topic Re: Bad Day in Among Friends

Bad Day

Plaid Pants2 — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 21:53:30 GMT

Today was a bad day for me.

I won't bore you with the details, other than to say that my dad and I got into an argument, and he physically came after me and was shoving me.

I swear, if I could afford to put him in a home, I would.

He's never been physically violent before.

My heart is broken.

It's like something inside of me died today.

I want to give up, throw in the towel, walk away, but I can't.

Being a caregiver is the hardest job in the world, and at times, I hate it.

Sorry to dump.

Re: Bad Day

catwhisperer — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 21:58:13 GMT

I'm sorry you are having a bad day. I, too, am a caregiver, but have not had to deal with the physical abuse. If it continues or gets worse, you need to do what is necessary for your own safety. (((Hugs)))

Re: Bad Day

meallen616 — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 21:59:16 GMT

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day for you both. Stay positive and be strong. I know it is hard to be a caregiver.

Re: Bad Day

kelsey17 — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 21:59:18 GMT

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
Today was a bad day for me.

I won't bore you with the details, other than to say that my dad and I got into an argument, and he physically came after me and was shoving me.

I swear, if I could afford to put him in a home, I would.

He's never been physically violent before.

My heart is broken.

It's like something inside of me died today.

I want to give up, throw in the towel, walk away, but I can't.

Being a caregiver is the hardest job in the world, and at times, I hate it.

Sorry to dump.

I took care of my mom for a couple years as Alzheimers was slowly creeping in.............it is tough...so i understand what you are going through..............it takes a lot out of you but in the end you are so grateful that you were able to be there for them during those last days.....wish you the best...

Re: Bad Day

goldensrbest — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:00:27 GMT

@Plaid Pants2,I am sure this was tough on your feelings, does he have Alzheimer's?

Re: Bad Day

Plaid Pants2 — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:02:13 GMT

@goldensrbest wrote:
@Plaid Pants2,I am sure this was tough on your feelings, does he have Alzheimer's?

@goldensrbest

Dementia.

He'll be 91 in Feb.

I'm in tears.

Re: Bad Day

goldensrbest — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:03:57 GMT

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
@goldensrbest wrote:
@Plaid Pants2,I am sure this was tough on your feelings, does he have Alzheimer's?

@goldensrbest

Dementia.

He'll be 91 in Feb.

I'm in tears.

I am sorry, try and get a good nights sleep.

Re: Bad Day

Dinaki — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:08:07 GMT

My husband get physically come after me often.

I am foreigner in this country and I dont know my rights. I am afraid to telephone police and tell them that he is abusive to me as my husband may throw me out the house and I dont have anybody that I know to turn to. You see, he know that and probably that is why he is taking advantage of me.

It is awafully sad to be in this cisrcumsances especially now that is Christmas and everybody is happy, especiall not me.

Re: Bad Day

OKPrincess — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:09:22 GMT

@Plaid Pants2 Sorry for your pain and you sure don't need to apologize for your feelings. You are doing the very best you can I'm sure, and I don't even know you. My mom was a caregiver to my dad for 9-1/2 yrs. it wasn't always easy but she did out of love -- not obligation. She finally got some help (through Medicare) to get him ready in the mornings and back in the evenings. Do you think some relief will help you? You have to take care of you. God bless you and I wish for you a Merry Christmas.

Re: Bad Day

Diva on The Q — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:11:01 GMT

PlaidPants2 my heart goes out to you. I had a similar experience with my father who passed away a few years ago. When he was in the hospital (for complications of diabetes, heart problems), he started to become verbally abusive at times. It took the family by surprise because, my dad was always a calm easy-going person. It wasn't until his final days did we discover he was suffering from early stages of dementia. He never told us he was on medication for dementia. I'm not saying your father has dementia, but it could be a possibility. Talk to the doctor, maybe they can give you some insight.

Re: Bad Day

q-girl — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:11:25 GMT

@Plaid Pants2. . . . I do realize this may not be my place to ask, but why can you not put him in a home? Does his care require it? Sometimes, when the care of a loved one becomes more than the caregiver can handle, whether for care reasons or emotional ones, placing the loved one in a care facility becomes the safe and loving thing to do.

I often think that there is much guilt associated with "puttting Mom or Dad in a Home". But, IMHO, the guilt should lie with those who deny "Mom or Dad" the proper, necessary, and professional care they require.

@Plaid Pants2. . .your love and dedication to your Dad shines through in any post you write about him - even when you are frustrated by him. You will know in your heart when you can no longer properly handle his care. I am sure at that time you will make the best decision for your Dad.

Until then, deep breath, remember you love him, and we are here to listen, and to vent to.

