topic Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker in Among Friends

Please Offer Help-Stalker

HouseMouse — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:41:07 GMT

I wonder if anyone has any advice? I have an ex boyfriend and we have not been together in 10 years.

Things had been calm since then but now that I have my own place he has started to harrass me and there is some stalking behavior. He will come to my place and knock and knock, and sit on patio and talk outside the door.

I do not want to see him or talk to him. I am scared though to call the police on him. I am scared of his friends and what they might do.

I have told him over and over and over that if I ever want to see him I will let him know. But I wont and dont want to ever.

I cant even sit on my own patio or open my front door for fear he will show up!!! He is the type that wont just go if he showed and i said to leave. He would stay put no matter what.

He has said in texts that he WILL win me back and that he has changed and he even goes to Church now. Well I dont care if he has or hasnt changed I dont want him back!!!

If I moved he can easily look me up online and see my address!! I hate that it is that easy for anyone!!

I did block his number but he will just use a family member or friends phone!!

I feel I shouldnt have to live like this but if I was to get a restraining order or call police when he harrasses me I am afraid things could get worse with him or he could send his friends to do something!!

We have been texting friends for the past couple of years and yes i regret that. He hates hearing me say no to his constant asking to go out for lunch or dinner etc.

I feel like a prisioner in my own place! He constantly texts and calls if I dont reply to texts.

Help is appreciated.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

DrKelli — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:17:30 GMT

Well, prety much the advice is to get a restraining order and call the police when he violates it. Otherwise, he's going to keep doing it.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

YorkieonmyPillow — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:18:11 GMT

It sounds like to me he needs a 16-ton anvil to fall on his head - evidently, he isn't taking the "hint."

Tell him flat-out you don't want ANYTHING to do with him, EVER, and to stop bothering you.

Get a firearm and learn how to use it.

I would get a restraining order; not because it will protect you but if worst comes to worst, he's paid for. If he is in your yard, you can call the police and tell them you have a restraining order on him and they'll arrest him.

Of course, they'll let him out, but that's why you need to be able to protect yourself.

This kind of person doesn't take the hint, you have to spell it out for them.........

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

SeaMaiden — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:20:38 GMT

You need to start the process.... at least a restraining order. Not that this will really keep you safe, but, you need to start a paper trail of acknowleging to the police and others that he is dangerous.

I am so sorry you have to feel such fear and only wish you well. This sounds so frightening. But to keep it to yourself out of fear of retaliation from his friends if you got him locked up is no way to live your life.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

NicksmomESQ — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:20:46 GMT

If you don’t want to call the police your only alternative is to move ASAP .Leave no forwarding address & tell no one who your ex can get to where you’re going!!

Good luck!!

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

moejoe — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:24:33 GMT

Best advice so far, get a gun and learn how to use it.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

chprsp — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:35:00 GMT

All of the above plus stop texting and block him. If you're on FB block him there too.

Also keep track of the dates and times he contacts you or tries to contact you. Be aware of your surroundings.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

Annabellethecat66 — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:32:16 GMT

I can't offer much help but I will say to you that I think you must get it on record (with the police) about him stalking you. From everything I've seen and read that is vitally important so you have a basis here.

It sounds like things are heating up and if it does you need to be able to go back and say, "Look, here's where it started. Here's how far back it goes". It's always best to have a legal record of the beginning.

I have a friend who has been stalked off and on by an old boyfriend. Her anguish never goes away. She lives near me and we eat together almost every day. She'll say, "Did you see this car or truck in the neighborhood?" My heart aches because I hear the fear in her voice.

Other's here can give you much better advice but I DO KNOW you must go to the police and have it on record.

One other thing. I watched a (I believe it was) 48 hours show maybe a year ago about women being stalked. The female lead (Pauley Perrette) has been stalked for years. She was very vocal in the show and talked about her anguish and what it's like to live like this (with a stalker). Several of these women don't even know who their stalker is, just that he/she has made their lives a living Hell!

If you want to read more about Ms. Perrette and her stalker and what she does go here:https://www.cbsnews.com/news/ncis-star-pauley-perrettes-fight-to-change-stalking-laws/

Take care and God Bless you.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

jlkz — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:34:00 GMT

@HouseMouse

If you have ever watched programs such as Forensic Files or other crime dramas, then you know their outcomes.

