make an issue.

****Do most people keep a supply of used electronics? Why would she even think of asking you?

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

CinNC — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 16:32:51 GMT

I was brought up never to ask for favors. I had a co-worker - the branch manager - who was so cheap, he would take toilet paper from the public restrooms at work. And he pulled week old chicken wings out of the trash at work and ate them....I was cleaning out the refrigerator.

We have neighbors, who if they see we get something new, are always asking what we are going to do with the old stuff or if we have stuff we are giving away...they don't offer to purchase anything. Financially, they are doing ok. It gets to me, especially if it's a big ticket item like a paid off used car. One neighbor's grandson "bought" a car from my BF (thru his grabdmother) for $500 and my BF never got the money. The grandson ended up selling it to another relative.

I think it depends on how you were raised and maybe your age, as to whether or not you find this behavior offensive.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

ValuSkr — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 16:34:26 GMT

Just tell him or her that you don't have an extra DVD player.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

Mistreatedbycs — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 16:37:36 GMT

The only reason your co-worker knew is because you told them. In some conversation you must of been bragging that you have several stored in your basement or how else would they have known.

Usually, stuff stored in the basement is just that, stuff and has little to no value.

You know with old DVD players, the connections are a lot different with the newer TV's and they probably won't work without some kind of adapters.

I'm a person who if you don't ask, you don't know but so sweat the small stuff.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

drizzellla — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 16:43:38 GMT

I worked with a co-worker like that. In fact she wanted me to give her my combination VHS and DVD player. Not sure why she wanted me to give it to her. It is not like she needed it. I think just the fact I had one and she didn't.

She was so forgetful when it came to work stuff. BUT she kept track of the DVD's I had, or gift cards I was given etc. I learned not early enough not to "lend" her DVD's because I would never see them again, no matter how many times I would ask for them. She would even go through my handbag and my coat pockets.

I am glad you said no. And I would have too. What makes her think you should supply her with items she could easily and cheaply get on her own.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

Imaoldhippie — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 16:48:30 GMT

Yes it is wrong, wrong, wrong. Dont feel badly telling this person that you will sell them one for a reasonable price, but you are not giving them to anyone. What a rude person they are.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

Imaoldhippie — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 16:53:48 GMT

@drizzellla.............she went thru your purse and your pockets!!!!! What a rude woman and thief. I hope you have put a stop to it.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

chickenbutt — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 17:05:59 GMT

I feel like this comes under the category of social graces - inappropriate.

I knew somebody who would see things in my house and ask if she could borrow them. Who does that!?! I can't even imagine being so tacky as to do that, and it sounds the same as the person mentioned in the OP.

What made it worse was that she was somebody who was very careless. I did loan some things like DVD sets to her and they would come back all jumbled up, not stuck on those plastic things, and just scratching up against each other in the case.

At that point, I stopped saying yes. So, I guess the moral of the story is that there is a point to which one decides to stop saying yes - or maybe not. That's up to each individual.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

drizzellla — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 23:54:52 GMT

@Imaoldhippie wrote:
@drizzellla.............she went thru your purse and your pockets!!!!! What a rude woman and thief. I hope you have put a stop to it.

I had gone grocery shopping at lunch. And put all the change from the grocery into my zipped coat pocket. Then on the way home from work, I stopped for gas. I went in to pay for my gas and only had $2.00 in my pocket. So the next day I said to her, that I didn't understand I put over $40.00 in my pocket at lunch but on the way home when I went to pay for my gas I only had $2.00. I said to her, I don't understand how that could happen.

My co-worker's desk was 5 feet from mine. And she said she thought it was a single mom in the office that was trying to get by on her starting salary. This single mom worked on the other side of the building and never went into our office.

Then my co-worker complained to me. I apparently had washed my hands but not dried them well. And I went into my purse. She complained to me that when she went into my purse, her hands got wet.!?!?!?!? I asked her why she felt she had to go through my purse, she didn't have an answer. I told my boss about that one. But of course nothing was said.

Ha! Ha! I put a stop to it. I retired. Haven't spoken to her since.

PS - When she started I treated her to lunch, once or twice a week. And she expected me to continue treating her to lunch until I retired. I also on occasion had to drive all over town on my lunch hour to jump the battery in her car. Since they leased their cars, she was not about to buy a new battery.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

chiclets — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 17:37:33 GMT

No. You are not being petty or over reacting.

The item belongs to you and you do not have to explain yourself to anyone.

Firmly say no.

Do not apologize for anything.

It is not an office issue nor an office situation and do not engage in conversation making it one.

Re: Can Someone Answer My Question, Please.

77yangya — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 18:05:03 GMT

I think I did not explain well enough. It's NOT ME that was asked. It's someone telling me that they are going to ask a co-worker. I did not think that was okay. This is what I'm trying to find out.