Holiday Hugs, my Friend . . . Beth

Re: Bad Day

geezerette — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:12:09 GMT

@Plaid Pants2

You are right—being a caregiver is the hardest job in the world. And sometimes the worst. The parent becomes the child, and vice versa. But your “child” is only destined to deteriorate, not grow, learn and flourish as normal children do. So you feel only sorrow.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. Having an ill and aging parent is sad enough without this. Try to remember that your father doesn’t know what he is doing, or who he is doing it to. Which may or may not help since it is just a reminder of his condition.

You are a walking, talking angel on earth caring for him at this point in his life. Angels are allowed to cry.

Re: Bad Day

cimeranrose — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:21:38 GMT

Sorry you had a bad day today with your father @Plaid Pants2. Caregiving can be very hard - you are to be commended.

Possibly your father's primary care doctor could refer you to someone/place that might be able to provide some help/relief? Or maybe even The Office of the Aging can provide some helpful information...

Re: Bad Day

Plaid Pants2 — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:23:37 GMT

@geezerette wrote:
@Plaid Pants2

You are right—being a caregiver is the hardest job in the world. And sometimes the worst. The parent becomes the child, and vice versa. But your “child” is only destined to deteriorate, not grow, learn and flourish as normal children do. So you feel only sorrow.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. Having an ill and aging parent is sad enough without this. Try to remember that your father doesn’t know what he is doing, or who he is doing it to. Which may or may not help since it is just a reminder of his condition.

You are a walking, talking angel on earth caring for him at this point in his life. Angels are allowed to cry.

@geezerette

You put it so succinctly.

I don't have any children, and not to get religious, but I firmly believe that G-d knew that I wouldn't be able to handle both.

He/I can't afford a care home.

We looked at one, but they wanted $2,300/mo.

That's more than his monthly pension.

I wish that he could see and understand that I am looking out for him and that I have his best interest at heart.

I just keep trying to remind myself of the saying, "That which does not kill me, makes me stronger".

Now, whether I actually believe that or not, is a different question.

Re: Bad Day

Wheatchick1 — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:32:23 GMT

I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this with your Dad. My Mother has Alzheimer’s and I tried to take care of her at home as long as I could but 4 years ago I had to admit that I couldn’t give her the care she needs. Like you I also have no kids and it can sure feel lonely trying to deal with everything by yourself. And for many reasons, the hopeless feelings just seem to magnify at this time of the year.

Please just know that I wish you and your Dad the best, and I hope that you are able to find some kind of inner peace.

Hugs to you

Re: Bad Day

Plaid Pants2 — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:40:19 GMT

@Wheatchick1 wrote:
I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this with your Dad. My Mother has Alzheimer’s and I tried to take care of her at home as long as I could but 4 years ago I had to admit that I couldn’t give her the care she needs. Like you I also have no kids and it can sure feel lonely trying to deal with everything by yourself. And for many reasons, the hopeless feelings just seem to magnify at this time of the year.

Please just know that I wish you and your Dad the best, and I hope that you are able to find some kind of inner peace.

Hugs to you

@Wheatchick1

Thank-you.

Re: Bad Day

Vivian — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:48:46 GMT

I too am a caregiver. My husband is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s. I haven’t faced the torment of Plaid Pants but I know that can happen at any point in the decline. Right now I am dealing with a short term memory that no longer exists. I am recovering from knee replacement surgery so I need help from my husband. However, if I ask for something, by the time he goes from the bedroom to the kitchen he can no longer remember what he’s looking for. Comments and questions are often repeated a dozen times within less than an hour...no exaggeration.

I didn’t mean for this to be a pity party. Rather, I recommend that the O/P reach out to organizations in the community to find out whether there’s any help for you. I’ve learned to work around my husband, even lie if necessary, to keep him safe. He thinks he’s fine and that I am the one who’s losing it. Caregiving is tough but to Plaid Pants I say keep yourself safe. It sounds like your father might become very violent next time and you can’t allow that. Sometimes we just need to do the right thing.

Re: Bad Day

luvdoodles — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:52:39 GMT

I suggest looking into Adult Day Care. My father had Azheimers and would become physical once it started to become dark out, it's called Sundowning in people with demential. It helped my mother imensley. The would pick him up at 9 and bring back home around 4. Eventually he ended up in a nursing home, but that Adult Day Care helped her so along with my 2 brothers and myself. Call you local VNA and looking into it. That's a serious situation going on right now.

Re: Bad Day

geezerette — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 22:58:46 GMT

@Plaid Pants2

@Wheatchick1

It shows what kind of people you both are, and what is in your hearts. You both wrote heartbreaking posts of your inner turmoil here today. Yet you both took time out to offer solice to the other in their situation.💔💕

Re: Bad Day

cherry — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 23:08:07 GMT

@Plaid Pants2 if worse comes to worse ,and you ever need to seek outside help ,for his care ,google A Place For Mom

That is how I located a decent afordable place for my mother. God Speed