topic Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving in Among Friends

Mom's Last Thanksgiving

CalminHeart — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 10:19:54 GMT

This is Mom's last thanksgiving. She is currently receiving Hospice care. Her body is wasting away but her mind is sharp as ever! No one knows their time but it's particularly difficult knowing this is her last with us. She's my best friend and Mom. I'm not sure what I'll do without her.

Mom wants to be part of this Thanksgiving so we're taking dinner, plates, silverware...everything to her and will celebrate together. I'm so happy she'll be part of it. I come from a very large family so it'll be a crowd and we'll have a lot of fun together. Bittersweet.

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

Preds — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 10:33:16 GMT

I'm sorry this will be a difficult Thanksgiving for you and your family. Be thankful for giving your Mother her wish. She will be so thankful for what you all are doing for her. Enjoy your family moments and share past stories with her. It will mean a lot to her and perhaps even more to you.

Wishing you and yours a peaceful and Happy Thanksgiving. Hugs to you and your Mother.

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

qualitygal — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 10:37:09 GMT

@CalminHeart, I'm so happy you all as a family will share it with her. Thank Heaven for that time together. Have a wonderful day, take pictures!! I wish you all the best.

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

meallen616 — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 11:08:52 GMT

To you, Mom and your family,

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

LTT1 — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 11:36:50 GMT

@CalminHeart

This will become a memory that you will cherish.

Have a wonderful time.❤️

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

doxie1 — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 11:44:26 GMT

My heart goes out to you. If you are up to it have someone shoot some video of the festivities. It is also neat to have some videos of them talking or sharing stories. We had some video of a loved one telling family stories and it is nice to hear them talking.

A friend that passed from cancer made memory boxes for her children. She put notes of her fond memories for each child in there. She also had her children write her notes about their fears, tears and joys. She answered each one individually for each child and put it in the memory box.. Some she put specific dates on to open. After she passed her children had these to go to and one of them told me they felt like they were still connected. They loved the recordings of their mom's voice as well.

I think this Thanksgiving will be even more memorable for you.

doxie

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

hoosieroriginal — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 13:05:36 GMT

I'm so sorry about your mom - she's so lucky to have a loved one like you in her life. I know how difficult it is especially during the holidays. Not all of us mothers have that. I just lost a dear friend who I considered a surrogate mom and she was very sharp until the end. Me and her friends said sometimes that's not the best because they know what is going on. When they told her she had about 3 days left, she asked for 3 more weeks. It was difficult when she left us. It is especially difficult during the holidays.

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

Kachina624 — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 16:10:05 GMT

This is happy and sad at the same time. The loss of one's mom is especially hard. Mine has been gone 13 years and I still think of things I'm dying to tell her on a daily basis. When I'm sick, my first thought is, I want my mom.

Relish your Thanksgiving with her and take lots of pictures. Try not to be sad and enjoy her and the day.

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

hckynut — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 17:39:55 GMT

@calmingtheheart give her all your love within

and all others

my beloved and much loved mother's last thanksgiving with us was november 1968 i was 29 years old my how i wish i had known it would be our last

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

twinny70 — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 18:55:25 GMT

My mom's last Thanksgiving was last year as she passed away in March. I pulled out all of the stops for just the 3 of us. Nice tablecloth, dishes, cutlery & the good food. She told me several tines that it was "just lovely." We played board games & had a good time even when her memory was mostly gone.

Tomorrow will be bittersweet, so DH & I are going out to eat. My comfort is that she is with my dad & they are smiling down on us.

CalminTheHeart, prayers for you & your family.

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

Mom2Dogs — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 19:08:59 GMT

@CalminHeart...I am sorry for what you are dealing with....I got teary eyed coming home from work today, thinking about the holidays, both parents are gone, family is 'fractured' holidays are not the same and it makes me sad and longing for what was....

Enjoy this holiday with your mom and family...it will be a great memory!!

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

chrystaltree — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 20:45:47 GMT

Blessings to all of you. It will be hard but you'll be suprised at how much fun it will be. You'll be in her hospital room but with everyone around, it will be much like any Thanksgiving. Just enjoy it and put everything else away for the day. Years ago, my sister had a brain aneurysm and she was in the hospital on Christmas Day. She survived but she had some cognitive deficits and we were waiting for a rehab hospital placement for her. No one knew what her future would be. She had hard time grasing where she was and some days she didn't even know what had happened to her. She never knew what day it was. But suddently, as I was leaving one night, she piped in with "Is everyone coming here for Christmas?" She sounded like her old self. And she asked for her makeup and specific shade of lipstick. So, we all had Christmas dinner in her hospital room. We also brought the food and utensils up and her kids made decorations out of paper plates and we put those up on the wall. We brought her silly little gifts. The room was small, so we came and went in shifts and no one stayed too long....except for her kids who were there most of the day. We ate, we joked around, we laughed. It was one of our best family Christmases.

