topic Re: Those Holiday Letters in Holiday

Those Holiday Letters

Witchy Woman — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 12:05:51 GMT

Was hoping to get through Christmas without getting one of those "my life is so wonderful" letters, but no such luck.

One came last night from a woman I have not seen or heard from in at least 25 years. I wondered why she would bother now. No answer came to me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy when people are happy and their lives are chugging along in a positive direction. However, if you haven't been in touch with me in all those years, why now? No explanation I could think of.

I don't need or want a two page letter telling me you've bought a beach home, your children are perfect and, for good measure, telling anyone reading the letter that they should have a "Gratitude Journal" so their life can be as great as yours. Really? If only I had known that was the key to a perfect life!

Why do people do this? It does not make me feel warm towards them. Quite the opposite. Not that we were ever that close, but now, after 25 years you decide to contact me?

I have a small list of people that I send cards to. Some old, some new friends. I send the cards with a wish for the New Year, and a note to say, "I'm thinking of YOU."

My husband brought me back to my happy place saying, "She must have been going through an old address book."

We both had a good laugh. God Bless him, as he tells me often, "Im not a deep thinker" and sometimes that's the thing I love most about him.

Haven't decided if I'll send a return card, and, mostly, I'm just musing out loud. But, I'm trying to understand the thought process behind sending these letters.

Maybe there isn't one

Re: Those Holiday Letters

cherib — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 12:17:19 GMT

It is odd she’d send a card after so many years of not being in touch. Maybe it’s her way of reaching out to reignite the friendship?

i enjoy getting Christmas letters. Makes me sad to get a card that is just signed with no family news included. It would be hard to write a long personal note to everyone who’s sent a card so the typed letter makes it easier.

Re: Those Holiday Letters

Foxxee — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 13:12:42 GMT

No one's life is perfect. All of us are hit with hardballs from time to time. It's life and this woman is too.

I'd like to know what she didn't tell you. How's her relationship with her husband? Are they in debt after buying that beach house? Any medical issues?

I get those letters, too, and there's always one that comes across as bragging, throwing their good fortune in our faces. We're not impressed.

I think they are in poor taste because not everyone's life is rosy. The recipient may be going through a very challenging time and sometimes it's difficult; although normal, not to become envious. It's best to be humble.

Maybe, others can answer your question as to why she wrote you the letter after 25 years. I can't.

Re: Those Holiday Letters

AngelPuppy1 — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 12:21:07 GMT

I enjoy getting cards from people I rarely, if ever, see and like that they write a few lines. However, I don't really need or want one of those generic letters that are typed up to send to everyone they know which chronicles everything they have done for the entire year! I agree that I also am disappointed to get cards that merely have the names and that is it. I have also gotten some cards which once opened, do not even have our names on them. How much more impersonal can you get????

Re: Those Holiday Letters

DbinMD — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 12:28:37 GMT

@Witchy Woman

My SIL always sent these letters.. Personally, I never see the point. As you say, and I agree, it just a way to brag about their lives. We live on one coast and they live on the other coast. But that doesn't mean that we didn't know what was happening in their lives. But for someone that you hadnt heard from im 25 years, that takes the cake. Did she fill you in on all 25 years? LOL!!

Re: Those Holiday Letters

Pook — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 13:01:50 GMT

Probably they are drowning in debt, hate their jobs, haven't had a real discussion with each nor had any physical contact with each other in years, at least one of them is cheating, jr was picked up twice for pot, daughter is "seeing" a real jerk, etc.

One relative has custom letters made as their card even. Why would we need or want to know how many vacations they went on, job changes or promotions or what this relative's wonderful step children (who we met twice and had no interaction with) do.

Re: Those Holiday Letters

Susan Louise — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 13:42:55 GMT

@DbinMD wrote:
@Witchy Woman

My SIL always sent these letters.. Personally, I never see the point. As you say, and I agree, it just a way to brag about their lives. We live on one coast and they live on the other coast. But that doesn't mean that we didn't know what was happening in their lives. But for someone that you hadnt heard from im 25 years, that takes the cake. Did she fill you in on all 25 years? LOL!!

@DbinMD Hysterical! ...

@Witchy Woman We get a couple of those brag letters every year. After the first few from each relative, we just don't even open them anymore.

Re: Those Holiday Letters

ValuSkr — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 14:47:16 GMT

I'm with you, @Witchy Woman - I don't even read those letters. My brother and his wife often do one that's self-deprecating in a funny sort of way. That's okay. It's kind of a parody on the dreaded "Christmas letter."

Re: Those Holiday Letters

RespectLife — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 15:14:04 GMT

@Pook wrote:
Probably they are drowning in debt, hate their jobs, haven't had a real discussion with each nor had any physical contact with each other in years, at least one of them is cheating, jr was picked up twice for pot, daughter is "seeing" a real jerk, etc.
One relative has custom letters made as their card even. Why would we need or want to know how many vacations they went on, job changes or promotions or what this relative's wonderful step children (who we met twice and had no interaction with) do.

I actually GOT one of those letters a few yrs back that is exactly what your first paragraph states!

Hates her husband, leaving him for the 'other' side, son on drugs and in and out of jail, daughter severly depressed...Oh...by the way...MERRY CHRISTMAS! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry! Brutally honest...and it wasn't a joke...the sad part was it was all true!

The other one that comes to mind was from the wife of my DH coworker. Every year she described their wonderful life, marriage, gorgeous, smart, brilliant daughters, throwing out names of local 'celebs' GAG! Turns out, she was having an affair w/ her husbands best friend for 10 years! The home life was nothing as described.

The whole family fell apart very publicly (in the work place). Professed a lot...was living up to none.

