topic Re: Facebook "likes" in Among Friends

Facebook "likes"

Texasmouse — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 02:09:09 GMT

I don't know if any of you will be able to relate to this or not. It could be that I'm just overly sensitive. I live thousands of miles away from my kids so I look at Facebook frequently, to see if any of them is posting about what they're doing and it makes me feel like I'm "in the loop". If I see anything they've posted, I will, at the very least, click "like" which shows them I'm aware of and acknowledge their post. More often than not, I'll click on the heart, which says I love, not just like, their post, and sometimes I'll comment too. Once in a while, I'll share a post that someone else has posted about how much I love my sons and they're always my thoughts, my heart, etc... On THOSE posts, I MIGHT get a "like" from one of them but barring that, they don't acknowledge my posts at all. Even when my husband and I took a trip last summer and I posted many lovely pics... nothing from them. My co-workers and my husband's Facebook friends acknowledge my posts more than my kids do. I have to admit, I find it hurtful especially since I'm constantly cheering them on! I've considered just suspending my Facebook account if not just deleting it completely, because it's just painful. It's like I'm looking through a two-way mirror. I can see them but they can't see me. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

Re: Facebook "likes"

Annabellethecat66 — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 02:23:36 GMT

@Texasmouse I don't know if this helps you but sometimes we all (I'm sure guilty of it) take things in a way that isn't necessarily the way it is....(that doesn't make much sense)...I'll try again...

Here's an example: I was the only person in my entire family (nieces, sisters, cousins, daughters) who wanted a particular person to win this recent 'contest'. Time went by and I didn't hear from them. Well, I just got all 'bent out of shape' thinking it was because of this.

Gradually, I began to hear from them (after I'd been huffing and puffing to friends). It seems like they've all had various emergencies, problems, sickness, etc. that I wasn't aware of. When I did hear from them they said, "We didn't want to burden you with our problems." Then I got angry that they didn't 'burden me'.

I am sure their heart was in the right place and I know they all love me (they've shown it in many ways). My one daughter finally put me in my place (so to speak).

She said, "Mom! You need to get a handle on this! We can't win with you. We've all been dealing with things that WE needed to work on. We've been very sick and know your immune system is shot. We didn't want you to get sick and knew you'd be over here if you'd heard we were sick". Mom, it's not always about you. That might sound mean but I know my daughter and she didn't say it in a mean way. I understood what she was saying.

Kind of like "is the glass half full or 1/2 empty". That's the way you need to think of your face book postings. People always have their own 'thing' going on and you should not think that they are dissing you, they probably don't realize it bothers you. Don't take it personally.

Try to see the good in things. Most of the time I do that. This one time I didn't so I had to have what we in our family call "AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT". Let it go.....not easy...but let it go...life is too short.....

Re: Facebook "likes"

Snowpuppy — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 02:26:45 GMT

Ahhhh......the magic word "sons".

Got one of my own, out of college & on his own. Doesn't FB, tweet or anything else. Neither do I. We do talk one night a week to catch up.

Was out to dinner with a co worker one night, her daughter constantly texts her. Ok, incessantly texts her. Even when she says she's out to dinner with co workers her DD will "update" her with FB drama.

She said her son may call or txt once or twice a week. Her DS isn't on FB, either.

Re: Facebook "likes"

Texasmouse — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 02:30:12 GMT

@Annabellethecat66

Yeah, you're right. I'm sure they're not trying to"dis" me and I'm probably making too much of it. I guess if I didn't see them clicking "like" on everyone else's posts (including my eldest son's in-law's travel pics) it wouldn't bother me so much. It's probably just the holiday season spent without family that's getting me down. Thanks for your post. 💜

Re: Facebook "likes"

Texasmouse — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 02:33:10 GMT

@Snowpuppy

Yeah, isn't that just the way it is with boys? It seems girls stay in touch with their moms more. I guess I just have to accept the way it is... Sigh

Re: Facebook "likes"

on the bay — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 02:43:27 GMT

@Texasmouse~

I understand how you feel.

