topic Re: Friends! in Among Friends

Friends!

this is my nic — Tue, 22 May 2018 00:16:04 GMT

I am a "mature" woman, married with grown children. We are very close, everyone lives in the same small town and we see each other often. Wonderful!

Last summer my best friend moved away, far away. A couple weeks ago, my neighbor, who is a very good friend, announced that they were moving away.

So, now I'm facing having no friends to drop in for a visit or have lunch. It used to be so easy to make friends, but as the years go by, it gets harder. Once there was a party every weekend. I can't tell you when the last party was that we intended.

How do people who are retired make new friends? I have done enough volunteer work and don't want to do that again. Our neighborhood is lovely and we simply do not want to move.

Suggestions? Thanks! ❤️

Re: Friends!

QVCkitty1 — Tue, 22 May 2018 00:21:41 GMT

I can't suggest how you make new friends, to me it seems random, and it is harder as you get older. My best friend lives in another, and we can't visit often, but we talk a few times a week and email almost daily. She is the nicest ,funniest person I know and we are still close. I know it's not the same, but it can still be good.

Re: Friends!

Dusty1 — Tue, 22 May 2018 00:31:19 GMT

Do you knit or crochet? Both of my local libraries have a night that people get together & do that.

They seem to have a good time & I would love to join them, but I don't have time right now.

Re: Friends!

Happiness Is Inside JOB — Tue, 22 May 2018 00:41:06 GMT

My mother and I were talking about this, it seems like senior people have their friends from 20/30 years back so new people are delegated to associate status. She and I both are having the same problem. My suggestion is make sure you stay as close to your old friends as possible because it won't be easy to replace them!

Re: Friends!

Happiness Is Inside JOB — Tue, 22 May 2018 00:43:18 GMT

Also is there a senior center in your area? My mother 's center goes on a lot of lunch, theatre, shopping, museum trips which helps pass the time!

Re: Friends!

this is my nic — Tue, 22 May 2018 00:51:43 GMT

Great idea, but I don't do either!

I started taking yoga last year and enjoyed the classes and could envision making a few friends. Unfortunately, a bad back, problem hip and a new issue with my shoulder caused me to stop the classes. I'm stuck in "Child's" pose! LOL!

We moved a lot, never lived in our home state after marrying, yet we had many friends in just a few months. I enjoyed living in different parts of the country. Now, I think those who never left their home area might have had it right.

Re: Friends!

Silkeej — Tue, 22 May 2018 00:52:17 GMT

I would seek out the Senior center to be around mature people who have the same life style as you do, kids grown, out of the PTA phase, and like you enjoying retirement. They have trips they go on, lunch is served every day, card clubs, exercise equipment, classes you can take, and even a small library where you can take out books of interest. It seems there is always something to do, they also have dances, dinners, and entertainment that come in for special weekend programs.

Re: Friends!

Peaches McPhee — Tue, 22 May 2018 01:18:46 GMT

Whatever your hobby is, find a group for that. For example, a gardening center might have a gardening club. Your library might have a book club Your local YMCA might have a walking group -- or check with your local mall to find indoor walkers. Good luck.

Re: Friends!

Mom2Dogs — Tue, 22 May 2018 14:30:28 GMT

@this is my nic....I am in the same boat...two very good friends have retired and moved far away in the last few years. One lived right across the street and we lunched, shopped, did crafting projects for Christmas....I miss her terribly....we were very compatable and laughed a lot when we were together, I really miss that laughter.

The other friend was a quite a bit older than me and the things we did together were different than what I did with my neighbor. We would get together often for coffee, we had worked together many years earlier and hit it off right away...miss her a lot as well.

I have no family in the area so I don't have any events that involve family. I have two other friends that I do things with that have been friends since child hood. One is still working fulltime and has a stressful job the other was widowed earlier this year....finding friends at an older age is difficult, which If I had an answer.... I'd follow my advice.

DH is not social like I am so he's fine the way things are, I reallly miss my girl friends.

Re: Friends!

