topic Re: Feeling cheated in Among Friends

Feeling cheated

embgm — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 22:55:46 GMT

Two and a half years ago my husband had a small accident with my nephews fairly new motorcycle. Of course my nephew being young didn't want to go through his insurance and wanted us to pay out of pocket. There was no other vehicle involved so no worries there. The estimate came in rather high at a little over $2000.00. Of course I was very upset at both my husband for driving it and at the high dollar figure for the damages. Well while discussions were going on about the price of repairs my brother called us many times very upset causing tremendous stress on us to pay the $2000. After a few days of discussion despite feeling the estimate was too much we paid my nephew and he got the bike fixed.

Now push ahead to Christmas night 2016 the bike accident came up. I said " I still can't believe how much those repairs cost" . My nephew said to me and I Quote" Uncle Joe's damage was only $1100. The rest of the damage was mine". I was shocked! Since there were so many people around I ended the conversation but now I feel I should privately confront my nephew. I am hurt and angry. Haven't mentioned it to my husband yet. We are a very close family and see each other often and don't want to rock the boat but feel he should refund $945.00 to us. Should I keep the peace or not?

Re: Feeling cheated

JJ — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:02:33 GMT

i would bring it up. Why shouldn't you? IF they cheated you, you shouldnt be blamed for rocking the boat.

Re: Feeling cheated

sandraskates — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:06:30 GMT

Wow - what a question. Discuss with your husband first and get his feedback.

But that is a lot of money and I'd want it back too.

You may have to go to small claims court to get it though; check the statute of limitations in your city.

Re: Feeling cheated

cherry — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:07:07 GMT

I think your first mistake was , to agree to, not let the insurance pay for it.

It sounds like your nephew is a scoundrel.

I don't know how to advise you. You must live with the decision, not me.

However, I personally ,would ask for a refund. He needs to know that if you cheat someone , you must pay the piper

Re: Feeling cheated

libbyannE — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:11:43 GMT

@cherry wrote:
I think your first mistake was , to agree to, not let the insurance pay for it.

It sounds like your nephew is a scoundrel.

I don't know how to advise you. You must live with the decision, not me.

However, I personally ,would ask for a refund. He needs to know that if you cheat someone , you must pay the piper

@cherry

I totally agree.

Re: Feeling cheated

chrystaltree — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:12:33 GMT

I'd keep the peace and say nothing, what's done is done and you and your husband are partly at fault. More so than your nephew. You should have insisted that he go through his insurance and after the insurance paid, you should have paid the the difference. So that nephew would have no out of pocket, you rhusband did have the accident. OR....you should have insisted that the get 3 estimates and you should have paid the less expensive one. You failed to protect yourself and now it's too late. The nephew told you that he incurred some of the damage but get real, if you bring this up to him and demand a refund, he's just going to back track. He's going to say you misunderstood or that he never said any such thing. And you won't be able to prove that he said it. He's unscrupulous....but you and hubby were careless and too trusting. People can only take advantage of us if we let them. Why start a big family row when there is nothing to be gained?

Re: Feeling cheated

AuntG — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:15:07 GMT

I'd not bring it up. Lesson learned is that you should have ran it through insurance.

Re: Feeling cheated

MsLomo — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:17:57 GMT

Ouch ... I'd be upset, too. I would get together with your husband, your nephew, and your brother to be sure all present know what your nephew admitted. I'd ask your brother and nephew to do the right thing. You and your husband are owed the nephew's share of $900.

Re: Feeling cheated

cherry — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:21:13 GMT

It sounds to me ,like your nephew was deliberately taunting you

Re: Feeling cheated

embgm — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:22:56 GMT

Cherry yes now I know the morals of my nephew. He was 24 at the time. We physically bad the dealerships estimate in our hands we just didn't realize that my nephew had already damaged the bike himself. We were talked into not dealing with his insurance so his premiums wouldn't rise. Big mistake on our part. Trying to keep the peace cost us plenty! My husband would definitely confront him. I just want this to be between us and my nephew and not have my brother get involved like he did in the beginning.

