topic Re: In a Haze in Among Friends

In a Haze

nagrom — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 19:51:30 GMT

Trying to process life right now and the difficult year this has been. First went on vacation normally meeting my good friend. This year a month before vacation her daughter notified me she has gioblastoma and has only two months to live. Went on vacation and met up other friends and let them know. We all meet every year so we are shocked at this news. Then my son and daughter in law came on my dime. Last two days of vacation she told my son she wanted a divorce. I knew about it but could not say anything. They were to come and stay in our home for the next week. The day I returned home, my friend died.

It was difficult for my son and his wife to stay with us. She was silent or nasty.......My hubby did not know as I believe he wouldn't be very nice to her. My son and wife left for home. They live in Europe. He had to sign divorce papers etc to get the legalities going. He moved back home in May. Had to get drivers license etc and get a job. He had been out of the state's for 12 years.

Meantime back issues are acting up and trying to work it out...But getting worse. Prescribed meds and order MRI ....still dealing with this. Did pt. No help there.

Then heard another friend died of a heart attack. Complete shock as she was 59 and skinny but a smoker. Really difficulty processing this as it has been a little over a week.

Got another call..Another friend has reoccurring brain cancer. Just reached my limits. My niece just had surgery a few weeks ago with kidney cancer. Hubby going for check up this week. He is in remission for bladder cancer.

I feel like I'm shut down. Want to go somewhere and cry but can't.

Re: In a Haze

granny me — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 19:50:10 GMT

As the saying goes when it rains it pours. I have empathy for you because I too have had almost two years of gut punches. I think you just learn to get up every day and get through it the best you can and take one event at a time. I try to not look back at it all once because it is so overwhelming.

Re: In a Haze

nagrom — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 20:00:17 GMT

Thank you for listening to me. It is hard to deal with. I am holding my breath for hubbys check up. He says he is having symptoms too. Don't think I'll be able to sleep. Back issues add to my list.

I will say to myself keep my head high and chug along.........I think I can.

Re: In a Haze

jlkz — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 20:01:14 GMT

@nagrom

your heart must be breaking with all the heavy burdens you are carrying. I am so sorry you are going through this painful chapter. The friends who have passed are at peace now and would want you remember them and good times you all have shared.

Your son is doing what he needs to do in order to get on with life. Be there for him.

Every day do something for you: an ice cream cone, extra half hour of sleep, whatever lifts the pain momentarily. Make sure to walk or get a few minutes of exercise in daily.

This too shall pass...the next chapter has no where to go but up !!!!!

Re: In a Haze

Lilysmom — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 20:08:15 GMT

@nagrom, some times it just seems to much doesn't it? Like every time you turn around there is more serious bad news. Try to look after your self. Stay in the present.

I went through 18 months where I had three terminal diagnoses and lost three siblings. I did a lot of the caregiving, treatment appointments and wound up in emergency with a scare of my own. I hope you have some help nagrom. You are in my prayers. God bless. LM

Re: In a Haze

151949 — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 20:09:53 GMT

Boy oh boy - I've heard of having a bad run but this is really exceptionally. I hope next year is a great improvement OP.

We lost a friend to a glioblastoma 13 years ago - he was 59. He wasn't diagnosed until be passed out in his BR - he died 3 days later.

Re: In a Haze

nagrom — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 20:11:10 GMT

Jlkz, Thank you for your kind words

Re: In a Haze

nagrom — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 20:15:35 GMT

Lilysmom, Thank you.

Ten years ago was another rough time. Lost mom May 16, lost dad August 16, and lost my aunt December 16. My sister and have birthdays on the 16th as does my cousin. Every time a 16 came around we held our breath.

Re: In a Haze

cotton4me — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 20:44:04 GMT

Oh my, you’ve really had a time of it. My heart goes out to you. So sorry for your losses and all that you’ve endured and are enduring. (((Hugs))) and prayers for you. May healing and comfort surround you.

Re: In a Haze

RetRN — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 20:56:05 GMT

You are truly dealing with some tragic losses. Hopefully, your husband can receive treatment if that is indicated and your back issues will resolve. Some peoples lives are definitely easier that others. Sending good thoughts your way. I'm hoping you have someone you can reach out to for support at this difficult time.

Re: In a Haze

nagrom — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 21:17:57 GMT

I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words and inspiration. Checked the calendar. Tomorrow is hubbys cancer check up.....hopefully, it will be good news. Thinking positive thoughts.

Re: In a Haze

Q4u — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 21:20:54 GMT

Bless your heart... yes it is hard, harder than anything, and especially kiep going. Been there. Both my parents got seriously sick and died within months of each other. I'm an only child with no relatives in this country. Looking back I don't know how I did it except to compartmentalize my time. I would tell myself that for right now in time I'm handling it well and sometimes I went from moment to moment. Also lost a good friend, early on-set Dementia, Another friend to Breast Cancer, another to Lung Cancer..... my DH was layed off after 35 years at the same company~!! We were about five years away from retiring comfortably..... and our oldest son was diagnosed with a serious, life-long illness....

Be strong even if you don't feel you are... tell yourself you are strong!! Take care of you, do some things that take your mind off everything, things you enjoy. When I'd wake up in the middle of the night not breathing right, I'd turn on the TV and get lost in something funny... it's all I could do and it helped.....

We (as humans) have so little control over so many things in life ...... Most everything that has happened in my life thus far I've had zero control over. And I'm a fixer... nearly killed me that I couldn't fix anything. Having the Faith that everything would turn out the way it's supposed to helped me grieve, and helped me to understand that there is a higher power supporting us all..... have Faith, all our arms are around you....

