topic Re: Right or happy? in Among Friends

Right or happy?

Imadickens — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 04:05:46 GMT

Dr. Phil is on Stephen Colbert! He mention he has been married now for 40 years. (Us, too!). Stephen asked what the secret is. He said that he decided he'd rather be happy that right! So, how about you? If you could only be one or the other, which would be your choice?

(Hint: I'm assuming he means that if he corrects his wife, or proves a point, he will cause a fight or hard feelings. So, if proving you are right about something would cause hard feelings between you and your SO, would you still go ahead and prove to SO you are right, or would you rather keep your mouth shut to keep the peace?

Re: Right or happy?

DiAnne — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 04:22:30 GMT

That would definitely depend on what it was about....

Re: Right or happy?

tansy — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 04:24:30 GMT

I'll just say I pick my battles carefully as does my husband. We're on year 44. I find that so hard to believe

Re: Right or happy?

Kitlynn — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 04:30:57 GMT

Coming up on thirty years for us and I don't think you have to choose. I think sometimes both people are right but you just pick your issues and you don't sweat the small stuff. If it is something you are really passionate about then by all means stand up for it and don't back up or back down but it is all in how you present your views and feelings when it gets right down to it. You can be right without being boastful or rubbing it in. You can't take angry words back and saying you are sorry won't take them away or the hurt. Treat each other with kindness and remember you are on the same team.

Re: Right or happy?

hckynut — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 05:26:31 GMT

@Imadickens

I doubt that there is any long lasted couple that can say being right does not mean being unhappy, and vice versa. If together long enough it does not boil down to one or the other of your 2 choices.

Throw in different circumstances and you have?

hckynut(john)

Re: Right or happy?

sienna123 — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 06:34:33 GMT

DH and I celebrated 52 years of wedded bliss on 9/11 (hard date to forget).

I don't have to be right but once I explain to him why he's wrong it all works out.

Just kidding. I thank my lucky stars that he is in my life.

Re: Right or happy?

Tinkrbl44 — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 06:42:08 GMT

@Imadickens wrote:
Dr. Phil is on Stephen Colbert! He mention he has been married now for 40 years. (Us, too!). Stephen asked what the secret is. He said that he decided he'd rather be happy that right! So, how about you? If you could only be one or the other, which would be your choice?
(Hint: I'm assuming he means that if he corrects his wife, or proves a point, he will cause a fight or hard feelings. So, if proving you are right about something would cause hard feelings between you and your SO, would you still go ahead and prove to SO you are right, or would you rather keep your mouth shut to keep the peace?

@Imadickens

Word is she's, uh, rather difficult and he most likely doesn't have a pre-nup. Divorcing her would be an absolute nightmare!

Re: Right or happy?

AKgirl2 — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 09:45:00 GMT

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@Imadickens wrote:
Dr. Phil is on Stephen Colbert! He mention he has been married now for 40 years. (Us, too!). Stephen asked what the secret is. He said that he decided he'd rather be happy that right! So, how about you? If you could only be one or the other, which would be your choice?
(Hint: I'm assuming he means that if he corrects his wife, or proves a point, he will cause a fight or hard feelings. So, if proving you are right about something would cause hard feelings between you and your SO, would you still go ahead and prove to SO you are right, or would you rather keep your mouth shut to keep the peace?
@Imadickens

Word is she's, uh, rather difficult and he most likely doesn't have a pre-nup. Divorcing her would be an absolute nightmare!

I bet Mrs. Phil wears the pants!👖

Re: Right or happy?

qualitygal — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 10:27:09 GMT

I think it's about the conversation. Everyone has a right to their opinion and to be happy. I find after 50 years, we now say more, "that was a good idea" to the other one. We may have thought it before and just gone along with it, now we say it. Like a compliment. Nice way to be complimented. There's more to being "nice to each other" - it's the little things.

Re: Right or happy?

Nataliesgramma — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 10:50:55 GMT

After 40 years I know that I am not going to change him........happy

Re: Right or happy?

millieshops — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 12:01:33 GMT

@ImadickensOne of McGraw's oft-repeated lines of advice is about not being a "right fighter." He's not talking about always giving in - he's talking about learning to compromise, learning to actually hear what the other side has to say. In some arguments, there is more than one right.

There are marriages in which no one is ever right and there are those in which only one person is ever right. I wouldn't want to be part of either couple!

Re: Right or happy?

CalminHeart — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 12:17:03 GMT

Some of you missed Dr Phil's point. Do you argue to prove you are right or do you find a more reasonable way to resolve the issue? Do you prefer to fight and fight and fight? Or would you like to be able to disagree, explain why, and move on? it doesn't mean you are unhappy if you don't prove yourself right.

Re: Right or happy?

Laura14 — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 13:00:07 GMT

Walking away until the other person calms down, finds their mind and sees that I really am right works for me most of the time.

Re: Right or happy?

YorkieonmyPillow — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 13:53:38 GMT

How un-original of him.

That's been around for ages.

I can't imagine having to listen to his droning, annoying voice for 40 long years!

Re: Right or happy?

hoosieroriginal — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 14:00:39 GMT

Right and happy! That's why I've been single for 24 years!

Re: Right or happy?

Kachina624 — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 14:10:44 GMT

I think Robin keeps him on a short leash. He can't even go to work without her being there every day. What other talk show host has a spouse that tags along for every show?

Re: Right or happy?

halfpint1 — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 16:18:18 GMT

I think my dh wanted to be both. Tried to talk to him about his health--give up smoking and watch his sugar--dtabetis. To hard to try I guess. After 54 years married he said enough and passed away this pass Feb 14th A day I will have to remember.

Re: Right or happy?

151949 — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 16:37:06 GMT

I frequently have to choose happy over right , esp. when discussing ANYTHING with my DH. I just either agree with him or walk away. He is no longer able to accept any other POV but his own and his is usually skewed.

Re: Right or happy?

chrystaltree — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 16:38:53 GMT

I think you are taking that statment much too seriously. He didn't mean that he's a yes man who cowers in the corner to keep peace. He meant that sometimes, in a marriage, you have to have to let the other person be right,even if you don't feel that way. And it works both ways. Some things are not worth a battle just to prove a point. So, you give a little. He gives a little. And you take a whole lot of stress out of the marriage.

Re: Right or happy?

libbyannE — Tue, 13 Sep 2016 17:14:32 GMT

We've been happily married 42 years. The question is a silly one because relationships are far more complicated than that. We are honest and happy. Forthright and happy. Respectful of each ither's feelings and our own -- and happy. You don't just sweep something under the rug and not discuss it in the name of being happy. We don't try to be "right," but if something is important to us, we talk it out. A lot of resentment can build up in marriages if someone thinks he or she must simply be quiet to keep the peace. It's not about who's right or wrong but about understanding.