topic Re: Do you keep score? in Among Friends

Do you keep score?

butterfly123 — Sun, 27 May 2018 21:01:00 GMT

If someone sends a card, gift, text, phone call, email or ??? for any occasion or just because, do you send something in return?

Or do you keep score of those who forgot a special occasion. Those who didn’t reach out to you in a time of sorrow or for any other reason?

I’m asking because a family member keeps score.

They didn’t do anything for me, why would I do something for them? (family member’s POV)

Re: Do you keep score?

TheMemphisVette — Sun, 27 May 2018 19:23:12 GMT

a true gift has no strings.

Re: Do you keep score?

Imaoldhippie — Sun, 27 May 2018 19:25:23 GMT

I dont keep score, nor do I feel obligated to do something in return. If they keep score, thats their problem.

Re: Do you keep score?

AuntG — Sun, 27 May 2018 19:30:36 GMT

It's hard not to keep score, if you remember sending a gift or card and don't hear back. Not saying it is a big deal, but I do remember to reciprocate and notice when others don't.

Re: Do you keep score?

VanSleepy — Sun, 27 May 2018 19:30:45 GMT

That last sentence sounds like you keep score, too, though.

Re: Do you keep score?

chrystaltree — Sun, 27 May 2018 19:41:03 GMT

No, I don't. I don't even understand that. My family and friends and I do exchange phone calls, texts, emails but we don't have ******-for-tat relationship. My bff called me yesterday and we talked for quite a while, that doesn't meant I "owe" her a phone call. Same with texts and emails. We reach out and communicate in natural way, whenever one of us has something to say or needs some information or whatever. I happen to be a gift giver because I love shopping and I love the idea of someone opening a gift from me and being happy and loving the gift. I do give "just because" gifts and "I just thought you'd like this" gifts to friends and family. I do not expect anything in return, I do not keep notes or tallies. I give more gifts than I receive and actually, that doesn't bother me at all. I'm perfectly happy if the people in my life call me on birthday or anniversary or send a card or an e-card. As long as they remember! And they do, I have good people in my life. I have lost relatives; my parents years ago and my brother last summer. I cannot think of any relative/friend/acquaintance who did not express their sympathy in some way. I suppose there might have been a neighbor or acqaintance who didn't but I didn't notice or particularly care. I don't keep grudges, I don't keep score, I accept that people are not perfect and people might not react to things in my life the way I would expect. I know people who do the "she didn't visit me when I was in the hospital, so I'm not going to visit her now that she's in the hospital" type of thing. I just don't have the strength for that type of negativity.

Re: Do you keep score?

RetRN — Sun, 27 May 2018 19:40:35 GMT

@chrystaltree, sorry but I think your post is fiction.

Re: Do you keep score?

chrystaltree — Sun, 27 May 2018 19:43:14 GMT

@RetRN

That's ok. But why?

Re: Do you keep score?

RedTop — Sun, 27 May 2018 19:44:41 GMT

Yes, I do keep score, BUT continue to send the cards, gifts, make the calls, etc., because I need to know I remembered, whether my act is acknowledged or not.

Re: Do you keep score?

CelticCrafter — Sun, 27 May 2018 19:50:58 GMT

I do not.

My sister-in-law writes it all down in a notebook - has been since her first child was born.

Re: Do you keep score?

qualitygal — Sun, 27 May 2018 20:09:22 GMT

Scores are only kept in a game. If you no longer want to give a gift because of the recipients, then don't. You do or you don't, so be it. Easy peasy.

Re: Do you keep score?

Mom2Dogs — Sun, 27 May 2018 20:19:06 GMT

I don't keep score but I do 'remember' who drives where when there is a girls out day/weekend.....only because one person NEVER drives....totally irritates me.

Re: Do you keep score?

nana59 — Sun, 27 May 2018 20:22:30 GMT

yup...i kept score.....after a lifetime of being a giver, i quit........

Re: Do you keep score?

Hooty — Sun, 27 May 2018 20:37:40 GMT

@butterfly123, I don't really call it "keeping score", but I do make a mental note of it!

Re: Do you keep score?

Mominohio — Sun, 27 May 2018 20:45:06 GMT

I guess it will depend on your definition of keeping score. I don't feel it has to be one for one, in things like this, but I do notice when the give and take is extremely lopsided.

I have gotten to the point of not doing any more little kindnesses for people who don't seem to appreciate or reciprocate in some way. If there are good reasons they don't (extreme age, illness, or lack of funds to do so) it doesn't bother me, but if it is because the are cheap, or they are always "busy" ( I really hate that excuse, people have always been busy, but found/find time to do things) or simply don't seem to care, then I've stepped back and don't put more into the relationship than they do.

Re: Do you keep score?

FastDogWalker2 — Sun, 27 May 2018 20:45:36 GMT

To a point I do - but I don't go overboard!

Re: Do you keep score?

butterfly123 — Sun, 27 May 2018 21:01:56 GMT

@VanSleepy wrote:
That last sentence sounds like you keep score, too, though.

@VanSleepy

Last sentence was what the family member said. Thank you, I went and edited OP.

Re: Do you keep score?

jeanlake — Sun, 27 May 2018 20:57:25 GMT

I try not to keep score over random things. Therein lies madness. No, seriously, you get angry! I agree with nananana. If you're a giver, then you can't keep score. If there's an intentional insult - I give that some thought and contemplate if my boundaries need to be slightly changed. Life's too short to embrace people who don't care about you.

Re: Do you keep score?

VanSleepy — Sun, 27 May 2018 21:09:12 GMT

@butterfly123 wrote:
@VanSleepy wrote:
That last sentence sounds like you keep score, too, though.
@VanSleepy
Last sentence was what the family member said. Thank you, I went and edited OP.

That makes it clearer

Re: Do you keep score?

TenderMercies — Sun, 27 May 2018 21:14:34 GMT

No. If you’re doing nice things for someone and expecting something in return, you’re doing business, not kindness.