topic Re: Overanalyzing in Among Friends

Overanalyzing

Greeneyedlady21 — Wed, 16 May 2018 22:42:52 GMT

Today I went one step too far, overanalyzing something someone had said to me in an apology. I should have just left it at that, but nooooo. I respect and like him very much, and he's been so good to me. Now I'm afraid I've ruined things, that it will never go back to the way it was before. Then again if it's conditional on me trying to be perfect to be liked, that's not good either. That was the old me.

I did text him and say that I was sorry, that I don't want to lose his friendship and he was very nice about it. That's what it is, it's not romantic. I do have some of those feelings, but it's complicated.

My life right now has me so stressed and exhausted that all my emotions are just spilling over sometimes. Sometimes I just can't get out of my own head.

Anyone else have a problem with overanalyzing things-in relationships, situations, anything? Sometimes I think I subconsciously sabotage things on purpose.😔

Re: Overanalyzing

Sweet_Serenity — Wed, 16 May 2018 22:50:49 GMT

In the past, huge problem for me, especially intimate relationships, complicated and difficult to go into here. No longer exists, one reason, realized I'm not good candidate for intimacy, not everyone is.

Sounds like you're tired, need to step back, self-care. No one knows what you need better than you. Try relaxing, enjoying activities take your mind off of him.

Be kind to yourself. Prayers for you. Blessings of peace and tranquility.🌷

Re: Overanalyzing

Catty2 — Wed, 16 May 2018 22:55:42 GMT

I do and it causes me so much unnecessary stress and anxiety. Just a few days ago I went to a free class on Mindfulness and how it can help with stress. I also try to do deep breathing and "tapping" which may or may not help depending on the day. Wishing you peace in your life.

Re: Overanalyzing

blackhole99 — Wed, 16 May 2018 23:09:46 GMT

Um, I'm more of a stewer or maybe obsessive when things don't go my way. I have a problem with family members who will not think twice about putting me in my place or putting me down. This has been going on my whole life. If I choose to have a relationship with certain female family members I set my self up for some kind of verbal abuse or slight. My days of trying to please everyone so they will think well of me, is in the past. I just spoke with my elderly aunt a few days ago and she thought I was criticizing something she said and she floored me with one of her comments. I made an excuse to end the conversation and vowed I would not obsess over her comment, but it stuck with me for days. It will be a heck of a long time before I speak with her again. I guess you just have to reconcile that no person is perfect and you need to associate with those who accept you for you and are not trying to make you feel guilty for your feelings or slay you to get back at you.

Re: Overanalyzing

Snowpuppy — Wed, 16 May 2018 23:39:42 GMT

That entire post is over analyzing. You must be exhausted by the end of the day.

If you think this guy is thin skinned do you want a close relationship if you always have to walk on eggshells?

Maybe sabotage is just your way of saying "I'm done". Insread of Mr Right, he's only Mr. Right Now.

Re: Overanalyzing

Greeneyedlady21 — Thu, 17 May 2018 00:11:08 GMT

@Snowpuppy Yes I am exhausted at the end of every day, because I'm caring for my mother who is in hospice with terminal cancer. And frankly the whole issue I had with him today had to do with that. It's got zero do do with Mr. Right or Right Now, not interested in that at all.

Thanks so much for your compassion.

Re: Overanalyzing

Mominohio — Thu, 17 May 2018 00:29:34 GMT

I know that I find when I'm stressed already, or exhausted, or simply discouraged or fearful (of real things like you are dealing with right now with your mother), I can't always trust my gut (and sometimes knee jerk) reactions. I have learned to not react quickly, but give myself some time to think and see if a different mood or at a time of less stress/fear/exhaustion, I will see the whole thing differently.

When I'm under those pressures listed above, I'm too sensitive sometimes, and I have a tendency to over react. And yes, I do find myself hanging on to the incident or comments way too long, especially if I've escalated it or it has lead to confrontation.

I've found that sometimes it is best for me to simply 'let someone get by with it' for the time, and give myself time to let it mull. Very often I realize it wasn't as bad as it seemed to be initially, and I'm then able to let it go.

So for me, not reacting when I know I'm not 'me', and not escalating something in the moment makes it less of a 'thing' for me in the long run.

Re: Overanalyzing

jeanlake — Thu, 17 May 2018 00:50:04 GMT

Certainly get what you're saying. Sometimes I have to tell myself -- stahp! Just stop thinking about something I have little or no control over. If you stop yourself enough it does help modify behavior.

Re: Overanalyzing

Lucky Charm — Thu, 17 May 2018 02:47:09 GMT

@Greeneyedlady21 wrote:
@Snowpuppy Yes I am exhausted at the end of every day, because I'm caring for my mother who is in hospice with terminal cancer. And frankly the whole issue I had with him today had to do with that. It's got zero do do with Mr. Right or Right Now, not interested in that at all.

Thanks so much for your compassion.

I feel so bad because of that post. Not necessary.

I know exactly what you're saying, what you're doing and probably what you want.

I could be wrong.

But this is probably someone who you'd like to de-stress with about the whole situation with your mother. And I'm so sorry you're going through this right now.

When I'm at my worst and over anaylizing, I can count on my husband to *calm me, bring me back down*. He always reminds me gently, 'don't let the highs get you too high or the lows get you too low'. Maybe you need that or were hoping that with this guy?

Hopefully, this friend will realize how your emotions are all over the place and he will let you know that he cares and you needn't worry about what you said or did. You have a lot on your plate right now.

