topic Re: My Sister Is Devestated in Among Friends

My Sister Is Devestated

BornToShop — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:12:51 GMT

My sister who is a year older than me, 65 found out this past Friday that her husband of 23 years suddenly, and I do mean suddenly literally packed up, left her not honoring his financial obligations putting her in a financial bind, claimed to have met someone else. When I say sudden, I mean sudden. No indication this would occur, no hint of marital discontent. She is devestated. She has an excellent income with her job, has a nice 401k nest egg saved. Her concerns are him getting half of her 401k that he so not deserves. She is contemplating early retirement now, cashing in her 401k so this disgusting piece of low life cannot get a dime from her 401k. Her social security would be roughly a $400 less if she waited to 66. Her strategy is to retire early, cashing in her 401k. Any penalties would be better than letting that scumbag getting any of her 401k. She is thinking retiring now that a judge would consider her Social Security & 401k would validate her only source of income rendering his access null & void. I would greatly appreciate any posters here who have experienced the same horrific scenario giving feedback to help my sister. TIA.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

Janey2 — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:05:08 GMT

She should see a lawyer, immediately

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

pugvette74 — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:07:41 GMT

Lawyer ASAP!!!

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

CareBears — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:10:35 GMT

@BornToShop My Dad virtually did the same thing, but he divorced us kids too, his new wife, wanted nothing to do with us, which was fine with us as we wanted nbothing to do with her, anyway tell your sister to get a good lawyer! My BIL did it to my sister too, and he was living in a virtual mansion with this girlfriend, and not giving my sister a penny, she had trouble buying groceries after paying all the bills on her own, without a lawyer, her husband would have gone on leaving her virtually penniless, they are not cheap though so I will forewarn you, but he sounds like a SOB that feels he is entitled and I would not be surprised if he goes after everything he can get, I know my BIL did and me made over $250,000 a year, but he did not want to even pay child support! BTW, I will pray for your sister, and I am truly sorry that this happened to her!

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

I am still oxox — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:12:27 GMT

She needs to find a lawyer asap and protect her accounts

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

Annabellethecat66 — Sun, 14 Jan 2018 23:34:24 GMT

Tell her to immediately find a good lawyer. He/she will tell your sister the steps she must take to protect herself ( financially). Do it first thing tomorrow.

Have her gather all paperwork she has pertaining to their financial matters. She'll need all of their IRS filings, etc.

Tell her it might seem like the end of the world, but it isn't. She has you and other family members. She needs to protect herself. Women are a lot stronger than they think.

Don't let her waste any time tomorrow. She needs to legally put an end to his taking advantage of her financially because that's what's important now at her age. She will see a side of him she never knew existed and it won't be pretty ( look at what he's done already).

Just come back and let us know she's gotten legal help. She can do it. Divorce? Honey, my mother was married 6 times to 3 different men, and so on.

My my guess is she'll come out OK but she must get legal help immediately. Any papers, tell her to hide them so he can't take them until HER lawyer sees them.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

OKPrincess — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:20:04 GMT

She needs to seek legal advice ASAP. Maybe he won't be able to get anything from her 401k since he "abandoned" her but all states are different. Who knows? Maybe he has funds hidden somewhere and won't want anything from her. Sorry for her especially at her age.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

tansy — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:29:16 GMT

I don’t see how cashing in her 401k would keep the creep from getting funds from her if he’s legally entitled to a share. As suggested here she needs to *lawyer up* immediately.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

SXMGirl — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:37:12 GMT

@BornToShop. I am so sorry. Your sister must be devastated and she will need her family and friends to be there for her. However, what she needs is the best lawyer that she can find/afford. Someone who is experienced in this type of situation. And, she needs to listen to her attorney and not necessarily follow her heart.

She also needs to take inventory of what assets are in the home, get herself money out of the bank, and maybe even add additional locks to the home. Legally, she probably cannot change the locks, but she should ask her attorney if she can add locks so that he cannot come in and out at will and take anything out of the home without them both agreeing. She doesn't want to come home one day and find all of the furniture gone (I know someone who had that happen).

I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

Snowpuppy — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:33:39 GMT

Think again.

Is she the breadwinner? You said 0 about his finances.