Re: In a Haze

Reba055 — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 22:06:54 GMT

@nagrom I feel ya. I'm having trouble getting things just right, I deal with back and neck issues. I just feel weird, sick, or both! It seems sometimes that life is just passing me by. We also are at the age where things are happening with friends and family, though certainly anyone can be affected with negative events and health problems.

@Q4u Mentioned telling yourself everything is ok even if it's not. That's sound advice that I forget too. I think when we are young we automatically think this way, as most often they are, and we bounce back quickly. But as we age we often start to think something horrible must be going on. I'm going to make an effort right now to reinforce positive thoughts and change my attitude.

I remember my father recently talked about losing a brother years ago and how some siblings were shocked that he wasn't more devastated. He said, I loved him, will miss him, but he's gone and there's nothing that will change that. You can worry and fret all day long, but it won't bring him back. My dad is a caring, loving, compassionate person that seems to handle things so much better than most. I remember thinking then, that he had a point, and i actually admired his ability to do that. Hard to do for many of us.

Also, not to get too religious, but from my own beliefs, I know I should just turn all my cares over to God.

Hope you start feeling better soon!!

Re: In a Haze

Kachina624 — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 22:17:20 GMT

I think we all goes through periods where it seems like everything in our lives is spinning out of control. In one 3 month period in 2003, I lost my mother to West Nile Virus, my three best friends to heart attacks and cancer and my beloved dog died. You rough period has been unusually severe.

Somehow we find the strength to muddle through it and continue on. Things do get better. As I age, I find I'm losing friends left and right but thankfully, I'm okay. You'll work through it and be okay too.

Re: In a Haze

RedTop — Mon, 03 Oct 2016 00:40:17 GMT

@nagrom

I think your true strength comes out when life's challenges start piling on. For me personally, it has meant establishing my priorities, and not taking on more than I can handle.

I walked away from my job 4 years ago to take care of my husband who has many serious health issues. I keep myself healthy and strong, mentally and physically, and focus solely on the needs of my husband, my elderly mother, and my daughters. I readily say a firm NO to anything that does not fit easily into my new routine.

I no longer sweat the small stuff. I do my best to maintain my friendships, be supportive and helpful, and maintain my own life, but do not take on everyone's problems as my own. I am blessed to have brothers and sisters-in-laws who also help with our mothers needs, so as the only daughter, I do not feel totally responsibility for doing for my mom.

I get up every morning with the determination to do the very best I can for everyone who needs me that day, and fall into bed every night praying I did enough. Sending my thoughts, prayers, and best wishes for you, and your husband, with continued strength in the days ahead.

Re: In a Haze

hckynut — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 23:38:35 GMT

@nagrom

Very sorry to hear you are having to deal with so many sad and difficult issues. Wish there were something more I could say that would make things better for you.

We have had many issues in our family, all together, or one right after the other. I have said on different forums here, that during those times my best friend was my optimism, that things would get better.

Our thoughts are with you,

hckynut(john)

Re: In a Haze

Mominohio — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 23:49:12 GMT

I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now.

Please know how you feel is normal, and you need to share with someone. If you have a friend to talk to that might help, but I would suggest seeking a counselor of some kind.

I know many people fight this, don't believe in it, think they are stronger than that. But really, you have had a lot in a short time, and I think it could help.

This fog you are living in will rise again...someday. Until then, try to stay busy, try to get some professional help, try to enjoy the people in your life and the good events that come.

Try to plan something happy for each day or week or month, even if it seems little. Give yourself something to look forward to. Try to do for others, as that sometimes takes us out of our own 'bad' and puts some things into perspective.

Know you can come here when you feel the need to talk or vent or cry. And though you didn't ask, I will pray you find some peace and comfort, and most of all strength.

Re: In a Haze

Bird mama — Sun, 02 Oct 2016 23:52:32 GMT

@nagrom

Oh sweet nagrom, this is probably little comfort to you, I've been where you find yourself right now. For me it was called 1992 and 2007. Each of these years of my life were fraught with illness, death and overall bad news.

I understand what you are saying. It's like you've been taken under by a big wave.

It's hard to find your bearings, find your center and frankly get your breathing regulated.

About the only thing you can do right now is take one day at a time. Focus on each day, make sure you take care of yourself.

Re: In a Haze

PamfromCT — Mon, 03 Oct 2016 03:48:39 GMT

I am so sorry to hear about all you are going through.

I am sure your head is spinning right now. It's only normal. I know it's not easy, but try to take one day at a time. You need time to work through your losses and figure out what you do have any control over. I know you do have your DH to support you, and I am sure you have some others. It could be also helpful to have someone else - be it a pastor or counselor to also help support you.

You do need to take care of yourself and your health. Try to eat well, and make sure you can get adequate sleep. It certainly seems you should see your PCP or whoever is helping you try to manage your back pain. You need relief from this pain.

Like so many others, I have been through a few periods of time when I thought the roof was falling in. Amazingly, I pulled through.

You will too. If you follow any faith and believe in prayers, that will be a source of comfort for you. Meanwhile, I will be praying for you.

Re: In a Haze

chrystaltree — Mon, 03 Oct 2016 17:42:58 GMT

I kinda think skinny people have heart attacks all the time. But, to get back to real stuff. You probably should go somewhere and have good cry. If anyone deserved to cry and needed to cry; it's you. You have had some staggering loses in such short time. So cry and then find a grief counsellor because you need help in coping with all of this. This isn't something you deal with without help.