topic Re: What To Do in Among Friends

What To Do

SeaMaiden — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:07:18 GMT

Yesterday there was all kinds of commotion going on at a home across the street in my cul de sak I am assuming that the husband of the home passed away unexpectedly natural or not I do not know at this time... from what I could see from my window. sheriff cars... fire trucks.... and eventually the coroners van.... saw Ann( the wife) being hugged by family.. crying... etc.... Nothing violent or the like.

I am not close to any of my neighbors... we wave and smile... but really that is about it. I do not even know any of their names other than this couple only because we talked about our dogs one time outside. Ann, the lady of the home) is very sweet. She is about my age. We have had over the years Just friendly talk... nothing deep or anything. Weather... dogs.... you know. Only met and spoke to her husband once years ago, but, have seen him mowing the lawn and such.

My question is.... with this sad incident that happened yesterday.... and if it does appear to be that her husband passed away, when the situation comes up later and I see Ann outside or the like .... what should I say without being too personal, or even impersonal? It is not a situation that I have ever gone through with a neighbor. I just want to say the right words. Also, once I find out the situation, is there a small gift or such that I could leave on her door step with say a card? Since we are not close I do not know if this is something that I should do. Perhaps just not do anything and respect her privacy since we are not close friends?

I will read through the suggestions but will not comment on each one. I do appreciate the time anyone takes to let me know what they feel is the proper thing to do.

Thanks so much. ~Sea Maiden~

Re: What To Do

Bird mama — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:12:04 GMT

@SeaMaiden I've had neighbors pass away that were acquaintances and when the funeral arrangements were published, I've paid my respects at the funeral home. That might be a way to express your condolences.

Re: What To Do

lolakimono — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:13:41 GMT

@SeaMaiden

If the roles were reversed, what would you want her to do for you?

Re: What To Do

fthunt — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:13:49 GMT

To 'ignore' what you saw would be rude beyond words. You're making a big issue - should I speak to my neighbor - should I send a gift or a card? Crazy......reach out your hand to her at her difficult time and.........perhaps you'll become friends.

Re: What To Do

sweetee2 — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:15:05 GMT

Make a casserole and take it over. Any act of kindness would be very appreciative and the awkwardness will be over.

Re: What To Do

kelsey17 — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:15:24 GMT

I might just send a sympathy card.....and the next time you run into her express your condolences....

Re: What To Do

qualitygal — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:16:02 GMT

I'd send a Sympathy card at least. You know the address. When it all is over, later, you can remain casual. If you visit with her, you can tell her you're sorry about her husband's passing. Let that be it. She can then comment, and then you've been compassionate.

Re: What To Do

dex — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:17:27 GMT

@SeaMaiden@You could say that you noticed a lot of medical vehicles at her home recently and ask her if you could help in any way.

Re: What To Do

Shanus — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:18:30 GMT

I think a simple sympathy card and handwritten “Sorry for your loss” would be appropriate. Be sure when you sign your name, to say that you’re her neighbor across the street...just in case she doesn’t remember your name.

If you meet up at another time, walking in the neighborhood, etc. the awkwardness would be taken care of by putting the card in her mailbox.

Re: What To Do

cherry — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:28:59 GMT

Since you don't know exactly what happened, I would send a nice thinking of you card ,and write something inside, to let her know you are concerned about her ,and maybe give her your phone number , for her to have ,in case she needs help ,in an emergency

Re: What To Do

GCR18 — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:29:52 GMT

I would look for an announcement in the paper, to confirm. Then I'd mail a card to the house. The next time I saw her, I'd stop her to talk. Sorry to hear about your loss, if you need anything DH and I are just across the street.

Re: What To Do

KingstonsMom — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:52:48 GMT

Since you're only able to assume what may have happened, say nothing until you know the facts, such as an obituary, etc.

When my brother committed suicide, we were inundated by neighbors who saw the emergency vehicles and most just wanted to know what happened, for curiosity sake.

They didn't know us or him well enough for it to be genuine concern and we finally had to unplug the phone and doorbell.

We had enough to deal with, our grief, our not understanding why, to relive it over and over and over and over......

JMO

Re: What To Do

StephfromIdaho — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:45:08 GMT

Yes, you should acknowledge the situation. Just a card and a small plant, ask offer to attend to her pets, she’ll appreciate it

Re: What To Do

Kitlynn — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:53:59 GMT

It isn't the words you speak or what you do that matters it is the fact that you say something or do something acknowledging that you care for what she is going through. I would get a simple card and take a dish over. Even something like some nice cinnamon rolls from a bakery. Reaching out to someone in their time and showing compassion is what is really important.

Re: What To Do

geezerette — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 15:57:47 GMT

I just went through this myself. My husband passed away suddenly just this past week in fact.

I’ve had varying responses from neighbors, some known, some not. Frankly, it didn’t matter to me what they did. I’m numb right now. But just having someone give their sympathy (I don’t need flowers, food or the like right now) is enough. Also, the usual, “If there’s anything I can do” line surprisingly does help. I probably will never call on most of these people for any type of help, but just the sentiment right now is comforting.

I find the little stories that people tell me about my husband are especially nice, even though they tend to make me cry. In your case, since you didn’t know the husband, this wouldn’t apply. If you don’t feel comfortable seeing the woman in person, send a card with a short note of sympathy. It will be appreciated.

Re: What To Do

cherry — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 16:02:04 GMT

@geezerette God rest his soul, and cover you with His love...

Re: What To Do

SeaMaiden — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 16:03:03 GMT

To everyone who shared their thoughts thank you so much. You gave me such nice suggestions. Once I know what was going on for sure... and give the situation some time, I will mail a card and perhaps leave a plant or such on her door step.

Re: What To Do

KingstonsMom — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 16:05:02 GMT

@geezerette

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Re: What To Do

Mom2Dogs — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 16:06:44 GMT

@geezerette....so sorry for your loss.

Re: What To Do

Sweet Caroline 1 — Sun, 25 Mar 2018 16:07:35 GMT

SeaMaiden, I, like you, live in a neighborhood where everyone tends to keep to themselves. I hope she doesn't move away. I would leave a card or just a note on paper in her mailbox. You could say somthing like.... my name is (name) and I live in the green house across the street from you. We have spoken a few times to each other. I want to reach out to you and let you know that I am here if you need me. You are being a sweet neighbor.....