topic Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS? in Among Friends

HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

bootsanne — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 18:52:55 GMT

My favorite niece's birthday today. It has been in the planning for 6 weeks. GIRLS ONLY, no husbands. There was to be her sister, her cousin, my SIL, who is the best human being in the world and their aunt, and me. I was going to start to give my nieces my jewelry, some of my good pieces because we have had so many deaths lately, it's time to pass things on. Also, we are very close in ages and we have wonderful times when we get together. Well my niece called to tell me her sister is bringing her husband. She told her sister this was GIRLS ONLY but he wants to come. Am I being petty? He's a nice guy but come on. This has thrown a damper on this get together.

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

nana59 — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 18:56:08 GMT

Why the heck would he want to go?!

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

cherry — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 18:57:27 GMT

Maybe it will work out ok. If you make an issue it could ruin the entire event

I'd let it go

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

dex — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 19:00:21 GMT

As the only guy at the table...he pays the tab!

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

colliegirls — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 19:05:00 GMT

I'll never understand why some couples find it so hard to have separate friends and events. She should have said NO to her husband, it will change the atmosphere of the party. Nothing is more fun than a girls only time!

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

SXMGirl — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 19:05:00 GMT

I am always suspect when a man wants to go to a girls' only event with his SO. Seems like controlling, or he has no friends, which is another situation. He is not one of the girls and does not belong there. Unfortunately, there is really nothing that you can do if you want to be gracious and not ruin the event. I would probably pull him aside or have another male family member do the same and say something to him. However, I do not suggest that you say anything to him to keep peace in the family.

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

colliegirls — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 19:07:03 GMT

Maybe the other men can plan to golf or go to a sports bar together and make sure he is invited!!

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

cherry — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 19:08:53 GMT

Doesn't he trust her? Some men are quite insecure

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

LilacTree — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 19:09:26 GMT

@bootsanne wrote:
My favorite niece's birthday today. It has been in the planning for 6 weeks. GIRLS ONLY, no husbands. There was to be her sister, her cousin, my SIL, who is the best human being in the world and their aunt, and me. I was going to start to give my nieces my jewelry, some of my good pieces because we have had so many deaths lately, it's time to pass things on. Also, we are very close in ages and we have wonderful times when we get together. Well my niece called to tell me her sister is bringing her husband. She told her sister this was GIRLS ONLY but he wants to come. Am I being petty? He's a nice guy but come on. This has thrown a damper on this get together.

@bootsanne

Make him a nice plate of snacks and put football on in another room, if possible. BTW, I do the jewelry thing once a year. My jewelry box is getting lighter and lighter. I also give away beauty and makeup products to all of my girls. Just finished doing this for 2016 a few weeks ago. They love it.

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

AuntG — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 19:10:28 GMT

Let him come along and be bored. I'm not suspicious that he is controlling but you'd know more about that than I would.

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

chickenbutt — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 19:11:58 GMT

Yikes! That he wants to come to a thing where he is expressly NOT invited is kind of odd. I hope he's not a controlling type who just won't let her do anything without him.

I cannot think of another reason a guy would want to attend a girl's only party unless he's just particularly socially inept.

I'd probably just say 'no, it's a girls-only party and none of the men are invited' unless that puts her in some kind of peril, IF he is a controller.

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

pommom — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 19:14:24 GMT

This guy is going to be uncomfortable surrounded by a bunch of women at a girlie event. Good.

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

Kitlynn — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 19:25:21 GMT

I would just say he is more than welcome to come but he is going to have to entertain himself during the party because it is a girls only party.

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

nana59 — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 19:31:11 GMT

@SXMGirl wrote:
I am always suspect when a man wants to go to a girls' only event with his SO. Seems like controlling, or he has no friends, which is another situation. He is not one of the girls and does not belong there. Unfortunately, there is really nothing that you can do if you want to be gracious and not ruin the event. I would probably pull him aside or have another male family member do the same and say something to him. However, I do not suggest that you say anything to him to keep peace in the family.

He sounds like my sister's ex!! She couldn't leave the house without him!!

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

Group 5 minus 1 — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 19:48:28 GMT

Yes, you are being petty. About your jewelry: when my Mom passed no one wanted any of her things. No matter what anyone tells you think twice about this.

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

GCR18 — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 19:50:58 GMT

I agree with lilac tree, set him up in another room with food, drink and a tv. Is there another husband that can come and then take him out somewhere. I wouldn't let him spoil the girl time.

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

Vivian — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 19:58:49 GMT

I'd let it go. In the grand scheme of life, it is not worth getting worked up about. My husband and I, and my two best friends, are all cancer survivors. I bring this up because the one lesson I learned from dealing with serious illness is to pick your battles and not sweat the small stuff. This philosophy has brought me a very gratifying measure of peace. It's not the end of the world. If the guy wants to come, so be It.

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

QVCkitty1 — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 20:04:09 GMT

My problem is that it's so inconsiderate of him to push in where he is not wanted. It's almost like he doesn't want his wife to have a good time. It's like the guys were getting together to watch sports, and one of the wives insisted on being there. No, just no.

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

circles — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 20:11:34 GMT

Sounds controlling to me....

Re: HOW SHOULD I HAVE HANDLED THIS?

sassenach1 — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 20:17:49 GMT

This husband is behaving like a controlling jerk. I understand your frustration. This is only about control. It is not about him wanting to socialize.