topic Re: Rough Day in Among Friends

Rough Day

Wheatchick1 — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 21:16:56 GMT

It was 6 years ago today that I lost the love of my life. I have done everything within my power to overcome the pain of this loss but nothing works. I have seen shrinks, therapists, read books on grieving, gone to support groups. I have taken medications for depression, anxiety, PTSD, nightmares, insomnia.

I have tried to “fake it till you make it” . I have tried the path of “happiness is a choice” and live my life accordingly. I have had people tell me that I need to “suck it up” and quit living in the past. That it is time to “get over it”.

I do not choose to be this way. I would give anything NOT to be this way. I hate the person that I am. I do not even recognize the person I am today.

Sorry for for putting all of this out there. The pain is just more than I can take some days. I guess today is just one of them.

Re: Rough Day

catwhisperer — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 21:24:24 GMT

I'm sorry. (((Hugs)))

Re: Rough Day

SeaMaiden — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 21:28:52 GMT

@Wheatchick1 I can nor will tell you anything. But I wish you comfort....peace....calm....understanding....love.... to get through today and everyday....each day, each step at a time.

Re: Rough Day

OKPrincess — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 21:30:48 GMT

I'm so sorry for your pain and most people who have experienced loss grieve in their own way and in their own time. There's no magic answer. Please know things do get a little easier with each passing day. I did something I never thought I would -- took up square dancing. I learned line dances, waltz, two step, etc. it's not for everyone but thank goodness I took a leap of faith. it saved me from total dispare. God bless you and I wish you a very Merry Christmas.

Re: Rough Day

software — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 21:43:49 GMT

If you keep moving forward, you will find peace.

It will be 5 years for me in January, I do know those feelings.

Your description looks very familiar to me but eventually I just snapped out of it, like a black cloud lifted. Seriously, that's how I would describe it. I have no idea why or how but it just happened.

For so long after his passing, I felt like he was hanging on to me, but I'm sure it was the other way around. I had frequent dreams, I would have visions of him. He wasn't gone! He was still real to me.

I went through a similar grief when my beloved dad passed. He's been gone for 10 years and I must have been dreaming about him 1 night recently, I sat bolt upright awake worried that I hadn't bought his Christmas gift this year.

This time of year is always painful for me. I lost my dad in November 2007

That's why I say if you move forward, even a tiny bit at a time, you will find peace..

@Wheatchick1

Re: Rough Day

pupwhipped — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 21:44:11 GMT

From my heart to yours I send you a BIG hug.

I admire you for sharing your honest feelings.

Re: Rough Day

threecees — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 21:51:44 GMT

@Wheatchick1

You are with people/friends who care.

I hope that tomorrow will be a bit better for you.

Re: Rough Day

cimeranrose — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:09:24 GMT

@Wheatchick1, I'm so sorry you're having a rough day. I'll share a quote that I like and believe with all my heart: "Loving relationships continue beyond the doors of death..." I wish I could say more but alas we aren't allowed to.

I hope tomorrow is a little better day; wishing you peace and comfort.

Re: Rough Day

Plaid Pants2 — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:09:29 GMT

@Wheatchick1

I am so sorry for everything that you are going through.

((((((Hugs))))))

Re: Rough Day

Wheatchick1 — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:15:39 GMT

The one thing that gives me comfort is knowing that this pain would not be so great unless the love had not been equally as great. We were magic, truly connected on a level that very few ever get to know. He saved my life at one time, literally. We are one person and will always be together.

Re: Rough Day

Vivian — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:45:10 GMT

I send you hugs too. Maybe you’re being too hard on yourself, expecting to feel a certain way by a certain time. Grief has no rules. You may be making progress but you’re allowing arbitrary standards to get you down. Remember that everyone grieves in their own way in their own time.

Re: Rough Day

happycat — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 23:11:47 GMT

I'm so sorry. I hope tomorrow will be better.

Re: Rough Day

Lindsays Grandma — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 23:34:32 GMT

@SeaMaiden wrote:
@Wheatchick1 I can nor will tell you anything. But I wish you comfort....peace....calm....understanding....love.... to get through today and everyday....each day, each step at a time.

Your words touched me to the core. I am greiving over the loss of my closest friend who passed seven years ago right after Christmas. She was my rock and I hers for thirty five years, it is like a piece of me is missing. I hope what you wrote will help Wheatchick1 and give her the strength she needs to move on.

