topic Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters in Pet Lovers

Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

highmaintenancejan — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 14:10:16 GMT

We adopted a cat about 3 months ago. She is 1-1/2 years old. She is a good cat, but shows no affection and doesn't want any. In fact if we try to pet or hold her she scratches or bites us. Any suggestions? I think we may just have to call her a failed adoption. We love her and it breaks my heart........PLEASE Help us!

Re: Question for Cat Adopters

Venezia — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 14:13:42 GMT

Three months is no time at all for an adopted cat to settle in and feel "safe". You don't know (I presume) what her circumstances were before she ended up at a shelter.

One of my adopted cats was a beautiful Siamese, normally known for their love of human contact. Well, this one was nearly feral. It took many, many months before she would even sit near us or be in the same room. More than a couple of years before she turned into the wonderful, loving, affectionate cat she is now, who feels secure in her home.

Every cat is an individual and she needs time to learn to trust you. Have you tried talking to the shelter to ask their advice and what they might be able to tell you about her background? If the poor cat is returned to the shelter now, it's just one more knock in life for her.

However, if you're going to do that, the sooner the better, so that they can try to settle her into a different (hopefully) permanent home.

I've always said "Once I adopt a cat, it's going nowhere. It's home."

(ETA: Just curious: didn't you hold this cat before you adopted her? Or did she only start exhibiting this behavior once you got her home?)

Re: Question for Cat Adopters

Gram W — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 14:22:45 GMT

I would give her more time. Like people every cat has their own personality. Not all are outgoing and affectionate. With the help of my local SPCA over the last 3 years I have captured 14 feral cats and they are all back home and neutered. Josie and Bruce live inside because they discovered that Josie has a heart murmur. She and her brother were about 8 weeks when I caught them. They will be 2 in Oct. Both took several months before they wanted to be picked up. Neither likes to be held now. Bruce lays beside me and loves to be massaged and brushed but not cuddled. He is very independent and laid back. Josie will seldom join me on the couch but will stretch out on the floor to get her tummy rubbed. She does not like to be alone. She sits back and watches everything. She reminds me of a young child that wants to join but doesn't know how to. This summer we had a big discovery. I was wading up some receipts after returning from shopping and she came running at the sound. I threw the paper ball and she ran after it and brought it back. I have never had a cat that would fetch. She loves paper wads but not all of their cat toys. She gets the paper, may bat it around the house and then bring it to me to start again. Recently Bruce has been joining us. Don't give up. It will be worth the effort. Thank you so much for adopting your cat. We can not help them all but 1 cat at a time we can save many.

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

Deb0509 — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 14:24:25 GMT

Please don't take her back. Give her time. She might just be afraid of people touching her. You don't know what might have happened to her in the past. At least she is safe being with people who love her, as you say you do. Please.

Re: Question for Cat Adopters

Venezia — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 14:26:21 GMT

@Gram W - I had a Burmese cat (for 19 years; still miss him) and he would always play "fetch" just like a dog. I found out that this breed is known for it. I used to make balls from aluminum foil to throw for him.

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

jaxs mom — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 14:27:18 GMT

There isn't enough info in the post to be sure what's going on.

Young cats need lots of activity to burn off their energy. Are you playing with her every day with a fishing pole type toy like Da Bird?

Does she have her own space to hang out in, cat tree, bed, cat scratchers?

Is she still hiding or does she walk around the house like she feels safe?

Are there other pets in the home that may be bothering her?

Some cats aren't affectionate and have a low threshold for being over stimulated when petted which leads to biting and scratching. Playing with her every day with a toy she can attack ( and get out her natural hunting instict) can result in a cat that is more appropriately affectionate with it's humans.

On the other hand, when cats are riled up and excited they will sometimes attack their humans as a result of something called misplaced aggression. They can't attack what they want, so they attack the nearest thing. If your cat is riled up, best to give her some space and not try and pet her.

It's common for cats to get overly excited if they see prey outside through the window, the dogs are barking because a delivery is being made or a lot of new strange activity is happening in or near your home, even a loud noise can set them off. Cats are prey to a lot of bigger animals so they are always on alert for possible danger. They calm down fairly quickly though. If she has the right toys she can get her aggresion out on those. One of my cats jumps on the cat tree and kicks the posts. After awhile of living with cats you can tell when they are riled up and when to not try and pet them.

