topic I feel guilty... in Among Friends

I feel guilty...

Allegheny — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:24:10 GMT

Our 25th wedding anniversary is coming up. Husband wants to get new wedding rings designed. While I adore the fact he even thought of doing so, I really don't want a new wedding ring. We married late so, I am 66; he is 71. We didn't have matching rings to begin with. I elected to have a three stone diamond wedding band designed; he chose to use his father's wedding band. I rarely wear my original wedding ring instead I purchased a simple gold band about five years ago.

I don't mind if he choses to replace his band. But I just feel having a new ring designed for myself is a unnecessary expenditure. I think he feels guilty he never gave me an engagement ring. Since we rarely travel, I would much rather we spend the funds taking some vacations while we are still physically able.

I've talked to him about it, delicately. I feel guilty even questioning it. I thought of having my original wedding band redesigned, the only problem I would want to add another diamond; my existing stones are a light canary yellow it would be very difficult to get a match.

Should I just go with the flow, I am torn.

Re: I feel guilty...

I am still oxox — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:24:32 GMT

My 25th wedding anniversary is next week, we are both 63, and I bought two stainless steel engraved rings from QVC - they have our initials and wedding date, and we wear them every day.

Re: I feel guilty...

Kitlynn — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:28:13 GMT

I think it is really wonderful that he thought of doing that. You might consider having a right hand ring designed if you don't want to do it with your original ring. You don't have to go with diamonds you could pick a different stone that you really like. Congratulations to both of you.

Re: I feel guilty...

Shanus — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:28:51 GMT

@Allegheny wrote:
Our 25th wedding anniversary is coming up. Husband wants to get new wedding rings designed. While I adore the fact he even thought of doing so, I really don't want a new wedding ring. We married late so, I am 66; he is 71. We didn't have matching rings to begin with. I elected to have a three stone diamond wedding band designed; he chose to use his father's wedding band. I rarely wear my original wedding ring instead I purchased a simple gold band about five years ago.

I don't mind if he choses to replace his band. But I just feel having a new ring designed for myself is a unnecessary expenditure. I think he feels guilty he never gave me an engagement ring. Since we rarely travel, I would much rather we spend the funds taking some vacations while we are still physically able.

I've talked to him about it, delicately. I feel guilty even questioning it. I thought of having my original wedding band redesigned, the only problem I would want to add another diamond; my existing stones are a light canary yellow it would be very difficult to get a match.

Should I just go with the flow, I am torn.

@Allegheny You each are feeling guilt...maybe that’s where the discussion should begin and be put to rest. It’s important to work through that.

Re: I feel guilty...

Allegheny — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:29:47 GMT

@I am still oxox Congratulations to you and DH.

Before we got married I had a custom birthstone & diamond ring made for DH. Since he never wears it he wants to use the gold (it is heavy) to make his new wedding ring.

Re: I feel guilty...

Laura14 — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:31:04 GMT

If it's important to him, go with the flow. If it's not, enjoy your trip.

But of course the only way you'll know is to really talk about it and it doesn't have to be a heavy conversation.

I obviously don't know how you two communicate with one another but it can be something as simple as asking the question, "Is this really important to you or are you doing this a gesture towards me?" You can probably tell from how he reacts and answers the question what his true feelings are.

Enjoy whichever gift you end up with. They are both special.

Re: I feel guilty...

Allegheny — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:42:23 GMT

@Kitlynn wrote:
I think it is really wonderful that he thought of doing that. You might consider having a right hand ring designed if you don't want to do it with your original ring. You don't have to go with diamonds you could pick a different stone that you really like. Congratulations to both of you.

@Kitlynn I've thought of that since I always wanted a quality birthstone ring, it wouldn't be inexpensive since I admit I am picky and would want a good gemstone. He said "whatever" I wanted would be OK with him.

But, don't laugh, my ring finger on my right hand is really bent from arthritis and I try not to draw attention to it. The only finger I have left that isn't somewhat distorted is my ring finger on the left.

Edited: Dang, if there was a way to fix the bent finger I'd rather he spend the $s on that.

Re: I feel guilty...

dex — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:39:59 GMT

i think Laura14 is right...discuss the options and decide together.I think since you already have rings that a wonderful vacation together could be so relaxing and renewing.After a certain age I no longer feel the need to collect more stuff so a wonderful time and memory would be my choice too.

Re: I feel guilty...

qualitygal — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:45:35 GMT

Take a look on JTV. Look at their band rings, in fact type in what you want to see. You can get a new ring and make him happy and make you happy by $$$$ saving. They have some beautful ones. @Allegheny

Re: I feel guilty...