You are in the same precarious position: it may be a matter of time. I hope it doesn't come to that....you need to quickly act on the advice from several posters:

1. Get a restraining order. ( it starts the legal process );

2. Call police and advise them of the order.

3. Put 911 on speed dial.

4. Get all locks changed. Add them to windows.

5. Change your phone (s) numbers, preferably unlisted. Restrict severely the number of folks who get the new numbers.

6. Close existing email accounts. Create a new one that is only used for necessary purposes....not social media stuff.

7. Notify folks at work what is occurring.

8. Put yourself in your own Witness Protection program: MOVE.

I hope you move forward on these steps quickly and stay safe.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

I am still oxox — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:37:48 GMT

Get an unlisted number and call the police they should be able to advise you on what to do and what not to do

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

Colinka — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:45:22 GMT

@jlkz wrote:
@HouseMouse

If you have ever watched programs such as Forensic Files or other crime dramas, then you know their outcomes.

You are in the same precarious position: it may be a matter of time. I hope it doesn't come to that....you need to quickly act on the advice from several posters:

1. Get a restraining order. ( it starts the legal process );

2. Call police and advise them of the order.

3. Put 911 on speed dial.

4. Get all locks changed. Add them to windows.

5. Change your phone (s) numbers, preferably unlisted. Restrict severely the number of folks who get the new numbers.

6. Close existing email accounts. Create a new one that is only used for necessary purposes....not social media stuff.

7. Notify folks at work what is occurring.

8. Put yourself in your own Witness Protection program: MOVE.

I hope you move forward on these steps quickly and stay safe.

I agree: A stalker may try to accost you at work, and your supervisor should be able to help. You owe it to your co-workers to keep them safe. There have been lots of incidents of workplace violence that could affect your office. Also, let your neighbors know.! They can help in an emergency and contact authorities if they see something suspicious.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

dal23 — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:48:54 GMT

@I am still oxox wrote:
Get an unlisted number and call the police they should be able to advise you on what to do and what not to do

Absolutely. Call or stop by the police station and just ask to speak to an officer. You can absolutely ask them for advice.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

kitcat51 — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:49:46 GMT

I think you know what needs to be done already. I know it's scary but you must go to the police today, file a report & get a restraining order. If he tries to contact you in any way after that then report it right away....no mixed messages, showing any understanding or kindness to him because he will use that against you. Make your family & friends aware of the situation & don't be embarrassed to ask for help. Think about taking a self defense course & contact a group that deals with abuse. Take a deep breath & go now....Blessing to you.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

YorkieonmyPillow — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:51:09 GMT

Also, you need to end your relationship with him - whatever it is - before you get a restraining order on him.

You have been communicating with him, texting, and so forth - you need to tell him that you don't want to have any sort of relationship/friendship, anything anymore.

You can't communicate with a person like this and then turn around and get a RO on them. They'll go apes**t for sure then.

You have not made yourself clear to him. He needs to understand before you involve the police, IMHO.

All else applies, get a firearm and learn how to use it.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

wishmoon — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 15:52:56 GMT

He's controlling you, he has you where he wants you. Contact police.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

Goodie2shoes — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 16:10:13 GMT

Just like everyone else has already stated, you need to contact the police and also tell them everything you stated in your post. Don't hesitate.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

Kitlynn — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 16:35:30 GMT

Go to the police station and talk to an officer in person. Tell him exactly what has been going on don't even hesitate. Don't let this guy and his friends intimidate you. Start writing down every time he shows up and calls. You need to have a record of what is going on. It is illegal to harass someone and stalking is also illegal. Don't be afraid the police are there for a reason. This kind of thing goes on all the time and people don't report it then it turns into something a lot more serious and it is to late. After you go to the police station and talk to an officer then call every time he shows up or calls. Then they will have a record also.

Then they can do something about him and they will. Now I am not being rude or hateful by saying this but the bottom line is if you don't report this and take action then it is your own fault if something happens because you didn't step up to protect yourself. You can't get help if you don't ask the authorites to help you in this type of situation.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

LizzieInSRQ — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 16:39:31 GMT

Yes, get police involved and get advise from them and to restate the obvious and most important thing YOU are in control of is yourself: you must 100% never communicate EVER again.

The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. Do not feed the beast what it craves.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

LoriLori — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 16:42:18 GMT

@HouseMouse, there is some very good advice in this thread. You MUST contact the police. It won't help to move, he will likely follow you. He is bent on terrorizing you and making you "pay" in his sick, twisted mind. I'm so sorry.

You must keep a log of every single call and find out if it is legal in your state to tape the calls without his knowledge. Save the texts to a cloud. Do these things but they won't be helpful until you make contact with police. Once you have, if you see his car outside call police immediately.

Hopefully where you live you can get a victim advocate. There are on-line support groups as well -- if you're sure he hasn't hacked your computer. There are organizations to help you, I hope you live in a big enough city that they have these resources.

Be well and bless you, I hope you get all the help you need and that you can straddle the line between being frightened and functional -- it is so hard.

Re: Please Offer Help-Stalker

DREAMON — Wed, 25 Oct 2017 16:58:29 GMT

You have to call the police and go from there.