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

highmaintenancejan — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 14:38:15 GMT

She has the run of the house. We play with her all the time. No other pets in the house. We have a huge "Caged" lanai that she could go outdoors in...but rarely does. Won't use her cat scratcher or her bed. She has bit me viciously several times. She rarely purrs. We have been cat owners in the past. She is very good, just not attaching to us. Thank you for all of your help....although it is making me feel more guilty.

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

Lorik62 — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 14:49:14 GMT

Definitely give her more time. I have used Comfort Zones plug in diffusers for my older cat that gets stressed from a young cat that we adopted last year. It releases something in the air to calm them down. You can get it from most pet stores. Good luck!

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

wagirl — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 14:51:39 GMT

Remember cats have their own rules and you will have to live by them!! I totally believe that animals from adoption come with baggage. I adopted 2 cats, brother and sis , when they were about 8 months old. They were sweet at the shelter but when we got them home, the male was he*l*l on wheels and for the next 6 weeks he went about destroying alot of stuff in my house simply because he was VERY active. He bullyed his little sis and I finally had to return him to where I adopted him. He was adopted to a new home but we kept his sis who is sweet as they come. My girl doesn't like to be cuddled or pick up either; she decides when she needs affection and comes to me for it. So wait her out---just remember---

Dogs have owners, cats have staff!!!

from one of the"staff"---wagirl

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

Yardlie — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 14:53:21 GMT

@highmaintenancejan ... Just wondering...Have you tried playing with the cat? You know...a long string with something attached to the end of it, etc.? Maybe some direct interaction with the cat like that would help her to warm up to people.

Also, try giving her some catnip. My cat loves to eat a little loose catnip. Then she tears around the house and becomes super funny. Mine was a shelter cat also that I adopted in January. She wasn't real cuddly at first. Now she allows us to pick her up, pet her, and she crawls up the bed next to me at night. She isn't as cuddly as my last two cats were. I adopted them as kittens, but she isn't scratching or biting either.

Also, try rewarding her with a treat when she allows you to pet her. Good luck!

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

hoosieroriginal — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 14:56:01 GMT

I've had a lot of cats in my life and unfortunately, there are very independent cats out there. I've had them, they don't want anyone around them, don't want loving - nothing. Luckily, the ones I had were outside cats so they just did their own thing. They usually were friendly with the other cats, just not humans.

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

Nhbelle — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 15:06:03 GMT

I agree with these suggestions. Get a cat perch/tree in the room where you hang out most and put it in a quiet corner. She will feel safe and protected there and will get used to being where people are. Playing with her is important, the cat wand is good, balls cat ****** toys, laser pointers look on Amazon for ideas. Also try finding a cat treat that she likes ( mine like freeze dried salmon or chicken, expensive but healthy) and feed her them a few times a day where you sit and relax. She will come looking for them. This way she will start to form a relationship and you will be a source of pleasure for her. Be patient it takes awhile but you are saving a life.

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

Andreatoo — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 15:14:26 GMT

I say give her space and time and let her warm up to the 2 of you.

Not all breeds are lap cats; had my Abbygale 16 years and with the exception of her trying to get adopted and sitting nicely in my lap at the shelter, she never graced another lap! lol

that didn't mean she didn't show affection; it was just on her terms and she was wonderful!

I have a Siamese now and she's like velcro! lol Between her and my old man, Ozzie, I'm never alone on the couch. My other 2 aren't as human dependent..(but still love us on their terms)

Each cat is an individual with their own very distinct personalities...even their relationships with one human to the other can be very different

Just give her time; I think she'll eventually reward you for your patience.

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

Bonkers1 — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 15:35:18 GMT

I have always had cats as part of my home environment. They all came from shelters and I would have to say that only one or two of them ended up being affectionate. That was fine with me as long as I knew I was able to give them a safe home. As many have said before me cats have "cattitude" if you try to pick them up or pet them they may possibly scratch or bite you. One of these days you will find something rubbing against your calf and look down to find this adorable creature at your feet. You still may not be able to pet her - cats pick and choose the time. Please try to keep the cat knowing you did make the right decision. If you send the cat back you possibly regret your decision later on. Good luck on whatever choice you make.

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

birkin baby — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 15:40:30 GMT

I had and HAVE lots of cats. Some were/are lap cats and some were/are total loners. My newest is 4 months, found abandoned in the edge of our woods. Yes, we watched from the upstairs for the whole day and no mama came. He never moved. We thought he was dead. But he was just very very sick....eyes and nose crusted,covered in lice..5weeks old. We scooped him up and off to the vet we went.