Re: Feeling cheated

cherry — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:27:09 GMT

I wouldn't put much hope in that happening. I'm sure someone as cunning as your nephew ,will drag his dad into the situation, and make as much of a scene as he can, just to avoid paying

Re: Feeling cheated

Tinkrbl44 — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:27:56 GMT

@embgm wrote:
Two and a half years ago my husband had a small accident with my nephews fairly new motorcycle. Of course my nephew being young didn't want to go through his insurance and wanted us to pay out of pocket. There was no other vehicle involved so no worries there. The estimate came in rather high at a little over $2000.00. Of course I was very upset at both my husband for driving it and at the high dollar figure for the damages. Well while discussions were going on about the price of repairs my brother called us many times very upset causing tremendous stress on us to pay the $2000. After a few days of discussion despite feeling the estimate was too much we paid my nephew and he got the bike fixed.
Now push ahead to Christmas night 2016 the bike accident came up. I said " I still can't believe how much those repairs cost" . My nephew said to me and I Quote" Uncle Joe's damage was only $1100. The rest of the damage was mine". I was shocked! Since there were so many people around I ended the conversation but now I feel I should privately confront my nephew. I am hurt and angry. Haven't mentioned it to my husband yet. We are a very close family and see each other often and don't want to rock the boat but feel he should refund $945.00 to us. Should I keep the peace or not?

@embgm

I had to read your post twice because a few things weren't clear .... Shouldn't your husband's insurance paid for the damage, since he was driving the vehicle?

If not, why wasn't there more than one estimate .... and how did you pay for a bill you never even saw?

His comment: "the rest of the damage was mine" .... what exactly does that mean? He wasn't even there, correct?

Does your brother tend to be dishonest? It seems like he found an opportunity to cheat someone and you went along with it.

I don't think this is a matter of "keeping the peace". You were cheated out of almost $1,000 and I'm not sure you'll forget this very easily. I say have one discussion about at least a partial reimbursement .... and if there's no flexibility here .... take them to Small Claims Court. You WERE cheated. JMO

Re: Feeling cheated

MarieIG — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:33:16 GMT

Very likely there would have been no way the insurance company would have known some of the damage pre-dated your husband's accident. If you saw the estimate, did it indicate old damage vs. new damage? Your husband rode the bike and never mentioned old damage? Is your nephew just trying to get a rise out of you because you have brought up the cost of the repair again? Initially I thought that nephew was indicting that he paid for a portion of the repair before I realized what you meant. It seems as if you either have to let this go, of face a permanent rift with your brother and his family. The nephew, I would not trust at all.

Re: Feeling cheated

embgm — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:43:03 GMT

We called our car insurance and they said if he has insurance collision , it's his bike you must use your nephews insurance. Second my nephew was there at the accident. It was at a family gathering and my husband drove a few feet and fell over with the bike. We did see the estimate from the dealership but even though we questioned the estimate we had no idea my nephew had already caused some damage to the bike. My nephew insisted on going to the dealership stating the bike aS only 2months old and he wanted it perfect again. So those of you thinking we didn't protect ourselves you are correct. We never thought in a million years we would get taken by a family member. Definitely a lesson learned.We thought since it was my husband's fault we should resolve the issue so my nephews insurance premiums weren't compromised. For all we know he went through his insurance and said he was driving the bike and was paid twice!

Re: Feeling cheated

Q4u — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:44:31 GMT

Wow... IMHO this isn't a question about keeping the peace. This is a question of honesty and morality and the fact that your nephew had no qualms in telling you that not all the damage was done by your DH and had no qualms in asking for all the damage to be paid as though your DH was responsible for all of it .... but apparently the nephew was responsible for what amounts to about half the cost of the damage prior to the damage done by your DH. In my world, the nephew has committed theft by doing this and must rectify the situation. If not, "the peace" is ruined by him (and his father, if the father has taken his side).

