topic Re: QUESTION in Among Friends

QUESTION

Calcgirl — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 05:37:04 GMT

When your grown children ask you how you are doing or feeling, how do you respond?

Re: QUESTION

kitcat51 — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 06:00:03 GMT

Tell them the truth.

Re: QUESTION

Calcgirl — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 06:15:45 GMT

Hmm, the truth got me in trouble. Let me begin my sharing that my son who lives 45 minutes away and is quite affluent seldom calls and texts me two-three times a month. We were always very close until my husband, his dad passed away and he got married to a rather selfis woman. I have nver ever shared this thought with either of them by the way and have aways treated her warmly. His texts always ask how I am doing and my response is fine how are you and the family doing?

Well, the last text came right after I returned from the Orthopedic doctor who said I had fluid on my knee and issues with my shoulder and he was sending me in for an MRI, So I told my son what the doctor said and said that the golden years should called the rusty years and placed an LOL after the response. He texted back that I shouldn't feel sorry for myself. By the way I am in my late 60's.

Re: QUESTION

Desertdi — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 09:33:38 GMT

@Calcgirlwrote:
Hmm, the truth got me in trouble. Let me begin my sharing that my son who lives 45 minutes away and is quite affluent seldom calls and texts me two-three times a month. We were always very close until my husband, his dad passed away and he got married to a rather selfis woman. I have nver ever shared this thought with either of them by the way and have aways treated her warmly. His texts always ask how I am doing and my response is fine how are you and the family doing?
Well, the last text came right after I returned from the Orthopedic doctor who said I had fluid on my knee and issues with my shoulder and he was sending me in for an MRI, So I told my son what the doctor said and said that the golden years should called the rusty years and placed an LOL after the response. He texted back that I shouldn't feel sorry for myself. By the way I am in my late 60's.

@Calcgirl That would be enough for me to cut him out of my will.

Re: QUESTION

NicksmomESQ — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 10:00:05 GMT

@Calcgirl I’m so sorry.You didn’t deserve that.You have nothing to lose. I would tell him how you feel about the way he answered you.I would also tell him that you deserve some care & respect!!

If he didn’t want to know he shouldn’t have asked, period!!

To answer your question I always tell my son the truth. By his reaction I can tell he cares.If he didn’t I would certainly let him know!!

Re: QUESTION

CalminHeart — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 10:56:05 GMT

I tell them the truth. It's not a parent's place to totally unload (especially about the other parent) but it's important to share without burdening your kids.

My oldest is one his 4th deployment so I tell him everyone is doing well and happy. When he returns home, I'll fill him in on anything he needs to know.

Re: QUESTION

qualitygal — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 12:45:23 GMT

No one understands old age, until they go through it.

We realized that when we use to laugh at "I've fallen and I can't get up", has now become a personal reality and we could have that happen to us now. Not so funny now.

Let it pass, in time, he'll understand.

I want to add, to be honest with them, it might be a heriditary ailment.

Re: QUESTION

happycat — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 11:36:29 GMT

I am honest with my children.

My parents are not honest with me and my sisters. They leave things out when we ask how they are. Its usually short answers, "We are fine". My dad had been having what he called "chest discomfort" for a month or two, before he let us know. Then when I had him at the dr's office, he had more symptoms he added to it.

Daddy backed into a parked car at wal mart, and my parents didn't tell us that either. Till I saw it a few weeks after it happened and asked about it. My sisters and I call and check in daily, and visit in person a few times a week. Somehow we didn't notice the dent in the truck for a few weeks.

@Calcgirl I'm very sorry your son did that. It sounds like he needs to come down off his high horse.