Kitlynn — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:44:31 GMT

@Allegheny wrote:
@Kitlynn wrote:
I think it is really wonderful that he thought of doing that. You might consider having a right hand ring designed if you don't want to do it with your original ring. You don't have to go with diamonds you could pick a different stone that you really like. Congratulations to both of you.
@Kitlynn I've thought of that since I always wanted a quality birthstone ring, it wouldn't be inexpensive since I admit I am picky and would want a good gemstone. He said "whatever" I wanted would be OK with him.

But, don't laugh, my ring finger on my right hand is really bent from arthritis and I try not to draw attention to it. The only finger I have left that isn't somewhat distorted is my ring finger on the left.

I am not laughing at all and I understand completely. Now there are no rules about wedding rings and you could get a ring designed with your birthstone and have it look like there is a band behind it and wear it as your wedding ring. It would be a stone you love and very different and unique.

Re: I feel guilty...

Karie2022 — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:45:51 GMT

I’m with you...if you don’t want or need a new ring, why bother...spend the money on something you really want like a nice trip somewhere...I’d rather have that nice memory than a ring that you didn’t really need or want, seems silly...I rarely even wear my ring and had it re done a few years ago...my dh wears his grandfathers ring....I’ve never been hung up on wedding rings, there just jewelry to me, there’s a lot more meaning in our history and everyday lives...but for some there very meaningful, and I totally get it...different strokes😀

Re: I feel guilty...

Allegheny — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:47:31 GMT

@dex

I totally agree. I reminded him that we have no children to inherit the rings and why should we invest a sizeable amount of dollars. We aren't poor but we aren't exactly swimming in money. I keep reminding him one of us may need long term care in the future.

I have to be careful discussing things with DH, he get easily offended

Re: I feel guilty...

chrystaltree — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:50:50 GMT

It's a lovely idea, I can't understand how any woman would object to it; especially on a landmark anniversary like your 25th. Life is so more more than dollars and cents. Yes, I think you should accept but that's because I'd walk barefoot through shattered glass to avoid hurting my husband over something like this. However, since you phrase it as "gowing with the flow"; it's obvious that you don't want this and if he knows you well, he'll pick up on it. There won't be any in those rings for you. So, be honest. Just tell him how you feel.

Re: I feel guilty...

Imaoldhippie — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:51:32 GMT

How wonderful for you that your hubby is wanting to please you. Just tell him straight up how you feel and dont feel guilty in the least. He wants to please you so tell him what you want. Good luck.

Re: I feel guilty...

Allegheny — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:55:38 GMT

@qualitygal Thanks, I certainily will look there.

But...there always seems to be a but to my stories. He has seen this goldsmith who is a designer locally and wants to go there. DH told me we are going later today. I admit I am intrigued to see this husband/wife duos work.

Re: I feel guilty...

qualitygal — Fri, 11 May 2018 13:59:13 GMT

@Allegheny, whatever happens, I think it's probably one of the sweetest, loving, most generous ways I've heard of in hearing his expression of his love for you. That's so touching.

Re: I feel guilty...

Carmie — Fri, 11 May 2018 14:09:09 GMT

I still wear my original wedding band. My DH wanted to replace it, but I never wanted to. The one I wear is the one we made our vows with...I don't wan't a substitute.

The one I wear is very sentimental and has meaning. A new one would not.

He did buy me an anniversary ring that I also wear, but I do not go anywhere without my wedding band.

If you really don't want a new one, maybe you could tell him, a new one would have no meaning for you like the original.

Re: I feel guilty...

Allegheny — Fri, 11 May 2018 14:09:42 GMT

Ladies, thank you all. Remember how Archie Bunker used to treat Edith. Well DH is similar. Underneath all the brovado Archie adored Edith, but she still had to live with "all his stuff".

Re: I feel guilty...

TaylorBrown — Fri, 11 May 2018 14:28:15 GMT

I would let him do it just because he wants to. Just as you have not worn your original ring very much, you can wear this one on and off as well. I say let him have this one since it means that much to him.

Re: I feel guilty...

Allegheny — Fri, 11 May 2018 14:52:41 GMT

@TaylorBrown wrote:
I would let him do it just because he wants to. Just as you have not worn your original ring very much, you can wear this one on and off as well. I say let him have this one since it means that much to him.

@TaylorBrown That's probably how this is going to play out. I gave in to him a lot to avoid conflict. I just hate dropping 5-6K of savings. Twenty years ago my cottage in the woods, ended up a cottage on a 2 acre pasture. I have rued it every since.