topic Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT in Among Friends

LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

qvc chick — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 15:32:35 GMT

I am currently in a single family home, my adult son lives with me, but he is moving out next month. My daugher has her own place a few miles away.

I am not sure how I feel about living alone. Benn divorced for many years, and now with my son moving, will be all alone, except for my dogs.

Feeling a little sad, and probably will be lonely. Have alot of friends, but all of a sudden, the empty rooms/no noise, scare me.

Any tips?

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

KingstonsMom — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 15:43:21 GMT

Try to keep yourself busy!

With hobbies, friends, volunteering with something close to your heart, take your dogs to dog parks/walks, etc.

Empty Nest Syndrome is very real and I think that adjusting to the 'quiet' was the hardest part for me.

Spending more time 'out & about' helped me a lot!

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

2blonde — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 15:48:20 GMT

@qvc chick Hey, it's understandable that you'd feel that way after having other people in the house for so many years. Trust me, you'll get used to it, and after awhile you'll like having complete control of your surroundings, and being totally in charge. In the meantime, try to find some outside activities that get you out of the house. That way, you learn to appreciate coming home, even though it's empty. Remember, you'll always have your "best friends" waiting for you when you get there!

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

Mactective — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 15:49:48 GMT

EMBRACE IT! Do all the things you haven't been able to do up until now! Eat when you want and what you want without worrying about what your son wants. Dance around the house wiht the music turned up loud. Wear what you want around the house - or nothing at all! Paint the whole house PINK! (or any other color you want.)

Seriously - you have to make a "new" sort of life for yourself now. Stay connected to friends and if you don't have any - make some. Join a club or two so you can stay social. If you are active in church, invite some other single ladies out to dinner or a movie with you. Develop some hobbies. Join a book club, walking club, coffee club - or start one!

If you start feeling bad, do something good for other people. Volunteer some time or talent to people that are not doing as well as you are and you will feel better immediately.

Lastly, do some things to make yourself feel safe at night so you can sleep well. Get a dog or a new alarm system or take other security measures so you don't feel vulnerable in your own home.

Remember: This isn't a sad or lonely time in your life - it's just a new chapter and you can make of it what you want.

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

Vivian — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 16:03:28 GMT

My oldest daughter was in a relationship for two years, with a man who was much older but treated her like a princess. She broke up with him last month because she said the age difference negatively affected their relationship. She feels terribly guilty because he was so kind, but she could not accept his proposal of marriage. She feels terribly guilty because he was so kind and helpful but her feelings must be acknowledged. I feel sorry for both of them.

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

alliswell — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 16:08:02 GMT

@Mactective wrote:
EMBRACE IT! Do all the things you haven't been able to do up until now! Eat when you want and what you want without worrying about what your son wants. Dance around the house wiht the music turned up loud. Wear what you want around the house - or nothing at all! Paint the whole house PINK! (or any other color you want.)

Seriously - you have to make a "new" sort of life for yourself now. Stay connected to friends and if you don't have any - make some. Join a club or two so you can stay social. If you are active in church, invite some other single ladies out to dinner or a movie with you. Develop some hobbies. Join a book club, walking club, coffee club - or start one!

If you start feeling bad, do something good for other people. Volunteer some time or talent to people that are not doing as well as you are and you will feel better immediately.

Lastly, do some things to make yourself feel safe at night so you can sleep well. Get a dog or a new alarm system or take other security measures so you don't feel vulnerable in your own home.

Remember: This isn't a sad or lonely time in your life - it's just a new chapter and you can make of it what you want.

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

jackthebear — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 16:11:33 GMT

@Vivian wrote:
My oldest daughter was in a relationship for two years, with a man who was much older but treated her like a princess. She broke up with him last month because she said the age difference negatively affected their relationship. She feels terribly guilty because he was so kind, but she could not accept his proposal of marriage. She feels terribly guilty because he was so kind and helpful but her feelings must be acknowledged. I feel sorry for both of them.

that' is too bad but guilt is never the right emotion here, guilt is for bad or immoral things and what she did is neither.