Re: QUESTION

Carmie — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 12:06:04 GMT

@Calcgirlwrote:
Hmm, the truth got me in trouble. Let me begin my sharing that my son who lives 45 minutes away and is quite affluent seldom calls and texts me two-three times a month. We were always very close until my husband, his dad passed away and he got married to a rather selfis woman. I have nver ever shared this thought with either of them by the way and have aways treated her warmly. His texts always ask how I am doing and my response is fine how are you and the family doing?
Well, the last text came right after I returned from the Orthopedic doctor who said I had fluid on my knee and issues with my shoulder and he was sending me in for an MRI, So I told my son what the doctor said and said that the golden years should called the rusty years and placed an LOL after the response. He texted back that I shouldn't feel sorry for myself. By the way I am in my late 60's.

I would have texted back “ it’s not me I feel sorry for” and left it at that. Let him figure it out.

Re: QUESTION

LindaSal — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 12:09:25 GMT

I feel they are so wrapped up in their own lives that they just don't have the time to worry about mom and dad for the most part. Life is difficult for them today and I don't want them worrying about us. I know my children love me and I don't expect them to fall all over me. When I was going through breast cancer they called or texted everyday and they would say "you got this right mom?" That's all I need and a big hug when I see them

Re: QUESTION

kelsey17 — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 12:14:50 GMT

The big and unavoidable things i would prob tell them....

the smaller things i try to handle myself...

Re: QUESTION

Big Joanie — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 12:39:24 GMT

My husband and I have the opposite problem ....the kids calling us with

their problems ... I am supportive of course .. but then worry !!!

Re: QUESTION

KentuckyWoman — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 12:45:27 GMT

I tell them the truth. My husband and I are 70. We are active and in excellent health. We do have minor aches and pains that come with age but if we do get sick or have issues, we always let them know. We have three boys and they live nearby so we talk to and see them several times a week.

@Calcgirl sorry your son responded in such a rude way. Very inconsiderate on his part.

Re: QUESTION

Snowpuppy — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 12:49:14 GMT

I'm not certain what the OP's comment about her child being "quite affluent" has to do with how much he cares.

I do tell the truth to DS.

Re: QUESTION

YorkieonmyPillow — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 12:53:32 GMT

@Carmie Good one!

@LindaSal But they were checking on you with daily texts. A bit different than OP's situation.

@Calcgirl That's hurtful. Do you have other grown children?

Re: QUESTION

sidsmom — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 13:11:59 GMT

What should the response be?

What ‘trouble’ is there?

Why is the detail of being ‘affluent’ mentioned?

Additinally, why is the detail of the DIL being a ‘rather selfis (sic) woman’ mentioned?

Sounds like you’re very self-sufficent, without any issues.

A MRI/fluid on the knee is a fairly minor issue to someone

who is fairly healthy & living by themselves.

Late 60’s is still fairly young.

I would say....pick your battles.

Re: QUESTION

chrystaltree — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 13:19:22 GMT

I tell them how I feel, I tell them what's going on. Did I miss something here?

Re: QUESTION

Bhvbum — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 13:43:16 GMT

I guess I think of it in terms of what do I want to hear from them when I ask the same question. It isn’t just the answer that one time, but the accumulation of answers year after year.

I want my family to know that this is what adults do, and that I can take care of my physical and emotional issues.

I feel I am still teaching them this is what it means to be an adult.

Certainly if it is a major issue I would let them know, but not before I had done everything I could to get it resolved.

Re: QUESTION

VaBelle35 — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 14:13:53 GMT

1. Texting leads to all kinds of misunderstandings.

2. If you've always just said "things are fine," and then send him something that isn't fine, you can't control how he interprets that.

Hopefully the next time you talk on the phone you can clear up the misunderstanding.

Re: QUESTION

Sweet Caroline 1 — Wed, 21 Mar 2018 14:14:55 GMT

Dear calcgirl, I am appauled by his response. I am a very spiritual person and a strong believer in karma. The lord says vengance is his and no one can do it better than him. He will take care of him in his own way. You've heard "what comes around goes around" and it does. I've seen it happen so mant times. I would call or text him and tell him that he hurt you badly with that cruel response. He owes you an appology. If you need him to take you for some tests, tell him. If he isn't there when you need him, cut him out of your will. Sorry, he has really made me mad. Gods blessings, SC