In my world this is a SERIOUS thing your nephew has done and the nephew's father may not even know about the prior damage. I agree with the poster who said that the nephew, his father, you and your DH need to sit down and clear the air. Your DH was not responsible for $2k's worth of damage and the nephew needs to understand that what he has done is very wrong.

Re: Feeling cheated

cherry — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:46:26 GMT

Do you think your brother knows what he did to you? I have a hard time believing, he doesn't know how his own child behaves

Re: Feeling cheated

Annabellethecat66 — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:47:23 GMT

If you can let it go....you're a better person than I am. I tend to go bonkers over things and my late husband would say, "Whoa! Hold on there". I'd be very angry and if my husband was alive, I'd tell him for sure.

It's up to you but my guess is it would be very difficult not to say something to these two people involved. Your husband should be with you at the time.

That's just me. I don't think a lot of people would REALLY be able to 'let it go'. That's a lot of money but more than that you probably feel like a fool in the first place for agreeing to it and then to find out what you did just rubs salt into the wound (that's how I see it).

I would try to keep my cool and sat everything as a matter of fact. I hope you can. Please come back and tell us what you decided as I am interested. I always like to know there are people who can 'let it go' and not let it eat at them. However, in reality, as I said, that was a lot of money. I see it as throwing it in the trash and then someone lighting it on fire. I'm sorry but, that was a terrible thing for them to do and then to talk about it, he's an idiot. I agree, either he's stupid or was taunting you to tell you about it. At least now you know where they are coming from...Ugh! Sometimes family is too much, aren't they...been there, done that too!

Re: Feeling cheated

Marienkaefer2 — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:52:22 GMT

Only you know your family best and all that were involved.

My initial gut reaction when I first read your post was this:

You'll never see that money.

Think about what would be involved in trying to get it back.

If you think that your brother (who pressured you, per your post, into paying the two grand) is going to pressure his son into paying you a refund, then go ahead and try.

I'm just on the outside, looking in.

I don't think they will budge, and it's a question of how much aggravation you want to go through for a zero result.

In my view, it's water under the bridge, and karma has a way of making things right.

Re: Feeling cheated

Q4u — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:54:32 GMT

What bothers me most about it is the cavalier attitude from the nephew when he saw you about having already done some of the damage!! He seems to have no idea that what he did was wrong or he would have kept that to himself I would think.... I am floored by this and it would make me angry every time I saw the young man and his father.... closeness be da*ned. It would be important to me to get it all out into the open.... the nephew has no problem talking about it. This kind of thing an fester far worse than an out and out discussion about it....

Re: Feeling cheated

MsLomo — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 23:55:04 GMT

@Q4u wrote:
Wow... IMHO this isn't a question about keeping the peace. This is a question of honesty and morality and the fact that your nephew had no qualms in telling you that not all the damage was done by your DH and had no qualms in asking for all the damage to be paid as though your DH was responsible for all of it .... but apparently the nephew was responsible for what amounts to about half the cost of the damage prior to the damage done by your DH. In my world, the nephew has committed theft by doing this and must rectify the situation. If not, "the peace" is ruined by him (and his father, if the father has taken his side).

In my world this is a SERIOUS thing your nephew has done and the nephew's father may not even know about the prior damage. I agree with the poster who said that the nephew, his father, you and your DH need to sit down and clear the air. Your DH was not responsible for $2k's worth of damage and the nephew needs to understand that what he has done is very wrong.

Yes, that was my take on it, that the original four parties, including the brother who called and pressured for payment, should sit down and talk about this. I think the relationship with the nephew is spoiled unless he makes it right. He should have disclosed "prior damage," and to knowingly conceal it at his aunt and uncle's expense is awful.

In my opinion, "open and honest" is the only way to go. OP, you were trying to be sensitive and caretaking to the nephew in a family situation. If he had kept his mouth shut, you'd never have known. I'm glad he said something about it, and if he's yanking your chain and denies it later, it will be obvious to everyone that he's got even more serious problems that need attention.