"LOKI of Asgard" is now lice -free,and healthy. Unfortunately,he didn't learn how to behave from his mother. He had to be quarantined outside in a huge cat pen. He grew and even though I hand fed, played,etc, he was a biter,and scratcher.....a terror. Over time,he has learned, from my becoming a mama cat (lol) first,and later my other cats and my largest cat-loving dog, to play with soft paws and he rarely bites. My leg and feet scratches are healing nicely. He is still a loner most of the time. He is still a sheer terror on anything not nailed down and he gets into much mischief...hence the name LOKI of Asgard.....God of Mischief,who just happens to be my favorite villain from Thor,lol.

This background story might be a little boring, but the poi t is don't give up. Some cats, like kids, are just loners. If she is eating, using her litter box,playing at times,and generally ok, she possibly is just one of those cats. I have one at who is good for a scratch or two on the head and the I learned to stop or he would stop me,haha. Another cat is like my shadow. Honestly, I kinda prefer the loners. Is your girl spayed? That usually changes a personality some. I hope it calms LOKI down. He was in time-out twice this morning. If he bites, I gently but formulate push him down like a mama cat, hiss to him, and put him in his cage in the guest room to relax. Hang in there, she needs you!🐈🐱

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

docsgirl — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 15:36:21 GMT

I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your sweet furbaby. Please give her more time to adjust. You can also call where you adopted her from and ask if there were any issues that they were aware of while she was there.

Fortunately, my experience was the complete opposite. I wanted an older cat as I know the kittens go quickly so I worry about the older guys. This bum had been there for several months and time was running out for him. He was brought in as a stray and they didn't think he would survive. The people at the shelter told me it would take him a while to adapt to his new home, he is not at all affectionate, and he will hide a lot. They lied!!! From the second he entered his new home, he wanted to be with me all the time. He was, and continues to be, extremely affectionate and wants to be on my lap and petted at all times. We both hit it lucky and I often kiss him and ask him who rescued whom. His only fault is that he's an earlier riser for breakfast (this morning it was 3:17 am). He eats a big breakfast, goes back to sleep, and guess who's awake for the day. Gotta love the kid. Good luck with your little one. docsgirl

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

jaxs mom — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 16:02:29 GMT

Where did you get this cat? From a shelter or a rescue?

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

cotto22 — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 16:05:09 GMT

@highmaintenancejan wrote:
We adopted a cat about 3 months ago. She is 1-1/2 years old. She is a good cat, but shows no affection and doesn't want any. In fact if we try to pet or hold her she scratches or bites us. Any suggestions? I think we may just have to call her a failed adoption. We love her and it breaks my heart........PLEASE Help us!

I have read all the responses to your post, and I wholeheartedly agree with just about everything I have read. Let me add a couple of things to those suggestions, however. Why did you adopt the cat? Did you do it to rescue her and give her a home? Because if you wanted an affectionate pet who was at your beck and call, an adult shelter cat was not the best choice! The poor kitty has probably been through hell and back, been abandoned at least once, and stuck in a cage for God knows how long! Give her time to feel safe and secure and yes, loved on her terms, not yours. She may never ever be a lap cat, some are not. But she may learn to enjoy your company, as you will hears IF you give her a chance.

When you adopted her, you were taking a risk, and unless the cat bites and scratches you without provocation (you are not trying to pick her up or pet her), I think she deserves a chance for a loving home. Please reconsider abandoning her. Give her time to feel secure!

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

jaxs mom — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 16:49:30 GMT

@highmaintenancejan wrote:
She has the run of the house. We play with her all the time. No other pets in the house. We have a huge "Caged" lanai that she could go outdoors in...but rarely does. Won't use her cat scratcher or her bed. She has bit me viciously several times. She rarely purrs. We have been cat owners in the past. She is very good, just not attaching to us. Thank you for all of your help....although it is making me feel more guilty.

What was happening just prior to her biting you viscously? We need to figure out what's triggering the biting.

Re: Help please---Question for Cat Adopters

Yardlie — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 16:56:28 GMT

@highmaintenancejan ... I definitely would not call your kitty a failed adoption. You adopted her to give her love and a home. You are providing your part. It may take her awhile to respond to your affection, but I think she will eventually warm up to you...or someone in the family. Please don't give up on her. You've received a lot of good advice here.

I would give her the privacy she wants right now, provide some toys and good food, and make her feel secure. One toy that all my cats have always responded to is just a simple peacock feather. They can be hard to find, but are usually available in pet stores. I think it will take a lot of baby steps to get her to warm up to you, but just give her the time and love she needs until then.