topic Re: Should I send a gift? in Among Friends

Should I send a gift?

Starpolisher — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 14:21:52 GMT

Someone who was once a close family friend, that I haven't seen in years and no longer feel close to invited me to their 75th birthday party. I declined the invite but would like to send a card. Do you think I should also send a gift? If so, what do you send a 75 year old female when you don't know what they like?

Re: Should I send a gift?

Plaid Pants2 — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 14:24:43 GMT

Let me be the first to say it.

"Gift grab".

You haven't seen this person in years, and out of the blue they send you an invite?

I would send a card, and if you feel like it, a few dollars, but I wouldn't send a gift.

Re: Should I send a gift?

qualitygal — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 14:25:17 GMT

If you don't know this person and their health and how they are doing, just send a card. JMHO

Re: Should I send a gift?

Yardlie — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 14:25:44 GMT

I would just send a nice card with a personal note...maybe remembering some special time that you spent with her.

Re: Should I send a gift?

jackthebear — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 14:30:11 GMT

@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
Let me be the first to say it.

"Gift grab".

You haven't seen this person in years, and out of the blue they send you an invite?

I would send a card, and if you feel like it, a few dollars, but I wouldn't send a gift.

I don't agree that every ocassion is a "gift grab", maybe the inviter wanted to reconnect with people on their 75th?

However , in this situation all that is required in the response that you will not attend,

Re: Should I send a gift?

kitty60 — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 14:47:58 GMT

Honestly, send a card if you would like but I would not send a gift. At 75 how many more things does a person need. Most friends of mine in that age group love getting a rembrance card.

Re: Should I send a gift?

colliegirls — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 14:51:57 GMT

Just send a card, you said you are not close to her anymore.

Re: Should I send a gift?

ChynnaBlue — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 14:55:20 GMT

@Brinklii wrote:
I would just send a nice card with a personal note...maybe remembering some special time that you spent with her.

I agree. Maybe she's reevaluating her own life and reaching out to people she lost touch with years ago. I think a card would be very nice.

Re: Should I send a gift?

Stormygirl — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 15:36:53 GMT

Good morning! Since you said you declined the invite and you do not feel close to this person, you are not obligated to do anything. If you want to do something is proper to send a card as people her age appreciate cards.

Re: Should I send a gift?

StephfromIdaho — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 16:27:16 GMT

No, a nice card with a handwritten note is perfect.

Re: Should I send a gift?

millieshops — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 18:55:25 GMT

Unless you know the woman is in need, no gift is indicated once you declined the party invitation. A card would be fine, but only if you include a personal message. -- written by someone who very recently turned 75 and who liked all the cards, but kept only those with personal messages. Someone mentioned writing about an event from the past - wonderful idea.

Not all 75's are the same, but a huge number of us treasure our "people memories."

Re: Should I send a gift?

SXMGirl — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 18:58:32 GMT

I agree about sending a card with a nice note, wishing her a happy birthday, maybe doing a little reminiscing about your experiences together. I think today with everyone being online, it is especially nice to receive a real card with a note of heart-felt memories.

Re: Should I send a gift?

Strictly Sky — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 19:37:10 GMT

Card.

Re: Should I send a gift?

RetRN — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 20:16:58 GMT

I would send a card with a short note wishing her well.

Re: Should I send a gift?

chrystaltree — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 21:47:22 GMT

starpolisher wrote:
Someone who was once a close family friend, that I haven't seen in years and no longer feel close to invited me to their 75th birthday party. I declined the invite but would like to send a card. Do you think I should also send a gift? If so, what do you send a 75 year old female when you don't know what they like?

You haven't seen her in years and you aren't close to her...so.....why would you even think of sending a gift? It's a gift grab, they sent invitations to every person they could think of, they went as far back in time as they could possibly go. They know the people who lost contact with the woman won't come but they are hoping that people like you will send a gift or a gift card. Win-win for them. They don't have to feed those people and Auntie gets birthday gift. Just send a card.

Re: Should I send a gift?

Imadickens — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 23:33:55 GMT

@jackthebear wrote:
@Plaid Pants2 wrote:
Let me be the first to say it.

"Gift grab".

You haven't seen this person in years, and out of the blue they send you an invite?

I would send a card, and if you feel like it, a few dollars, but I wouldn't send a gift.
I don't agree that every ocassion is a "gift grab", maybe the inviter wanted to reconnect with people on their 75th?

However , in this situation all that is required in the response that you will not attend,

I must agree with Jack! I have no family left other than my dh, dd, ds, their spouses, and my grand. So, any time we have a special occasion, one that's more than just an average birthday, for example, we include our regular group of friends! We have told them repeatedly we aren't comfortable having them bring gifts for these get togethers, but they keep giving! It's so embarrassing that I am considering not inviting them any more as I don't want them to think that's why we ask them. The fact is, I have had even fewer family members my whole life so it's a treat to me to have my chosen "family" celebrate our special times with us! We would invite them without telling them why, but they already know all of our special dates! So, like jackthebear stated, people aren't always asked to parties so that they will bring gifts, although I do admit sometimes people do it!

Re: Should I send a gift?

Imadickens — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 23:48:48 GMT

@chrystaltree wrote:
@Starpolisher wrote:
Someone who was once a close family friend, that I haven't seen in years and no longer feel close to invited me to their 75th birthday party. I declined the invite but would like to send a card. Do you think I should also send a gift? If so, what do you send a 75 year old female when you don't know what they like?

You haven't seen her in years and you aren't close to her...so.....why would you even think of sending a gift? It's a gift grab, they sent invitations to every person they could think of, they went as far back in time as they could possibly go. They know the people who lost contact with the woman won't come but they are hoping that people like you will send a gift or a gift card. Win-win for them. They don't have to feed those people and Auntie gets birthday gift. Just send a card.

First of all, if that were the case, why not feel badly for the person who needs to do that! If that person hasn't kept up with the birthday girl, maybe she is seriously ill and wants to see all her friends, old and new! Plus, maybe someone else is throwing the party and doesn't know they haven't seen each other in a while! Whatever the reason, a party is being given, no one is asked to just bring a gift, drop it off, and leave! Someone is going to some care and expense to throw a party with invitations, and thought to include you! As etiquette goes, one is never required to take a gift to anything unless so stated in the invitation (like for a fund raising event, or when someone is collecting money from a group to buy a gift for someone). It is also poor etiquette to tell someone not to bring a gift while inviting them to a party as it assumes that person was intending to give a gift! At one time these two were friends. Perhaps, when looking back on life at age 75, the birthday girl fondly remembered their times together and would like to see her again! Whatever the reason, unless the invitee was told to bring a gift, I wouldn't assume that was the reason for the invitation!

Re: Should I send a gift?

AuntG — Wed, 28 Sep 2016 00:22:33 GMT

Lovely card.

Re: Should I send a gift?

KarenQVC — Wed, 28 Sep 2016 01:04:52 GMT

I don't smell a gift grab here. Send a nice card and sweet words.

Re: Should I send a gift?

LdyBugz — Wed, 28 Sep 2016 03:24:39 GMT

Since your friendship has waned over the years, a nice card with a hand-written sentiment would be just fine. I also think that kind words expressed in a heartful manner hold more value than any purchased gift, especially as we all get older and have gathered enough materials things over the years.