Kalli — Tue, 22 May 2018 01:44:56 GMT

Sorry your friend situation is changing. A few months back I realized my former coworkers, whom I always considered to be among my best friends, are getting together fewer times each year and I haven’t even been retired 2 years yet! Most have grandkids who keep them busy and others travel to warmer climates all winter.

I help my elderly Dad so there are some weeks when I’m really busy myself. I notice I do most activities by myself now, from going out for coffee to going to the gym...even trailriding. I have a friend who would always go whenever I called her but her sister moved closer now and she spends more time with her.

I’ve adjusted and accepted this change. I just do what I want on my own. I told my son I’m becoming more of an introvert and didn’t see this coming! Oh well.

Re: Friends!

this is my nic — Tue, 22 May 2018 02:34:02 GMT

momtodogs, my husband is like yours, not social at all. He has no friends at all! Fortunately our 3 children live nearby, so he and our sons do guy things together. You sound like my kind of woman to befriend!

Re: Friends!

this is my nic — Tue, 22 May 2018 02:36:45 GMT

Thanks Peaches! Our neighborhood did have a garden club which I belonged to. Unfortunately, it disbanded. A member has joined another club in town and I plan to attend a meeting or two to see if it's a match for me!

Re: Friends!

this is my nic — Tue, 22 May 2018 02:47:30 GMT

@Silkeej, thank you for your kind response; I do appreciate it! However, even though I am "a certain age", I don't care to socialize with only old folks! Sounds awful, I know. Living in an over 55 community seems sad. I realize they can be lively places, but to me they're the waiting room for death. Everyone discussing their most recent doctor's appointment, etc. Yikes!

You are very sweet to offer suggestions, thanks again!

Re: Friends!

this is my nic — Tue, 22 May 2018 02:53:06 GMT

@Kalli, We could be friends! I find myself walking through our town's shops wishing I had someone with me. Someone to laugh with, you know. Yes, becoming an introvert too!

Re: Friends!

ECBG — Tue, 22 May 2018 03:02:27 GMT

I would suggest church or people you strike a cord with where you get your hair done. I've met a few friends through where I work. DH and I spent most of our time rearing children and being at church. He has friends who haven't moved and having his own business, they all get together there for an hour after closing early on Fridays.

People's lives and their focus change. A very close girl friend I worked with moved two states north of us and thinks it's enough to "watch my facebook" and not even speak on the phone or message eachother. Personally, I don't call that a relationship.

I use social media, but I don't substitute it for life.

Re: Friends!

BeccaLou — Tue, 22 May 2018 03:56:20 GMT

Try your Senior Center, but don't be to eager for friends,, make your friendships wisely. I have had some very bad choices that were worst than being alone. Get to know them well before you get to close. And that is sometimes a hit and miss. Good Luck.

Re: Friends!

Snowpuppy — Tue, 22 May 2018 03:59:19 GMT

I'm checking in as The Friend Who Left.

I made the decision to move 8 hours away from my hometown after a bad breakup. I had good friends, or so I thought. All of them are married and seemingly happily. And one by one they drifted away out of anger at me.

Because I was single I was usually available for that late night phonecall or last minute Saturday lunch. I wasn't any more. I got occupied with my own life and interests after I moved but I tried to stay in touch. A card, a phonecall, a gift at the holidays.

After awhile, no response so I gave it up.

Re: Friends!

BeccaLou — Tue, 22 May 2018 04:03:16 GMT

You can always come here and chat, that you can do it anytime, no matter the weather or time of day. And if it's not compatible there is not loss. You can try that until you figure it out.I tell my husband people don't chum around like you do when your kids.

Re: Friends!

BeccaLou — Tue, 22 May 2018 04:04:47 GMT

Life changes , make your way and be HAPPY !!

Re: Friends!

AngelPuppy1 — Tue, 22 May 2018 09:12:54 GMT

I understand your feelings. Right now I still work, have health issues as does DH, so I don't have a lot of spare time and don't have a lot of energy. I spend what free time I do have with DH and we love being together. However, occasionally, I would like to share a luncheon out or a small shopping excursion, etc. But at present I really have no-one. Most of my good friends have moved out of state and others that I am not that close with are so busy with their families and close friends. Maybe through church?