In most situations he is entitled to 1/2 of what they accumulated together during their marriage.

Any good attorney would advise not to hide assets. Esp after a spouse departs. It's concealment.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

NickNack — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:42:40 GMT

I agree with others that she needs to see the best possible divorce lawyer she can find ASAP. I don't think cashing in her 401k would be wise. I live in TN, and spouses aren't entitled to 1/2. I don't know where she lives, but hopefully that's not the case there either, especially in the case of adultery.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

BornToShop — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:50:19 GMT

@Snowpuppy, she is the primary breadwinner, they are living in a state that declares he would be entitled to half of her 401k. She doesn’t want to hide her 401k, but due to his out-of-the-blue exit, she wants to do what it takes to ensure he won’t get a dime; even if it means taking a hit on her 401k. Her concern is being able to afford an attorney since he left her in a financial crisis without notice. Concealment is not her intent, but survival at her age with Social Security & her 401k would be her only source of income now.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

SXMGirl — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:51:30 GMT

Let me also say something else about adding locks. She doesn't want him coming and going in the middle of the night. From a friend's experience, she never knew if her husband would be sleeping at the house, he would show up at 2 a.m., and just made her miserable and she could not get any sleep. Since your sister has a job, she doesn't need the additional stress as she has enough on her plate right now.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

GCR18 — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:53:28 GMT

Totally agree, first task is finding a lawyer. It's too late to cash out 401k. She needs to know her rights. My sister was divorced about four years ago. She was the breadwinner of the family and they have two teenagers. After he asked for the divorce, he emptied the joint checking account and opened an account in his name only at a different bank. She didn't have enough cash to buy a cup of coffee. It turned into the war of the roses. They both lived in the house for eight months until the divorce was final. My sister ended up having to give her ex a portion of her 401k amongst a bunch of other things.

Not saying this will happen to your sister. In CT, the law protects the spouse that was a low earner. Sister's ex won an emmy playing the role of the stay at home dad and was awarded nicely.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

Snowpuppy — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:56:07 GMT

@BornToShop wrote:
@Snowpuppy, she is the primary breadwinner, they are living in a state that declares he would be entitled to half of her 401k. She doesn’t want to hide her 401k, but due to his out-of-the-blue exit, she wants to do what it takes to ensure he won’t get a dime; even if it means taking a hit on her 401k. Her concern is being able to afford an attorney since he left her in a financial crisis without notice. Concealment is not her intent, but survival at her age with Social Security & her 401k would be her only source of income now.

Too late.

They will get a court order if necessary to access financial records for a reasonable period. Usually 1-3 yrs prior to filing for divorce.

If she needs cash she should see if she can borrow against her 401k. Most require the spouse to sign, tho for a loan, cashout or withdrawing all or part.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

Group 5 minus 1 — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:57:31 GMT

All her concerns would be best addressed by an attorney. Tell her not to listen to friends giving advice.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

BornToShop — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:57:54 GMT

@SXMGirl, spot on with the locks and access to their home. She immediately “hid” home assets he would likely confiscate. What kind of a person is so intent to destroy a faithful spouse that until now thought they were a forever couple? What happened to vows? I am a believer in karma. Thank you for your emphatic insight.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

Group 5 minus 1 — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 01:59:55 GMT

And another thing ,not wanting to pay child support in todays world alot has changed compared to 20-25 years ago. Once again no advice from friends.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

BornToShop — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 02:02:28 GMT

@GCR18, omg...your sister needs the medal of valor. I could not imagine enduring 8 months in their home with the devil. It makes me sick to hear he prevailed.

Re: My Sister Is Devestated

missy1 — Wed, 10 Jan 2018 02:04:10 GMT

See an attorney asap.

She needs to get her ducks is a row, then file.

She should only discuss this with very FEW people she trusts.

He is entitled to 50%, She can't hide it, even by cashing it out early.

She can change the locks, but he is legally allowed in "their" house. Until a legal paper is drawn up, he can come and go as he pleases. (unless it's a domestic violence type of thing)

As I read on here and people on IRL think their marriage is solid. At any given time, things change. Or half of the couple is leading a secret double life.

Most likely he found a much younger lady, and knows that he will be $et with his new found love. (on your sisters dime)

@BornToShop