I hope.

Re: Overanalyzing

Lilysmom — Thu, 17 May 2018 09:19:26 GMT

@Greeneyedlady21, if you friend is really a friend, he will cut you some slack recognizing all that you have going on in your life. Look forward, not back. Take each day one at a time. Your job right now is a hard one. Sending good thoughts your way. LM

Re: Overanalyzing

Nataliesgramma — Thu, 17 May 2018 10:02:01 GMT

I would talk with him.....not text...Apologise and then not bring it up anymore......

Most men can let things go easier than women I think...

Re: Overanalyzing

dex — Thu, 17 May 2018 13:36:50 GMT

@Greeneyedlady21@You have a lot to deal with and I am certain that you find very few peaceful happy moments in your day right now.I think that you should explain exactly how you feel to the person you are discussing and ask him for the support you need.You will have to spell it out for most men.If he is there for you and tries to give his support then it would seem to me that your relationship has hope.Most people especially men imo don’t have the ability to just recognize your needs so it is up to you to be open and honest.You may need more than that person has to give at this time but that is not his fault or yours.

I want to send you a huge hug,a nice cup of tea and some peace in your heart.

Re: Overanalyzing

hckynut — Thu, 17 May 2018 14:19:02 GMT

@Greeneyedlady21

Not anymore. In the past there were certain things, when important to me, I might have done so. With age and lots of life experience, I realized it did nothing positive most of the time. Annalise? Yes, always have and always will, with things important to me and those close to me.

I keep my mind occupied with things of a positive nature. I've realized now for many decades, negativity of any kind, can consume a person both physically and mentally, leaving them totally exhausted, and for what? Throw in my always being an Optimist, and "Life is Good"!

Re: Overanalyzing

qualitygal — Thu, 17 May 2018 15:14:22 GMT

@Greeneyedlady21, I'm sure plenty of us have done this before. Don't overanalyze this and just move along to the next thing. Realize how you get in your own way, and that can wear you right out!!!

Re: Overanalyzing

AngelPuppy1 — Fri, 18 May 2018 09:18:21 GMT

I totally get what you are saying and feeling. I think at times I do this also. When there is an issue or problem, I truly want to get to the bottom of it and I want to resolve it --- completely. I don't want to sweep it under the rug, I don't want to ignore it, or put a band-aid over it. I want to discuss it, figure out why it happened and what can be done so it doesn't happen again.

I have a close family member who is really hard to deal with. It took me a long time to realize fully that she has issues and I am not doing anything to cause the problems which arise between us frequently. However, she will begin and go at it full guns blazing and then when I try to intervene and smooth things out and explain my point of view or discuss how things can be better, she takes everything negatively, refuses to focus on all of the positive things I have said and then just wants to drop the whole thing. Its like she stirs up the pot and then --- boom -- she's done. It's very unsettling. I keep telling myself --- when she starts someting -- just let her go off and just keep your thoughts to yourself but it's very hard and I continuallhy get su*cked in. I don't like problems to go unresolved,but sometimes it just can't be helped.

Re: Overanalyzing

chiclet — Fri, 18 May 2018 09:40:12 GMT

The only thing I over analyize is financial decisions. I still make the wrong decisions.

Re: Overanalyzing

CalminHeart — Fri, 18 May 2018 11:47:13 GMT

@Greeneyedlady21 wrote:
Today I went one step too far, overanalyzing something someone had said to me in an apology. I should have just left it at that, but nooooo. I respect and like him very much, and he's been so good to me. Now I'm afraid I've ruined things, that it will never go back to the way it was before. Then again if it's conditional on me trying to be perfect to be liked, that's not good either. That was the old me.
.

I did text him and say that I was sorry, that I don't want to lose his friendship and he was very nice about it. That's what it is, it's not romantic. I do have some of those feelings, but it's complicated.

My life right now has me so stressed and exhausted that all my emotions are just spilling over sometimes. Sometimes I just can't get out of my own head.

Anyone else have a problem with overanalyzing things-in relationships, situations, anything? Sometimes I think I subconsciously sabotage things on purpose.😔

I've done this too...all my life. All you can do is apologize and move on. Invite him to lunch or something to break the ice. And then work hard to not do it to him again.

I'm learning how not to do it so much. I started counseling a few months ago after Mom died. My son is a therapist and referred me to one who uses EMDR in his therapy. He studied this while in grad school (and after) and uses it with clients too.

While the therapist and I focused on 2 things, it's flowed over into many areas of my life and I'm able to blow off a lot, stay calmer, let go, stop analyzing, etc etc, as things happen. I also am able to let a big chunk of the guilt/worry/anxiety go. And I won't be in counseling much longer. The tools given to me help me with meditation as well as with stress. It's truly amazing. It's been life changing for me!

"Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a form of psychotherapy developed by Francine Shapiro which uses eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation to assist trauma victims in processing distressing memories and beliefs. It is commonly used for the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other traumas. The theory behind the treatment assumes that when a traumatic or distressing experience occurs, it may overwhelm normal coping mechanisms, with the memory and associated stimuli being inadequately processed and stored in an isolated memory network."

It's also believed that when something is not addressed, many will continue to analyze and stress out over the issue. Issues snowball over time so the anxiety builds. It's certainly how I handled things...to the point of affecting many areas of my life.

Whatever it is, it's helped me more than any talk therapy. Yes, there is some talk but EMDR includes mucht more including tools to help every day.