Re: Rough Day

hckynut — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 02:11:47 GMT

@Wheatchick1

I have very little to say except that I am sorry. Spent years in what I consider "the black hole" during my life, starting with the death of my mother. I sincerely hope you find a way to find some happiness.

hckynut

Re: Rough Day

sydsgma1 — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 02:37:43 GMT

Dear Wheatchick..I remember well when all of this happened. You not only had the devastating death to deal,with, but you had a major physical injury . Death never leaves us, but over time,the pain does lessen.

Peace to you...you have come a very long way....(((Hugs)))

Re: Rough Day

Skididdy — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 14:39:22 GMT

@Wheatchick1, HUGS TO YOU DEAR FRIEND !

May Our Lord bless you and keep you in His care for always !

Pain lingers and lingers, for a long time, it changes, but lingers.

YOU NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR SORROW OR PAIN. NEVER EVER !!!!

You are cared for HERE always ! Much love and healing hugs as your stuggle continues. Keep an open mind, at least try, light will show through and guide you.

Re: Rough Day

Drythe — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 20:44:48 GMT

@Wheatchick1

Grief has it’s own path for each of us. You are putting one foot in front of the other each day on your path don’t be hard on yourself.

Peace and Blessings to you.

{{{{{soft hugs}}}}}

Re: Rough Day

qualitygal — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 20:54:06 GMT

I'm sorry you're feeling this so strongly today. I think this time of year we really feel the absence of those who have left us. I hope you can feel us reaching out to comfort and send hugs to you, so you know you aren't alone.

Re: Rough Day

Catlady Nicole — Fri, 22 Dec 2017 01:09:27 GMT

@Wheatchick1, I don't think I've posted directly to you in the past, but I do "see" you here a lot. I currently have a family member in hospice/end of life care. I only tell you this to let you know I undertand, as much as I can, not to distract from your situation.

Here's my take:

We all grieve in very personal, distinct ways. Like fingerprints, unique to us. It can't always be "therapy'd" away. I believe that some of us need to express our loss/longing/sadness more predominantly than others. No one way is right or wrong. Never feel guilty or sad for the way you process your emotions. Individuality is what makes us all wonderful, and what makes some of us better suited to counsel or receive than others. What a wonderful species we are really.....Sounds wonky, but it's how I see it. To love so deeply, so profoundly, that those who have passed are still with us years later. Celebrate that. Cherish and welcome it, such a deep, ever present love. Magic, really.

If you still have a deep sadness, let it be there. Know that you are never alone. There are many warriors doing the same as you. Peace, love and friendship to you. I (as many others) am here with you, for you.

Re: Rough Day

AngelPuppy1 — Fri, 22 Dec 2017 13:34:21 GMT

@Wheatchick1 wrote:
It was 6 years ago today that I lost the love of my life. I have done everything within my power to overcome the pain of this loss but nothing works. I have seen shrinks, therapists, read books on grieving, gone to support groups. I have taken medications for depression, anxiety, PTSD, nightmares, insomnia.

I have tried to “fake it till you make it” . I have tried the path of “happiness is a choice” and live my life accordingly. I have had people tell me that I need to “suck it up” and quit living in the past. That it is time to “get over it”.

I do not choose to be this way. I would give anything NOT to be this way. I hate the person that I am. I do not even recognize the person I am today.

Sorry for for putting all of this out there. The pain is just more than I can take some days. I guess today is just one of them.

@Wheatchick1

I am sending you my caring thoughts. I lost my dear, sweet mother almost 2 months ago and it is excruciating pain that you feel. I have gone through losing my father, a serious boyfriend, and other assorted relatives and friends. So, I have a very good idea of what you are feeling and going through. Do not judge yourself by the standards of others. Some people seem to handle their grief, pain, sorrow, in a manner which appears to be so controlled. But everyone, everyone, grieves and heals at a different level. You are a deeply caring, committed individual and for anyone to think that it is unnatural for you to feel the way you do, is wrong. From what I read in your post, it sounds like you are doing everything you can to get through this. One thing I might mention and this might be something which does not need to be said -- but here goes. Please, please, allow yourself to be openly sad and allow yourself time to weep and lament and remember the good and bad times. A person needs this time to allow all emotions to come out. To suppress them will only do more harm than good. I am so sorry for your experiences and I want to say that my herart goes out to you. Share your feelings and your emotions with a family member or a trusted friend. You will both be the better for it.