topic Re: What do you think? in Among Friends

What do you think?

Calcgirl — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 04:29:42 GMT

I have a friend who came by quite upset. Her granddaughter is living with a man who informed her that his family get together in another state was coming up but she wasn't invited because she is not a "Smith". Of course she is angry and hurt. I told my friend she should move out, apparently she thought they were serious and going to get married.

I told her about this forum and she wanted to know what you think. Not that her granddaughter would listen to her anyway. LOl

By the way I asked her and she said she has met the family numerous times, just not all together at the "Smith" weekend. I have met the young women and she is attratctive, well educated and friendly.

Re: What do you think?

KathyPet — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 04:46:11 GMT

I think that the people who put this get together on have a right to restrict the invitees to anyone they choose. IF they only want members of the Smith family by birth or marriage then they are entitled to set those rules. YOu r opinion of her personality has nothing to do with this and as far as her thinking they were going to get married unless that status has been formalized in some manner then her status is live in girlfriend and no more. EVidently that does not buy her a seat at the Smith family party.

Re: What do you think?

Kachina624 — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 04:43:13 GMT

I'd say the young man has spoken loud and clear. She's wasting her time and now she needs to cut her losses and move on. For some reason he doesn't want to present her to his family, probably for a reason that has nothing to do with her personally.

Re: What do you think?

Goldengate8361 — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 04:49:41 GMT

She should get out of that relationship as soon as possible. His family is obviously not very nice. Moreover, the fact that he didn't put up a fight for her being invited is a very bad sign. I don't think such a move is over-reacting at all! She is fortunate to get this type of info about him and his family before she enters into any kind of legal contract (I.e. Marriage) with him.

Re: What do you think?

Calcgirl — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 04:55:10 GMT

Some further information: The get together which is annually consists of his widower dad, age 66, a brother and sister, bother in their 30's as himself. Also an aunt and uncle.

sounds very clannish if you ask me. Sad part is her family has waemly embraced the boyfriend. I say dump him quickly.

None of the three siblings have ever been married. Interesting.

Re: What do you think?

StraytoStay — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 04:55:37 GMT

There's not enough info to really know. It could be he wants a girlfriend free weekend. Or the family wants to limit it to just family because they've had past events with too many outsiders sitting there bored, or outsiders wanting to leave early so their family visiting is cut short with those that bring people. You'd think they'd want to meet a potential family member if they know their plans to wed.

Re: What do you think?

Calcgirl — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 04:57:24 GMT

Apparently the father also has a girlfriend who is never included because it is the "smith weekend". WEIRD

Re: What do you think?

Calcgirl — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 04:59:36 GMT

@StraytoStay wrote:
There's not enough info to really know. It could be he wants a girlfriend free weekend. Or the family wants to limit it to just family because they've had past events with too many outsiders sitting there bored, or outsiders wanting to leave early so their family visiting is cut short with those that bring people. You'd think they'd want to meet a potential family member if they know their plans to wed.

I am told she is hurt because she thought she was part of him. surprise!

Re: What do you think?

KathyPet — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 05:02:01 GMT

It does sound strange but as I said their party their rules.

Re: What do you think?

wishmoon — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 06:23:36 GMT

I think she's finding out what kind of family she's marrying into, if a marriage should happen. I'd run the other way so fast! When you marry someone, you marry their family. Too many fish in the sea to stick with the "Smiths." JMO

Re: What do you think?

Desertdi — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 08:04:30 GMT

I think he is MARRIED to someone else.........and can't bring a girlfriend.

Even tho she has met "some" of the relatives......those people might know he's "fooling around"..........others may not.

Re: What do you think?

queendiva — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 12:47:25 GMT

@Calcgirl Why was your friend "quite upset"? Much ado about nothing.

Their party, their rules. Your friend and her GD are overreacting. I think maybe they are both actually upset that she and the BF are not engaged. How long have they been living together? You also do not say how old this couple is. Perhaps in time they will be married. Your friend and her GD both sound unreasonable and somewhat immature on this matter.

Re: What do you think?

ValuSkr — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 13:01:45 GMT

When she marries him, do you think she'll be allowed to join this special club? Maybe they have dark secrets they want to contain within their little group.

Re: What do you think?

scatcat — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 13:09:27 GMT

I think it sounds like a dad getting together with his unmarried kids. It also sounds like you and your friend are bored

Re: What do you think?

Dusty1 — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 14:20:43 GMT

I think that there is more to the story that is not being passed along the "telephone line game".

Are they well off? Maybe it's a family business meeting.

Maybe it is just a family thing that they get together by themselves once a year.

Maybe they are turds.

My Mom never went so far as to ban non-family from get togethers, but she didn't include them in family pictures. She bought presents for family, but didn't for non-family or step-family. She bought Christmas ornaments yearly for her grandkids/great grandkids, but not for their spouses or the step kids.

It was uncomfortable & awkward to explain. She wouldn't hear anything about it.

I still can't explain it.

Re: What do you think?

Scooby Doo — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 14:23:30 GMT

Sounds like the father and his kids have a close relationship and they want to have a family get together. Period. They're not ready to complicate the get together with girlfriends. It may be custom of theirs, and maybe it will change in years to come.

If the girlfriend is going to get her nose out of joint this early in the game, then she won't be able to handle family situations further on down the road. I think she's too insecure in this relationship.

Re: What do you think?

dex — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 14:45:49 GMT

I think the Smith boyfriend should have asked his gf if she would prefer that he didn't attend either.I would not mind being left out though...good time for shopping and lunching with bffs.

Re: What do you think?

TheMemphisVette — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 14:55:46 GMT

good to know whats in the deep end before ya dive.

family dynamics are what they are. accept it or move on.

Re: What do you think?

Sooner — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 15:30:21 GMT

I think it is not the grandmother's beeswax.

You asked, I answered. . .

Re: What do you think?

Big Joanie — Mon, 11 Sep 2017 15:36:43 GMT

@TheMemphisVette wrote:
good to know whats in the deep end before ya dive.

family dynamics are what they are. accept it or move on.

"' Good to know whats in the deep end before ya dive "

I love that quote ...may I steal it ?? !!!