topic Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please. in Among Friends

Prayers and good thoughts, please.

sfnative — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:11:53 GMT

I've been on these boards for many years and never thought I'd be here asking for your help in this regard.

I'm going to be seeking a divorce very soon after a very, very long marriage. My husband is an alcoholic, loose cannon, has a temper which cannot be predicted, does not respect me, makes faces at me and the cherry on the cake this week was him loosing his temper at me and jerking our 3 year old granddaughter out of a swing, thereby causing her to burst into a frightened screaming wail. He had turned red and with her in his arms marched off toward the car. I won't go on, excpet to say that I did report this to my daughter and son-in-law. They are furious.

My husband has at least 2 handguns and at least 2 long guns, plus he has a conceal carry permit. This man scares me to death.

Please pray and think good thoughts that in the next 2 weeks I can get an attorney and a good line on an apartment, plus start to get all of my stuff in line to get out without him knowing what I'm doing. It will be just as though I'm getting more organized.

My daughter and son-in-law are with me all the way. Additionally, I have a bank account with my daughter just in case this occurred, as I was near this 2 years ago and the account has $2,000 in it. wish it could be more, but at least I have that and a few credit cards in my name, though I don't really want to use them.

Thank you so much in advance for helping me through this by praying and sending positive thoughts.

XXX

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

makena — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:16:22 GMT

Get a good attorney and an order of protection. Safety first. Wish you much peace and happiness. Be brave.

Edited to add one more thought. I am proud of you.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

butterfly123 — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:16:38 GMT

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

dex — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:17:01 GMT

@sfnative@I hope that you will be safe...maybe you could hide out for a bit and let him get calmed down and accept your decision...there are women's shelters that can assist you.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

sandraskates — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:17:05 GMT

Done @sfnative. So sorry to hear about this tough time. I had a friend that went through a similar situation. Although her husband was a nice man he was an alcoholic that would not seek help so she divorced him.

The incident with your grand daughter is very troubling. Proceed strongly but carefully.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

sfnative — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:19:06 GMT

@makena

"Order of Protection" - got it. Thanks so much.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

tansy — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:20:40 GMT

Good luck. On a practical note get as much financial info as you can get your hands on -- tax returns, pension info, 401k, other accounts.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

Sweet_Serenity — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:26:32 GMT

Concern for your safety. Your husband proven dangerous. Often when victims leave is the time most likely be very very dangerous. Protection order of course, To often does nothing to protect victims. Please seek out help from safe house for abused women. They are trained help.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

kivah — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:22:42 GMT

I never married - but I see all these tv shows about violent men and violent women - especially to their spouses. Get the heck out of there -- and I'm happy that u have family to help and take care of u. Glad u made the decision!!!!!

I grew up in NY with an emotionally-abusive father --- and my mother was so sweet and passive. They were married for 28 years - and she was the best wife and mother -- but he was never happy. I told my mother that we had to leave as my father was getting worse --- and we moved to California ---- and were penniless. But - we never looked back. That was 50 yrs ago - and my mom passed away 35 yrs ago. I'm praying for you to find peace and happiness - and I know you will. So glad u shared ur story. Sandy, Oxnard CA.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

sfnative — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:25:07 GMT

@dex

He doesn't know any of this yet. I made the decision on Thursday morning, after the incident on Wednesday afternoon. My daughter is in Seattle taking care of some required continuing medical education, but SIL is available.

Am aware of women's centers and will take advantage if I'm unable to fit into my daughter's home. They are very supportive.

Monday starts the new beginning of my life, so am hoping for at least some ducks to start to fall into place.

Unless he directly threatens me, I am loathe to simply walk out the door, because he will ditch everything in this house that is mine. My mother did that to me and it's left a horrible mark on me.

Thanks so much for your advice.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

golding76 — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:28:29 GMT

sfnative, my prayers and best wishes are with you. God bless you and protect you as you go forward.

Take all precautions.

Not that this holds a candle to what you have recently experienced, but today I was in the presence of someone -- a stranger -- who erupted in a public place, and I was frightened to death. It has been years since I felt such fear. This individual allowed his anger toward a service person to escalate to the point that he would have harmed her if he could have. It was unbelievable.

This strip mall is in a very nice neighborhood, I might add. It came out that this individual said he had traveled two hours to get to the mall.

I left the premises and spoke with a security person at the strip mall who was going to check on the venue and also call the non-911 police number for further advice. He did not carry a firearm.

I was trembling for two hours afterward. Fearing harm from a loved one is an unacceptable way to live. No one should live under such a shroud of fear.