I hope its just that maybe your kids think well mom got on facebook to see our posts and pictures *which is why a lot of moms do!) so they are not yet invested in communicating with their mom on facebook, yet.

Maybe they "liked" the in-laws pictures cause they knew they would be hurt if no one responded and they were being polite.

But hey, Moms can get hurt too so I would just tell them how you feel and that yes, they should respond.Its the nice thing to do.It makes you know you are listened to and they are interested in what their mom thinks.

Of course they don't have to like everything but I think I would feel bad too.

Kids! Always like your moms facebook posts and pictures! Okay? Okay! Thats the main reason moms get on in the first place, to see their kids I bet so make it mutual kids!

You don't want to hurt your moms feelings do you? Show her you love her! Otherwise, what was the point in getting on?

Okay, there, you tell them what we think!

Re: Facebook "likes"

Texasmouse — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 02:47:27 GMT

@on the bay

LOL.. Thanks for the chuckle. I needed that. 😊

Maybe I'll just copy your comment and post it on Facebook. Think they'd get the hint? 😉

Re: Facebook "likes"

on the bay — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 02:50:43 GMT

I just want to add one more thing. I love the way people actually respond and have dialogs with each other and give each other hearts on these forums.

Except for a few people, I find facebook to not be as reciprical. Some people are but a lot seem like they are just interested in posting their own thoughts and interests and maybe they barely go to anyone elses page. Some don't even seem to care if they get a response but maybe think of themselves as reporters for all we need to know (what they think).

Facebook can be weird and puzzling. I don't think it always follows the same rules as my generation. You say please, thank you , acknowledge each other, respond and let that person know they mean something esp if you asked to be their friend!

I am proud of my kids and my close friends who seem to know these things, naturally.

Maybe technology has made people think its okay to have these fly by night (granny word lol) ramblings with no connection at all, no personable conversations.

I think you should let your kids know how you feel. They should never forget their mom-you get a big hug!

Re: Facebook "likes"

Texasmouse — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 02:55:35 GMT

@on the bay

Back at ya! 💜

Re: Facebook "likes"

Moonchilde — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 03:25:44 GMT

@Texasmouse, how much (often) a person responds, how and to whom can very much depend on how much time they spend on FB (every day, twice a week, once a week?) and especially how much is in their News Feed to read through. If you have half an hour at a time and pages to read and respond to, you don't respond to everything - you don't even see everything all the time.

And yes, there is a perception by many that they're fearful of how much family will contribute to their posts and what they will say. It's possible they don't often respond because they don't want to encourage the possibility of "mom saying embarrassing things" that their friends would see. Not that you would, but they hear stories (or maybe see) it with their friends, so they're just leery.

Re: Facebook "likes"

Lorik62 — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 03:30:25 GMT

I don't always have time to read every post and if you haven't "tagged" the person you want to share something with chances are they might not see it.

Re: Facebook "likes"

on the bay — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 03:38:26 GMT

@Lorik62 wrote:
I don't always have time to read every post and if you haven't "tagged" the person you want to share something with chances are they might not see it.

@Lorik62Oh, I guess I thought for the people you follow, it comes up on your home page. But I see what you mean that not everyone has the time to read everything even if it comes up on their home page. I guess thats a good idea if you want certain people to really see it.

Okay kids, get ready to be tagged lol!

Re: Facebook "likes"

Texasmouse — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 03:39:16 GMT

@Moonchilde

I understand your point of maybe them not even seeing my posts because they have so many to weed through. I also get your point about not wanting to comment for fear of what I might respond, but just clicking "like" OCCASIONALLY, to acknowledge I'm even on Facebook is not too much to ask. I'm torn about saying anything to them about it though, because if I do, then they'd just click "like" on my posts because they were made to feel like they have to, so I'll probably just continue to suffer in silence.

