topic Re: Never again in Among Friends

Never again

software — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 00:45:46 GMT

I make modest donations to organizations that help people who are temporarily down & out or suffering due to extreme weather events, etc. And I also help with pet rescue as well. I say this to let you know my conscience is clear.

Beggers on the street, in the parking lot, hanging around doorways of stores get on my last nerve. However, from time to time, I will hand someone a few dollars. Quickly, I don't engage them. I might listen for about 30 seconds, if I feel safe, then just grab a quick couple of dollars and hand it to them. If they are lying to me or they plan to use the money for no good, it's on them. I know where my heart is.

My friends & family have always warned me against doing this. I almost lived my nightmare yesterday. Broad daylight, bunch of people around a guy (why is it always a guy) was asking everyone at the shopping center for gas money (always gas money). I listened to him for about a minute, the usual spiel and handed him $3.

I folded the money in half, stretched out my hand, the money was very visible and I was not in close contact with him otherwise. He went for the cash and grabbed my hand. I shot him a look that would peel paint and he let me go and turned away & went to his car.

Never again. It disturbed me more than I expected.

Re: Never again

Mominohio — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 00:55:04 GMT

I understand you completely. Torn between wanting to help, but being cautious at the same time.

I'm afraid we live in a world where we simply cannot believe everyone that crosses our path, and even though we might be passing by helping someone that really needs/deserves it, we have to be safe first and foremost.

Lesson learned. My motto is that I cant fix the world. I can do what I can do, and in this day and age, most of the financial support kind of help needs to be through channels we can trust (i.e. give to charities that we know, and even though others might not agree, pass by those individuals we can't be sure about).

It's a tough world, and I don't want to be uncaring, but I can't let myself be a victim first and foremost, or I will be of no help to anyone else.

Sorry this happened to you, and glad he backed off, as I don't believe for a moment that was his original intent. Someone was watching over you.

Re: Never again

Q4u — Sun, 16 Jul 2017 21:26:57 GMT

Not to say that there aren't legitimate people on the street begging for money but back in San Diego years ago it was discovered that the beggars had unionized (I don't know what else to call it) and went out on the streets with directions as to where to go, etc. They then pooled the money at whatever location they met and passed it out to everyone. They had "uniform" signs made out of old cardboard boxes and used thick black magic markers.

I noticed (back in SD) the same people who begged on the street corner in one part of the city were at the complete other end of the city a week later. Distinctive signage seemed to be passed around! I noticed this because DH & I traveled all over the city at least once a week for estate sales and garage sales.

Funny thing now that we have moved across the country... I've noticed the same type of beggar with the same type of cardboard signs in my little town. I'm now looking at faces to see if I recognize any of them.... not to turn anyone in at all... just to see if these people have unionized nationally....

Anyway.... I don't give to them. I donate directly to the Church or a legitimate organization. I used to work at the Church and we were advised not to give money when they came into the office. We'd feed them but that's not what they wanted.

BTW, I don't care who it is, if someone were to grab my arm like that he would be sorry he did.... I can turn that around on him....I have a 2nd Degree Black Belt in Tang Soo Do Karate.....

Re: Never again

Azcowgirl — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 01:04:20 GMT

Gosh, that is creepy. I'm so glad you are OK. I too am back and forth wanting to help but afraid of something happening. They seem to be out on every corner these days. Sad for the poor folks who really are down and out.

Re: Never again

OnlyShopsOnline — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 01:06:46 GMT

I've had several unsettling experiences over the past few years, in broad daylight. I've gotten to the point that I rarely go and run errands by myself anymore. I wait for my husband to go with me.

I have arthritis and don't move as quickly as I'd like to when I'm having pain. I feel very vulnerable if I'm by myself, especially if I have to carry bags or load the car.

Re: Never again

software — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 01:08:25 GMT

@Q4u wrote:
Not to say that there aren't legitimate people on the street begging for money but back in San Diego years ago it was discovered that the beggars had unionized (I don't know what else to call it) and went out on the streets with directions as to where to go, etc. They then pooled the money at whatever location they met once a month and passed it out to everyone. They had "uniform" signs made out of old cardboard boxes and used thick black magic markers.

I noticed (back in SD) the same people who begged on the street corner in one part of the city were at the complete other end of the city a week later. Distinctive signage seemed to be passed around! I noticed this because DH & I traveled all over the city at least once a week for estate sales and garage sales.

Funny thing now that we have moved across the country... I've noticed the same type of beggar with the same type of cardboard signs in my little town. I'm now looking at faces to see if I recognize any of them.... not to turn anyone in at all... just to see if these people have unionized nationally....

Anyway.... I don't give to them. I donate directly to the Church or a legitimate organization. I used to work at the Church and we were advised not to give money when they came into the office. We'd feed them but that's not what they wanted.

BTW, I don't care who it is, if someone were to grab my arm like that he would be sorry he did.... I can turn that around on him....I have a 2nd Degree Black Belt in Tang Soo Do Karate.....

I conceal carry and I'm very good with it.

Re: Never again

software — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 01:11:07 GMT

@OnlyShopsOnline wrote:
I've had several unsettling experiences over the past few years, in broad daylight. I've gotten to the point that I rarely go and run errands by myself anymore. I wait for my husband to go with me.

I have arthritis and don't move as quickly as I'd like to when I'm having pain. I feel very vulnerable if I'm by myself, especially if I have to carry bags or load the car.

To see me, you would think well those goes a little old gray haired grandma.