Re: Those Holiday Letters

Havarti — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 16:06:08 GMT

I have had a similar experience in two unrelated instances. Not that I received a Christmas letter, but that people from decades ago suddenly reach out for no known reason. I was perplexed both times. Eventually, in both cases, I learned that each of them had terminal illnesses. They were both apparently reflecting on their life and wanting/needing to reconnect with their history and the people in it.

Over time, memories can distort - we may remember things slightly differently than they actually were and memories of past times may be comforting when seen through older wiser eyes. I did not know at the time what caused these people to reach out but I was glad I responded and hope it filled a need. We never established a fresh friendship, but I don't think that was wanted anyway.

For some reason you have made a mark in the memory of this person for them to reach out to you at this late stage in their life. View it from the perspective they are filling a need (a hole in their life) on their part rather than flaunting their success. If they were truly all that happy & successful they would likely not have time or need to reach back to friends from long ago. More likely there is something going on in their life that is causing them to reflect on days gone by. Worth a thought.

Re: Those Holiday Letters

alicedee — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 15:55:12 GMT

I get a "newsy" letter from time to time, but I always enjoy them...they don't come across as bragging to me. People may think at Christmas they shouldn't bring people down by sharing negatives, so they focus on the good things.

I tend to think as a poster above said that the person who has been out of your life for so many years didn't intend to brag...she may very well have something going on in her life that has caused her to reflect back, and she wanted to reach out to you. My thought on a "Gratitude Journal " is that is something a person would do who was going through some bad stuff...and in reaction was working hard to put the focus on positive things.

If I did get a Brag Letter...I would probably just roll my eyes and send them my usual card. I used to send letters with photos to some elderly relatives when my children and grands were small, as we lived hours away from them and they told me in the cards they sent me how much they enjoyed them. My life is so quiet now no one would be interested lol!

Re: Those Holiday Letters

Witchy Woman — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 16:13:53 GMT

Thanks to all who responded. I always like to hear thoughts, good and bad. Helps me put things in place in my own mind.

Was out and about and pondering this and had these further thoughts.

This woman was the friend of a friend and had been to my home several times for holiday parties. So, perhaps she was thinking back to those days.

She is not an unkind person, and I'm sure she meant well, but it just hit a sour note with me. I didn't know her children, and certainly don't know her granchildren, yet she discussed them and their accomplishments at length.

What would have touched me more was if she had shared a positive memory of her visits to my home, or asked how we had been.

Like my husband said, she must have been going through an OLD address book and found our name.

The letter and card are already in the recycle bin.

Moving on....

Re: Those Holiday Letters

alicedee — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 18:52:08 GMT

@Witchy Woman I hear what you are saying. Sounds like you did what was just right for you, and moved on!

Hope you and your DH have a lovely Christmas! He sounds like a wise fella.

Re: Those Holiday Letters

Vivian — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 18:56:01 GMT

My family is filled with people, on both sides,who have advanced degrees in the humanities. Somehow, that translates into poetry and prose of great length sent to victims everywhere. I love my cousins but reading three page tomes, single spaced, is impossible.

Re: Those Holiday Letters

redwingsgal — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 19:00:40 GMT

I only send a few cards nowadays, but I always hand write a note to the person I am sending it to. No photocopied letter like the bank might send out! I have always handwritten a note on each card and my cards are not pre printed with our names! I even hand address every envelope!

Re: Those Holiday Letters

GingerPeach — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 19:05:17 GMT

@Witchy Woman

I once got a card from my husband's brother's family. It was signed by his wife (my sister-in-law) with only "The Blank Family," and NOT ONE other word. No adult first names, no kids' names, nothing. If I remember correctly, it might even have been printed (as in, ordered in bulk).

And, of course, that was our last name, too!

Makes me think I could have sent it back to her the following Christmas.

Re: Those Holiday Letters

Sooner — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 19:08:30 GMT

I don't send anything. People are offended by good news, people are offended if it is not handwritten to you, or something is printed on a card or envelope. . . people are offended by getting anything.

SO, it's a lot easier and cheaper to keep your mouth shut--especially if you have good news; which is a sure-fire way to PO a lot of people.

Re: Those Holiday Letters

RedTop — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 19:40:18 GMT

A California cousin I met one time used to send “the Christmas letter”. It was written by the cousin and her husband, and was not one of those bragging letters, it was just BORING, and an endless rambling of every monthly occurrence over the last year. It was made worse by printing on red or green paper, and to squeeze all of the words on one sheet, the font was small.

With moms poor eyesight, she would save the letter, and one of us kids would read it out loud on Christmas Day. At the end, we would all be shaking our heads, saying “WTH”? We just didn’t relate well to their world I guess. After telling my work friends about “the CA Christmas letter” I actually started taking the letter in and reading it during our lunch break. It was a good laugh and left 5 more people shaking their head saying “WTH”?

At some point my cousin and her husband must have gotten the hint about boring Christmas letters, as they have stopped sending them.

Re: Those Holiday Letters

Witchy Woman — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 19:57:35 GMT

@Sooner

I feel the need to say I was not offended. I said it hit a sour note for me. Offended? No.

My opinion is, if you are going to go through the trouble of sending a card to someone, add something that will be meaningful to THAT person.

Otherwise, don't bother. Might as well send a text.

I send cards, but I write a sentence or two recounting some happy memory of the person, or time spent, or something personal.

In the end, whether I heard from this person or not, it didn't matter. I'm glad she's having a good life, but she needn't inform me of all the details.

Re: Those Holiday Letters

Witchy Woman — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 20:00:41 GMT

@Vivian

Your experience takes the prize

I cannot imagine anyone inflicting that kind of thing on family and friends.

What little family I have is on the opposite end of the spectrum.

No cards, no calls, no nothing.

I think I'd rather have it that way.