Re: Facebook "likes"

on the bay — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 03:45:57 GMT

I guess I wouldn't want them to like my posts out of obligation either but I never thought of the tagging in that way.

I mean I don't want to tag them for everything either.

Sometimes I'll just come out and ask them did you see my post about blah blah blah? And they'll say uh huh.

I mean I like my posts, I think they should too haha!

But I like every post they do well cause I like them!

I also have a friend who is so cute, no matter what I post, he makes sure to like it and if I say something that is a mistake and my kids correct me, he tells them, if your mom says it, its true lol!(he's like an older son/brother to us all but we are a lot alike).

Re: Facebook "likes"

GCR18 — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 04:33:08 GMT

I would ask one of them about likes and how they are used. Get the conversation going and throw in you don't seem to get any likes. I don't buy that your posts get lost. You can set your settings to what order you want to see friends post.

Re: Facebook "likes"

game-on — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 04:34:56 GMT

texas mouse.... i am wondering if you have told your children how you feel? Perhaps they dont understand how much they are hurting you?

If ....after talking to them.... they dont make any attempt to make contact or put hearts on your posts.... then you have a decision to make.... whether to contact them regularly.... for this contact to be one-sided, from you to them.... or for you to accept that they choose not to contact you and to let them go to live their lives as they desire....

It is not easy.... i wish you the best.

Re: Facebook "likes"

Nataliesgramma — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 11:00:07 GMT

@Texasmouse I am with you on this one. I don't get it with the kids now a days. When I asked my daughter about it she said kids their age (30's) post on 'Snapchat' and 'Instagram".. more.

I just keep posting on FB.....and just let it go.

Re: Facebook "likes"

ID2 — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 11:47:34 GMT

I have sons that I'm very close to. But they rarely ever like anything I post on Facebook. Certainly don't take it personally! Its just Facebook and that, to me, isn't important.

Re: Facebook "likes"

Texasmouse — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 13:30:52 GMT

@ID2

It wouldn't be that important to me either if they lived closer and I had regular contact with them but I'm lucky if I see them once a year. Facebook just gives me a glimpse into their lives and helps me feel connected. I guess I'm expecting too much for them to feel the same way about me. They also don't call me, I call them. I have a plan that allows me to call them long distance for free, whereas they don't. So, here again, it's one-sided. I sometimes joke with DH that something could happen to us and if it wasn't for the fact that our employers would miss us showing up at work and might investigate, it would probably be weeks, if not months, before my kids would notice that I hadn't posted (or called) in a while.

Re: Facebook "likes"

software — Sat, 26 Nov 2016 13:49:57 GMT

If you are looking for responses or reactions, you should "tag" the people.

I have very few "friends" and my feed is generally pretty sparse, but others have 100's of items in their feed and it's possible they overlook your posts.

@Texasmouse wrote:
I don't know if any of you will be able to relate to this or not. It could be that I'm just overly sensitive. I live thousands of miles away from my kids so I look at Facebook frequently, to see if any of them is posting about what they're doing and it makes me feel like I'm "in the loop". If I see anything they've posted, I will, at the very least, click "like" which shows them I'm aware of and acknowledge their post. More often than not, I'll click on the heart, which says I love, not just like, their post, and sometimes I'll comment too. Once in a while, I'll share a post that someone else has posted about how much I love my sons and they're always my thoughts, my heart, etc... On THOSE posts, I MIGHT get a "like" from one of them but barring that, they don't acknowledge my posts at all. Even when my husband and I took a trip last summer and I posted many lovely pics... nothing from them. My co-workers and my husband's Facebook friends acknowledge my posts more than my kids do. I have to admit, I find it hurtful especially since I'm constantly cheering them on! I've considered just suspending my Facebook account if not just deleting it completely, because it's just painful. It's like I'm looking through a two-way mirror. I can see them but they can't see me. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.