I feel like I'm an easy target for someone up to no good. That's part of the reason why I don't mind walking away quickly. I live alone. But if I had a husband, I would do what you do. We'd go together.

Re: Never again

CareBears — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 01:17:59 GMT

In a town we used to live in you could not leave your window open while sitting anywhere in a car or the people that were begging for money would stick their head inside your car and refuse to leave, talk about scary!

Lately I have seen people standing at busy intersections where there are stoplights, and when there is a long line of cars stopped they go up to the driver side and knock on the window while holding a sign asking for money.

I agree, we donate to legitimate charities I have read too many horror stories about good intentions going wrong!

Re: Never again

happycat — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 01:24:46 GMT

@software, I'm sorry you had that experience. I have been scared, too. We have more and more people begging where I live. I don't understand, because we have 2 organizations that truly do help people who are down and out in this area. One serves food several times a day, hands out food baskets and helps with housing. The other provides very small cabins for folks who are homeless.

It really seems like around here, people are wanting cash. And they are getting it, or they wouldn't keep it up.

Re: Never again

Gram W — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 01:45:19 GMT

@Q4u. You sound like you are talking about my college town in central NY. You can see the same faces day after day as if that is their spot. Sorry but this town has free everything if you ask and/or know where to go. Free clinics, free food, free housing to homeless, etc. Before I retired I worked a full time office job and a part time job cashiering. I can not tell you the times I was invited to go for free food. When I said I don't need and I make to much money I was always told you are never asked for ID. Just get in line. Thurs at noon was free chickens at the rectory. All churches have the give away times. I could go on. I heard customers openly discuss how to beat the welfare system because no one ever checks your story. After 10+ years of listening I finally quit cashiering. Those night changed how I feel about my towns people. I and others are out there busting our behinds to care for our family and still pay high taxes so these people could play the system. I also saw people with real need leave food behind because they could not afford it and pride would let them ask for help.

Assistance programs are supposed to be a hand up while you are having hard times not a free ride for life. I have 4 organizations I donate to as I can. I check their financial pie information yearly to make sure all or most of the money they collect goes to its stated purpose not high administrative charges.

Re: Never again

catwhisperer — Mon, 03 Jul 2017 23:13:36 GMT

@software....I'm sorry you had to experience that. God bless you. Your heart is in the right place and you meant well.

Re: Never again

GCR18 — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 02:01:48 GMT

I don't give to panhandlers. There have been articles in the newspaper telling people not to give. They setup around the mall. At the highway exit and mall entrance. The writer from the paper followed some and they got in newer cars and drove away. I've only seen males. They appear to be in their 30's.

Re: Never again

blackhole99 — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 02:34:49 GMT

Panhandlers have been around forever and I think for the most part they are harmless. I remember walking around the Village in NYC back in the 60's and men asking for quarters..

Re: Never again

Mz iMac — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 02:44:36 GMT

@catwhisperer wrote: Yet my next door neighbors are on welfare, have four cars, dress very nice, etc. Makes no sense and makes me very angry.

Just out of curosity, how are welfare recipients suppose to dress if not nice?

Re: Never again

Foolywooly11 — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 06:40:38 GMT

I volunteered 3-4 days/wk. for 5 yrs. at my church's soup kitchen/food pantry, bought coffee/meals for many a homeless, but I don't give cash to the panhandlers in my community, & not doing so has more to do with the work I've done than anything else. For me, there are other, more beneficial ways in which I can give.

Re: Never again

kelsey17 — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 09:10:33 GMT

I don't give to panhandlers.....never have....legitimate organizations are the only ones i dontate to......i don't believe any of the panhandlers....like one poster said ...they spend all day looking for handouts and walk away to a car nicer then myself............................a while back we had a couple panhandlers near our shopping center and i had seen them there a couple times..............when they took a "break" around the corner...i happened to see them .....and they were there on their cellphones and smoking cigarettes......both of which are costly habits that surprised me that people who claim to have no money to survive are in possession of.....Unfortunately....i often think the people who REALLY need the financial help are

the ones who don't apply or ask because of pride or just

not aware of what might be available to them.....

Re: Never again

Nataliesgramma — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 10:54:33 GMT

I don't give to panhandlers period! Our Police were on the news saying most are drug addicts looking for money for their next fix....

Re: Never again

Plaid Pants2 — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 11:20:19 GMT

Where I live, there is a huge meth problem.

Recently, a couple of meth-heads, broke in to an office that helps the homeless, and stole over a thousand dollars worth of property inside.

So, no, I will not hand cash to a homeless person.

If I want to help, I will take that money, and donate to a charity that helps the homeless.

Re: Never again

CalminHeart — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 12:13:50 GMT

THANK YOU for helping this man. Please don't stop because he touched you. 99.99999999% just want to say thank you in some way and often, it's a simple touch. They have nothing else to offer but their own touch. My work in a shelter has proven to me that these are people, just like you and me, and they love any slight contact with another human.

If you don't like giving cash, keep a few small gift cards with you to a place for ultra-cheap food and hand those out. I always keep $5 gift cards to Casey's and McDonalds in my car.

The poor and homeless are humans who are at the bottom of the food chain in our country. They and more will fall even lower if things continue. They need our help, not our disdain.

Re: Never again

Plaid Pants2 — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 13:06:28 GMT

There are some homeless that don't want gift cards to Mickey D's, etc.

The want the $.

I would NEVER trust a homeless person.

Never.

You never know what they might do, if you let them get close enough to you.

There are a lot of mentally ill homeless people out there, and those who have had their brains fried by drug use.