Good luck to you!

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

proudlyfromNJ — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:25:43 GMT

I am so sorry to hear this. It sounds like a very scary situation, especially with all the firearms. Having your daughter and sil nearby will be a big help. Best wishes and prayers for you.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

mom2four0418 — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:27:01 GMT

Please seek the advice of a domestic law attorney as soon as possible. You need an experienced professional to guide you through the process while helping you to remain safe and protect your assets.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

sfnative — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:28:19 GMT

@kivah

I grew up in a home like yours, except my mother was the awful, horrible, beat-me-up one and my Dad super passive. Am glad you and your Mother got away to some peace. I bet you miss her.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

proudlyfromNJ — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:30:02 GMT

@mom2four wrote:

Please seek the advice of a domestic law attorney as soon as possible. You need an experienced professional to guide you through the process while helping you to remain safe and protect your assets.

I agree with this 100%.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

mzlg — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:32:36 GMT

@sfnative, you have so far, received some good suggestions - Safety first, attorney and yes, get all the financial information you can, etc.

You are in my prayers for your safety, strength, peace of mind and happiness with your family

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

dex — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:32:38 GMT

@sfnative stuff doesn't matter..

you do.He can ditch your stuff but that can all be replaced.Take things that you can't replace but just forget about the rest.I am praying that this goes smoothly for you and your daughter and her family.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

sfnative — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:33:45 GMT

@golding76 wrote:
sfnative, my prayers and best wishes are with you. God bless you and protect you as you go forward.

Take all precautions.

Not that this holds a candle to what you have recently experienced, but today I was in the presence of someone -- a stranger -- who erupted in a public place, and I was frightened to death. It has been years since I felt such fear. This individual allowed his anger toward a service person to escalate to the point that he would have harmed her if he could have. It was unbelievable.

This strip mall is in a very nice neighborhood, I might add. It came out that this individual said he had traveled two hours to get to the mall.

I left the premises and spoke with a security person at the strip mall who was going to check on the venue and also call the non-911 police number for further advice. He did not carry a firearm.

I was trembling for two hours afterward. Fearing harm from a loved one is an unacceptable way to live. No one should live under such a shroud of fear.

Good luck to you!

@golding76

I understand the fear and aftereffects you experienced.

We retired 3 years ago and my husband took one week to come up here to our new city to find a house we could rent before buying. It wasn't until then (3 years ago) that I realized how much that man had me in knots, as during the entire week he was gone, I don't think I'd ever felt better and more relaxed in my life.

I need to get into that space again, so I can live out what's left of my life in peace. Thank you for sharing your experience. I would have been scared as well.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

golding76 — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:39:49 GMT

sfnative, since I have written about my first marriage and the horrific disaster it was on this board before, I think I should tell you that I had to leave an abusive husband. Although we were married briefly (six months) when I knew I had to divorce this mad man, we had gone together for seven years. So, it isn't as though I wasn't emotionally invested in him.

He was a tyrant, was cruel, and physically and emotionally abusive. The night he pulled a knife on me was the night that I sneaked out while he fell asleep with the knife beside him. I had the good fortune of having a great-aunt and cousin living on Wisconsin Ave. in D.C. because my husband and I lived in Glover Park, which was a couple blocks from my great-aunt in Georgetown. On an icy night, I slipped out with just a housedress and loafers on -- no socks, no coat, no nothing because I did not want to wake him up.

No one should live in fear.

Ultimately, we ended up leaving one another in an amicable fashion, but I had to separate from him. I knew if I stayed with him, I would end up crazy or dead. Decided to suffer through the break-up and shame of divorce (it was 1969; we were on the leading edge of the divorce wave). It wasn't easy but I knew I could not thrive with him.

Re: Prayers and good thoughts, please.

sfnative — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 03:40:19 GMT

@dex wrote:
@sfnative stuff doesn't matter..
you do.He can ditch your stuff but that can all be replaced.Take things that you can't replace but just forget about the rest.I am praying that this goes smoothly for you and your daughter and her family.

@dex

I understand what you're staying and believe me, if I need to fly out the door, I will.

However, my mother ditched my stuff years ago and my husband caused me to loose all of my furniture and related furnishing when he sold one of our homes - to the new owners without discussing the matter with me. Also, he's already been ditching my belonging into the trash or donating them to Goodwill without my permission, some of it of sentimental value and I simply do not want this person to get away with it yet again. Clearly, he's also a control freak. I don't want to be controlled, if I can avoid it. But I also need to be safe. Beleive be when I say that I will tread lightly here.