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

123SuzyQ123 — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 16:55:10 GMT

I have been completely alone in my house for 4 years now. I came from a large family, but ended up with my own small family, so the first few years of being completely alone were tough on me.

I've chosen not to have pets, because the loss of 5 beloved doggies was too hard on me, and I won't put myself through that hurt again!

At first, I was scared at night, until I started "safeproofing" areas of my house that I thought someone could break in through.

I try to enjoy that I can watch whatever TV programs I want, eat or not eat at certain times, etc.

Good luck to you in this new phase of your life, OP. With your family living close by, you can see them often. All my family lives either 125 miles, or 1600 miles from me!!! But I do wish you the best, you can keep us up to date on how things are going with you!!

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

ScarletDove — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 17:14:51 GMT

@Vivian wrote:
My oldest daughter was in a relationship for two years, with a man who was much older but treated her like a princess. She broke up with him last month because she said the age difference negatively affected their relationship. She feels terribly guilty because he was so kind, but she could not accept his proposal of marriage. She feels terribly guilty because he was so kind and helpful but her feelings must be acknowledged. I feel sorry for both of them.

@Vivian Your daughter made a choice due to guilt and now she will have to live with the guilt of her choice!

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

151949 — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 17:19:05 GMT

Call your friends , go out somewhere with them. Get a volunteer job. Join a gym.

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

ScarletDove — Tue, 10 Apr 2018 00:15:18 GMT

@qvc chick This is a time to embrace. I was working full time when I was divorced in 2001 and both of my children moved on with their lives, and yes I was by myself except for kitties. I wasn't really lonely per se, but I was lonely when I was sleeping next to my husband since he was physically there but not there in mind or spirit! Now that I am retired 4 years, sure I get lonely--but I have plenty to do, love my independence and within a few minutes that loneliness is filled by my loving, affectionate Maxwell and Angus kitties! I love being on my own, I have grown in ways I never knew existed. What evolved was my ability to confirm how strong and independent I always was and continued on to evolve into a very satisfying, joyous life. After divorce and major fear I would turn into a baglady in old age, I achieved what I set out to achieve to conquer that fear and it brought major satisfaction. My cousin who was married 55 years (was her maid-of-honor) and never had any children (she and her husband had Schnauzers over the years) just lost her husband before last Christmas. She never worked and her husband loved her and took care of her so her life was completely opposite of mine. I am enjoying watching this beloved woman at 81 see that she can do anything, things she never, ever did or had to do. The joy of pumping her own gas, paying her own bills, making her own decisions is such a pleasure for her. I let her know of my apprehensions, doubts and told her she had her mother's strong, tough, independent genes, and as her mother did, she could accomplish anything on her own. We talk and I listen to the joy in the voice of this wonderful woman on her journey to a new life....she is loving every moment and I love being there to share her joy! You will do the same @qvc chick....

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

qvc chick — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 18:01:09 GMT

I love my dogs, but the dogs are a catch-22. I love having them, and they definately keep me company, but it is much harder to go out and have a good time, when I have to leave them at home. They are at home alone all day when I am at work, so when I get home, I feel bad that I am going to leave them again. But I don't want ot stay home.

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

Kitlynn — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 18:08:07 GMT

I think you have to look at it as another chapter in your life book. You can do exactly what you want when you want and it doesn't matter because you don't have to be concerned about someone else in the house. Perfect time to decorate exactly how you want. Eat what you want. Come and go when it suits you. Entertain friends and family when you are in the mood. Go to the store when you want. I know it will be different and a change but just try to enjoy it and do things that you have always wanted to do. It is the time for it to be all about you and your needs and wants.

