topic Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS? in Among Friends

Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

RinaRina — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 14:39:25 GMT

I started working PT at an after school program a few days a week.

Long story short ... some of the boys are very rough. These are little boys .. 7,8,9.

They're just rough; play fighting, punching each other, etc. One kid ended up with a busted lip on Friday. I've worked with kids before but I'm not used to this ...

My question is: Is this how boys are?

When I expressed my concerns, one of my co-workers basically told me to "get used to it or you might have to take an "L" ".

When I asked him what "L" meant, he said "leave".

I was flabbergasted. I've been around kids A LOT but I've never seen boys beat each other bloody for fun (except on the movie "Goodwill Hunting"). One girl punched a boy so hard I could hear the blows. When I told her to stop, the boy got up and laughed saying, "it's okay, she's my sister."

Is this normal?

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

dex — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 14:45:13 GMT

@RinaRina It might be normal but I wouldn’t let them get away with that.I would explain to them about the behavior that you will accept and then I would give a time out to those who continued to be aggressive.I wouldn’t want anyone getting hurt and there are many other ways to play without getting rough.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

Puppy-eyes7 — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 14:47:17 GMT

not usual. Sure boys can rough house but to plain just act undisciplined, no. Sounds like these kids get to do what they want when they want to without little to no consequence at home.

Not all little boys act this way. Rather, not all children act that way. Hope things calm down for you. I know it can be stressful.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

CAcableGirl2 — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 14:51:13 GMT

@RinaRina No, it's not normal. I would try teach them that it's not OK to punch and fight until someone ends up bleeding. I wonder if they come from abusive households, where hitting and punching is what is considered "normal" to them.

I raised two boys so I come from experience. I think the best you can do since they aren't your children and the others at the program don't seem to want to control or teach these children, is to not allow this type of behavior the best you can when you are present.

I think children will do what they can get away with and I've seen uncontrollable children behave when they know that the person in charge doesn't allow their shenanigans. In other words, do they behave the same way on the playground with a bunch of other children, they way that they do when their grandparents are around or someone is around that they want to impress?

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

RinaRina — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 14:59:15 GMT

@Puppy-eyes7wrote:
not usual. Sure boys can rough house but to plain just act undisciplined, no. Sounds like these kids get to do what they want when they want to without little to no consequence at home.

Not all little boys act this way. Rather, not all children act that way. Hope things calm down for you. I know it can be stressful.

==================

It wasn't "stressful", but with the bullying epidemic being as widespread as it is, the behavior scared me. Seriously .... how can this be "okay"?

EDIT:
In restropsect, a co-worker telling me to "get used to it or take an "L" is wayyy out of line, IMHO.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

qbetzforreal — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 14:54:20 GMT

Most males roughhouse and horseplay. It starts when they are young and continues into adulthood. It's all fun until someone gets hurt.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

chrystaltree — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 14:56:13 GMT

Boys are rough at that age, so you really haven't been around kids very much. That's for sure. I'm not even sure the boys you speak of are being "rough". They are doing what little boys do. They are very physical; they wrestle, yell, whoop, challenge each other. So, parents and caretakers have to know when to step in and when to calm things down and when it's ok to just let them play. Yes, it's normal. It's why I'm glad I had two girls. But I had brothers, cousins, friends with boys. I even played with boys in the neighborhood when I was a kid. Since boys are more physical, they do get more bumps and bruises. Perhaps, it isn't the right job for you.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

151949 — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 14:58:38 GMT

If you are a person hired to care for these kids shouldn't you have the knowledge to be able to handle them? Set the limits and expect them to stay within them? If you can't do that - this is probably not the right job for you.

I went to a huge, overcrowded inner city high school.Our teachers weren't much at teaching us anything with 50 - 60 kids in a class - but one thing they were all good at was keeping behavior under control.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

Mermaid22 — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 15:06:18 GMT

@RinaRinawrote:
I started working PT at an after school program a few days a week.
Long story short ... some of the boys are very rough. These are little boys .. 7,8,9.
They're just rough; play fighting, punching each other, etc. One kid ended up with a busted lip on Friday. I've worked with kids before but I'm not used to this ...
My question is: Is this how boys are?
When I expressed my concerns, one of my co-workers basically told me to "get used to it or you might have to take an "L" ".
When I asked him what "L" meant, he said "leave".
I was flabbergasted. I've been around kids A LOT but I've never seen boys beat each other bloody for fun (except on the movie "Goodwill Hunting"). One girl punched a boy so hard I could hear the blows. When I told her to stop, the boy got up and laughed saying, "it's okay, she's my sister."
Is this normal?

No, absolutely not! Maybe you want to take the leave yourself. The supervisor should not be allowing that. I have a grown son, and I am also a retired school nurse. This behavior should not be tolerated.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

RinaRina — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 15:26:25 GMT

@151949wrote:
If you are a person hired to care for these kids shouldn't you have the knowledge to be able to handle them? Set the limits and expect them to stay within them? If you can't do that - this is probably not the right job for you.
I went to a huge, overcrowded inner city high school.Our teachers weren't much at teaching us anything with 50 - 60 kids in a class - but one thing they were all good at was keeping behavior under control.

=============================

Well, good for you. I hope you enjoyed it. We used to call those "thug" * schools (aka low SAT scores), where teachers spent more time disciplining rather than teaching .. and yes, my experience in that type of environment is limited.

Thanks for the info.