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

Imadickens — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 22:07:11 GMT

I really understand what you are going through! Her diagnosis wasn't confirmed until December 23, but I think we both knew what was coming! My mother, too, was my soul mate, best friend as well as being the best mom on earth! I, too, couldn't imagine life without her! Looking back I am devastated by her "lasts"! Her "last" summer vacation was to Maine where we were prisoners from the mosquitoes, looked down on by snooty clientele, and we're just plain miserable. Every other year we went to Cape Cod where we stayed in a top notch resort where we were well known by owners and enjoyed everything we did there! Thanksgiving was spent at a restaurant we'd never been to before. They were out of anything seasonal so we mostly ate ham and French fries! The room was ice cold and my mom ate wearing her winter coat. We didn't even order desert, we just wanted to get out of there! When she finally got her diagnosis, that her cancer was back, it was two days before Christmas! Santa hadn't even made his selections for my ds! It was the first Christmas since my mil died so we were playing it by ear. We opted for a movie and tried to find anywhere open to eat. (When I get that stressed I shut down. I was totally incapable of cooking. A diner was all we found and it had recently opened. The menu was short and frankly, no one had any apatite. Two days later she learned she was terminal (I knew it was weeks, she thought years). We celebrated my ds 9th birthday in her hospital room Valentine's Day ( that's his real birthday) as she was being made to transfer to a nursing home the next day! She died exactly one week later, Feb. 22. Oh, how I wish I hadn't tried to change how we celebrated those days! Maine was my idea as was Thanksgiving! My advice is to live every special day ( really, every day should be special!) as if it will be the last time you are with your loved ones. You never know! @CalminHeart I want you to know that it has been 16 years now. I miss my mom more than I ever thought possible, BUT I have been able to go on, even tho no one thought I could! Why? My mom and I shared so much. Good times, bad times, secrets, and jokes. When she finally understood how soon it would be we talked openly and honestly about everything. The most important thing is that we both agreed there was nothing left unsaid or undone between us! We talked briefly about how I would "celebrate" her passing. That was awesome as I knew I was doing what she wanted! After that, we just enjoyed the few weeks we had left. She was physically an invalid. I took on much of her hygienic care. She asked if I minded, but I really didn't. I hope I was more gentle (and thorough) than an overworked nurse. Plus, I felt like I had at least had a part in her care. I miss her every minute but I cope because we left nothing left undone or unsaid between us. That brought us both much peace! I pray you find peace, too! God bless!

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

PamfromCT — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 22:46:57 GMT

My heart goes out to you. Try to enjoy this Thanksgiving "in the moment." You are going the right thing, and I am sure your dear mother will love it. And I loved the suggestion of having someone there to take videos.

When my mom was doing so poorly, we had a big birthday celebration for her. Everyone was there, and we hired a photographer to take pictures. And it was amazing how well she was that day and how much she enjoyed it all.

It's so tough to think of losing your mother. But she will always be with you in spirit. It will be helpful for you at that time to take advantage of Hospice grief counseling and to allow yourself time to grieve. My mom has been gone for 7 years now, and I still miss her. But you will be consoled by knowing you did everything you could do to honor her. All my best to you.

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

3suwm5 — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 23:43:38 GMT

What beautiful stories you all have shared. It is a trying time, sad and very stressful.

Let every part of the holiday be special, full of fun and lasting memories.

Blessings to all of us that have lost loved ones. Prayers for those that are suffering.

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

MaRina — Thu, 24 Nov 2016 02:48:08 GMT

@CalminHeart wrote:
This is Mom's last thanksgiving. She is currently receiving Hospice care. Her body is wasting away but her mind is sharp as ever! No one knows their time but it's particularly difficult knowing this is her last with us. She's my best friend and Mom. I'm not sure what I'll do without her.

Mom wants to be part of this Thanksgiving so we're taking dinner, plates, silverware...everything to her and will celebrate together. I'm so happy she'll be part of it. I come from a very large family so it'll be a crowd and we'll have a lot of fun together. Bittersweet.

@CalminHeart , I'm so sorry hugs to you. I can honestly say I know exactly what you're going through. Thanksgiving 16 years ago was my mother's last meal before cancer took her. Thankful I was there with her her last minutes and thankful she was no longer going to suffer. I miss you like crazy specially when this time of year rolls around. She Loved the holidays and always made it special for her large family. My heart knows she's happy but I still miss her.

Take care and GOD bless you

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

matty liz — Thu, 24 Nov 2016 13:55:31 GMT

How wonderful to go to her. That says it all. As a 75 year old in resonably good health, I would want those there who want to be and I would like to have it as normal as can be. Maybe a little sad but to see the love and have the people that give that love is all we can imagine. I love the Lord that doesn't mean He doesn't respect the love He allowed me to enjoy on His earth. Laugh with her and hold her. You are precious.

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

happycat — Thu, 24 Nov 2016 18:53:09 GMT

Thinking of you and your family @CalminHeart.

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

CalminHeart — Fri, 25 Nov 2016 14:04:46 GMT

Thank you everyone! Your kind words are so wonderful and I really appreciate them.

We had a great Thanksgiving. We had a little over 30 for dinner....and that doesn't include the whole immediate family. We laughed and talked and had a great time. Mom smiled most of the time! She really enjoyed us all being there. I really enjoyed her being there too.

Re: Mom's Last Thanksgiving

Greeneyedlady21 — Fri, 25 Nov 2016 20:49:13 GMT

@CalminHeart I hope having that special day will bring you some comfort and peace