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

meallen616 — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 18:44:12 GMT

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

dex — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 19:35:25 GMT

@qvc chickI had that feeling when my son left even though my DH was home.I loved every second my son was around and life without his cheery ways was so empty...I started getting busy and doing things for my enjoyment.I joined a gym and that was the best thing I ever did for myself.I am no longer feeling empty inside and I have many new friends who enjoy doing the same things I love.My son is the best and calls me every day to recap but it’s funny because some days I am so busy that I find myself not really needing that call like I once did to feel connected....never thought I would say that.

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

Mominohio — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 21:40:03 GMT

You are getting ready for a transition, so let yourself get used to it.

I have a friend that is going through this, and I have cautioned her not to make any drastic and quick changes in her living arrangements, as her first thought is to follow her 21 year old son to another city, live in a separate apartment from him and his girl friend, because she can't stand for him to be one hour away.

Things will be different, and indeed a little sad, but you will be surprised just how quickly your 'new normal' might take shape.

Go through your home and make sure that all windows and doors have adequate locks, and if not, have them installed now.

Look at how secure you are in your daily patterns. Do you keep the doors locked when home? Do you have your car parked outside (if so is it locked at all times and do you look before you go to and get out of it?). If you have a garage, do you keep it locked?

Do you have security lights outside? If not consider getting them and getting them up.

Do you have phones in several places (if you still do landline) or do you know where your cell is at all times, should you need help from a break in to a fall? If some extra extensions would help you feel more connected and safe, do that now.

Do you have blinds, curtains, or other window coverings at all windows, so that at night, you can close them and know that people can't look inside and see you alone?

Do you have a routine with the dogs? If so, can you begin to schedule where they go outside before dark, so you will be outdoors less during the dark hours, if that is something that might bother you (here we have coyotes at night, and I don't like to be out with the dog if I don't have to).

Don't advertise the fact that you will be living alone. People really don't need to know that, even neighbors you think you can trust. People don't keep things to themselves and the fewer people who know you are alone the better.

In other words, go through all the safety kinds of things that, because you will be living alone, should be in place and in practice as routine. It will make you feel much better about things, knowing you have thought it all through, done what you need to do, and have started new routines for being alone.

Try not to be afraid. Having dogs, no matter how small, are great alarms and great company. Unless you are in a dangerous area, your chance of something happening aren't really much greater now than when others lived with you, it just seems a little more scary now, for a while.

To combat the sadness, plan things with your kids regularly, and having things to look forward to will help a lot. Same for friends, volunteer things, or social things you do. Make plans, have people over, just try to be busy which usually leads to happy.

And best wishes as you embark on the latest chapter.

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

Sooner — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 21:45:37 GMT

I spent a lot of nights alone when my husband traveled. The only tip I have is just to make up your mind to adjust to it. Lots of people do it and are fine and you can do it too. That’s all the advice I have because that’s all I did. That may or may not be helpful but that’s all I got! 😍

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

AuntG — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 21:54:51 GMT

Maybe the anticipation of being alone is worse than you'll find it to be. Start making a list now of things you'd like to do.

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

CelticCrafter — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 22:06:46 GMT

JMO, the empty nest wasn't all it was cracked up to be and took a long time to get used to.

Re: LIVING ALONE - EMPTY NEXT

fortune — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 22:29:26 GMT

@qvc chick wrote:
I am currently in a single family home, my adult son lives with me, but he is moving out next month. My daughter has her own place a few miles away.

I am not sure how I feel about living alone. Benn divorced for many years, and now with my son moving, will be all alone, except for my dogs.

Feeling a little sad, and probably will be lonely. Have alot of friends, but all of a sudden, the empty rooms/no noise, scare me.

Any tips?

@qvc chick

You've got some great advice so far. My contribution is to not let anyone know that you live alone. For your answering machine or cell phone, be sure to say "we'll be back soon, leave a message." When plumbers or other service people come to your home, mention "when my husband gets home or my son. . . Be careful to always say "we" instead of "I" I know these forums are supposed to be anonymous, but don't announce your status here or on Facebook, etc. Be careful who you tell your living situation to among friends or acquaintances.

Good luck! You'll learn to love living alone!