Edit:

*"thug" is kind. back in my day, the description was much worse.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

Carmie — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 15:24:08 GMT

These kids sound normal. Boys and well as girls roughhouse all of the time. My kids did it and I and my siblings did too. The kids in my neighborhood sometimes play rough. They have plastic light up swords that they swing and hit each other with and they also play tackle football in the lot next door.

They shouldn’t however, be allowed to do it in an after school program. They are not allowed to do this at school and by the time you get them, they are full of pent up energy.

It used to be easier to control kids. Today it Is next to impossible. They know that you are not allowed to discipline them. God forbid that you even raise your voice.

i volunteer at a local elementary school and I know first hand how different things are compared to what they were when I and even my children were kids.

My suggestion to you is to keep them busy in some kind of organized play. If they get up and run around with no plan, it will lead to rough play in a matter of minutes.

Good luck...take a deep breath and try to relax the best you can.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

Carmie — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 15:33:10 GMT

@151949wrote:
If you are a person hired to care for these kids shouldn't you have the knowledge to be able to handle them? Set the limits and expect them to stay within them? If you can't do that - this is probably not the right job for you.
I went to a huge, overcrowded inner city high school.Our teachers weren't much at teaching us anything with 50 - 60 kids in a class - but one thing they were all good at was keeping behavior under control.

Knowledge in knowing how to control kids in today’s world doesn’t help one little bit. You are not allowed to put that knowledge into action.

If you even raise your voice, you could have a parent call you on it. Some kids don’t understand limits or they enjoy crossing them. There is NOTHING you can do to them if they don’t listen.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

Dusty1 — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 15:35:13 GMT

@RinaRina

I have a son & a daughter, nieces & nephews, 5 grandsons & they have 2 girl cousins.

Boys play rough. They just do.

Jumping on people, punching (Not like Jack Reacher punching, but you know, boy punching.), wrestling...

Boys play rough.

That doesn't mean fighting to bruise & draw blood, although a little blood is not unheard of, beacause they ARE "fighting".

That doesn't mean that they are bad or misbehaving it is just how they play.

Hopefully they have been taught to understand when it is time to play & when they have to do other things. That it is okay to play, but not to hurt each other.

The boys will grab anything & whack people. I bought foam swords so they can whack with those, but not sticks or whatever.

I am not saying yes let them have knock down fights or bully people. There is a difference & hopefully they have been taught that, but you may have to remind them.

Good luck.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

jeanlake — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 15:56:13 GMT

You're seeing normal behavior in a 'boys gone wild' environment. However, unless we want to create a future generation of misogynists, discipline and direction need to take place 'on the spot.' IMO. Unfortunately, outsiders generally aren't respected. Correction starts at home.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

kitcat51 — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 16:05:10 GMT

I have sons & grandsons, this behavior is NOT normal. Boys do push & shove each other in fun but punching to hurt should never be acceptable. Find out who's in charge of this program & report to their boss what's going on. Honestly how is this happening...just simple name calling will get kids suspended.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

SeaMaiden — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 16:17:18 GMT

I remember as a child my older sister and I getting into brawls... punching hitting kicking one another... I think little boys are even worse. As an adult I have never hit anyone or ever want to... but as a child it just came natually...

children are a lot like dogs playing... they play ROUGH.... it is just the nature of the beast.... nothing unusual.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

RinaRina — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 16:23:22 GMT

@Carmiewrote:
@151949wrote:
If you are a person hired to care for these kids shouldn't you have the knowledge to be able to handle them? Set the limits and expect them to stay within them? If you can't do that - this is probably not the right job for you.
I went to a huge, overcrowded inner city high school.Our teachers weren't much at teaching us anything with 50 - 60 kids in a class - but one thing they were all good at was keeping behavior under control.
Knowledge in knowing how to control kids in today’s world doesn’t help one little bit. You are not allowed to put that knowledge into action.

If you even raise your voice, you could have a parent call you on it. Some kids don’t understand limits or they enjoy crossing them. There is NOTHING you can do to them if they don’t listen.

@Carmie

ITA!

I have always made it clear to anyone who hires me that I do NOT rigorously discipline other people's children. I retired from a job where employees made that mistake, and frequently, things ended badly. From observation, I've learned, that's a quick way to get on a parent's bad side and it makes the parent feel uncomfortable because the implication is that you are doing what they (as parents) haven't.

Most parents have their own way of handling their kids and frequently, kids have two different behaviors; one at home and another outside of the home.

Parents certainly know their own children better than I do!

Maybe "get used to it" was my co-workers way of telling me to keep things in persepctive ...

Thanks for the feedback.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

stevieb — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 16:24:59 GMT

SOME children, both boys and girls, can, at times, be boisterous, but some of what you're describing, OP, doesn't sound 'normal' to me... It might be typical for the environments in which some of the children were raised, but part of growing up means learning some level of socialization and it sounds like it's lacking. It also sounds like this supervisor is in no hurry to start helping to provide it...

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

Sooner — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 16:27:32 GMT

People are people and each and every one will be different. The old "boys will be boys" lets boys get away with a lot of bad behavior because people excuse it. EVERYONE should be taught how to treat other people and how to act like a human being.

Re: Do have sons or have u Worked w/ BOYS?

embgm — Sun, 11 Mar 2018 16:45:50 GMT

I have raised three boys who have become wonderful young men. I was a stay at home mom with a huge backyard. I was the house with all the bikes in front of it. I must

say that there was a lot of horsing around.